When boundaries are broken, what to do?

by with No Comment Mental health

There is no balance without boundaries. There cannot be physical, relational, or emotional health if there are no boundaries. When boundaries or limits are erased, there is chaos. The entire universe created by God is directed by limits He has set.

What are boundaries? They are lines, both real and imaginary, that mark property, the end of a surface or body, or maybe the separation between two subjects. Limits are that point that has not or must not be exceeded.

Creation began with setting boundaries

The Earth was without form and void, and the first thing God did was to set boundaries and limits. Chaos on Earth ended when God started establishing them. He created light in order to set a limit between light and darkness. Each day created by God had a limit.

That is why the Bible says: “and it was the afternoon and morning of the first day” (Genesis 1:13-15). Clear boundaries to maintain order in everything that was created. God also established a limit between the Sabbath and the rest of the days of the week. Sabbath was declared a day for worshiping and rest from all the work (Genesis 2:3).

But, I want to deepen in the limit God established between Himself and His creatures, Adam and Eve. This is reflected in the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God told Adam: “the day you eat from that tree, you will die” (Genesis 2:16-17).

In other words, Adam and Eve had access to all the trees in the garden except one. That tree was a limit between God and His creatures. Why did God have to establish that limit between Himself and His creatures? Would it not have been easier for His creatures to just have access to all the trees in the garden?

Boundaries between God as a creator and His creatures

God set a clear limit between Himself as a creator and His creatures, which is why He had the right to set something aside for Himself through which men will show respect for the limit established by God between Him and His creatures. If God had not set that clear limit, humankind would have believed they owned all that was created and that they were at the same level as their Creator. This is why God set a limit, to differentiate the dominance of His property and what belonged to His creatures.

As we mentioned at the beginning of this post, there cannot be healthy relationships without clear boundaries or limits. And, there is great truth in the human relationship dimension and the relationship between men and God’s dimension.

When boundaries are broken

When limits are violated, whether it is in the outside world, as happened in the relationship between Adam, Eve, and God, or the inner world due to the lack of control of our desires (eating the forbidden fruit), chaos erupts.

Chaos came to Adam and God’s relationship when Adam crossed the limit of the forbidden tree and committed sin. Violating the established limit produced a separation between God and humankind. Adam could no longer talk to God the same way he did before, face to face. The consequences of this violation included death, since the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23).

But, that limit was also produced in a psychological dimension. The lack of self-control to avoid eating the forbidden fruit led them to begin a life of debauchery and internal chaos. We are still experiencing the problems the first couple experienced back then today.

Lessons about boundaries

What can we learn from this? That God has created us so that we know where we end and where others begin, and so that we can clearly understand what our responsibilities are. We must respect what God has set aside for Himself. We must take responsibility for our souls with fear because God created us, and we will be held accountable one day for what belongs to us.

Proverbs 4:23 says that “above all else, guard your heart, for from it flow the springs of life.” In other words, we are stewards of our lives because they are within the limit of autonomy and individuality we all have. That is why God gave us free will. God cannot cross the limit He, Himself, has established, in the same way, that Adam and Eve could not cross the limit God had established with the forbidden tree.

This means that limits and boundaries protect both subjects involved. In the human case, it is our highest responsibility to answer for our feelings, attitudes, behaviors, choices, talents, thoughts, desires, and love. What am I trying to say? If I am experiencing anger, it is my problem and not someone else’s, because my emotions are inside the limiting circle of who I am as a human being.

Therefore, I must take full responsibility and solve the problem the way the Bible stipulates in Ephesians 4:26, “Be angry, but do not sin.” If my behavior is out of place, it is my responsibility to address that problem and to control that maladaptive behavior, as stated in 2 Peter 1:6. One day, I will have to be held accountable before God for everything that is within the limits that concern me as a human being.

Principles about the need of boundaries

What principles can we extract from the limits established by God when He placed the tree of knowledge of good and evil?

  • Limits: the need to live within the limits God Himself has set and enforce them, and the consequences they have on others. God placed the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:16-17).
  • Truth: the ability to tell the truth and be honest clears up many boundary issues. God said that Adam would die if he violated the limit. You can see that the serpent said that they “would not die” (the lie). Today, the human race dies as a result of Adam’s disobedience and because of crossing the limit.
  • Respect: we must not only impose and live our limits, we must learn how to respect the limits and freedom of others.
  • Sow and Reap: our choices and behaviors have real consequences and results, and we must enforce them and allow them to discipline others. Today we are reaping what our first parents sowed.
  • Activity: limits are an active way of life. To be someone with good limits, we must give up the passive position in life and relationships.

In my next post, we will talk about how to apply all of these principles to family relationships.

Let me ask you, what limits are you violating that may be leading you to experience chaos in your life. What do you think you should do? What advice would you give to people who are reading this post?

How to break the dysfunctional cycle

by with No Comment Mental health

Many of Jesus’ dysfunctional family members received restoration and were released from the chains that bound them to their past. What was the secret of men like Abraham, Jacob, and David?

The secret was the following:

  1. To recognize the dysfunctional traits, the family carries

It is good to look at our families with objective eyes, acknowledging the positive and negative aspects. We will probably find that our family has traits of dysfunction in some aspects. By recognizing those traits, we can focus on working to improve them, and eventually overcome them to be happy individuals in functional families.

  1. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you

Paul says that we often do not know how to pray the way we should (Rom. 8:26). But, the Holy Spirit prays in us and through us, and intercedes for us. Sometimes, the Holy Spirit uses temporary help in the form of a human counselor, who can help us see what the real problem is.

Other times, the Spirit can do it through the Word of God or through an incident that makes us realize what our real difficulty is. James reminds us that sometimes we do not receive what we ask for because we pray to get what we should not get (James 4:3). You may need to seek a counselor, a pastor, or a friend’s help. Then, together, you can ask the Holy Spirit to show you what your real need is.

Henry Ford and Charlie Steinmetz’s story

Do you remember Henry Ford and Charlie Steinmetz’s story? Steinmetz was a very short man. He was also ugly and deformed, but he had privileged knowledge in the field of electricity, knowledge very few had. He built big generators for Henry Ford at his first factory in Dearborn, Michigan. One day, the generators malfunctioned, and the factory had to stop.

They brought other mechanics, but there was no way to start the generators. They were losing a lot of money. Then, Ford called Steinmetz. This genius arrived and spend hours fixing the generators. He then flipped the switch and got the great Ford factory up and running again.

A few days later, Henry Ford received a bill Steinmetz sent him for a total amount of $10,000. Although Ford was a wealthy man, he sent the bill back to Steinmetz with a note: “Charlie, isn’t that a little too big for having manipulated the engines for a couple of hours?” Steinmetz sent the bill back to Ford, but this time it said: “For handling things in the engines: $100, for knowing what to touch: $9,900, Total: $10,000”. Henry Ford paid the bill.

The Holy Spirit knows what needs to be manipulated. We do not know what to ask the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we do not receive because we do not know what to ask.

  1. Tell your story

Telling our stories is a powerful act if we want to heal our emotional traumas. This act is the basis of recovery in therapeutic groups, individual therapy, and counseling. When we tell our story, we talk about what is important, significant, confusing, conflicting, and painful in our lives.

We take risks, we interact, and we discover, but mainly, we listen to other people’s stories, and we realize we are not the only ones. But, the most powerful thing about sharing ours is that we hear our own story, and it turns out differently than what we had imagined.

When you tell your story, you are rewriting the family script your parents implanted in you. But, this time, those dysfunctional behaviors are replaced by functional ones. Those emotions that you did not express before because you were afraid of being mistreated or misunderstood are now expressed freely to resolve emotional traumas.

Not everyone deserves to hear your story. It is best to sit and talk with a Christian professional counselor. If you do not know any counselors, then talk to someone you trust, to whom you can tell your problem, and who will empathize with you. And, even if it is not easy for you, you can write your story and read it to yourself.

A woman came to me at the end of a sermon to tell me her story. I was happy to listen to her intently. In the end, she told me, “After telling my story, I feel that Jesus is carrying the burden that I have carried for over 60 years.”

  1. Forgive

Forgiveness is a determining factor for happiness and emotional stability. When we do not forgive others, we carry resentment, hate, and wounds that will last a lifetime, even if we decide to ignore them. The Bible teaches us that we must forgive in the same way that God forgives us.

In dysfunctional families, the lack of forgiveness often gives room for wounds that undermine interpersonal relationships and destroy the family structure.

5. Surrender to God’s grace

If we read Mephibosheth’s story in 2 Samuel 4, we can see that he was King Saul’s grandson and Jonathan’s son. His life was marked by his grandfather’s mistakes, misfortune, and, events that inflicted physical and emotional wounds on him.

But, despite these adversities, Mephibosheth managed to obtain the mercy he needed to move forward in the eyes of God and David. And he was able to leave the traumas of his past behind for a new life, a new future.

There are many stories in the Bible, like Mephibosheth’s, which were part of Jesus’ genealogy. Dysfunctional homes and families, from which, in the future, the Savior of the world would emerge. And, today, I understand why Luke and Matthew presented Jesus’ genealogy and mentioned the dysfunctional families he had in his family tree.

They say: that God’s love for His creatures is so great that He sent His son so that he could be born in the middle of dysfunctional families. With the mission of carrying the traumas, pain, insomnia, wounds and, dysfunctional behaviors of the human family on his own body and nail them to the cross.

A dear friend who is reading these lines today,

I invite you to follow these steps that will help you break the family patterns that have marked your life and undermined your own family and interpersonal relationships.

God can transform your story into a blessing and well-being. Seek Him first and decide to transform your life, your home, and your dysfunctional family into functionality and happiness.

Steps to cope with the pandemic stress

by with No Comment Mental health

Nobody could have guessed that we would still be talking about the coronavirus and the stress it has produced in our society. Let’s see some steps to cope with the pandemic stress. What we thought was going to be temporary and would quickly disappear has come to stay, taking over 200,000 lives so far, and this number is expected to increase with winter’s arrival.

In the end, we have lost sight of what is “normal.” And, in addition, our biggest concern now, according to Fauci, is the probability of not going back to normal until 2022.

Amid this pandemic, then, a question is raised: what are the people who are surviving this pandemic doing to survive this crisis? The answer is simple and complex at the same time. One of the things these people do is learn how to handle the stress this pandemic is creating.

What is stress?

It is a feeling of physical or emotional tension. It can come from external or internal experiences that make a person feel frustrated, angry, or even nervous. God, in His wisdom, created us in such a masterful way that our bodies are designed to react to any challenge or demand, and, this happens through stress. That means stress is a positive thing for our bodies since it allows us to avoid dangers or fulfill important tasks we have in life.

Stress itself is not a bad thing. The American Psychological Association compares it to the tension of a violin string. If there is little tension, the sound will come out weak and out of tune, if there is too much tension, it will be strident, or the string will break. They also mention, “Stress can be the kiss of death or the spice of life. It is a matter of how to handle it.”

Acute stress

Acute stress is the positive stress we experience. It is the short-term stress that disappears quickly. The best-known reaction to acute stress is the “fight or flight” reaction that arises when you perceive a threat. In these situations, your reaction allows your brain to secrete hormones (for example, cortisol and adrenaline) that allow the pulse and breathing to increase, the muscles to tense, and the brain to consume more oxygen and increase its activity.

The purpose of this kind of stress is to help you survive. You can feel it when you have to turn in an assignment on a specific date, when you step on the brake because a car got in your way, or when a dog starts chasing you. This kind of stress helps you control dangerous situations.

Chronic stress

But, the problem is when stress lasts a long time and becomes chronic stress. Any kind of stress that continues over the weeks or months is chronic. The dangerous aspect of this whole process is that the body gets used to it and does not realize the toxic stress it is experiencing. The body produces a higher level of stress hormones and does not have enough time to recover from it. These hormones build up in the blood and cause serious health problems.

Chronic stress affects the digestive system causing stomach pain, since it takes more time for the stomach to empty after eating, and it can also lead to gastritis and even ulcers. It affects the person’s weight, sometimes leading to obesity because the level of appetite increases.

The immune system is also affected because stress weakens it, which makes the person more susceptible to catching a cold and developing other infections. The nervous system also suffers due to chronic stress, producing anxiety, depression, loss of sleep, and lack of interest in physical activities. It also affects the cardiovascular system, leading to increased blood pressure, heart rate, and fat in the blood, which produce serious cardiovascular problems.

Stress due to the pandemic

Now, why have I decided to talk about the stress this week? Because four out of five people say they have stress due to this pandemic. Fear and anxiety regarding the pandemic and what could happen to us produce a feeling of uncertainty in people, and it can be overwhelming, generating strong emotions in both adults and children.

The isolation measures that have been put in place to control the pandemic make many people feel isolated and lonely, and, likely, stress and anxiety could also increase due to these factors.

How do you know if you are experiencing chronic stress during the pandemic? Generally, chronic stress manifests itself in several ways: digestive system diseases, skin diseases, heart problems, feelings of uncertainty or feeling unsafe, and learned helplessness. It can also cause insomnia, anxiety, depression, emotional fatigue, and even alcohol and/or toxic substance abuse.

A new study developed by the clinical psychologist Emily Kroska at the University of Iowa shows how people can reduce stress during the coronavirus pandemic. The study was called: Psychological Flexibility in the Context of COVID-19, and it was published in the Contextual Behavioral Science Journal.

The study found that people who assessed their emotions as sadness, anxiety, fear, loneliness, and, similar, and then managed those emotions with conscious actions such as calling a friend or a family member, reported having lower levels of stress compared to those who did not want to assess the emotions they experienced.

Steps to cope with the pandemic stress

The steps to follow to deal with and overcome the negative feelings and emotions we may be feeling due to the current situation are:

Step 1: Normalize your daily routine

It is advisable and very important to have good habits and routines in the times we are currently living in. Try to get enough sleep, eat healthily and regularly, and try to maintain order and hygiene in your house. This will help you feel better and in a better environment. Even if we do not believe so, when we are facing stress, we tend to neglect even the most basic things. Keep in mind that they are the basis of survival.

Step 2: Pamper yourself a little

Do simple things like:

  • eating the food you like,
  • bathing at the temperature you like best,
  • listening to your favorite song,
  • and talking and talking with your friends.

Spend at least 15 or 20 minutes on one of these activities, and you will see that you will get wonderful results.

Step 3: Seek to communicate with God

It is the most important thing, what we should pursue the most when starting our day. A day entrusted to God is an entirely different kind of day. You will have a more positive perspective, through which you will walk with God’s company and support. He is the source of love and understanding, and He will understand everything you are going through. He will be your rock to whom you can hold.

Step 4: Do not read all the news

Learn to filter and screen excessive information. It is good to be informed and updated. However, it is not good to feel overloaded with pessimistic news and overwhelming events. Use the time to go for a walk and make the best out of it. Take deep breaths of clean air or play with your children. And whenever you read the news, read reliable sources.

Step 5: Seek professional help if you need it

What happens with other organs also happens with the brain: it gets tired, it gets sick, and it becomes unstable. If you feel that what is happening now in this pandemic exceeds the emotional tools you have to face and overcome stressful situations. Do not hesitate to seek professional help.

Mental health professionals are fully trained. They are able to provide people with the support, tools, and techniques they need to move forward. You will see that your mental and physical health will improve significantly.

Step 6: Help others

I will briefly tell you one story that caught my attention. Nieng, who lives in Cambodia, has suffered several tragedies in her life. In 1974, she was hurt by a bomb that exploded at an airport. A year later, her two children, her mother, and her husband died. In 2000, she lost her home and other possessions in a fire. And three years later, she lost her second husband. She reached a point when she thought about taking her own life.

Fortunately, Nieng found a way to cope with her situation. She also read the Bible. What she learned helped her in such a way that she wanted to share it with others. Her story confirms the findings of a study developed by British researchers in 2008: to deal with stress, you will have to “do things for others.” And this is a “piece of advice that was written a long time ago in the Bible” (Acts 20:35).

Nieng also took refuge in the hope of a better future, in which all the problems humanity has been eliminated and peace will fill the earth (Psalm 72:7,8).

She found a way to face her situation and move forward. You can do the same. When we take God’s hand, nothing is impossible for us. We will be able to face all difficult situations, even this pandemic.

My friend who is reading this post today,

I advise you to follow these steps so that you can move forward amid this situation we are facing today. Do you know any other way to face situations like the one we are living today and move forward?

Share it with us in the comments section. God bless you.

What is the emotional maturity in adults

by with One Comment Mental health

Do you know ways to move forward on the path to emotional maturity in adults? I am going to share some of them in this article.

Have you ever seen a foal, or a calf being born? If you have not seen it in person, maybe you have seen it on the Discovery Channel. It usually takes place in an open field or a stable. The mother does not need emotional maturity in adults. She does have to go to the hospital so that her baby can be born in the hands of a doctor. She does not have an operating table when she gives birth, nobody helps her, and she manages to give birth just through her instincts.

Almost immediately, when the creature is born, it struggles to stand on all fours. Its legs shake, but it manages to continue. No one teaches it how to walk, and it does not have to wait a whole year to learn how to do it. It just happens minutes right after being born. No one teaches it where it must go to get food or how to survive, either. It all happens by instinct.

Emotional maturity in adults

When we were born, it was all very different. How I would have liked to run just right after being born! How I would have liked to have known how to defend myself without depending on my mother! Or how I would have liked to have learned how to relate to others without my parents’ help! None of this happened the way it does for many animals. But animals do not have what we have, a mind. That mind we have contains 100 billion neurons and the ability to store information like no other computer in the world.

But there is a problem. The use of a child’s mind will depend on his/her development. The child needs to learn throughout his/her life how to use his/her mind and how to develop it. And, through his/her parents and school’s influence, that child will grow to use the most important organ of the human body powerfully. Each time the child memorizes something, new neurons are formed.

Human beings are completely controlled by the mind. All of our actions, whether good or bad, originate in the mind. It is the mind who worships God and bonds us with heavenly beings… All the physical organs are servants of the mind, and nerves are the messengers who transmit orders to every part of the body to direct the movements of the living machine…

(Mind, Character and Personality, p. 409)

Emotional maturity in adults reflects in managing emotions

One of the main functions of the mind is managing emotions. Emotions are cognitive and psychological reactions to different experiences we have in life. Just as the mind is developed and grows, the human being must learn how to manage emotions so that emotional maturity can be reached.

The problem is that emotional maturity does not always correspond to the chronological age of the human being (chronological age is a way to measure the time a person has lived). I am 52 years old, and that is my chronological age. My chronological and emotional age could not be at the same level. I could be 52 years old but be an emotional child, as chronological and emotional age do not always go together. And if I have not grown emotionally at my age, then, I could be an emotionally ill adult.

The emotionally ill adult

I like how Peter Scazzero develops this concept in his book, The Emotionally Healthy Leader. He asks, what is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of an emotionally ill adult?

  • Emotional and spiritual deficit that causes an impact in all aspects of his/her life. Those emotional deficits are mainly manifested through a generalized lack of sensibility.
  • Emotional ill adults are involved in more activities than their spiritual, physical, and emotional reserves combined can support. They give more than they receive.

Characteristics of an emotionally ill adult

It is said that an adult is emotionally ill when he/she:

  • Has low levels of self-awareness
  • Does not pay attention to the emotions his/her body might be sending him/her
  • Does not pay attention to his/her family
  • Is unable to read his/her emotional world and those of others
  • Gives priority to work, studies, tasks, etc., rather than marriage and singleness
  • Does not have a vision of his/her marriage or singleness as the greatest gift he/she has
  • Makes decisions without thinking about their impact on his/her marriage or singleness
  • Overflows chronically by always being occupied in God’s service or serving others and neglects his/her relationship with them
  • Lives without boundaries
  • Lacks rhythm between his/her job and resting

Emotional maturity in adults

Emotional maturity is not something that comes automatically through the years, it is not something you learn in school. It is something learned in our own homes, even before turning one year old. The emotional dynamics you have in your life are the same ones that have run in your family for generations.

You might be on the same level of emotional maturity as your parents were. You can probably not grow beyond the point your parents reached because they were the first role models and instructors you had to learn how to express your emotions unless you have managed to break the emotional pattern that existed in your family.

EMOTIONAL BABIES

Adults whose level of emotional maturity is very low are called “emotional babies” and have the following characteristics:

  • They seek others who can take care of them
  • They find it very difficult to enter other people’s world
  • Emotional babies are driven by the need for gratification
  • They use others as objects to meet their own needs

EMOTIONAL CHILDREN

Adults whose level of emotional maturity is low are called “emotional children” and have the following characteristics:

  • Their true emotional maturity level is shown quickly when under pressure, disappointment, and in trouble
  • They interpret disagreements as personal offenses. They feel hurt very easily
  • Emotional adults complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, and are sarcastic when they do not get what they want
  • They find it very difficult to talk calmly, nicely, and maturely about their needs and things they desire

EMOTIONAL TEENAGERS

There are also adults whose level of emotional maturity is medium, and they are called “emotional teenagers” and have the following characteristics:

  • They tend to show defensiveness
  • They keep score of what they have given so that later they can get something in return
  • Emotional adults deal poorly with conflicts, generally blaming it on others, appeasing, going to a third person, frowning their faces, or ignoring the topic completely
  • They care only about themselves
  • They find it difficult to truly listen to the pain, disappointment, or needs of those around them
  • Besides, they are critical and judgmental

EMOTIONAL ADULTS

When people reach a high level of emotional maturity in adults, they are called “emotional adults,” since they have achieved full emotional maturity. Their characteristics are:

  • They can ask for what they need, want, or prefer in a clear, direct, and honest way
  • They acknowledge, control, and assume accountability for their thoughts and feelings
  • Emotional adults can, even under pressure, affirm their own beliefs and values without being adverse
  • They respect others without changing them
  • They give people room for mistakes and recognize that they are not perfect
  • Emotional adults appreciate people just the way they are, good and bad people, and not for what they receive in exchange
  • They evaluate their limits, strengths, and weaknesses with precision and are capable of discussing them freely with others
  • They are satisfied and happy when they receive what they want
  • besides, they are deeply in harmony with their emotional world and are capable of entering other people’s feelings, needs, and concerns without losing themselves
  • Also, they can solve a conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider other people’s perspectives

So far, I have shown that our emotional maturity in adults is not linked to our chronological age, but connected to our spiritual maturity.

Spiritual and emotional maturity in adults

I was unaware of this reality for many years. I thought that my emotional maturity had nothing to do with my spiritual maturity, and that I could grow spiritually without having to consider my emotions. Furthermore, I also thought that emotions were merely a part of the human body and that there was nothing we could do to learn how to express them correctly.

When I started to develop as a church leader, I remember that I tried to stay connected with God, to build my intimacy with Him. But, when it came to expressing my emotions and relating to others, I had serious problems. I expected people to have the same level of commitment I had. I

f people did not fulfill their commitments, they would have had to listen to my reprimand. I put them on my blacklist and disconnected them from that person. I almost got an ulcer from living this way, until God showed me how wrong I had been throughout my whole life.

Certainly, we cannot walk through life being emotional babies or teenagers who are upset about everything that happens around them or other people’s actions. We must grow in our emotional maturity, which will also lead us to reach spiritual maturity with the help of the Holy Spirit. If we reach the maturity of an “emotional adult,” we can have a full and happy life, with relationships based on respect, consideration, and empathy for others.

Let’s work for emotional maturity in adults

I invite you today to take the initiative to walk the path to emotional and spiritual maturity. Decide to see others through the eyes of love, respect, thoughtfulness, and empathy. But do not forget to see yourself through those same eyes because we tend to neglect our inner world. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you keep growing emotionally and spiritually. Read God’s Word and you will find many life lessons that will enrich your inner world.

Do you know any other ways to move forward on the path to emotional maturity in adults? Share it with us in the comments section. So, we can help others continue growing emotionally and spiritually.

How do you develop your self-esteem?

by with No Comment Mental health

Why do we develop our self-esteem? How could this post change the course of your life?

How we feel about ourselves affects all aspects of our lives, including our job, love, or sex life, how we behave as parents, and how we relate to God.

The influence that events in life will have on us will depend on the way we see ourselves. This means that a person’s self-esteem can determine, to a great extent, his/her success or failure.

If you are not convinced yet of how important it is to learn and to grow in this area of your life, putting the biological problems aside, there is not one psychological difficulty, from anguish and depression, fear of being intimate or succeeding, alcohol or drug abuse, poor performance in school or job, to mistreating women or men, or raping children, sexual dysfunctions or emotional immaturity, even suicide or violent crimes, that cannot be attributed to low self-esteem (Nathaniel Branden). William James, a psychologist, said about self-esteem: mental distress frequently follows people who think they are insufficient and worthless.

Importance of the self-esteem

Now, after starting to understand the magnitude of the self-esteem problem, consider that 85 percent of the world’s population suffers from self-esteem related self-esteem-related problems. Seventy percent of the population has a poor concept of themselves, saying they are not good enough, ugly, or inadequate. Forty-five percent of men are not happy with their bodies.

Then, let us see what self-esteem is. It is the way you perceive yourself: “It is about the emotional part of your mind, it values the most intimate part of the self, your value as a person”, “It is the concept you have about yourself” -Brian Tracy.

In other words, as Branden said, self-esteem is the sum of confidence and respect for oneself.So, it reflects the implicit judgment each person makes about his/her ability to face challenges in life.

How do you develop your self-esteem?

How do we develop our self-esteem? This question is important because if we understand the root of how self-esteem forms, we can work on it more efficiently.

Self-esteem is developed from a very young age and never stops evolving, changing, improving, and even deteriorating. That is, it moves continuously. Besides, as a product of our sinful condition, it is not voluntary, spontaneous, or natural, but it originates from what each person experiences in life.

For example, when we are approximately five or six years old, we start shaping an idea of what being ourselves means. This idea will be influenced by the attachment style our primary caregivers develop with us. If they develop a secure attachment, we will feel loved, we will feel that we are special and have value. But, when our primary caregivers are not emotionally present to give us love or acceptance, we develop an insecure attachment. Thus, it leads us to feel unworthy, not validated, and, as a result, we lack self-worth.

Later, during adolescence, we start to value ourselves according to the relationships we are building with our parents and the cultural criteria in the beauty, value, and intellectual fields. And, when we get to adulthood, self-esteem is based on the life script we developed during our childhood and that may be shaping the course of our lives. This way, self-satisfaction or dissatisfaction grows, along with security and insecurity.

How do you know if you have positive self-esteem?

A person with positive self-esteem…

  1. Firmly believes in certain values and principles, and is willing to defend them.
  2. Does not waste time worrying excessively about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future.
  3. Fully trusts in his/her ability to solve his/her problems, without feeling intimidated by his/her failures or difficulties.
  4. As a person considers himself/herself and feels equal to others, not inferior, nor feelings superior, just equally dignified. The person acknowledges the differences and specific talents, professional prestige, or economic status.
  5. This person notes easily manipulated, although is willing to collaborate if it is convenient or appropriate.
  6. He or she is capable of enjoying several activities.
  7. This person is sensitive to other people’s feelings and needs, and respects generally accepted sound rules of coexistence. He or she also understands that he or she has no right to – nor wishes to – thrive or amuse at the expense of others.

How do you know if you have negative self-esteem?

A person who has low self-esteem has the following characteristics:

  • Rigorous self-criticism: tends to create a normal state of dissatisfaction towards himself/herself.
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism: he/she feels easily attacked and experiences stubborn resentments towards people who criticize them.
  • Chronic indecision: not due to the lack of information, but due to the exaggerated fear to be wrong.
  • Excessive desire to please people: it is hard for the person to say “no,” due to the fear of displeasing or losing the person’s benevolence.
  • Perfectionism: or demanding that they do things “perfectly,” no mistakes allowed in almost everything he/she does, which can lead the person to feel very bad when things do not turn out the perfection demanded.
  • Neurotic guiltiness: the person condemns himself/herself due to behaviors that are not always objectively bad, exaggerates the magnitude of his/her mistakes or offenses, and/or indefinitely regrets them, without fully forgiving himself/herself.
  • Floating hostility: they are irritable just above the surface, always about to explode, even due to things that are not important; characteristically found in supercritical people who think that everything is wrong, who dislike many things or everything upsets them. Nothing satisfies them.
  • Defensive tendencies: generalized negativity, everything is perceived as dark: his/her life, future, and, mainly, himself/herself. Poor generalized appetite for the joy of living and life itself.
  • Is critical of others: sometimes, a person who has low self-esteem may use criticism when things go wrong, especially when it comes to defending themselves in the face of an awkward situation, pretending to prove one’s innocence. It may even happen that the person with low self-esteem is unaware of his/her behavior. The person does not do these things with bad intentions.

What type of self-esteem do you think you have?

Have you thought about the way you see yourself? As we said before, the main value you must give yourself is the one that God has given you. Such a big value that He gave His only son to die in your place, so eternal life could be offered to you.

So, it does not matter if your family has sown doubts in you about your value as a person. It also does not matter if your friends or partner do not make you feel like an equal. It does not matter if your co-workers do not acknowledge your hard work or your value as a part of the workplace. You have immeasurable value before the eyes of God.

See the goodness in you, acknowledge your qualities, your good principles, and the knowledge you have. Value the good features of your personality, those good things you have inside you to offer. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize you are unique and have a purpose, goals, and dreams. Give yourself the value your Creator has given you, and you will be happy!

Have you done something that has helped you improve your self-esteem during your life? Share it with us in the comments section. It will help others improve their self-esteem to start their path to happiness and self-worth. God bless you.

The power of self-esteem

by with No Comment Mental health

Self-esteem is a fundamental human need. It cannot be minimized or annulled. It determines our ability to understand who we are in Jesus Christ and the potential we have if we discover our identity.

But sadly, our sinful state, the traumatic experiences we have lived through, and the influence of the genes we inherited from our parents have an impact on the way we see ourselves and how we think other people perceive us. In the end, the way you see yourself will determine your mental health, quality of life, and the respect others will give you.

A biblical story that show the power of self-esteem

Allow me to illustrate this with a biblical story: 

Mephibosheth, son of Jonathan and Saul’s grandchild, belonged to the royal family of Israel. He had a privilege other children did not. He was a prince of Israel. When he was eight years old, his grandfather and father died as the people of Israel were facing the Philistines.

When the king died in those battles, the royal family had to run because the enemy army would go after all the king’s descendants to kill them and eliminate the kingdom’s heir.

A soldier came to Jonathan’s house in Jezreel and announced that Saul and Jonathan had died in battle. When Mephibosheth’s wet nurse heard the message, she could only do one thing: take the child, who was five years old at that time, and run to the mountains. But something terrible happened. While she was running with the child in her arms through a rocky path, the child fell from her arms.

In those times, there were no scientific advances like the ones we have now and due to that fall. Mephibosheth, Saul’s grandson, the one who could have been Israel’s king, was now crippled, paralyzed from the waist down.

He depended on someone else to carry him. And he could only walk by using crutches that were made for him. His wet nurse’s mistake of dropping him had transformed his royal life into a cursed life.

The crippled child ended up in Lode bar, where he grew up and had the life of a cripple. Lodebar was where the beggars lived. Mephibosheth grew up, having fallen into oblivion.

A change of circumstances

One night, King David could not sleep and asked for one of his helpers and said to him: “Is there anyone left from Saul’s house, to whom I can show mercy for the love I have for my friend Jonathan?” The helper did not know if there was anyone left, but he said he knew Siba, Saul’s servant. They brought Siba to the king’s presence.

The king asked Siba, “Is there anyone left from Saul’s house, to whom I can show mercy for the love I have for my friend Jonathan?” Siba answered, “Yes, there is one left, his name is Mephibosheth.” Then, the king said, “Well, ask him to come to the palace.” Siba answered, “No, my king, he cannot come by himself, because he is crippled from the waist down, he needs to be carried, the same way he was taken to Lodebar.”

Then, the king asked Siba to take the royal carriage and find Mephibosheth. Siba took Mephibosheth to the palace and when he was with King David, he bowed and asked him, “Who is your servant, for you to look at a dead dog like me?” Mephibosheth did not feel any self-worth due to his past, his physical limitations, and his limiting beliefs.

David gave him back all the things that belonged to Saul, his grandfather, and also a place in his palace because of his love for Mephibosheth’s father, Jonathan.

“Every healthy person has self-esteem built on a base made of three components merged into another: the way he/she thinks, the way he/she feels, and how he/she acts.”

Mephibosheth’s thoughts were those of a beggar. He felt like a dog and acted like he was crippled, without any hope. As a result of his mental condition, he had deficiencies in his self-esteem.

What is self-esteem?

You may be asking yourself, what is self-esteem? It is the way you perceive yourself. Besides, it is about the emotional part of your mind, it measures the most intimate part of your being, meaning your value as a person. Keeping in mind that you are different and unique can allow you to turn off your inner voice, which resonates and leads you to compare yourself to others almost all the time.

It is sad to acknowledge that 85 percent of the world’s population suffers from self-esteem problems. This is an epidemic. The hardest part to understand about this reality is that you cannot achieve the potential for which you were created unless you grow in your efficiency and self-respect.

 Meditate in this story

Before dying, a father told his son:

“This is a watch your grandfather gave me, and it is over 200 years old. But before I give it to you, I ask you to go to the pawnshop on the first street and say that you want to sell it, and you will see how much it is worth.”

The son left and then came back and told his father: “The man from the store wants to pay five dollars because it is an old watch.” Then, the father said, “Go to the coffee house.” The son left and came back, and said: “They pay five dollars, father.”

Finally, the father told him, “Go to the museum and show them the watch.”

The son left and then came back and told his father, “They offered me a million dollars for the watch!”

Then, the father said, “I wanted to let you know that, in the right place, they will correctly know your VALUE, do not be in the wrong place, and do not get angry if they do not know your value. The person who knows your value is the one who appreciates you. Do not stay in a place that is not convenient for you.”

Know your value! God is the One who gives you the value you have, not the failures from your past.

Cultivate your self-esteem

Maybe life has crippled your soul, and you perceive yourself as inferior to the other, worthless. Maybe, you are believing the lies Satan has sowed in your life. He is making you believe that you cannot reach your goals because you are not good enough. Maybe your story is full of shame due to the life script your parents sowed in your childhood.

However, God is calling you to get out of that complex of inferiority and acknowledge the value you have before God and start living according to the abilities God has given you. Align your self-worth with the value God gives you. What can you do?

  • Accept yourself,
  • thank Him for holding you,
  • bury your negative past,
  • and believing in God’s truth,
  • live in His forgiveness,
  • take advantage of the things you learned from your mistakes,
  • and establish and positive relationships and projecting realistic goals for your life.

You cannot love others if you do not love yourself first. God is asking you, “Is there anyone left to whom I can show mercy for the love I have for my son Jesus Christ?” God wants to take you to His palace. He wants to take you out of:

  • your misery,
  • your inferiority complex,
  • limiting beliefs,
  • and existential paralysis,

So, He can bring you back to His palace to sit at the King of Kings and Lord of Lords’ table. Today is your day to come back to the palace. I ask you today, what practices or habits have led you to grow in your self-esteem? Share your answer with us in the comments section. God bless you.

Resilience in Coronavirus (10 habits to overcome)

by with No Comment Mental health

What makes a person stand and face suffering and adversity, while others remain stagnant in the same place, unable to move forward when facing the crisis? The answer is a concept of positivist psychology: resilience.

The definition of the word resilience could not be clearer, according to Boris Cyrulnik, who coined this concept. He said that resilience was starting new development after trauma. Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of trauma or tragedy, threats, or other significant sources of stress.

The resilience of the human being marks by what happens, not just after the traumatic event, but before the event. Studies show that people who have had a childhood marked by abandonment, in which they could not develop emotional intelligence or learn to regulate their emotions, are more likely to succumb to the crisis compared to those who had parents who allowed them to develop a secure attachment.

These people usually deal with a small neurological malformation that prevents them from controlling emotions, and they collapse when facing a serious life event, such as losing their job due to the coronavirus, marital problems, or any other similar crisis.

Resilience is not innate

What do I mean by all this? Resilience is not something innate, it is not learned when the crisis arrives. Besides, resilience is a character trait and a strength that can be learned. Resilience has even been compared to learning how to play the guitar.

When you first try to play, your fingers get sore, and you get frustrated. Some may even quit after the second or third lesson. A resilient person pushes past that initial discomfort and soon begins to realize that there is greater joy and satisfaction ahead.

Resilience is an attitude that must learn from childhood as you grow in a loving support system. The first months of human life are crucial to controlling your emotions in the adult stage. But other factors determine resilience. Some of these factors are the following: people’s religious beliefs, their level of emotional intelligence, and access to a support group.

I need to clarify that there is no magic bullet concerning the development of resilience. Research has shown that no single factor determines resilience for a population. It is therefore up to each person to strive amid adversity.

Resilience and the Bible

If we allow the Bible to speak to us about this matter, we will find Job, who showed a high level of resilience when he lost everything and decided to trust God, saying: “for I know that my Redeemer lives; and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, yet in my flesh, I will see God” (Job 19:25-27).

Joseph showed resilience when he was sold by his brothers and slandered by Potiphar’s wife, but he did not let any of this ruin his dream. The Apostle Paul suffered like no other disciple in life (2 Corinthians 11:16-33), and at the end of his career, he said, “I have fought a good fight” (2 Timothy 4:7-8).

Habits of resilient people

What are the habits of resilient people? Individuals who practice resilience have 10 habits that help them rise from their adversities.

Practicing Self-awareness

This practice is a powerful tool. Self-awareness will allow you to know what your weakness and strengths are. When you look at yourself and discover your limits, you can set goals amid adversity.

Developing positive self-esteem

Your adverse circumstances do not define your destiny or who you are as a person. Your identity is given to you by your Creator and when you trust the one who directs your life, you discover that your value as a person is not determined by the events or things you have achieved, but by who you are when you are connected to Jesus.

Seeing crises as opportunities

Nothing happens in life without God allowing it to happen. How you interpret your adversities will determine the emotions you will experience. Your adversity can see as a calamity or as an opportunity to grow in your life.

Practicing mindfulness, living in the here and now

The Bible says, in Matthew 6:25-34: Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about its things. Aim to live in the here and now. Accept what God has given you today and leave tomorrow and its concerns in God’s hands.

Being optimistic

A child of God is optimistic because he believes in God’s power. No matter what crisis may come into your life, there will always be a glorious morning to come.

Surrounding themselves with positive people

The people around you influence your life and your way of thinking. Choose friends who can help you grow and who can extend a helping hand when you are down. Avoid people who have a personal agenda against you.

Managing their emotions

The Holy Spirit begins that work in you by helping you develop self-control. If your earthly parents forsook you and didn’t teach you how to manage your emotions, Jehovah will receive you and will help you grow emotionally.

Being flexible in the face of changes

Resilient people are flexible enough to understand the crisis in which they are immersed and adapt to adverse circumstances.

Seeking help from others

Resilient people seek company amid their pain. The natural tendency of the human mind is to withdraw when facing trauma. The brain shuts down before trauma. You must fight against yourself and not isolate yourself in the face of the crisis. 

Trusting God

Resilient people trust God, they know their destiny is in God’s hands. The banana tree is sturdy and resilient, even if it looks weak. Unbelievable as it seems, no fire or typhoon can kill it. Even if one cuts its body into a thousand pieces, it still can survive. The only way by a banana tree can be prevented from growing again is to uproot it completely.

God has created you with this ability, to be resistant even in the most difficult trial. Don’t give up. Trust God.

What is a mental disorder?

by with No Comment Mental health

So, Let’s continue developing this very important topic. The first thing I want to do today defines what mental health is, to understand what is a mental disorder. The Federal Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) defines it as follows:

Therefore, mental Health is how a person thinks, feels, and, acts when facing life situations. Mental health is the way people look at themselves, their lives, and the other people in their lives; the way they evaluate their challenges and problems; and explore their options. It includes managing stress, relating to other people, and making decisions (2006).

We know that now many people suffer from some type of mental disorder, produced by several causes.

Do we know what mental disorders are?

Mental disorders are sustained emotional, cognitive, and/or behavioral alterations in which psychological processes such as emotion, motivation, cognition, consciousness, behavior, perception, sensation, learning, language, and others are affected. These symptoms make it difficult for the person to adapt to the cultural and social environment in which they live.

The American Mental Health Counselors Association (AMHCA) released a report in August titled “Beyond the Perfect Storm: How Racism, COVID-19, and Economic Meltdown Imperil Our Mental Health“. The report highlights that 40 percent of Americans have anxiety and depression.

Thus, if we compare these figures with the ones of 2019, we will see that only eight percent of adults had symptoms of mental anxiety disorders and six percent of depression. We are suffering from mental disorders like never before in history, and the numbers are increasing. By the end of 2020, it is estimated that 103 million adults in the United States will suffer from some form of mental health disorder. And, this is only taking into account the United States, imagine the number of people who are suffering from the same mental illnesses worldwide.

Then, the most common mental disorders worldwide are depression with 264 million people, bipolar disorders, with 45with million, dementia with 50 million, and schizophrenia and other psychoses affecting 20 million. Besides, 1 in 160 children in the world has an autism spectrum disorder.

How do we know that behavior show a mental disorder?

This is a very complex question to answer in the short space I have on this blog, but I will try to give you some guidelines in this regard. Some great authors in history have written about what is normal in the human being. For example:

  1. Freud: normality is an ideal fiction. Mental health is the ability to live and work.
  2. Eissler: It is impossible to achieve absolute normality because the normal person must be completely aware of his/her thoughts and feelings.
  3. Klein: Normality is determined by the strength of character, the ability to face emotional conflicts, the ability to experience pleasure without conflict, and the ability to love.
  4. Menninger: normality is the ability to successfully adapt to the outside world and handle the acculturation process.

Although these great psychologists tried to define what is normal, other experts argue that abnormal behavior cannot be defined so concisely (Bennett, 2011) because numerous factors affect the evaluation of abnormal behaviors, including social and cultural standards, and biases.

Normality and a mental disorder

Now, let us look at the concept of normality and abnormality from the physical health perspective and diseases. Some time ago, I went to the doctor’s office because I had a 102 F fever, I could not swallow normally, and my throat was sore. After the check-up, the doctor determined I had bacteria. Then a blood test confirmed that there was something abnormal in my body. These signs of disease were objective and easy to diagnose with blood tests or X-rays.

But, when we try to define what is normal and abnormal on a psychological level, it is more complicated than we imagine because everything is very subjective. The mental health professional does not have a blood test or X-rays, or CT scans available to diagnose abnormal behaviors in a patient. He depends on clinical judgments that are influenced to some extent by different factors beyond his control.

How does a mental disorder manifest?

Millon (1969), to define normal from abnormal, grouped mental disorders into four different categories.

  • First, physiological processes are the primary determinants of psychopathologies.
  • Second, psychological factors determine abnormal psychological behaviors.
  • Third, he talks about the unique experience and perception of each individual, and how that perception is lived.
  • Finally, the learning process through reinforcement forms the pathology in the individual.

The first manifestation of the psychological factors of mental disorders in an individual is usually some type of disturbance. It could include anxiety, depression, anger, or some other kind of suffering that is emotional or psychological rather than physical.

Thus, the second manifestation is a deterioration in the person’s ability to function: inability to achieve goals, difficulty managing day-to-day routines, maintaining a job, or having a clear conversation. People with phobias, personality disorders, or deep depression would be examples. The distressed individual is in danger of harming himself/herself or others (Collins, 2006).

The third manifestation is a behavior that is not acceptable to society. Finally,, if the individual does not receive professional care, his/her life could be in danger, or, depending on the disorder he/she has, the lives of the people around him/her could be in danger.

Common symptoms of a mental disorder

So, if you think that you or someone you know may be dealing with these problems, a book called Behind the Masks is a helpful resource. Hence, here are some common signs and symptoms that are potentially indicative of mental disorders:

  • Social withdrawal and loss of interest in relationships with others.
  • Intensifying conflict and the difficulty interacting normally with others.
  • Unusual reduction in functioning at work, school, church, and/or community activities.
  • Problems with concentration, memory, confusion, and cognitive processing.
  • Loss of initiative or desire to participate in normal and/or enjoyable activities.
  • Marked changes in sleep patterns and/or appetite.
  • Rapid or dramatic changes in emotions or “mood swings.”
  • Deterioration in personal hygiene.
  • Excessive and/or unexplained fears, suspicions, worries, and anxieties.
  • Numerous vague or ambiguous physical complaints and ailments.
  • Intense and prolonged feelings of sadness, nervousness, irritability, or anger.
  • Progressive inability to cope with daily stress and tension.
  • Increased sensitivity to sensory stimuli such as vision, sounds, smells, or touch.
  • Strange behavior, thoughts, and/or beliefs.
  • Vague or specific comments about hopelessness, apathy, despair, and/or suicide.

We must always be attentive to these types of signs, both in ourselves and in those around us, because a mental disorder treated early in its development will not constitute an obstacle for the person to have a full life.

Do you know someone who suffers from a mental disorder? Do you identify with any of these signs? What other consequences do you know mental disorders can produce? Leave us your comment in the comments section, so we can demystify this very important topic.

10 Myths and Stigmas About Mental Health

by with One Comment Mental healthUncategorized

Many stigmas revolve around the issue of mental health and those who suffer from mental health disorders. As a society, we tend to ignore and even reject what is a difficult topic for us to face. Mental illnesses are one of those topics. How much do we know about mental health? Do we know people who suffer from loneliness or abandonment due to a mental condition?

In addition to genetics, the day-to-day stress that our society currently imposes has become a trigger for imbalances on a psychological level. It has allowed the perfect substrate to develop for mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, chronic stress, agoraphobia, and others to manifest.

Our society and mental health

The issue of mental health and mental illnesses is so misunderstood on a social levmembersel that a person who suffers from them is stigmatized. But to understand this phenomenon, let’s first look at what social stigma means in the psychological sphere.

Regarding mental illnesses, stigma is the label applied to the individual who suffers from any of them, which generates negative reactions from the human being, as they can lose self-confidence, faith in their recovery, and the ability to lead a normal life. This is caused by being constantly identified as “schizophrenic,” “autistic,” or “depressive,” among other labels according to their illness, leading to constant insecurity in the human being’s personality, and creating a feeling of disability.

Mental health and stigmas

Due to the stigmas that surround the person whose mental health has been affected, that person suffers from social rejection involving their work, church, and family life.

We know stories about people whose family members still do not know what their diagnosis implies, and who do not even show interest in knowing it or in how they can help their family members feel better or face the illness.

As we said earlier, there is the misconception that a person who has a mental illness should be referred to a mental asylum or a psychiatric clinic, when, in fact, there are treatments that balance brain chemicals that affect mental health. There are even supportive therapies, group therapies, and other tools to achieve this end.

10 myths about mental health

Social stigma labels do not help the patient feel better. Of course, having the diagnosis gives the patient a feeling of “finally” knowing what he/she is suffering from, and being able to name the set of symptoms they are suffering from. But if said the diagnosis is not treated, the chances of that person suffering from ridicule or misunderstanding increase due to social stigmas.

  1. Mental illnesses are not common

More and more people are being diagnosed with a mental illness, and modern life involves high levels of stress and complexity that did not exist in the past. One in five people will manifest a mental illness at some point in their life.

  1. If the person works harder, the symptoms can disappear

Not all mental illnesses have the same treatment. It all depends on the causes, symptoms, and general condition of the person. But if the person tries harder, the symptoms will not disappear. Mental illnesses are real illnesses, as we said in earlier posts, the brain is an organ, and as such, it also becomes ill.

  1. Anyone with a mental illness needs treatment

Treatment depends on the type of illness that affects the individual’s mental health. Some will need medication, others, group therapy, while therapies of another kind will help others. Generalizations in these cases do not apply.

  1. There is nothing we can do to help someone with mental illness

There is a lot we can do for people with mental illnesses. Our support and understanding are of great value to the treatment and improvement of people whose mental health has been affected. Not judging, listening intently, not treating the person differently, and asking questions before giving any opinions can make a difference in the patient’s life.

  1. People who suffer from a mental illness are not able to work

Mental illnesses, when treated correctly, do not constitute an impediment to carrying out work activities. Many people with depression, anxiety, and even agoraphobia can have normal lives when they are treated successfully. There are cases in which the illness is very serious, and the person must stop working. But they are extreme cases of mental health impairment.

  1. Children suffering from mental illnesses are “damaged” for life

When a child has a mental illness, he/she can be treated with the techniques the case requires. Besides, that child can have his/her mental health restored. The earlier in the child’s life the disease is treated, the more the child can enjoy a full and happy life.

  1. Mental illnesses are the result of poor parenting

There are genetic factors that affect a person’s mental health. The way parents raise a child cannot be blamed entirely for the symptoms of mental illnesses. In this case, parenting plays an important role in exacerbating symptoms. Or on the contrary, being a base of support and understanding for the improvement of the child.

  1. Having a mental illness is a sign of weakness

There is no such thing as “mental strength” in the context of mental illnesses. A person does not develop a mental illness because he/she is “weak”. Mental “strength” is not the same as mental “health”. Many people affected by mental health are people who show strengths and great aptitudes in other areas of mental performance.

  1. People with mental illnesses are violent

We believe that mental illnesses are related to shootings or terrorist acts. These acts that we see on the news occur more and more frequently. But there are mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety, and autism, among others, in which there are no symptoms of aggressiveness or violence at all. Statistics show that only 7.5 percent of crimes are associated with people with mental illnesses.

     10. Therapy is for adults only

Contrary to common belief, therapy is also useful for children with mental health problems. Therapies for children have an age-appropriate approach. They provide children with tools to cope with and manage their diagnoses. As well as, they provide emotional tools for parents and family members, giving them a safe and supportive environment for their development as individuals.

As Christians, we must be a source of support and understanding for people suffering from mental illnesses. Stigmas should not be part of our vocabulary or our actions. Specialty, when we address or interact with people who have mental illnesses.

Do you know anyone who has a mental illness? Do you have a mental illness diagnosis? If so, have you gotten the much-needed support from your family, church, or friends? Which other ways do you recommend giving support to someone who has a mental illness? Leave us your comment, so we can make our contribution to making this topic better known in our society. And so we can be a source of support for people who need it.

Mental illness: an invisible enemy

by with No Comment Mental healthSelf-awareness

Many people with mental illness are suffering discrimination in our churches because we are not prepared to deal with the silent disease.

A few years ago, when I was returning from Tennessee from my daughter Jasmin’s graduation, Samuel’s (my youngest son) car had a noise in one of the tires. That noise had already been there for several weeks now, and he said that the noise was coming from one of the half-loose fenders.

Samuel would try to adjust it a bit, and then the noise would be quieter. As we were heading back to Miami, it was late, around 10:00 P.M. we were driving down the deserted road of I75 when we suddenly heard a high-pitched noise and the rear tire blew out.

I quickly managed to pull the car to the side of the road and, to my surprise, we discovered that the fender was not the problem. When we removed the wheel to put the spare on, we understood what the source of the noise was: the rear tire was damaged, and we did not know it. It looked fine from our point of view.

What’s more, it had only been a year since I had put four new tires on the car.  The problem was in a non-visible area. We had been driving a time bomb, thinking that the noise we were hearing was coming from another source.

The problem that I had with my tire is an example of how many problems human beings have behaved. Conflicts are a time bomb because we are not aware of the magnitude of the situation. Unless you discover the source, you cannot be safe from the repercussions of that problem.

Mental illness is a growing problem

Today, I want to talk to you about something that is making noise in our society. And many do not know where that sound is coming from or how to approach the problem. I have called this noise the invisible disease. Invisible, because it is not talked about, and it is not seen with the naked eye.

There is a stigma around this disease, which has led many people to hide their heads like ostrich in the sand. We will not know how to deal with it, either. I am talking about mental illnesses: this week we will be discussing crisis, mental health, and Christ on this blog. My goal with this week’s posts is to raise awareness of these diseases. I want to provide practical tools to address the invisible disease in your community.

Studies about mental illness

Recently, there has been more awareness in our society about the importance of helping people suffering from mental illnesses. Many are advocating for this condition, especially authors Fuller Torrey and Judy Miller. In their book, “The Invisible Plague,” they say:

Imagine an epidemic that does not quickly kill a large percentage of those affected, but slowly kills 15% by suicide. Besides, imagine an epidemic so insidious and insinuating that two centuries after it began, it is hardly noticeable, mixed in the fabric of people’s lives, that a few intelligent people even deny that the disease exists. Imagine an epidemic that affects more than 4 million Americans, most of them in their prime of life, and that will continue to affect more than one in every 100 people born, but is not recognized as a major public health problem and it is largely ignored by officials who oversee the nation’s health. This is the epidemic of mental illnesses” (Pages 2-3).

This was written in 2001. If they saw mental illnesses as a growing social epidemic in this country at that time, then this crisis is currently at astronomical proportions. You have no idea what statistics we have today. The problem is that if this plague is increasing in our society, it will also increase in our religious circles.

Statistics of mental illness

The church is the first place where people with problems go seeking refuge. But, when they arrive, many times the leaders do not know how to deal with these problems due to the stigmas and the lack of information. Let us look at some statistics:

  • Every year, 1 in 5 people in America suffers from a mental illness (NAMI).
  • Between 15-25% of the population will suffer from a mental illness at some point in their life.
  • 59% of pastors have counseled someone who has experienced a mental illness at some point.
  • 27% of people who attend church on Saturday are dealing with mental illnesses, either themselves or their family members (Rogers, Stanford, Garland. Mental Health, Religion & Culture, 2011).
  • 22% of pastors are reluctant to get involved with those with acute mental illnesses, due to previous experiences wasting their time and resources.
  • 23% of pastors indicate that they have personally been struggling with some kind of mental illness.
  • 49% of pastors rarely speak of mental illnesses in their sermons.
  • 90% of pastors, 74% of individuals with an acute mental illness, and 85% of their family members agree that local churches have the responsibility to provide resources and support to people with mental illnesses and their families (LifeWay Research, 2014).

These statistics reflect a stigma that exists in our church. We can talk without any trouble about cardiovascular and respiratory diseases, cancer, and, hepatitis. But when diseases of the brain come up, we remain silent because of the taboo that exists around this topic.

Mental illness is Taboo

I recently spoke with a friend I made at a conference. And he told me that at one point in his life, he experienced a very acute trauma. He sought professional help and was diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. With tears in his eyes, he told me he could not continue with his treatment. Because the administrators of my organization and his co-workers were going to find out about his diagnosis. He did not want his image to be affected and decided to suffer in silence.

A brother from church came to me and said: “I want to divorce my wife because she has a mental illness and. Due to the life that I have lived with her, I believe that I have the right to divorce her and marry someone else.”

“If your wife had cancer instead of a brain disease, would you have divorced her?” I asked him.

And he said “no,” that mental illnesses are different, and that there is no one who can stand a person with this type of mental condition.

As Christians, we are called to accept marginalized or stigmatized people. But many people find this a difficult task to do, especially when it involves people who are mentally ill.

The silence disease

Many people with emotional problems are suffering discrimination in our churches because, as pastors and leaders, we are not prepared to deal with the silent disease. That reaction is often the product of fear and lack of knowledge about it. God calls us to love our neighbor the same way we love ourselves (Mt. 22:36-40). That neighbor may be a church brother or sister. Maybe, he sits next to us and secretly suffers from a silent illness.

I ask you, have you ever felt marginalized or discriminated against due to a mental disorder that you have experienced? I invite you to share your experience with me. Write it in the comments section and help me eliminate the stigma that exists around mental illnesses.