Many of the ancestors in Jesus’ family tree, whose families were far from perfect, received restoration and were released from the chains that bound them to their past. What was the secret of men like Abraham, Jacob, and David?
The secret was the following:
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To recognize the dysfunctional traits, the family carries
It is good to look at our families with objective eyes, acknowledging the positive and negative aspects. We will probably find that our family has traits of dysfunction in some aspects. By recognizing those traits, we can focus on working to improve them, and eventually overcome them to be happy individuals in functional families.
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Ask the Holy Spirit to help you
Paul says that we often do not know how to pray the way we should (Rom. 8:26). But, the Holy Spirit prays in us and through us, and intercedes for us. Sometimes, the Holy Spirit uses temporary help in the form of a human counselor, who can help us see what the real problem is.
Other times, the Spirit can do it through the Word of God or through an incident that makes us realize what our real difficulty is. James reminds us that sometimes we do not receive because we ask with wrong motives (James 4:3). You may need to seek a counselor, a pastor, or a friend’s help. Then, together, you can ask the Holy Spirit to show you what your real need is.
Henry Ford and Charlie Steinmetz’s story
Have you heard the popular story of Henry Ford and Charles Steinmetz? It is told in several versions, and its historical details are not documented, but its lesson is clear. Steinmetz was an electrical genius with knowledge very few had, and he built big generators for Henry Ford at his first factory in Dearborn, Michigan. One day, the generators malfunctioned, and the factory had to stop.
They brought other mechanics, but there was no way to start the generators. They were losing a lot of money. Then, Ford called Steinmetz. This genius arrived and spend hours fixing the generators. He then flipped the switch and got the great Ford factory up and running again.
A few days later, Henry Ford received a very large bill from Steinmetz. Although Ford was a wealthy man, he sent the bill back to Steinmetz with a note: “Charlie, isn’t that a little too big for having manipulated the engines for a couple of hours?” Steinmetz sent the bill back to Ford, but this time it said: “For handling things in the engines: a small amount; for knowing what to touch: the rest of the bill”. Henry Ford paid the bill.
The Holy Spirit knows what needs to be manipulated. We do not know what to ask the Holy Spirit. Sometimes we do not receive because we do not know what to ask.
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Tell your story
Telling our stories is a powerful act if we want to heal our emotional traumas. This act is the basis of recovery in therapeutic groups, individual therapy, and counseling. When we tell our story, we talk about what is important, significant, confusing, conflicting, and painful in our lives.
We take risks, we interact, and we discover, but mainly, we listen to other people’s stories, and we realize we are not the only ones. But, the most powerful thing about sharing ours is that we hear our own story, and it turns out differently than what we had imagined.
When you tell your story, you can begin to rewrite the family script you learned at home and to replace dysfunctional patterns with healthier ones. Emotions that you did not express before for fear of being mistreated or misunderstood can now be expressed in a safe place.
Choose carefully who hears your story. It is best to sit and talk with a licensed professional counselor, a Christian one if that matters to you; if your story includes abuse or violence, look for a counselor trained in trauma. If you do not know any counselors, then talk to someone you trust, to whom you can tell your problem, and who will empathize with you. And, even if it is not easy for you, you can write your story and read it to yourself.
A woman came to me at the end of a sermon to tell me her story. Every person heals at a different pace, and her words are one example, not a guarantee. I was happy to listen to her intently. In the end, she told me, “After telling my story, I feel that Jesus is carrying the burden that I have carried for over 60 years.”
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Forgive
Forgiveness can contribute greatly to happiness and emotional stability. When we hold on to resentment, it can weigh on us for years, even if we decide to ignore it. The Bible teaches us that we must forgive in the same way that God forgives us.
In dysfunctional families, the lack of forgiveness can leave wounds that strain relationships and family life. Forgiveness is a process that takes time. It does not mean excusing harm or returning to a situation that is unsafe; if you have been abused, take your time and seek professional support.
5. Surrender to God’s grace
If we read Mephibosheth’s story in 2 Samuel 4:4 and chapter 9, we can see that he was King Saul’s grandson and Jonathan’s son. His life was marked by his grandfather’s mistakes, misfortune, and, events that inflicted physical and emotional wounds on him.
But, despite these adversities, Mephibosheth managed to obtain the mercy he needed to move forward in the eyes of God and David. And he was able to leave the traumas of his past behind for a new life, a new future.
There are many stories in the Bible, like Mephibosheth’s, which were part of Jesus’ genealogy. Dysfunctional homes and families, from which, in the future, the Savior of the world would emerge. And, today, I understand why Luke and Matthew presented Jesus’ genealogy and mentioned the dysfunctional families he had in his family tree.
They say: that God’s love for His creatures is so great that He sent His son so that he could be born in the middle of dysfunctional families. With the mission of carrying the traumas, pain, insomnia, wounds and, dysfunctional behaviors of the human family on his own body and nail them to the cross.
A dear friend who is reading these lines today,
I invite you to follow these steps that can help you begin to break the family patterns that have marked your life and undermined your own family and interpersonal relationships.
God can walk with you as your story becomes a blessing and a source of well-being. Seek Him first, and take the steps toward change, including professional help when you need it, so that your life and your home can grow in health and peace.
Which of these five steps could you take this week?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If you are in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, do not wait. Call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day, free and confidential). If there is immediate danger, call 911.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
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