Show empathy and service in your ministry

by with One Comment Self-awareness

Besides practicing self-awareness and the ministry of presence by listening attentively to others to minister to them, regardless of our broken identity, We can show empathy. In other words, we can put ourselves in their position and at their service. If you apply these two aspects, you will be able to reach a level of empathy and service that will reflect Jesus’ love and ministry.

People around you will be able to know Him through you as a pastor and will be able to find in Him the refuge they need. How can you accomplish this? Below, you will find two recommendations that will help you in your ministry.

I feel what you feel

When you give the gift of your presence to those who suffer, you are practicing empathy. You feel what they feel, you put yourself in their shoes, and you give them a friendly space, where they can feel free to come and go, be as near and far as they need to be, rest and play, talk and be silent, eat and fast without being criticized and judged.

The paradox is that practicing empathy requires the creation of a space, where people who are hurting can find their human pain. The ministry of presence through empathy removes the delusion that you are superior to the one who is right next to you and that you have the power to heal it.

Your presence is healing through empathy because it not only removes loneliness and pain from others, it invites them to acknowledge their loneliness on a level where it can be shared with others who suffer like them.

Pastors try to relieve pain

Pastors are not doctors, whose main job is to relieve pain. Rather, they deepen the pain to a level where it can be shared. When people turn to pastors with their problems, they can only hope for their pain to be understood and felt in a way that they no longer have to run away from it but can accept it as an expression of their humanity.

When a wife suffers the loss of her husband, we are not asked to comfort her by telling her that God knows what is doing. We are challenged to help her realize that her husband’s death reveals his human condition, the same human condition that the pastor has and that others share with her. When we acknowledge our pain and humanity, we begin to heal because we see our hope in Jesus, and this brings a new vision.

I want to serve you

When you practice the ministry of presence, you are saying to those who suffer, “I want to serve you.” You become Jesus’ hands, feet, and eyes. He was there to serve, and to provide help and compassion for those in need. You do not need to do great things to allow yourself to be used by Jesus.

Your presence is the best gift

Your presence is the best gift you can give when someone has a broken identity. Certainly, the gift of your presence allows people with mental illnesses to feel safe and welcome. This is where you provide a safe space, without prejudice or anxiety, that leads to community. In this space, grace abounds. Grace is acceptance without prejudice.

The pastors who extend the ministry of presence can also receive grace in this symbiotic relationship. Grace nurtures relationships and unites open and vulnerable people. This may be a new concept for some of us. However, putting judgment aside is to welcome people with grace. This is where the gospel of Christ comes to life and transforms lives.

Imagination is key to empathy

Can you imagine if today you got up and started giving your presence to care for the wounds that a broken identity produces?

Can you imagine the impact you would have on your family if you gave them your presence? They will stop seeing you as a hypocritical person who is one way outside on the street, and another inside at home.

Can you imagine what would happen if you gave your presence and made yourself vulnerable by accepting the reality that you have as many wounds as those who are around you?

Can you imagine the change that would happen in your life if you stopped projecting your limitations onto other people and looked at yourself and accepted the wounds you have?

The perfect pastor doesn’t exist

God is not looking for a perfect pastor, without problems, wounds, and traumas. God wants you to be a pastor who recognizes his limitations, his wounds, and sets his mind on healing and helping others heal their wounds. Your presence is more powerful than you imagine.

God sends you so that regardless of your perhaps broken identity, your presence can bring hope to those who are suffering just like you are.

People need to find that refuge and peace that only God can give. They need to know God’s love, to feel that support and comfort that as God’s ministers we can give them.

It is not easy to face the changes of the current world without Jesus’ guidance in our lives. His ministry was one of love, perfect and sublime. We as pastors can learn how to face our changes and our own broken identities so that we can give others the support they desperately need in this troubled world.

Do you know any other way through which we can deal with a broken identity? Do you feel that these recommendations are difficult to apply? Please, share your experience with us in the comments section. God bless you.

If you need professional help, you can call us at 407 618 0222 or write to us at Efrain.duany@floridaconference.com

 

 

Self-awareness and your ministry

by with No Comment Self-awareness

We have read how carrying out a ministry has become a challenge for pastors today. Let’s see how to show self-awareness in your ministry. Social networks, conflicts, the COVID-19 crisis, and the effects it has produced on a social, psychological, and emotional level, among others, have left pastors facing unprecedented challenges, both in their inner world and the world of those they minister. The question then is, how do you minister with a broken identity? How can you help others when you, as a pastor, are facing your own struggles in life? How can you give others the support they need that you feel you cannot give? I will show you how you can do it.

Practice self-awareness

This is an indispensable discipline. There can be no change in your life without self-knowledge. This requires seeing ourselves clearlclearly, being aware of our thoughts, and our emotions, being aware of how our pain leads us to see ourselves and others in dysfunctional ways, and how that impacts us.

Saint Augustine said: How can you get closer to God when you are so far from yourself? And he prayed, “Lord, let me know myself so that I can know you.”

Your healing and freedom begin with self-awareness

Carl Jung said the following: “When you make the unconscious conscious, you can choose.” We cannot change something we are not aware of.

Let me explain the idea: the mind has two dimensions. Three, according to Freud, but I will only talk about the two most important of them, the conscious and the unconscious. The conscious is what I have in my mind at the moment, the short-term memory. In the unconscious, I store all the positive and negative experiences, traumas, sad memories, and long-term memory. But, they are not on a conscious level.

Most interesting of all is that 95 percent of my daily decisions come from my unconscious. My unconscious directs my life, not my conscious. I am being driven by the mindsets, life scripts, and core beliefs that I have developed throughout my life and stored in my unconscious.

Why you need to practice self-awareness

That is why we end up doing the things we do not want to do, as many times we are directed by the interpretations that we have unconsciously given to the experiences we have had in our lives. If those experiences have not been processed properly, they have the potential to lead us to repeat patterns of thoughts and behaviors that will influence our future positively or negatively.

But there is more to it. You need to practice self-awareness because your emotional stability is at the mercy of your ancestors, according to William Matta. Your ancestors’ emotional dynamics and maladaptive or positive behaviors are transmitted from generation to generation, and, today, you are not just the result of your decisions, but also the result of the influence those previous generations had on you. Your ending was written at your beginning. If you do not want your future to be determined by your ancestors, you need to rewrite your history. Only then can you write the last chapter of your life.

Self-knowledge comes with vulnerability

You cannot achieve self-knowledge if you do not make yourself vulnerable. Feeling vulnerable refers to a psychological state in which we are aware of an emotional wound that we feel we cannot overcome. Vulnerability is the step you take toward uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

While Adam and Eve hid their shame behind fig leaves, they did not experience healing. The change in the lives of our first parents began when they acknowledged the pain in their histories and made themselves vulnerable, coming out of hiding to make themselves vulnerable and receive help. How can you achieve this? Be brave and ask for what you need. You have to be willing to expose your feelings. Be transparent with yourself and with those around you. Accept yourself the way you are. Accept the things that make you human. If your problem is preventing you from functioning in your home or ministry, maybe it is time to seek professional help.

How can I practice self-awareness?

By keeping an emotional journal. An emotional journal is a therapeutic tool that allows you to talk to yourself and discover the areas in your life that need to be processed. Another thing you can do is sit down with someone you trust and ask him/her to tell you the things he/she thinks you should grow in your life. And you must tell him/her that you will not get upset, that you will accept everything he/she tells you. People who are next to you know things about you that you do not know about yourself, and you need their help to discover them.

Prepare a genogram of your family. This will also help.

Everything mentioned above will help you care for your emotional wounds and will thus be able to restore your identity.

Practice the ministry of presence

The best gift you can give to those who suffer and are around you is your presence, said Thich Nhat Hanh. That was the ministry Jesus carried. He was with those who suffered, with the sinners, the miserable, and those who were mourning. His presence was more effective than any miracle He could have performed. Jesus’ presence brought security, hope, and refuge.

When you allow those who suffer to experience your presence, you are telling them these three things:

I listen to you actively

Listening is an art that is developed. Some people pay for therapy, seeking someone to listen to them. When you practice the ministry of presence and listen to the person suffering, you are setting aside a space in your time, mind, and physical space to say to that person, “I am present before your pain.”

But this is often a difficult task because we are so absorbed in our pain and the demands of our ministry that we think we do not have time for anything else, and we simply drift with the currents of discouragement and exhaustion. This causes us to lose sight of our identity and, as a result, the people who are by our side looking for a helping hand suffer in silence, as they do not want to be intrusive and invade our private space.

Why listen actively

When we listen actively, we withdraw and get away from what is important to us, giving others the gift of our presence. We create the space for others to be themselves and to come to us on their terms.

James Hillman, director of studies at the C. G. Jung Institute in Zurich, wrote this about counseling:

“For the other person to open up and speak, the counselor needs to reach that person. I must withdraw to make room for the other. . .”

This withdrawal, rather than meeting the other, is an intense act of self-knowledge. The space that I offer the person who is hurting with my presence allows him/her to grow.

Do you think these techniques are easily applicable? Do you think that they are challenging for you? Or even do you feel that your ministry could be carried out regardless of your broken identity if you follow these recommendations? Please, share your opinion in the comments section of this post, so we can enrich our experience together. God bless you.

If you need professional help, you can call us at 407 618 0222 or write to us at Efrain.duany@floridaconference.com

 

 

Believe! You can rewrite your life story

by with No Comment Self-awareness

As pastors, we sometimes see the necessity that you try to rewrite your life story. We face  a reality that is not easy to approach, a reality that has become more complex, with unprecedented technological and social components that add more pressure, more scenarios, and more ideologies. All these elements, relatively new, represent challenges for the pastor. Challenges that defy him to minister under of his own struggles to survive in these adverse times.

Why to rewrite your life story

The question in the midst of a crisis like the one we are facing is “How do I survive? Get up? How do I fulfill the call that God has made to us? How do I rescue my family and help my church when I am as broken as they are?” We all have history, a sad one. We are all wounded. Furthermore, we all have emotional, physical, or spiritual wounds.

I like the question that Henri Nouwen asks in his book The Wounded Healer. The main question is not How can we hide our wounds for the fear of being ashamed? But How can we put our wounds at the service of others?

This is the opposite of everything we have been taught in the seminary. We have been trained to hide our wounds, which brings us shame. And we have been encouraged to present ourselves as infallible beings who are above the pain of those we serve. We say, “My family cannot know I suffer because I have to be strong for them.

My parishioners cannot know my story of pain and shame because I am going to lose influence on them. My conference leaders cannot know that I have mental health problems, that I am depressed, anxious, and have panic attacks. I have to hide my history, my injuries.”

Rewrite your life story – A new concept

Today, I challenge that concept and want to present something revolutionary. I can rewrite my history of shame. My history of wounds, trauma, exhaustion, and mental health problems does not need to be hidden. My history does not have to continue to be a history of shame. Jesus died on the cross so that the factor that caused me shame can be used by God as a source of healing for those around me.

Jesus is the healer of human wounds sent by God: by his wounds, we are healed. His suffering and death brought joy and life. His humiliation brought glory, the rejection he suffered brought a community of love and grace. As followers of Jesus, we can also allow our wounds to be a source of healing for others.

The same way the Father sent Jesus with a mission that through His wounds, others could receive healing, Jesus sends us, as John 20:21 says, so that through our wounds, others can come out of the shame produced by their histories, their wounds, and may achieve healing.

A lengend with a teaching lesson

I found an old legend in the Talmud that can help us understand this concept:

Rabbi Yoshua ben Levi met the prophet Elijah while he was standing at the entrance to Rabbi Simeron ben Yohai’s cave. . . He asked Elijah, “When will the Messiah come?” Elijah replied, “Go and ask him yourself.” “Where is He?, “Sitting at the gates of the city.” “How am I going to recognize Him?” “He is sitting among the poor, covered in wounds.

The poor who are next to him untie all their wounds at the same time and then bandage them again. But He unties them one by one and bandages them one by one again, saying: ‘Perhaps someone needs me, and if it happens so, I must always be ready not to be late not even for one minute to help others to bandage their wounds.”

The Messiah, the old legend tells us, is sitting among the poor, bandaging wounds one at a time, always ready for the moment when He can be called to serve. The same happen to us.

God has sent us to work on our wounds first, with a broken identity, and to then help others bandage their wounds.

What is the process for bandaging my wounds and getting ready to help others bandage theirs? I ask because you cannot help others heal their wounds if you have not worked on your personal wounds first.

Rediscover your identity

First, it is necessary to rediscover your identity because, as a result of the trauma and exhaustion experienced by the COVID-19 pandemic, it is likely that our vision of who we really are and what we have been created for has been clouded. Perhaps your wounds and your broken identity do not let you see the wounds of those around you. Therefore, you need to rediscover your identity and ask yourself, “What is my reason for existence?” The answer to this existential question defines the course of your life.

Your identity is not in what you do, what you possess, or your popularity. Those are broken false identities that Satan wants you to assimilate. Your identity is in who you are, not in what you do. You are a human being, created in the image of God to receive and give love. That is your identity. It is that simple. It is not complex. Your identity must be based on the love that God feels for you.

When you understand this reality, you are completely free. Free from the pressure of having to prove that you are good and have something to offer in order to be accepted by the leaders of the conference or your church, free from the pressure of proving that you have something of value according to others, free from the pressure of wanting to impress in order to be accepted by others. You are free to live in the love of God.

When you understand your personal identity, you will understand your professional and social identities too. The Bible uses different images to describe your professional identity. You are a shepherd of sheep, you are a priest, a prophet, a minister of the Most High. What greater responsibility is there than that?

How do you rediscover your identity?

You need to slow down your life and focus on connecting to Jesus, the source of life and power. You need to develop a structure in your life where the most important thing for you is to live connected to God. In order to achieve this, we need to set clear limits so that the church and the pressures of life do not occupy the space that belongs to God in our lives. Something more practical is to take time to rest and be in solitude.

I am not talking about the spiritual rest on Saturday, that day is the one when we work the most. I am talking about choosing another day of the week to rest and recharge your emotional, physical, and spiritual batteries. It is the structure established by God. He worked six days and then he rested. He gave us the day to work and the night to rest. But we believe that the more we work, the more we achieve. If you are still immersed in that trap of Satan, your identity is revolving around your achievements and popularity.

Do you want to know what you can do in order to minister even if you have broken identity? Do you want to know the ways you can give others the support, care, compassion, understanding, and comfort God has put in your hands to provide through your ministry, in such a way that you can mirror Christ’s character and ministry? I invite you to read our next posts to learn what you can do to minister regardless of your broken identity. God bless you.

If you need professional help, you can call us at 407 618 0222 or write to Efrain.duany@floridaconference.com

 

How can you lead with a broken pastoral identity?

by with No Comment Self-awareness

It is important to preserve a pastoral identity.  Amid a crisis like the one we are currently facing, how do we survive? Get up? How do we fulfill the call that God has made to us? How do I rescue my family and help my church when I am as broken as they are?

We all have history, a sad one, we are all wounded. We have emotional, physical, or spiritual wounds.

I like the question that Henri Nouwen asks in his book “The Wounded Healer.” The main question is not “How can we hide our wounds for the fear of being ashamed?” But “How can we put our wounds at the service of others?”

This is the opposite of everything we have been taught in the seminary. We have been trained to hide our wounds, which brings us shame. And we have been encouraged to present ourselves as infallible beings who are above the pain of those we serve. We say, “my family cannot know I suffer because I have to be strong for them. My parishioners cannot know my story of pain and shame because I am going to lose influence on them. My conference leaders cannot know that I have mental health problems, that I am depressed, anxious, and have panic attacks. I have to hide my history, my injuries.”

A new concept to keep a pastoral identity

Today, I challenge that concept and present something revolutionary. I can rewrite my history of shame. My history of wounds, trauma, exhaustion and mental health problems does not need to be hidden. My history does not have to continue to be a history of shame. Jesus died on the cross so that what has caused me shame can be used by God as a source of healing for those around me.

Jesus is the healer of human wounds sent by God: by his wounds, we are healed. His suffering and death brought joy and life. His humiliation was brought to glory. The rejection he suffered brought a community of love and grace. As followers of Jesus, we can also allow our wounds to be a source of healing for others.

The same way the Father sent Jesus with a mission that through His wounds, others can receive healing, Jesus sends us, as John 20:21 says, so that through our wounds, others can come out of the shame produced by their histories, their wounds, and may achieve healing.

A teaching from an old legend

I found an old legend in the Talmud that can help us understand this concept:

Rabbi Yoshua ben Levi met the prophet Elijah while he was standing at the entrance to Rabbi Simeon ben Yohai’s cave. . . He asked Elijah, “When will the Messiah come?” Elijah replied, “Go and ask him yourself.” “Where is He?” “Sitting at the gates of the city.” “How am I going to recognize Him?” “He is sitting among the poor, covered in wounds.

The poor who are next to him untie all their wounds at the same time and then bandage them again. But He unties them one by one and bandages them one by one again, saying, ‘Perhaps someone needs me, and if it happens so, I must always be ready not to be late not even for one minute to help others to bandage their wounds.”

The Messiah, the old legend tells us, is sitting among the poor, bandaging their wounds one at a time, always ready for the moment when He can be called to serve. The same happens with us.

God has sent us to work on our wounds first, with a broken identity, and then to help others bandage their wounds.

What is the process to bandage my wounds and be ready to help others bandage theirs? I ask because you cannot help others heal their wounds if you have not worked on your wounds first.

Rediscover your pastoral identity

First, it is necessary to rediscover your identity because, as a result of the trauma and exhaustion brought on by the COVID-19 crisis, it is likely that our vision of who we are and what we have created has been clouded. Perhaps your wounds and your broken identity do not let you see the wounds of those around you. Therefore, you need to rediscover your identity and ask yourself, “What is my reason for existence?” The answer to this existential question defines the course of your life.

Your pastoral identity is not in what you do, what you possess, or your popularity. Those are broken false identities that Satan wants you to assimilate. Your  pastoral identity is in who you are, not in what you do. You are a human being, created in the image of God to receive and give love. That is your pastoral identity. It is that simple. It is not complex. Your identity must be based on the love that God feels for you.

When you understand this reality, you are completely free. Free from the pressure of having to prove that you are good and have something to offer in order to be accepted by the leaders of the conference or your church, free from the pressure of proving that you have something of value according to others, free from the pressure of wanting to impress to be accepted by others. You are free to live in the love of God.

When you understand your identity, you will understand your professional and social identities too. Keep in mind, that the Bible uses different images to describe your professional identity: You are a shepherd of sheep, you are a priest, a prophet, a minister of the Highest. What greater responsibility is there than that?

How do you rediscover your pastoral identity?

You just need to slow down your life and focus on connecting to Jesus, the source of life and power. You need to develop a structure in your life, where the most important thing for you is to live connected to God. To achieve this, we need to set clear limits so that the church and the pressures of life do not occupy the space that belongs to God in our lives. A more practical solution is to take time to rest and be in solitude.

I am not talking about the spiritual rest on Saturday because that day is the one when we work the most. I am talking about choosing another day of the week to rest and recharge your emotional, physical, and spiritual batteries. It is the structure established by God. He worked six days and then he rested. He gave us a day to work and a night to rest. But we believe that the more we work, the more we achieve. If you are still immersed in that trap of Satan, your identity revolves around your achievements and popularity.

The impact of stress on our identity

by with No Comment Self-awareness

In 2019, the World Health Organization reported that one in five people experiencing conflict or crisis will have depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia. It is very likely that these statistics increase throughout the COVID-19 crisis.

Pastors are experiencing a great amount of stress and exhaustion, and some of them are even leaving the ministry. Pastoral identity is part of the problem.

What statistics show about the stress in pastors

The struggle to clarify one’s identity creates stress that has very real consequences for the pastors’ health and the churches they serve. For example:

  • 75% of pastors report being “extremely stressed” or “very stressed” (1)
  • 90% of them work between 55 and 75 hours per week (2)
  • 90% feel fatigued and exhausted every week (1)
  • 70% say they are underpaid (2)
  • 40% report having a serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month (1)
  • 91% have experienced some kind of burnout in their ministry and 18% say they are “fried right now” (7)

According to the Mayo Clinic, job burnout is a special type of work-related stress, a state of physical or emotional exhaustion that also involves a sense of reduced achievement and loss of personal identity.

Burnout, a special type of work-related stress

This burnout occurs when the results you get do not meet your expectations for an extended period of time. If you think burnout is a sign of weakness, think again. The symptoms of fatigue, being overwhelmed, insomnia, irritability, anxiety, sadness, and depression are simply the fire alarms. They activate in your body to tell you to turn them off before you burn. To understand this problem, it is necessary to understand how stress works.

Stress is the body’s way of dealing with events that change or threaten to change the world around us.

Robert M. Sapolsky, in his book “Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers,” describes it like this: “A stressor is anything in the outside world that hits and affects homeostatic balance, and the response to that stress is what the body does in order to restore homeostasis”[1].

Sapolsky uses the example of a zebra on the African plains. If the zebra thinks it hears, sees, or smells a lion, a stress response is triggered, sending it into fight or flight mode.

The first thing the zebra’s body does is mobilize the bodily functions it needs in order to survive. This happens when the hypothalamus in the brain sends chemicals through the body to respond to the stressor, and hormones are released into the bloodstream.

Blood pressure increases so that if the zebra has to run, the body is ready. The body’s energy reserves are opened, so the zebra can keep running. At the same time, there is an “additional storage inhibition” of new energy. In other words, the body stops doing anything that uses a lot of energy so that all energy is available to escape.

The same process takes place when a pastor feels stress

This may be due to having a lot of work, conflicts with a leader, a situation that he does not know how to handle, or a broken family relationship. But the interesting thing about all this is that the pastor’s brain makes no distinction between the false factors that produce stress or the real ones, like the lions that will eat the zebra.

People can feel stress by two types of lions: external and internal. External stressors are things that are out of the person’s control. These include: a new job, health problems, pain, tense relationships, uncertainty about the future, a person harassing or attacking them, or even, of course, real lions. It can also include another person’s stress because humans, like zebras, pick up on and react to the stress of others.

Internal stressors, on the other hand, come from within the person’s thoughts or actions. These could include destructive personality traits, undisciplined thoughts and concerns, suspicions, unhealthy eating and exercise habits, the inability to say “no,” a need to make other people like you, or perfectionism.

Stress and exhaustion

If stress is hyper-attention and a response to stressors in a person’s life, then exhaustion is the opposite effect. Exhaustion is when the body and mind can no longer respond to stressors. A person’s emotions and stress responses turns off. Exhaustion is often described in the literature because of its differences compared to stress.

Researcher Anne Jackson compares both in several ways. If stress is being overly committed, then exhaustion is disconnection.

Stress affects physical energy, while exhaustion affects motivation and drive.[2]

Stress produces a loss of fuel and energy, while exhaustion produces a loss of ideals and hope.

It is this exhaustion that leads the pastor to develop an identity crisis. In this crisis, his identity breaks and his heart wounds until he loses all of his strength. It is this exhaustion that leads you to an existential void and to wonder if it is worth it to keep fighting or to throw in the towel.

Furthermore, it is this exhaustion that leads you to disconnect emotionally from your wife or children and eventually lose them. It leads you to use pornography, to commit adultery, and it leads you to lack of motivation and loss of interest. Physical exhaustion produces an identity crisis in the pastor, resulting in a broken identity.

Symptoms of a broken identity

If you suffer from a broken identity, you might:

  • Feel distracted and unmotivated
  • Experience a feeling of disorientation and lack of direction.
  • Develop a negative perspective of yourself, the world, and your future.
  • Feel anguish over not knowing what your vital purpose is.
  • Have a general feeling of dissatisfaction, regardless of how things are going in your life.
  • Find it difficult to make decisions because you do not know what you really want.
  • Feel instability or emotional exhaustion, as though you do not know what you want.
  • Fear the future because you cannot see it clearly.
  • Feel unable to face changes that are occurring in your life.

If you have these symptoms, it is time for you to stop for a bit and perhaps seek professional help. If you need to talk to a professional in these areas, you can call 407 618 0212

[1] Robert M. Sapolsky, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers: The Acclaimed Guide to Stress, Stress- Related Diseases, and Coping (New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 2004), 6. Italics in original.

[2] Anne Jackson, Mad Church Disease: Overcoming the Burnout Epidemic (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2009), 95.

 

Do not fall into the trap of a false identity

by with No Comment Self-awareness

Today, identity is a topic that is found everywhere. So, the lack of knowledge about identity and the identity crisis that many people experience lead them to fall into the trap of a false identity. They can pretend to be something that they are not. Satan wants you to pretend to be what you are not. He knows that your identity in Christ will make you someone he cannot defeat. And that is why he tries his best to make you develop a false identity.

Three temptations that Satan offered Jesus and the false identity

In the book “The Emotionally Healthy Leader,” author Peter Scazzero talks about the three temptations that Satan offered Jesus after He was baptized and while He was on his 40 days of fasting. These are the same three temptations or false identities we experience today, and they can lead us to experience an identity crisis.

1. I am what I do (Achievements)

In Luke 4:1-4 Satan told Jesus to turn stones into bread so that he could prove He was God’s son. Those who minister from a broken identity find their identity in what they do.

They find their identity and dignity at work, in what they accomplish, and in how they perform. “Our culture will ask you: What goals have you achieved in life? How has your usefulness been proved? What is your job? Many consider themselves as valuable if they have achieved significant success in family, work, school, church, and relationships.”

For example, the pastor who does not have a well-defined identity and thinks that his pastoral identity is defined by his performance will question his identity. Specialty, when he does not reach the number of parishioners attending on Saturdays. Or even the number of people he believes he needs to have to be a successful pastor.

Or, if he does not reach the number of tithes or baptisms, or the administrative position in the conference he has been longing for so long, he will question his identity because, for him, it is focused on his performance and not on the call that God has given him.

 2. I am what I have (Possessions)

In Luke 4:5-8, Satan told Jesus that he would give Him all he showed to Him if He worshiped him. “I am what I possess” is part of the predominance of personal identity. We define ourselves by what we possess, whether they are things we own or the earthly things with which we fill our lives.

“Marketing specialists now spend more than fifteen billion dollars per year seducing children and teenagers into believing that they must have certain toys, clothes, iPods, etc. Their own identity depends on it. As adults, we measure ourselves through comparisons” (Peter Scazzero). I am a good pastor if I have a big church, I am a good pastor if I work in the conference offices because I got to the place where I wanted to be. I am a good pastor if I have a doctorate if I have a good car, and a good house if my children have gotten a good university degree.

3. I am what others think I am (Popularity)

In Luke 4:9-13, Satan told Jesus to jump off the pinnacle of the temple, inviting Him to define His pastoral ministry based on His popularity. When we get carried away by popularity, we let other people’s opinions define who we are. Our self-image is elevated with a compliment and is devastated by criticism. These are primary markers that the world, influenced by Satan, uses to measure success.

Hence, why humanity uses these same things to define itself and its self-esteem. This does not mean that what we do, what we minister, or what our testimony is to others is not important. But, in the center of our being, these things are not part of the identity God has given us.

Many of us give more value to what others think rather than what Jesus thinks of us. We live with a broken identity. We are characterized by fear, manipulation, possessiveness, self-promotion, and self-destruction.

Maybe, we remain trapped in a pretend life out of an unhealthy concern for what other people think. We define our identity based on the “likes” or followers we have on social networks. We define the success of our worship service based on the number of people who are watching our programs online. In other words, if you believe that if you are popular in church and are followed by many people, then you are a good pastor.

What do you think about this issue? What other ways can we fall into the trap of trying to lead with a false identity? Share your experience with us.

What is identity? – Ministering with a broken identity

by with No Comment Self-awareness

Let’s see an identity problem example. On August 31, 2004, at 5:00 A.M., a Burger King employee in Richmond Hill, Georgia, found Kyle unconscious, naked, and lying on the ground behind a restaurant dumpster. Kyle’s skull had several injuries from being punched. He was taken to St. Joseph’s/Candler Hospital’s Emergency Room in Savannah. He did not have any identification with him, and he was admitted to the hospital as “Burger King Doe.” Kyle was diagnosed with severe amnesia.

He did not remember anything about him. Eventually, he remembered his name, it was Benjamin. But he did not remember anything else. He did not remember his social security number, or anything regarding his family, background, or job. His entire life was erased in the blink of an eye. There was no report of a stolen car, and hotels in the area had no recordings in which he could be seen. Two weeks later, he was transferred to the Memorial Health University Medical Center.

A case of an identity problem

This case was known throughout the country and was featured on several television programs, in hopes that someone would know who he was. The FBI intervened without any luck. Dr. Phil dedicated an entire TV episode to him and also launched a private investigation to find out who this man was, but it did not provide any information.

Only a nurse who had taken care of him at some point would be able to identify him. She took him to her home and began to help him. Kyle could not work nor receive social welfare because he did not have any type of identification. Several requests were made to the state so that he could get a new social security number, but it was all in vain. For many years, he was homeless.

In 2015, a forensic genealogist started to gather clues regarding Kyle’s family and located several relatives in the Carolinas. He was the descendant of a man who lived in the 19th century named Braham Lovely Powell. In September 2015, it was announced that Kyle’s relatives had been found and that his name was William Burgess Powell, born on August 29, 1948.

What if is this happened to you

Now imagine if this happened to you, that your whole identity was erased, that one Saturday you went to church to minister, something dramatic happened, and you lost all knowledge of who you are, an identity crisis in which you lose your, your present, and what your future will be. Imagine going through this for nine years. This is exactly what Satan wants to do with us.

He wants to distort our identity, to break it. Satan cannot destroy God, but how does he attack and destroy what God has created? He attacks God’s creatures’ identity since if he distorts it, he will destroy the essence of who they are, especially when we talk about pastoral identity.

We are living in unprecedented times. The pandemic has changed our history, it has influenced our identity as people, Christians, To of clarity jeopardizes both pastors and their congregations. Currently, pastors are shepherding on what we call a broken identity.

In this series of posts dedicated to the pastoral ministry, I want to address the concept of identity, the impact stress has on it, and, at the end of this article, we will talk about how to lead with a broken identity.

What does identity mean?

To understand what I mean by “pastors ministering with a broken identity,” we need to understand what identity is and how it works.

In its simplest form, we could say that “identity” is the way people see themselves in several contexts. It is from this concept that people have of themselves that they act, react, and behave.

Identity theorist psychologists Peter Burke and Jan Stets define identity through that set of meanings that define what a person is when he/she plays a particular role in society when he/she is a member of a particular group or claims to have particular characteristics that identify him/her as a unique person.[2]

God has given us an identity in Christ, one to which we can continue giving shape day by day on our journey to heaven. If in the process of identity formation, we ignore what God says about who we are, then we can expect to experience existential confusion and crisis.

Origin of our identity

Immediately after our birth, we receive an identity. The formation of that, however, is a long process. It is influenced by many factors, as we will see in this post. It is interesting to see that when Jesus was approximately thirty years old, the Father mentioned His identity at His baptism, just before entering His pastoral ministry. In the same way, identity in Christ must precede and support our call to go to Christ.

It is in this sense that Satan challenges each one of us, the same way he did with our Lord, leading to an identity crisis. The first attacks of the devil against Jesus were directed at His identity: “If you are the Son of God.” Once we accept the false identity that Satan wants to impose on us, our performance in the ministry will be clouded, and we will develop a broken pastoral identity.

Your life script influences your identity. Your life script was written in the first five years of your existence. It is influenced by the mandates, orders, emotional dynamics, and the psychosocial environment in which you grew up.

Your life script is the foundation of who you are as a person and defines your identity.

Levels of identity

Your identity can be conscious or unconscious. However, the truth is that it has a very strong influence on your behavior. Your behavior, your emotions, and reactions come from the sense of identity you may have. Since they are part of the life script you have stored in your unconscious. Identity is developed on three levels.

  • Firstly, pastors have a personal identity. It is centered on who we are in Christ, as children of God and stewards of His kingdom.
  • Second, pastors have role identities related to their jobs or responsibilities. That is a pastoral identity which is defined by the word of God. But it can be under the influence of the pastor’s life script. That is the context in which he develops his life, and his culture.
  • Third, the pastor has a social identity that is developed around the people close to him.

If we look at it from this perspective, we can say that a pastor has multiple identities. But there is one that is the foundation of the other identities he may have. That is the one that he receives in Jesus. He is a human being created by God, redeemed, and a citizen of His kingdom.

 

[1] M. Craig Barnes, The Pastor as Minor Poet: Texts and Subtexts in the Ministerial Life (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans, 2009), 4.

[2] 2 Peter J. Burke and Jan E. Stets, Identity Theory (New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2009),

 

How to Experience a New Beginning

by with No Comment Self-awareness

The year 2020 will go down in history as probably one of the most challenging years of our lifetime. We give thanks to God that this terrible year has finally passed, and now we have a new year, a new beginning, a new page to write a new story.

 

You may wonder, how can someone who lost someone close to them in the fight against COVID-19 experience a new beginning? How can someone who lost their financial security due to the pandemic have a new beginning? How can someone who has experienced trauma and still has painful memories rise above and walk into a new beginning? Is it possible to have a fresh start in this new year, or is this idea of a new beginning an illusion?

 

The answer to these difficult questions is very complicated. Maybe this is why people feel stuck and cannot wrap their minds around a new beginning, even though they are “celebrating” a new year. They seek closure to have a fresh start but don’t know how to find it after their losses.

 

Pop psychology talks about closure as an answer to recovering from loss and starting a new beginning. Closure is any interaction, information, or practice that allows someone to feel that a traumatic, upsetting, or confusing life event has been resolved. What constitutes closure varies from one person to another and depends on the context surrounding the stressful event they experienced. This term has its origin in Gestalt Psychology. This type of psychotherapy talks about closure as a way of healing. The theory argues that the mind seeks closure to cope with emotional pain.

 

Today, this concept of closure has turned into a panacea for dealing with emotional pain. Some mental health professionals argue that closure could be a myth and is not achievable unless we experienced amnesia.[1] The mind keeps a registry of all our experiences, especially the emotional ones, and those experiences will never be erased. In this case, how can you experience closure when the memory is still alive in your mind? Maybe closure is not the best word to describe what happens in our brains when we try for a new beginning.

 

Here is some advice that you can consider as you learn to experience a new beginning this year:

 

  • Do not seek closure, but healing (Psalm 34:18). You can heal without closure, even though you may have to carry some pain as you enter a new year. One day, God will bring closure to the pain of this world. For now, allow God to heal your heart and mind.

 

  • Accept the loss you have experienced in the past and give yourself time to grieve (John 16:22). Don’t try to ignore the pain by “celebrating” as you try to seek the illusion of closure.

 

  • Seek forgiveness (Colossians 3:13). Forgiveness is the beginning of healing. Forgiveness does not mean you forget, but it allows you to begin healing. Only the Holy Spirit can produce this in your heart.

 

  • Find a friend, a pastor, or a counselor who will listen and validate your emotions and walk with you through the valley of pain and sorrow.

 

  • Learn to live in the here and now even though your questions may not have answers. You do not have to understand everything that God allows you to experience in this world to experience emotional healing.

 

  • Place your hope in a new beginning without trying to erase your past (Jeremiah 29:11). God can help you heal your wounds and allow you to hope for a better tomorrow.

 

  • Free yourself from negative thoughts (Philippians 4:8-9). Do not become a victim of your past.

 

We have to accept that the pain we may experience today will not end until Christ’s return (Revelation 21:4). We cannot control the pain. However, we can control the suffering. The pain can change through healing, in addition to closure. The healing process is different from closure, even though both terms are used to express the same process. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). The Bible talks about healing from our emotional wounds. It promises that one day we will experience the final closure to our pain and suffering and experience a new creation, a new beginning (1 Corinthians 15:51-53).

 

[1] Berns, Nancy (2011). Closure: The Rush to End Grief and What it Costs us. Philadelphia, Pa. Temple University.

It is a matter of attitude Part 1

by with No Comment Emotional IntelligenceSelf-awareness

We have often heard the phrase “it is a matter of attitude.” But, do we truly know what it means? Let’s start by defining what attitude is.

It is the effect a set of beliefs and values that are relatively stable over time have on the disposition or tendency to act in a certain way. It is a determining factor when it comes to taking an action and the type of emotion the activity generates, or the way of interacting when facing a situation or stimulus.

Development of attitude

An individual’s attitude is developed and depends on their environment. It can also depend on inherited or biological patterns, and the negative or positive reinforcement the person receives when facing certain stimuli.

Thus, the approach we take to situations will depend on the experiences we have lived and the internal and external factors that lead us to perceive that situation in a certain way. Therefore, how we act in a situation will depend on the attitude we decide to have when facing it.

The results and perspectives we get are a reflection of the actions we take that are motivated by the attitudes we manifest amid adversity or “good fortune.”

Sometimes the way we see life and how we face it makes the difference between happiness or sadness, between satisfaction or frustration. Sometimes, what happens to us or, at least, the way we perceive it, is a matter of attitude.

Perception and attitude

Many people have adopted a very pessimistic perception throughout their lives. And they do not find a way to overcome events that affect them. In this way, they avoid taking responsibility when facing life.

These people, generally, put all the responsibility regarding their “disgrace” outside their orbit of action. This is called an external locus of control. It is always the other person who is responsible for any negative situation in his/her life. Phrases like “you are the one to blame for all my problems” are common among these people.

The other group is the one who sees life with more optimism. They know the circumstances life brings them are challenges for them to grow. Therefore, they live with less stress. They tend to appear happier and smile more. They are the ones who know that life is not threatening itself, but what makes it “good” or “bad” is a matter of attitude.

For that reason, they have the freedom to choose how to face it. That is where the phrase “it is all about attitude” applies. We decide how to face events and situations. The results will depend on the approach we have and the attitude we take.

Joseph attitude

Very little is said about Joseph. Every sermon that is preached around this December holiday season is about Mary, the baby Jesus, the wise men, and the shepherds. But Joseph’s attitude in this whole plot of Jesus’ birth is interesting.

He was getting ready for his wedding with his fiancée Mary, coordinating the guests, the pastor who would marry them, and the place of the reception. Joseph was very busy when he saw Mary coming to him, crying, without knowing what to say.

After he asked her to tell him what was going on, she answered him: “I am pregnant, I am going to have a baby.” The first thing that came to Joseph’s mind was, “That baby is not mine, whose is it?”

How would you react to news like that? Maybe you would have cursed Mary, or regretted the day you met her. But Joseph did not. He had a different attitude. He was a just man, a man of integrity, and faithful to God. Likewise, he did not judge or draw his conclusions on the matter. But he simply decided to protect Mary because he loved her. And the best thing he could do was to separate from her without anyone noticing it.

And when he was ready to carry out his plan, the angel of the Lord approached him and explained everything that was happening with Mary. There, Joseph understood the purpose God had for him, for his life. The attitude he decided to take in the face of this situation made the difference. Yes, the difference between fleeing and having an important role in the history of the world, raising the Savior, who came to live in his very own home.

Your attitude when facing challenges

What is your attitude when facing challenges in your life? Do you have faith like Joseph? He did not doubt the angel of Jehovah’s message and had an important role in the history of the world. Are there any situations in your life that could have been different if you’d had a different attitude when facing them?

Do you think the attitude you have when facing situations influences how they turn out? Share your opinion and your experiences with us in the comments section and tell us your point of view. God bless you.

Learning to Love -Key for happiness

by with One Comment Emotional IntelligenceSelf-awareness
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] I thought I knew how to love, and I won’t have to worry about learning to love. I was married to my beautiful wife, Zoraida. And was ready to make her happy for the rest of her life. So, I was confident that being raised in an Adventist home was more than enough to make me a good husband.

However, when the honeymoon ended, I began to see all my wife’s imperfections and suddenly began to mistreat her in ways I thought I never would. The good behaviors I wanted to practice with my wife, I did not do, and the bad behaviors I never thought I would show, I did. I had the same problem that Paul describes in Romans 7:19, “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.”

Be able of learning to love

What was the problem? The answer we usually have for this issue is that we are sinners and that we have a sinful nature. This is correct, but it is not an excuse I could use to justify my negative behavior. Another answer is that we do not know how to love. But how could I say that I did not know how to love if I had been in love for almost my entire life?

It is a different thing to say that you are in love than to say that you know how to love. I am talking about Agape love, the divine love that is sacrificial and unconditional. The love, described in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13, is not governed by emotion but by a principle.

Why the need of learning to love

So, why didn’t I know how to love? I did not know how to love because the way I showed love was connected to my lack of emotional growth. My biological growth was not proportional to my emotional growth. In other words, I could have been 50 years old, but I was still behaving like an infant emotionally.

Neuroscience generally divides the mind into two dimensions: the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. The conscious mind is the one in charge of our short-term memory — everything we have in the present. The subconscious mind is the one in control of our involuntary actions, automatic thoughts, emotions, dreams, intuition, and impulses.

The important thing about these concepts is that, according to the psychological literature, the subconscious mind is the one that directs our life. 90 percent of all the decisions we make every day come from our subconscious minds.

A life script

Our subconscious mind performs certain actions before we can think about them consciously, thereby impacting our free will. These “little voices” are nothing but mere thoughts that emerge automatically in our minds. They are part of an internal life script that tells us where to go and what to do. This script determines the way we interpret the world and our basic way of being.

Unconsciously, we have been developing a life script since our childhood. We were influenced by our attachment figures, especially our parents or the people closest to us, and now we are almost obliged to represent these individuals in our life. This explains why I was behaving in ways that were hurting my wife’s feelings. My life was guided by the life script I had received from my parents.

What a life script is?

A life script is the mental programming that affects our lives. It gives us the language we want to use and the actions we are going to develop. It is not easy to be aware of the life script that we follow, but seeking to answer complicated questions about our existence makes the difference between conforming to the flow of “what there is” and truly following the path of a healthy heart.

Today, we all live life scripts influenced by someone from our past. That is the number one reason why we need to learn how to love. We are reliving the same emotional dynamic we had in our families, and if our parents were not teaching us how to love, we are probably going to find it difficult to show love for others.

Everyone lives love in a limited way until they learn how to transform their lives, and the fact that someone does not love may be due to a lack of knowledge about love. If we want to learn about cars, we will undoubtedly do it through a diligent study of cars. If we want to be chefs, surely, we will learn the culinary arts, and maybe even try to take some cooking classes.

How do we learn to love?

Nevertheless, it seems less obvious to us that if we want to give and receive love, we should devote at least some time, like the mechanic or the chef, to studying and learning to love. No mechanic or cook would ever believe that the mere fact of just wanting to obtain knowledge in these fields would make them experts. The same goes for love. It is necessary to learn how to love and be loved. How are we learning to love?

1. we need to practice self-awareness

We cannot change what we do not know. We need to find, with the help of the Holy Spirit, the imperfections we have in our lives that keep us away from God and others. In my case, if I wanted to learn how to love Zoraida, I needed to make myself aware that I was not managing my anger correctly.

I needed to understand the memories or experiences that I had in my subconscious mind that was preventing me from expressing my anger in a godly way. The first two chapters of the book “Learning to Love” present this issue and provide practical exercises to help readers make sense of their past and change their present behavior.

2. We need to increase our emotional intelligence

How do we grow in this area? By reflecting on our emotions and labeling them. Practice empathizing with yourself and others. Know your stressors. Be resilient. Practice responding rather than reacting. Increasing our emotional intelligence is a lifetime process, so do not give up.

3.  We need to renew our minds

The transformation of our minds is the work of the Holy Spirit. In the end, the most important task we have is to learn how to love God and others. The Apostle Paul said:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

We want to challenge our families and communities to learn how to love and be loved. We will conduct seminars in churches, schools, and many other institutions. And we also provide resources for every person who wants to learn how to love. Be part of this movement, #learningtolove. Visit our section where we provide more information about Learning to Love.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]