How to stop feeling self-love, a practical guide

Self-love is essential for a balanced and fulfilling life.
However, many people struggle with a lack of self-love due to behaviors and thoughts that erode their self-esteem.
This article aims to help the reader identify and change those actions and thoughts that detract from self-love, and provide strategies to start loving oneself more.
Next, we will explore five key areas that can affect self-love and how to effectively address them.

Recognizing and changing negative internal dialogue

One of the main reasons people lose self-esteem is negative self-talk.
This type of thinking can be harmful and perpetuate feelings of worthlessness and low self-esteem.
The first step to changing negative self-talk is to recognize it.
Pay attention to your thoughts and write down the negative phrases you say to yourself.
These may include criticisms of your appearance, abilities or decisions.
Once identified, challenge these thoughts.
Ask yourself if they are true or if you are being too hard on yourself.
Try replacing negative statements with positive, realistic affirmations.
For example, instead of saying “I never do anything well,” you could say “I am learning and improving every day.”
Self-compassion is a powerful tool for counteracting negative internal dialogue.
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend.
Recognize that it is normal to make mistakes and that they do not define your value as a person.

Avoid constant comparison with others

Comparing oneself to others is another way to undermine self-esteem.
In the age of social media, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to idealized versions of other people’s lives.
Remember that what you see on social media is a curated version of people’s lives.
You don’t see their struggles, failures or difficult moments.
Comparing your real life to the edited version of someone else’s life is unfair and demotivating.
Instead of measuring your worth by the accomplishments of others, set your own goals and standards.
Focus on your own growth and progress.
Celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small, and remember that each person has his or her own path and pace.
If you find yourself comparing yourself to others on social media, consider limiting your time on these platforms.
Spend more time on activities that make you feel good about yourself and foster self-love, such as exercise, reading or spending time with loved ones.

Taking care of your physical and mental health

Taking care of physical and mental health is fundamental to self-esteem.
Neglecting these areas can lead to feelings of low self-worth and self-esteem.
Self-care includes all the activities you do to maintain your physical and mental health.
This can include getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, exercising, and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga.
If you are struggling with mental health issues, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.
A therapist or counselor provides tools and strategies to manage stress, anxiety and other issues that affect your self-esteem.
Learning to say “no” and setting clear boundaries is crucial to protecting your well-being.
Don’t be afraid to prioritize your needs and well-being over the expectations and demands of others.

Surround yourself with supportive people

The social environment plays a crucial role in self-esteem.
Surrounding yourself with people who support and value you strengthens your self-esteem, while being around negative people weakens it.
Reflect on your current relationships and consider whether there are people in your life who criticize you, put you down, or make you feel bad about yourself.
These relationships can be harmful to your self-esteem.
Focus on building and maintaining relationships with people who support you, motivate you and value you for who you are.
These people will help you feel valued and loved, which will strengthen your self-esteem.
If you cannot eliminate negative people from your life, set clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Limit the time you spend with them and make sure you don’t allow their words and actions to affect your self-esteem.

Developing habits that foster self-esteem

Self-love is not built overnight; it is the result of daily habits and practices that strengthen your self-esteem and well-being.
Gratitude is a powerful tool for improving self-esteem.
Take a moment each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for.
This helps to shift your focus from the negative to the positive and to appreciate yourself and your life more.
Setting personal goals and working to achieve them can increase your sense of accomplishment and self-confidence.
Make sure your goals are realistic and achievable, and celebrate your accomplishments as you reach them.
Spend time on activities that make you happy and passionate about.
Doing things you enjoy not only improves your mood, but also strengthens your identity and self-esteem.

How to stop repeating patterns of a dysfunctional home

Growing up in a dysfunctional home can have a profound and lasting impact on a person’s emotional and psychological development.
However, it is possible to break these patterns and build a healthier, more balanced life.
In this article, we will explore what dysfunctional homes are, how they impact people, and how to begin to break out of these patterns on your own.

What is a dysfunctional home?

A dysfunctional home is a family environment where relationships between members are conflictual, unstable or unhealthy.
These dysfunctions can manifest themselves in a variety of ways, including physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect, addiction, mental health problems and poor communication.
In a dysfunctional home, family roles are often poorly defined and personal boundaries are not respected, leading to unbalanced power dynamics and an unsafe environment. Common characteristics of a dysfunctional home:

  • Whether physical, emotional or sexual, abuse in a dysfunctional home creates an environment of fear and distrust.
    Neglect, on the other hand, involves the lack of attention and care necessary for the well-being of family members.
  • The abuse of substances such as alcohol and drugs aggravates existing problems and creates new conflicts in the home.
  • Untreated mental health conditions can affect family dynamics and contribute to a toxic environment.
  • In a dysfunctional home, communication is often ineffective, manipulative or non-existent, making it difficult to resolve conflicts and establish healthy relationships.
  • Children may take on adult responsibilities, such as caring for younger siblings or their own parents, which deprives them of a normal, healthy childhood.

Impact of growing up in a dysfunctional home

Growing up in a dysfunctional home has significant and lasting consequences in a person’s life.
These impacts come in a variety of forms, affecting mental health, personal relationships and overall well-being.
Emotional and psychological effects:

  • Children from dysfunctional homes often develop low self-esteem due to a lack of emotional support and validation in their environment.
  • The constant stress and toxic environment can lead to anxiety disorders and depression.
  • Lack of trust in others is due to experiences of betrayal, abandonment or abuse in childhood.
  • People who grow up in dysfunctional homes may have difficulty managing their emotions in a healthy way.

Effects on relationships:

  • It is common for people to repeat patterns of behavior learned in their dysfunctional home in their adult relationships, leading to conflictive and unsatisfactory relationships.
  • The inability to communicate effectively results in misunderstandings and conflicts in personal and professional relationships.
  • Fear of intimacy and commitment may arise due to experiences of abandonment or betrayal at home.

Recognize and accept the dysfunctional patterns.

The first step to stop repeating the patterns of a dysfunctional home is to acknowledge and accept that these patterns exist.
This requires honest reflection on childhood experiences and how they have influenced current behavior and relationships.
Identify patterns and behaviors:

  • Pay attention to your emotional reactions, thoughts and behaviors, in situations of conflict or stress.
    Ask yourself if these reactions are healthy or if they reflect patterns learned in your dysfunctional home.
  • Reflect on your childhood and the family dynamics you experienced.
    Identify the behaviors and patterns that you consider dysfunctional and how they may be influencing your life today.

Accept reality:

  • Acknowledging and validating your experiences and emotions is crucial to the healing process.
    Do not minimize your feelings or justify dysfunctional behavior.
  • Be compassionate with yourself as you explore these patterns.
    Understanding that these behaviors were learned as coping mechanisms can help you be gentler with yourself during the change process.

Breaking dysfunctional patterns

Once you have recognized and accepted the dysfunctional patterns, it is time to take action to break them.
This process can be challenging, but with time and effort, it is possible to create new ways of thinking and behaving.
Seek professional support:

  • Working with a therapist gives tools and strategies to overcome dysfunctional patterns.
    Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma therapy and family therapy are helpful.
  • Joining support groups where you can share your experiences with people who have gone through similar situations can be very comforting and motivating.

Develop new skills:

  • Learning and practicing assertive communication skills can help you express your needs and feelings in a healthy way.
  • Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries in your relationships is crucial to protecting your emotional well-being.
  • Prioritizing physical, emotional and mental self-care is essential to break dysfunctional patterns and build a more balanced life.

Building a healthy and balanced life

The ultimate goal of breaking the patterns of a dysfunctional home is to build a healthy and balanced life.
This involves developing new ways of thinking, behaving and relating to others.
Cultivate healthy relationships:

  • Surrounding yourself with supportive and respectful people is critical to your well-being.
    Seek relationships based on mutual respect, trust and open communication.
  • Learn how to manage conflicts in a healthy way, seeking solutions that benefit both parties and strengthen the relationship.

Strengthening resilience:

  • Gratitude can help you focus on the positive and develop a more optimistic outlook.
  • Working on your emotional resilience will help you face life’s challenges with greater strength and adaptability.

Continue personal growth:

  • Learning about personal development and psychology can provide you with new perspectives and tools to improve your life.
  • Maintain a constant focus on self-discovery and personal growth.
    Self-awareness is an ongoing process that will allow you to identify and correct dysfunctional patterns as they arise.

Frequently asked questions about childhood injuries

Childhood wounds are painful emotional experiences that can have a lasting impact on a person’s life. These wounds affect how we see ourselves, how we relate to others and how we face life’s challenges. Here are eight frequently asked questions that people often ask about childhood injuries, along with detailed explanations.

What are childhood wounds?

Childhood wounds are traumatic or painful experiences that occur during a person’s formative years between childhood and adolescence. These injuries can be caused by physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect, loss of a loved one, bullying or dysfunctional family situations. Childhood wounds affect self-esteem, relationships and a person’s ability to handle stress and emotions.

How do childhood wounds affect adult life?

Childhood wounds have lasting effects on adult life. They can manifest as self-esteem problems, difficulties in forming healthy relationships, anxiety, depression and self-destructive behaviors. People who have experienced childhood wounds often have negative thought patterns and intense emotional reactions that stem from those early traumas. These wounds influence the way a person sees themselves and the world, affecting their ability to trust others and to feel safe and loved.

Can childhood wounds be overcome?

Yes, childhood wounds can be overcome with time and the right support. Therapy is a powerful tool to help people process and heal their childhood wounds. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) and person-centered trauma therapy are effective. In addition, the support of friends, family and support groups provides a safe environment for growth and healing.

Is it normal to feel angry or sad about childhood wounds?

Yes, it is normal to feel angry, sad or even confused about childhood wounds. These emotions are natural responses to traumatic experiences. Recognizing and validating these feelings is an important step toward healing. Often, people try to repress or ignore these emotions, but facing and processing them with the help of a therapist or support group can be very beneficial.

How do I know if my current problems are related to childhood wounds?

Identifying whether current problems are related to childhood wounds may require introspection and often the help of a mental health professional. Some signs that your current problems are related to childhood wounds include repetitive patterns of self-destructive behavior, persistent self-esteem problems, difficulty trusting others, and intense and disproportionate emotional reactions to stressful situations. A therapist helps you explore your past experiences and how they influence your current life.

Do childhood wounds affect everyone equally?

No, childhood injuries do not affect everyone equally. How a person responds to traumatic experiences depends on several factors, including individual resilience, available social and family support, and the nature and duration of the trauma. Some people develop coping mechanisms that allow them to deal with trauma more effectively, while others may feel overwhelmed and have difficulty overcoming their experiences.

Is it possible to protect my children from childhood wounds?

Although it is not possible to protect children from all painful experiences, there are many ways in which parents and caregivers reduce the risk of childhood injuries. Providing a safe and loving environment, encouraging open and honest communication, and being attentive to children’s emotional needs makes a big difference. In addition, teaching children coping and resilience skills, and being willing to seek professional help when necessary, can help protect their long-term emotional health.

How can I help someone who has childhood injuries?

Helping someone with childhood wounds requires patience, understanding and unconditional support. Listening without judgment and validating their feelings can be very comforting. Encourage him to seek professional help if he has not already done so, and offer your support during his healing process. It is important to remember that each person has their own pace and way of dealing with their childhood wounds, so being empathetic and respectful of their process is critical.

Myths and truths of inner peace

The search for inner peace is a common aspiration, but it is often surrounded by myths and misunderstandings.
Inner peace, a deep sense of tranquility and well-being, is not always easy to achieve, and false beliefs can make it difficult to attain.
In this article, we will explore five myths and truths about inner peace, unraveling what it means and how we can cultivate it in our lives.

Myth 1: Inner peace means absence of problems.

One of the most common myths about inner peace is that it is a life without problems and conflicts.
This belief can lead to disappointment, since problems are an inevitable part of life.
Truth: Inner peace is not the absence of problems, but the ability to remain calm and clear-headed in the midst of them.
It is an attitude and a way of being that allows you to face challenges with serenity and equanimity.
People who have achieved inner peace have learned to accept that problems are part of life and not to be overwhelmed by them.
Instead of avoiding problems, they develop skills and strategies to handle them effectively, maintaining their emotional well-being.

Myth 2: Inner peace is achieved through the accumulation of material goods.

Another erroneous belief is that inner peace can be achieved through the accumulation of material goods and external success.
Many people believe that having more money, property or social status will bring them lasting peace of mind and happiness.
Truth: Inner peace is not bought or obtained through the accumulation of material goods.
Although material comforts give a temporary sense of satisfaction, true inner peace comes from within.
It is the result of a deep connection with oneself and one’s personal values, rather than external possessions.
Inner peace is cultivated through introspection, meditation, gratitude and acceptance of self and others.

Myth 3: Inner peace means always being happy.

Many people believe that inner peace means always being in a state of constant happiness and never experiencing negative emotions such as sadness, anger or frustration.
Truth: Inner peace does not mean always being happy.
Negative emotions are a natural part of the human experience and do not disappear because someone has achieved inner peace.
True inner peace involves the ability to accept all emotions, both positive and negative, without being dominated by them.
It means being able to observe and experience emotions without over-identifying with them, while maintaining an attitude of acceptance and compassion towards oneself.

Myth 4: Inner peace is a permanent state.

There is an idea that once inner peace is achieved, it is a permanent and continuous state that does not fluctuate with time and circumstances.
Truth: Inner peace is not a fixed and permanent state; it is a continuous practice.
Life circumstances change, and with them, our emotions and mental states.
Inner peace is cultivated through the daily practice of mindfulness, meditation and other self-care techniques that help maintain emotional balance.
It is normal for inner peace to fluctuate and sometimes be challenged by external events.
The important thing is to have the tools and willingness to refocus and find balance again and again.

Myth 5: Inner peace is achieved by isolating oneself from the world.

Some people believe that in order to achieve inner peace it is necessary to withdraw from the world, to live in solitude or in an environment free of distractions and challenges.
Truth: Inner peace does not require isolation from the world.
While taking time for oneself and reducing external noise is beneficial, true inner peace is that which is maintained in the midst of daily life.
It is the ability to find serenity and balance in any situation, even in noisy and chaotic environments.
Inner peace is cultivated by interacting with the world and learning to manage distractions and challenges effectively.

8 things you didn’t know about depression

Depression is a mental illness that affects millions of people worldwide.
Despite its prevalence, there are many aspects of depression that are not well known.
Understanding these aspects can help reduce the stigma associated with the disease and provide better support for those who suffer from it.
Here are eight things you may not have known about depression.

It’s not just sadness

One of the most common misconceptions is that it is all about being sad.
However, depression is much more complex and encompasses a wide range of symptoms.
Depression can manifest itself in many ways, including a deep sense of emptiness, hopelessness, irritability, loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, changes in appetite and sleep, and difficulty concentrating.
causes physical symptoms such as unexplained aches and pains.
Unlike sadness, which is usually temporary, it can last for weeks, months or even years.
It is a persistent condition that requires appropriate care and treatment.

It is not always triggered by a specific event.

It is often thought to be triggered by a traumatic event or a series of stressful events, but this is not always the case.
Depression can be related to chemical imbalances in the brain, genetic and biological factors, and not to external events.
Some people have a genetic predisposition to depression, which means they develop it for no apparent reason.
Although stressful events can trigger depressive episodes, it is often the result of a combination of biological, psychological and social factors.

It can affect any person

There is a belief that certain people are more prone to depression because of their personality or lifestyle, but the truth is that depression does not discriminate.
It affects people of all ages, genders, races and social classes.
No matter how successful, happy or stable someone appears to be from the outside, everyone is susceptible to depression.
Because of the stigma associated with mental illness, many people who suffer from depression do not seek help if they believe they “shouldn’t” feel depressed because of their favorable circumstances.

Depression can be “invisible

Sometimes people with depression appear normal or even happy in the eyes of others, making it difficult to understand their condition.
Many people with depression learn to hide their symptoms and function in their daily lives, leading to the misperception that they are fine. This ability to mask their suffering makes it more difficult for others to recognize that they need help.
Although someone may appear to have their life under control, depression is causing deep internal pain and suffering that is not evident to others.

It is not cured simply by “thinking positive”.

A common piece of advice given to depressed people is to think positive or cheer up, but it is not cured by a change in attitude.
Depression is a medical illness that often requires professional treatment, either through therapy, medication or a combination of both.
Telling someone to “be positive” can minimize the severity of their condition and make them feel misunderstood.
Combating involves a comprehensive approach that includes lifestyle changes, cognitive-behavioral therapy, medication, and emotional support from friends and family.

Depression can affect memory and concentration

In addition to affecting mood, it can have a significant impact on cognitive functions.
People with depression often have difficulty concentrating, making decisions and remembering things.
This cognitive impairment affects their performance at work or school, as well as in their daily activities.
This symptom, sometimes referred to as “mental fog,” can be frustrating and make everyday tasks feel overwhelming.
Recognizing these symptoms helps sufferers seek appropriate treatment.

Treatment can be a long and complex process

Treating is not always a quick or simple process.
It may require time and multiple approaches to find the right combination of treatments that works for each individual.
Finding the right treatment may require testing and adjustments.
Not everyone responds the same way to antidepressants, and what works for one person is not effective for another.
It is important to be patient and work with mental health professionals to adjust the treatment plan as needed.
Sometimes it can take time to see positive results, and it is crucial not to give up too soon.

Depression is treatable

As debilitating as it can be, depression is treatable, and many people manage to live full and satisfying lives with proper treatment.
There are many treatment options available, including cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, interpersonal therapy and alternative treatments such as light therapy and acupuncture.
A personalized approach that combines different methods is the most effective.
It is important to remember that many people have successfully overcome depression.
Seeking support, whether through support groups, therapy or friends and family, can make a big difference in the recovery process.

10 questions to ask yourself when starting a relationship

Starting a relationship is exciting and full of expectations, but it is also a crucial time to reflect and make sure you are making an informed decision.
Asking yourself important questions can help you better understand your feelings, expectations and compatibility with the other person.
Here are ten questions to ask yourself when entering into a relationship, so you know if you are making the right choice for that person and yourself.

Am I ready for a relationship?

The first question to ask yourself is whether you are ready for a relationship.
Reflect on your emotional state and whether you have left behind any pain or conflict from previous relationships.
Consider whether you are in a healthy place mentally to share your life with someone else.
Being ready involves having the ability to commit, communicate effectively, and being willing to invest time and effort into the relationship.

What are my expectations?

When starting a relationship, it is crucial to be clear about your expectations.
Ask yourself what you expect from a partner and from a relationship in general.
Reflect on what you consider essential, such as honesty, respect, emotional support, and compatibility in values and goals.
Having clear expectations will help you communicate better with your partner and avoid future misunderstandings.

Do we share the same values and objectives?

Compatibility in values and goals is critical when starting a relationship.
Ask yourself if you and your potential partner share similar beliefs and principles about important aspects of life, such as family, career, religion and lifestyle.
Aligning on these issues can help build a strong and lasting relationship.

Do I feel myself with this person?

It is essential to feel comfortable and authentic when entering into a relationship.
Ask yourself if you can be yourself with this person, without feeling the need to hide parts of your personality or change to be accepted.
Authenticity is key to a healthy and satisfying relationship.

How do we handle conflicts?

Conflict management is an inevitable part of any relationship.
Ask yourself how you and your potential partner handle disagreements and differences.
See if you can discuss respectfully and constructively, and if you are both willing to compromise and find solutions together.
Good conflict management is crucial to maintaining a strong and harmonious relationship.

Do we have common interests and activities?

Having interests and activities in common can strengthen the connection when starting a relationship.
Ask yourself if you and your potential partner enjoy similar hobbies and activities.
Sharing time together doing things you both enjoy creates positive memories and strengthens the bond between you.

Do I feel valued and respected?

Mutual respect and appreciation are essential in any relationship.
Ask yourself if you feel valued and respected by your potential partner.
Observe how he or she treats you and whether he or she shows appreciation for you and what you bring to the relationship.
Feeling valued and respected is critical to your emotional well-being and to the health of the relationship.

Am I willing to accept its shortcomings?

No one is perfect, and it is important to be willing to accept your partner’s flaws when entering into a relationship.
Ask yourself if you can accept your potential partner’s imperfections and weaknesses without trying to change them.
Accepting your partner as he or she is, with his or her strengths and flaws, is essential to building an authentic and lasting relationship.

Do we have open and honest communication?

Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship.
Ask yourself if you communicate openly and honestly with your potential partner.
See if you both talk about your feelings, needs and concerns without fear of judgment or criticism.
Effective communication is crucial to solving problems and maintaining a strong emotional connection.

Do I feel happy and secure in this relationship?

Ask yourself if you feel happy and secure entering into a relationship with this person.
Reflect on whether the relationship brings you joy and satisfaction, and whether you feel secure.
Happiness and emotional security are key indicators of a healthy and satisfying relationship.

What does love feel like? 10 signs of true love

Love is the feeling that has most inspired human beings in absolutely all areas of life. Countless songs, books, plays and other works have been dedicated to love. However, it is very complex to identify when it is true love, given the predisposition we have to feel it.

The question that many people ask themselves is what does love feel like and how do I know if we are facing true love? The first answer, thanks to science, is a little easier. Love is a set of biological and chemical processes, as biologist and anthropologist Hellen Fisher explains.

Certain hormones are activated in our bodies when we feel love and make us feel good about sharing with our loved one. It is not only a sexual impulse, but involves many bodily functions. Thanks to this, we can achieve the recognition of a real feeling of love.

Keys to recognizing true love

Such is the importance of love in human behavior that researchers in various fields of knowledge have sought to find explanations. An empirical analysis of Sternberg’s triangular theory focuses on the combination of the three elements that identify balanced love. They are:

  • Intimacy
  • Passion
  • Commitment

According to the researchers, true love must have all three components in the right measure, in order to be healthy and fruitful for both parties. In relation to these aspects, we bring you 10 signs so that you can recognize if what you feel for that special “someone” is true love.

1.     It’s good for you and everyone notices it

The main key is well-being. As biologist Hellen Fisher explained, love produces positive changes in the body. If that person improves your mood, your spirits, you feel like getting ready, you feel good about yourself, it is probably true love.

2.     You can be yourself

This is an extremely important point. Real love will not make you change; it will not force you to be who you are not. Rather, it will motivate you to grow as a person, as the person you already are. It will validate you even more and will never seek to extinguish your essence. If this is not the case, be careful, it may not be a healthy relationship.

3.     You can talk to each other through looks or gestures

When there is trust between two people, communication is one of the points where it is most expressed. Understanding each other without words is a strong indicator that the connection is real, that you are developing a love language between you. You will see that it goes beyond words, too, to the actions of love.

4.     You help and support each other

If there is love, there is mutual support. True love is unselfish and cares for the other as well as for oneself. In a couple, working for each other’s personal well-being will be the impetus for forming a healthy and lasting dynamic.

5.     You respect each other

A very common problem in couples that do not work and where love is quickly extinguished is the lack of mutual respect. As hard as it may be at times, respecting each other’s time and God’s time in a couple is essential.

In Romans 12:10 the Bible tells us about the importance of respect in love. If you feel that with “that person” there is a sincere respect for each other’s times, ideas, ways of expressing yourself, tastes, etc., then it is love.

6.     You strive to resolve every conflict

The best couples are not those who don’t fight, but those who strive to resolve every situation in the best possible way. Respect also plays a major role in conflict resolution. There should be no room for offence, anger is no justification for hurting your partner.

If there is love, every conflict will end with a resolution that brings you closer together and makes your relationship grow. The bond will be strengthened rather than fissured, and will bring you closer to a broader understanding of your values and responsibilities as partners.

7.     You don’t complement each other, you understand each other

It is important to uproot the idea of complementarity in love and replace it with understanding. Romantic stories have shown us an ideal version of love that, in many cases, is not possible to live in reality. These expectations end up wearing out the partners and lead to disbelief in love.

An article from the Faculty of Psychology in Uruguay points out the importance of a love based on understanding between partners. We are not “better halves”, God created us complete and whole. What you should seek is to be in one spirit with each other and with God, so you will know that it is a love of blessing for you.

8.     You laugh together easily

Scientific studies show how laughter is an indicator of love in a couple. It also reflects a healthy relationship and sincere feelings. It’s simple, laughter is associated with the ability to express ourselves freely, healthy situations that make us happy and good chemistry between the two of us. That’s love!

9.     You don’t need to hide anything from each other

Of course love is based on trust and full knowledge of each other. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have “secrets” from time to time, a surprise or a plan for the future. It means that there are no aspects of your personality or your past that you seek to hide.

If you feel an obligation to hide it is because something is not right in the relationship or there is no real love. A relationship cannot give rise to lies or deception between partners, let alone fear of showing each other who you really are.

10.                       You have projects together

Finally, an indicator of love is creating projects together. When there is love, there is a desire to share every aspect of life and to plan new things together. If you try to include each other in every plan you make, it is because you truly love each other.

Analyze your relationship before moving on to the next step, so you will know for sure if it is true love. If you have any questions or concerns about this or other issues, don’t hesitate to call 407-618-0212 for expert care.

Things your marriage counselor is thinking, but not telling you

When you start working with a marriage counselor you are taking the first step in changing the atmosphere of your relationship. It is a big step, and the best way to rebuild the most important bond you can have. But, in many cases, it can lead to doubts and insecurities.

Leaving your relationship in the hands of a third person is a difficult decision to make. The trust you both place in the therapist is very high, so it is logical to have doubts about what he/she will do or even what he/she thinks. That’s why today I’m bringing you your counselor’s best kept secrets.

Yes, as you read it, in this blog I will tell you what your marriage counselor thinks, but will never tell you. The next time you go for a consultation, you will feel more confident about opening the doors of your relationship to let in this new breeze.

What your marriage counselor doesn’t tell you, in sentences

Why am I sharing this with you? Not so that you will question your marriage counselor in the next session. It is for the purpose of understanding his or her work and its importance to your partner. So that you can take ownership of that time and space to work on yourself and your relationship.

Of course, each professional is different and the ways of understanding therapy and applying it to a specific case vary. However, the following phrases will surely make you feel identified. Don’t forget that if he or she doesn’t say them, it is for your growth. Keep these tips in mind when you doubt him/her.

 “It’s good that they fight”

When a couple attends such a consultation it is because they detect conflict. Recognizing it is the key to begin to solve the problems in the marriage. Although it may seem contradictory, many come to the counselling office ashamed of the state of their relationship and try to minimize things.

Wrong, the marriage counselor must see clearly what is going on in order to guide the work in the right direction. If arguments or fights come up in front of them, they will be more than grateful. That means that there is a mutual interest in starting to put problems on the table to visualize and heal.

 “Do you really want to be together?”

Many couples go to counseling without knowing if it will be the end or if there is still hope. Psychologist Sergi Vilardell explains that in current times intolerance in couples is becoming more and more frequent. It has become “normal” to want to leave the relationship without trying to overcome conflicts.

In this context, the counselor will try to assess whether there is still genuine interest in the relationship. He or she will look at whether both partners are contributing their efforts and dedication, or whether it is a one-sided relationship. In either case, there is hope. But rebuilding that mutual love and trust will take a long process of renewal.

 “I’m not going to tell you who is right, none of you are”

One of the main human reactions to conflict is to try to look for those responsible. It is not that it is wrong to look for it, nor that there is no responsibility for the problem. However, when something doesn’t work in a couple, both should take responsibility and acknowledge their part. Remember that you are also “guilty” if:

  • You did nothing to resolve it.
  • You let time go by without talking about it.
  • You were not clear about how it made you feel.
  • You didn’t give the other person space to express themselves.
  • You pretended you didn’t care in the first place.

There are many more reasons why both should accept your part. Without going any further, love must be protected by each person doing their part to heal the damage of conflict. The therapist will not tell you who is right but instead will guide you both to finding where you have failed and how to improve.

 “¿Why are you asking me what you should be asking yourself?”

Have you ever felt that your counselor is not answering your questions? You are probably asking the right questions, but to the wrong person. You are the one you should be asking. That’s why your therapist doesn’t answer them directly, but wants to direct you to find that solution.

Psychologist and therapist Adriana Mireles explains that the outcome of therapy depends to a large extent on the work of the patient – or the couple. It is about the way in which each one assimilates it, and not only in the consulting room. Don’t expect someone else to answer what you need to discover in order to grow in your integrity.

“I know this scares you, that’s why I’m telling you”

Have you ever left counselling with the feeling that your counsellor has offended you? Do you feel that he or she has touched on a sensitive subject or even a fear? Don’t think that they don’t know or that they are doing it to hurt you – on the contrary! Your counselor is trying to have a positive effect, even if you don’t see it.

There are a variety of neurological studies on fear as a promoter of action and physiological reaction. If you hope to bring about changes in your environment and improve conditions for your partner, it is essential to face your fears. Through them, you will achieve new and different, more thoughtful and measured responses.

Acting on impulse can lead to unwanted actions, with harmful effects on the other person. Your counsellor wants you to work on your ability to adapt to conditions that are not your usual comfort zone. Be confident, it will help you grow on a personal level.

 “I won’t tell you what to do, I’ll help you figure it out for yourself”

In relation to the previous point, your counselor will not tell you directly what to do. He or she will help you to bring about changes in your behavior progressively and with careful work on yourself. At the same time as he or she does the same work with your partner. That is exactly the method of behavioral therapy.

I hope these tips will help you to trust your marriage counselor and get you on the road to therapy that really heals your relationship. If you want to know more about counseling, or want to contact a therapist, don’t hesitate to call 407 618 0212.

What is Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling?

After divorce, many people may fall into a depression or troubling emotional states that need to be addressed. Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling is the way to heal any wounds that may still be open.

Marriage, as God intended it for our lives, is a spiritual bond designed to bring fulfilment and growth. However, God’s children are not perfect and we do make mistakes. Mistakes can lead to hopeless situations where divorce is the only solution.

A study published in the Journal of the Spanish Association of Neuropsychiatry warns of the psychological consequences of divorce. Such a break-up can damage the mind and spirit. It is therefore important to treat each of the symptoms to avoid further damage.

What Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling Can Do for You

People who come to Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling usually feel that they have failed, that they have turned their back on God. The feeling of anguish seems to be impossible to stop, yet the Word tells us of the importance of forgiving and forgiving ourselves.

In Matthew 19:5 God called us to become one flesh. When a marriage forged under God’s blessing faces problems, the first option is always to seek help and work together for a solution. Even so, there are cases where divorce may be the only way out of an aimless relationship.

If you have found yourself in need of divorce, don’t despair or feel defeated. Counselling is a safe way to work on rebuilding your self-esteem and healing the wounds.

How to work on recovery after divorce

It is certainly possible to restore your life despite the pain. But in many cases, you need the help of a professional to guide you through the process. Asking for help is not synonymous with failure; on the contrary, it demonstrates strength.

The guidance of a Christian counselor may be useful when going through each of the different stages after separation. It will help you to find the direction you thought you had lost and to detect the little things that are not allowing you to move forward. Here are some of the goals to achieve.

Forgetting the past

God speaks to us on more than one occasion about the importance of leaving the past behind. In fact, he erased our old self when he called us to serve him (2 Corinthians 5:17). Beginning a journey of rebuilding involves, as Isaiah 43:18 says, letting go of the old in order to focus on the future.

Forgiving the other person and oneself

However, we know that forgetting inevitably involves forgiveness. You cannot leave an unhealthy relationship behind if you do not forgive the other person. In counselling, we often hear, “How can I forgive so much hurt”; but let me tell you that forgiveness will be the only way to heal.

God taught us to forgive up to “70 times 7” (Matthew 18:21-22). This does not mean that we are only to forgive 490 times, but that we are to do so as many times as necessary, even if:

  • The other person was to blame
  • It was a great hurt
  • The other person does not take responsibility
  • You can’t tell them personally

In the same way, forgiveness is not only towards the person who hurt us, but also towards ourselves. If we fail to forgive the hurt we have caused or “failed” in our relationship, we will not be able to move forward. In Isaiah 43:25 God reminds you that He gives you forgiveness, you just have to receive it.

Caring for children and seeking the best for them

Divorce of the parents becomes especially traumatic for children. However, sometimes it is better to end the relationship so that they do not grow up in an environment of violence and lovelessness.

There are studies about the impact of divorce on children, as well as on the dissolving couple. It is therefore vital to address these wounds and to heal the bonds despite the divorce, whenever possible.

Building quality relationships

Spanish psychologist Esther Sevilla points out the importance of having quality relationships in our environment. They will be protective and supportive. Often, after a divorce, people feel that they do not deserve the love or affection of others, however, it is necessary in order to grow on a personal level.

Christian Divorce Recovery Counselling will be an ideal accompaniment at every stage and will assist in strengthening new and blessed relationships. Surrounding yourself with positive influences will be decisive in the process of restoration and, furthermore, in recovering your relationship with God.

Restoring one’s integrity

You may feel singled out, ashamed or judged after a separation. You may want to close yourself off from all possible environments for fear of other people’s opinions. That’s why in counselling we work to restore:

  • Self-esteem
  • Personal integrity
  • Selfforgiveness

The study carried out in Europe, entitled Sociology of Divorce, discusses the impact of the social context on the assimilation of divorce. It helps us to recognize the extent to which the feeling of shame is due to societal views of divorce.

But I want to tell you that He is our only judge. Don’t feel judged or challenged by society, because you have the forgiveness of the Creator. Take hold of that, live your Identity in Christ and lift up your head to be restored.

Setting new goals

In Isaiah 43:19, the Bible gives us the assurance that God opens new paths. When a relationship ends, all the goals and projects associated with it do too. The lack of new projects brings stagnation, depression and anguish. Working on personal growth is the key to complete healing.

With Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling, renewing your goals is possible. If you want to reclaim your life, give it a new direction and completely heal the pain of a separation, don’t hesitate to call 407 618 0212.

Does couples counselling work? The pros and cons that will surprise you

Experts say that couples counselling has a success rate of around 70%. Also, the Association of Marriage and Family Therapists of the United States reveals that 3 out of 4 couples who go to counselling find that their relationship improves.

This data is confirmed by psychologist José Bustamante, secretary and member of the AES (Spanish Association of Specialists in Sexology), who indicates that around 90 % of couples who attend counselling see an improvement in their state of mind. In fact, two thirds of them admit improvements in their work and health.

Why do I show you all this data? Because there are many reasons why a couple decides to seek therapy, but most of them have doubts about its effectiveness.

Sometimes, in my consultations as a therapist, patients start their session saying: Dr. Duany, there are many arguments in my home with my partner, I am upset, but the truth is that I don’t know if this counseling will work. To which I respond: “it will work if you commit yourself to the process, whatever the outcome”.

What is couples counselling?

First of all, couples counselling is not a magic act. It is not about the therapist pulling out a magic wand and solving all your marital problems. Much of the success of counselling depends on the couple.

Marriage counselling is a type of therapy in which the counsellor or therapist provides a safe space for the couple to resolve their conflicts, improve their bond or, if necessary, bring their relationship to a successful end.

As a therapist, I offer tools and support to couples who wish to find solutions so that their relationship can thrive and remain united by respect, love, understanding and listening.

No couple is perfect, nor can they expect their marriage to be. The healthiest thing to do is always to turn to a professional when the situation becomes complicated. That’s why today I want to share with you the pros and cons of counselling. This way you will be able to decide more clearly if you are ready to make the decision to see help.

Pros of couple counselling

Many people think that going to counselling is only for venting their sorrows or trying to keep the relationship going. This is not entirely true, because counselling is also effective if you want to make the break-up as painless and conflict-free as possible. So says Anfruns Nomen, psychotherapist and specialist in couple therapy.

In this respect, numerous case studies demonstrate the advantages of couple counselling for those who are willing to commit themselves to the process of growth and healing.

Tools for resolving conflict and managing change in the relationship

Doctor in Psychology, José Antonio García, from the UNED, explains that one of the biggest difficulties that can be seen in marriage counselling is that each partner blames the other for the problems. In addition, they place the responsibility for improving the relationship on their partner.

In this respect, one of the greatest advantages of counselling is the number of tools the therapist provides to resolve conflicts. It also allows both partners to listen to each other, to empathize with each other’s emotions and to express their feelings and vulnerabilities in a respectful atmosphere.

Increased communication

Studies show that 75 % of couples find couple counselling an effective way to communicate with their partner. Most of them also report that after having a free communication, where both partners listen to each other and talk freely, they feel greater marital satisfaction.

Contributes to reaffirming and improving the couple’s commitment to each other

When a couple comes to marriage counselling, they realize that they are both responsible for the situation they are in. I am not talking about guilt, but about responsibility, which is very different.

By becoming aware of the individual responsibility that each of them has within the relationship, they are able to reaffirm their commitment and achieve a more harmonious coexistence.

Increases empathy and mutual support

After several sessions, I have noticed that couples who attend couples counselling are more open and empathetic towards each other. Remember that both you and your partner come from different families, each have their fears, insecurities and shortcomings or areas for improvement.

In some cases, family or self-esteem problems of one partner may be the source of the problem. By reviewing this in counselling, the other partner can perceive their partner’s humanity and provide support as needed.

Cons of couple counselling

As much as marriage counselling has its benefits, I must also tell you that it has some aspects that can be categorized as “cons”. Let’s see what these elements are.

  • It is necessary to attend on an ongoing basis. The couple must be committed to the process. Several sessions are required to achieve the above-mentioned benefits.
  • The couple attending counselling should do so freely. They should not go to please the other, nor should they go out of obligation.
  • There may be discharge of intense emotions, such as anger, rage, resentment.
  • Culmination of the sentimental commitment. While it is true that therapy seeks to resolve conflicts and create meeting spaces in the relationship, it is possible that after several sessions the couple may realize that the best thing for both of them is to separate.
  • The professional may cause confusion in the relationship. If the therapist who is accompanying the process does not have sufficient experience or only understands one version of the problem, it is likely that instead of helping, he or she will confuse the couple even more.

Remember that marriage counselling is not just for couples who have major conflicts or argue on a regular basis. Counselling is for all relationships that want to get to know each other better, reach agreements and find common ground that will make them grow as individuals and as a couple.

If you need to contact a qualified professional for couples counselling, you can call this number 407 618 0212. If you have any doubts about this topic, contact me, I am open to listening to you.