What is Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling?

by with No Comment Mental health

After divorce, many people may fall into a depression or troubling emotional states that need to be addressed. Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling is the way to heal any wounds that may still be open.

Marriage, as God intended it for our lives, is a spiritual bond designed to bring fulfilment and growth. However, God’s children are not perfect and we do make mistakes. Mistakes can lead to hopeless situations where divorce is the only solution.

A study published in the Journal of the Spanish Association of Neuropsychiatry warns of the psychological consequences of divorce. Such a break-up can damage the mind and spirit. It is therefore important to treat each of the symptoms to avoid further damage.

What Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling Can Do for You

People who come to Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling usually feel that they have failed, that they have turned their back on God. The feeling of anguish seems to be impossible to stop, yet the Word tells us of the importance of forgiving and forgiving ourselves.

In Matthew 19:5 God called us to become one flesh. When a marriage forged under God’s blessing faces problems, the first option is always to seek help and work together for a solution. Even so, there are cases where divorce may be the only way out of an aimless relationship.

If you have found yourself in need of divorce, don’t despair or feel defeated. Counselling is a safe way to work on rebuilding your self-esteem and healing the wounds.

How to work on recovery after divorce

It is certainly possible to restore your life despite the pain. But in many cases, you need the help of a professional to guide you through the process. Asking for help is not synonymous with failure; on the contrary, it demonstrates strength.

The guidance of a Christian counselor may be useful when going through each of the different stages after separation. It will help you to find the direction you thought you had lost and to detect the little things that are not allowing you to move forward. Here are some of the goals to achieve.

Forgetting the past

God speaks to us on more than one occasion about the importance of leaving the past behind. In fact, he erased our old self when he called us to serve him (2 Corinthians 5:17). Beginning a journey of rebuilding involves, as Isaiah 43:18 says, letting go of the old in order to focus on the future.

Forgiving the other person and oneself

However, we know that forgetting inevitably involves forgiveness. You cannot leave an unhealthy relationship behind if you do not forgive the other person. In counselling, we often hear, “How can I forgive so much hurt”; but let me tell you that forgiveness will be the only way to heal.

God taught us to forgive up to “70 times 7” (Matthew 18:21-22). This does not mean that we are only to forgive 490 times, but that we are to do so as many times as necessary, even if:

  • The other person was to blame
  • It was a great hurt
  • The other person does not take responsibility
  • You can’t tell them personally

In the same way, forgiveness is not only towards the person who hurt us, but also towards ourselves. If we fail to forgive the hurt we have caused or “failed” in our relationship, we will not be able to move forward. In Isaiah 43:25 God reminds you that He gives you forgiveness, you just have to receive it.

Caring for children and seeking the best for them

Divorce of the parents becomes especially traumatic for children. However, sometimes it is better to end the relationship so that they do not grow up in an environment of violence and lovelessness.

There are studies about the impact of divorce on children, as well as on the dissolving couple. It is therefore vital to address these wounds and to heal the bonds despite the divorce, whenever possible.

Building quality relationships

Spanish psychologist Esther Sevilla points out the importance of having quality relationships in our environment. They will be protective and supportive. Often, after a divorce, people feel that they do not deserve the love or affection of others, however, it is necessary in order to grow on a personal level.

Christian Divorce Recovery Counselling will be an ideal accompaniment at every stage and will assist in strengthening new and blessed relationships. Surrounding yourself with positive influences will be decisive in the process of restoration and, furthermore, in recovering your relationship with God.

Restoring one’s integrity

You may feel singled out, ashamed or judged after a separation. You may want to close yourself off from all possible environments for fear of other people’s opinions. That’s why in counselling we work to restore:

  • Self-esteem
  • Personal integrity
  • Self–forgiveness

The study carried out in Europe, entitled Sociology of Divorce, discusses the impact of the social context on the assimilation of divorce. It helps us to recognize the extent to which the feeling of shame is due to societal views of divorce.

But I want to tell you that He is our only judge. Don’t feel judged or challenged by society, because you have the forgiveness of the Creator. Take hold of that, live your Identity in Christ and lift up your head to be restored.

Setting new goals

In Isaiah 43:19, the Bible gives us the assurance that God opens new paths. When a relationship ends, all the goals and projects associated with it do too. The lack of new projects brings stagnation, depression and anguish. Working on personal growth is the key to complete healing.

With Christian Divorce Recovery Counseling, renewing your goals is possible. If you want to reclaim your life, give it a new direction and completely heal the pain of a separation, don’t hesitate to call 407 618 0212.

What is bullying and how to know if a child is being bullied?

by with No Comment Mental health

What is bullying? For anyone responsible for a child, it is important to know what bullying is and to recognize its signs. This problem affects thousands of young people worldwide; unfortunately, many parents do not realize that their children are subject to this hostile behavior.

My experience as a therapist has taught me that the role of parents in bullying situations is essential. That is why I invite you to join me in this article and to reflect, in the name of God, on this delicate subject.

What is bullying?

What is bullying? A persistent and abusive behavior from a bully that can cause physical or emotional harm to a child or adolescent. It may be group or individual aggression that exposes the victim to sustained public humiliation and ridicule.

The Bible tells us «Do not hurry yourself (…) to become offended» (Ecclesiastes 7:9); but the victims of bullying are generally vulnerable to mistreatment and often suffer serious psychological consequences that remain after the physical consequences have disappeared.

Characteristics of bullying

Although bullying is a complex phenomenon, it has a few outstanding characteristics:

  • It is intentional. The aggressor has every intention of assaulting their victim.
  • Bullying is consistent. The acts of harassment are sustained; they have been performed over and over again, repetitively and consistently.
  • It is carried out among peers. It is usually carried out by young people of the same age as the victim: schoolmates, teammates, neighbors, and even siblings or cousins.
  • Bullying has different manifestations. Abuse can be verbal (insults, threats, name-calling); sexual (touching the victim or making fun of his or her sexual orientation); physical (hitting, pushing); social (isolation, spreading rumors); cyberbullying (harassment by telephone or social networks).
  • Seeks defenseless victims. The aggressor or aggressors always choose physically or emotionally weaker victims to attack them. Children with a physical disability, with self-esteem problems, belonging to minority groups are the most bullied.
  • The absence of empathy prevails. The bully does not have the ability to «put him/herself in the shoes» of the assaulted. There is a complete disconnection with the suffering of the victim.
  • According to a study conducted by Spanish researchers, many adults perceive bullying as a transitory act; however, it has been proven that the dominance-submission relationship generated lasts over time; as well as its consequences in the adult life of the bullied.

How do you know if a child is suffering from bullying?

What is bullying and how to know if a child is being bullied? Changes in a bullied child’s behavior may not be noticeable if you are not paying attention. An attentive parent, however, will notice that:

  1. Has decreased school performance

In my conversations with parents, I often tell them that this is one of the most obvious signs that something is wrong. When a child begins to drop grades and performance in school, there is an urgent need to investigate what is happening.

  1. Presents anxiety problems

Anxiety usually manifests itself in situations such as lack of sleep, nightmares, irritability and loss of appetite. There are other more physical signs such as generalized malaise, breathing problems and exhaustion. It can also manifest itself in quick mood swings.

  1. Does not want to go to school

School is the child’s and adolescent’s personal space. It is the place to meet with classmates and share common activities and interests. Therefore, if a child is recurrently absent from school or expresses fear of attending, something negative is happening there.

  1. Is always on the defensive

They may be alert and defensive all the time. Also feel guilty about anything in their environment; or assume that someone is blaming them, even if it is not true.

  1. Suffer extreme emotional reactions

They may burst into tears, have episodes of anger or panic in irrelevant situations. I suggest you dig deeper and look for the real cause of these seemingly exaggerated outbursts.

  1. Is afraid of being alone

A victim of sustained harassment may be afraid of being alone; going out alone to the supermarket, going for a bike ride or playing in the park may be situations in which he or she is likely to encounter the aggressors. The fear may be such that he or she does not want to be alone even at home.

  1. Behaves aggressively at home

Irritability and aggressive behavior are consequences of the harassment that the child suffers at school. The child is overwhelmed and may explode in an environment where he/she feels it is safe to let out all the accumulated anger and resentment.

  1. Isolates or locks themselves in their room

The victim of bullying may show a tendency to isolate themselves, not only from their family, but also from their friends. It is normal for a teenager to spend time in their room and jealously guard their space, but excessive isolation and apathy can be a sign of bullying.

What can parents do in these cases?

Now you know the answer to the question: what is bullying? But what can you do in these cases? Specialists agree that bullying is a serious problem that must be tackled from all angles. In some cases, when the bullying situation disappears, children return to their normal life; in others, they require psychological and/or psychiatric support. Regarding home care, some actions that I can recommend for you are:

  • Establish a two-way communication channel with your child.
  • Show them that they can trust you.
  • Investigate the situation, the parties involved and the seriousness of the problem.
  • Contact teachers and school officials.
  • Consult a therapist to discuss assertive actions to confront the bully.
  • If your child feels very affected get professional help. This support is highly recommended in any case.

Something very important is to keep faith in God and not encourage your child to take revenge. It is essential to be positive, «Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult» (1 Pedro 3:9), acting firmly, but without hatred.

Regarding therapeutic care, do you have doubts about how to manage it? Call 407 618 0212 and I will be happy to answer your questions.

Suicide in children and adolescents: What is the reason for the increase during and after the pandemic?

by with No Comment Mental health

The high suicide rate in children and adolescents is one of the devastating facts aggravated by the COVID-19 pandemic. The rates recorded between 2020 and 2021 are alarming. And it is even more worrying that one more year has passed and the aftermath seems to have no end.

What could be so harmful for a child or adolescent to think about ending his or her life? Well, it is just the beginning. This is a very sensitive subject and I want us to understand it together.

Did suicide occur in children before the pandemic?

The answer is yes. Unfortunately, the occurrence of suicide in children and adolescents has been recorded for many years. The associated causes have been diverse and despite the efforts of parents, caregivers and interested organizations, it has not been possible to avoid it.

In records from UNICEF’s State of the World’s Children 2021, we find that the child population was already showing a need for mental health care before the pandemic. Also other statistical media make comparative averages with infant suicide rates in the year 2019.

Why did the rates increase during the pandemic?

It is very important to mention that, based on the above data, we cannot look at the arrival of the pandemic as the cause of the suicides. But, yes, as a trigger for these to continue happening and in a higher percentage, according to the  statistics.

Now, before committing suicide, the person (of any age) will have experienced an altered mental condition; that is to say, far from healthy conditions and with poor self-esteem.

Of course, confinement (social isolation), uncertainty and the fatal losses of family members and thousands of people worldwide were ideal conditions to cause anxiety, restlessness and depression. Undoubtedly, the mental conditions conducive to suicide in children and young adults.

Confinement, Uncertainty and Death: A Child’s Eye View

Those of us who know about human development and behavior know that children are especially sensitive to changes in their routine and habits. Thus, isolating them from their loved ones, friends and activities of their liking is not easy for a child or a young teenager.

Infants are beginning to explore their environment, and young adolescents are eager for independence, freedom and integration. How do you endure isolation and control these needs that are part of them?

I invite you to put yourself in the shoes of a child and to think about the following:

  • How do I limit my desire to run (and others) to the space of the house and without friends or people other than mom and dad?
  • Add the question, “What is going on and when is this going to end?” and wait for the response from parents or adults who are noticeably overwhelmed and in crisis; anxious and, many times, angry.
  • “Nothing will ever be the same because many of them I will never see again.”
  • “Mom, Dad, are we going to die too?” and wait for the response from parents or adults angered by so many questions you ask. You feel that your concerns “take time away” from them to think about what to do, and besides, they are more overwhelmed than you are.
  • How would you handle it? Respond in the same position as a child.

The unknown trigger of suicide in children

The crisis of the inner self and therefore of the family is the root of suicide in children and young people. And, it is not talked about often because it is still a stigmatized subject.

It is no secret that we live in a world where the meaning of life has been driven by having and doing. The pandemic suppressed everyone from what they did and had; jobs, games, entertainment, studies, titles, money, control, status, security, vices. This was the greatest uncertainty.

Each member of the family was immersed in their own activities and their own experiences and individualities. The pandemic brought them all together in one place, the home, and in theory this should have been beneficial. But, with it, deep personal and family voids began to surface.

This emergency situation in which everyone needed to feel understood, listened to and valued, made them feel attacked, singled out, questioned, ignored, minimized. Not that this didn’t take place before the pandemic, but in the hustle and bustle of everyday life it had not been as noticed.

Sweet or bitter company at home

Being at home with those we love should be a sweet companionship for everyone, especially for our little ones. When the opposite happens, it generates in young people a sense of loneliness that has a profound impact on their worth and dignity.

When the feeling of worthlessness remains in a young and less mature mind there is a tendency to suicide. Now you will understand why, after confinement, suicide in children and adolescents has increased.

What happens after the pandemic?

The health crisis still remains, but we are resuming our activities by adopting and maintaining biosecurity measures. The confinement has ceased, the uncertainty has diminished; however, the aftermath remains and child suicides continue.

How to restart mental health? By giving greater presence to love and taking back the true meaning of life. The pandemic has shown that having and doing are not essential to being fulfilled; let us be guided by the presence of love, and God is love (1 Juan 4.8; Colossians 3.14).

It’s in the lack of closeness, listening, support, coverage and that feeling of lack of love that precedes the thought of suicide in children and adolescents. On the other hand, love is what gives meaning to people’s lives (1 Corinthians 13.2).

In that same love I want to extend to you the help you need in any situation of difficulty with your children and your family. You can contact me at this number 407 618 0212.

Six Strategies to prevent bullying at school

by with No Comment Mental health

Learning about bullying is something that must be assumed by society worldwide. Especially, due to the increasing rate of occurrences in every country.

Recent research reveals that for every 10 children and adolescents, 6 of them have suffered bullying. Research also reveals that every year, approximately 200,000 children and young people around the world die at the hands of this silent enemy.

The good news is that, the same organization that reveals this data declares “we can defeat this enemy and save many lives”. And on the other hand, you and I are part of this and can contribute with good practices at home and at school.

Bullying can be prevented by giving it global visibility

It is possible to avoid bullying or school harassment by understanding that it is a reality and must be made visible. This is what Dr. Javier Miglino, expert in Child Protection, founder of Bullying Without Borders and creator of the World Day Against Bullying, states.

This NGO has presented global statistics on harassment (2020/2021) with the support of 50,000 professional collaborators in more than 30 countries. Some of the results obtained were:

  • 85% of the cases take place in school institutions.
  • More than 90% of cases are not reported to teachers.
  • 74% of children between 8 and 14 years have experienced bullying.

On the other hand, organizations such as the UN, UNICEF and UNESCO also state that bullying is a “real scourge” worldwide. For this reason, they have planned actions to address it and urge the inclusion of government policies in each nation to deal with it.

What can we do in our homes and schools?

Home and school are the main places where bullying takes place. Moreover, these are the main environments for the formation of the behavior of our children. Let us briefly share 6 fundamental strategies or actions to prevent bullying.

1.   Understand the definition of bullying

According to the World Health Organization, bullying is any form of physical, psychological or sexual intimidation or attack; it occurs repeatedly and causes harm, distress and/or fear to the victim.

Lack of clarity makes bullying go unnoticed. Expressions such as “it’s kid stuff”, “it’s no big deal,” or “I don’t think it’s bullying” are triggers. These can normalize the bully’s attitude or silence the victim. I have often recorded this in my consultations.

2.   Do not ignore irregular situations

A common mistake is to believe that it will disappear soon and that children can solve it on their own. To prevent bullying, it is important to know how to assess the situation. The following questions can help you:

  • Have there been previous conflicts?
  • Does the child feel that there is no equality of power?
  • Does the child fear that it will happen again?
  • Have those involved been meeting? (especially among adolescents)
  • Find out the background of those involved Are any of them supported by a gang or have they been assaulted before?
  • Does he/she prefer to isolate him/herself?

3.   Talk about bullying, take action and report it

Before speaking, listen attentively and with a commitment to the needs of each individual; understand their interests, possible fears, beliefs, or what they see as a challenge.

Lean on activities that encourage working together as well as altruism and empathy.

4.   Do your research and stay informed

UNICEF has made available a teaching and approach space to prevent bullying or school harassment; it’s called Guided against Bullying. In this program several parents, students, teachers and influencers share their personal experiences about bullying.

Learn about the support work done by organizations such as Bullying Without Borders and other related NGOs.

5.   Strengthen weak points

We can prevent bullying by knowing the weakness of the enemy. It is the misperception of themselves and the feeling of worthlessness present in each person involved. Let’s see briefly:

  • The bully seeks to be recognized and/or reproduce the aggression he/she suffers or suffered.
  • The bullied, is almost always someone who is insecure, isolated and/or has low self-esteem.
  • Permissive or silent witnesses remain insecure in the face of others’ pain.

These are data that can be confirmed by experts in human behavior and development. Each person involved suffers and is a victim; they also reveal, from their place, their lack of love, security, empathy, self-esteem and protection.

As a therapist, I can assure you that no child learns to love, be safe and empathetic by reading a book. We need to love our little ones committedly and let them know that they are important.

6.   Lean on the love that drives away fear

As we have just mentioned, any situation in which abuse is exercised or permitted is related to a lack of attention and self-esteem. To prevent bullying, our children need to feel loved.

Children who know they are loved will not need to attack or seek the attention they already have; they know they will be protected if they tell what is happening to them; they will know how to love and empathize and will not support abuse. However, in order to love your children, parents need to feel loved as well.

The good news is that above any affective deficiency you may have had, the love of God prevails and renews (1 Juan 4.8, 16,18). The Presence of God makes us close and attentive to ourselves and to others.

You have my full support to transcend the difficulty. The gifts that God has given me are at your service. You can contact me at this number 407 618 0212.

Exercises to overcome obsessive thoughts

by with No Comment Mental health

Concerns and fears are swirling around everywhere in your head. If this sounds like you, then you must know the power of obsessive thoughts. That kind of thoughts that affect us so much due to a pandemic that seems like it is never going to end. However, it is not healthy to live tied to them, now more than ever, we must overcome obsessive thoughts.

Although most of us may experience obsessive thoughts, the problem is that when we consider battling against them, the first idea might be to suppress or eliminate them. This is counterproductive and will not work as well as you hope. They will end up coming back, stronger than they were in the beginning.

 

How do I deal with my obsessive thoughts?

 

To overcome obsessive thoughts effectively, it is better to apply some potential methods to fight them. Social psychologist Daniel Wegner studied and published several tools for this purpose in American Psychologist, which we will talk about below.

Focused distraction

We start with a simple exercise to overcome obsessive thoughts, focused distraction. This consists of disconnecting your mind from the source of concerns by focusing on something else that distracts you. Your mind can select from millions of topics that will help you relieve yourself.

You can also choose to wander and get lost in your sea of thoughts, which is not recommended because it is considered unproductive. The best thing to do then is to focus on doing a household chore, watching an educational TV show, listening to a music, etc. The main idea is to give the mind a goal because minds without goals are often associated with unhappiness.

Postpone for later

A method that remains just as intuitive is to postpone the thought for later. Many studies have proven that suppressing thoughts only causes them to return with more intensity. However, postponing them can be a relief for the mind.

It works like this: set aside a time of the day to give free rein to your obsessive thoughts. This time cannot exceed 30 minutes, but the rest of the day you will need to save all those worries for that limited time. With practice, you will see how this becomes a habit, and you will be able to get rid of the obsessive thoughts whenever you want to do so.

Writing on paper

Writing about anything in your life as a method of liberation gives wonderful results. Therefore, one of the exercises is directly related to fighting against obsessive thoughts and writing.

How does it work? Write openly about your obsessive thoughts, about all those thoughts you have. Include also your deepest feelings, and write, in general, anything you wish to say about the subject.

Getting rid of all that negativity on paper and transporting the thoughts inside your head to reality, to something tangible, will help you feel better. It might even help you not think about them for the rest of the day.

Self-affirmation

We all have good and bad things about us as the imperfect human beings that we are. However, it is a habit for some people to prioritize talking only about the bad things. No one knows our imperfections or weaknesses better than we do, but as an exercise for our well-being, it is advisable to use self-affirmation to overcome obsessive thoughts.

Meditate more often on your positive traits and features. It is something that will help you have better self-control and social confidence. The next time you remember how worried you are about your job, change that thought to a more grateful and optimistic one.

 

More alternatives to know

 

Dwelling on obsessive thoughts can still be fought with other techniques that I consider to be very efficient. The best thing about them is that they are accessible and simple to put into practice with little effort. These are some of my favorites:

  • Christian Meditation: Christian meditation is about focusing on the thought of God and His Word. By meditating, we are expressing a type of prayer, and not only that, but understanding the power behind its lessons. We also learn about the importance of a compassionate and merciful attitude towards our neighbors. “Who do I have in heaven but you? If I am with you, I want nothing more on earth. My body and my spirit may fail, but God strengthens my heart; he is my eternal inheritance” – Psalm 73:25-26.
  • Exercise: When you feel exhausted from so many obsessive thoughts, I suggest you go for a long walk or exercise in whatever way you like. You will be doing your body good, but beyond that, going outdoors will help you appreciate the nuances of life, the beauty of nature, the small miracles that we are not able to see in our routines because we are more focused on negative thoughts.
  • Talk to a friend: We all need to be listened to and having someone close to us listening to our concerns will help both unburden their worries and to get advice from a more objective point of view. We will then be able to organize our ideas in a better way and have a more realistic view of our life.

 

When is it time to seek professional help?

 

As common as obsessive thoughts can be, they may be part of the symptoms of certain mental disorders such as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

In this particular case, people feel overwhelmed by their thoughts. They have no control over them and the way they relieve themselves is through compulsive actions. For example, washing their hands, counting, cleaning, etc. Obsession and compulsion are related, obviously, but the person will not be able to break it.

Likewise, these thoughts, especially those related to the past and extreme pessimism about the future, are characteristic of Major Depression. There are other disorders are generalized anxiety and post-traumatic stress. Therefore, if one suspects the presence of any of these, the wisest thing to do is to seek professional help.

 

Do you feel you need professional assistance? Call 407 618 0212

How can I manage my obsessive thoughts?

by with No Comment Mental health

Obsessive thoughts or automatic negative thoughts are often associated with anxiety disorders as well as major depression. But they are not exclusive to those conditions.

Do you feel like you cannot let go of certain thoughts in these past months? The current global context, high stress rates and an uncertain future are compelling reasons to explain everything that is happening with these kinds of thoughts.

If you do not know how to deal with obsessive thoughts, I will ask you not to be too hard on yourself. Sometimes, even if the effort to eliminate them is a great one, it is not enough. This is a situation that will only serve to generate worry and despair.

Why can’t I ever find peace of mind? Why can’t I make them stop? Is there something wrong with me? I wish to deepen on these doubts together.

 

What are obsessive thoughts?

 

A simple way to understand what an obsessive thought is, is as a mental content of a threatening, automatic and unwanted nature. Obsessive thoughts can be represented as images or words.

People dealing with obsessive thoughts might also focus on events in the future or re-experience the past. What makes these kinds of thoughts so exhausting is that they are accompanied by very complicated and intense emotions, which sooner or later will end up exhausting your resources.

When your brain is facing threats, physiological fear responses are common. However, the stimulus that provokes this fear is not actually there, it wanders back and forth in your head, which is what gives it that exhausting persistence.

In fact, your sympathetic nervous system, which is part of the autonomic nervous system, will interpret this as a direct experience. It activates all the necessary resources for fight or flight. This is where anxiety will appear.

 

How to manage obsessive thoughts

 

Obsessive thoughts are difficult to manage. You will need willpower, discipline, and a lot of faith. Trying to manage our feelings will make us fight against our own mental resources, those that we often do not even know exist.

God supports us even when we believe that He is not, that He has forgotten us and that we will be unable to overcome adversity.

I know that you are worried about the future. I know that the past has hurt you. However, I want you to understand that the first step to battling obsessive thoughts is to not be afraid. Instead, you need to learn what they are about, why they are there and what those unresolved conflicts you have inside are.

Do you find yourself trapped in them? You are not alone, COVID-19 has taken us to extremes we were not able to predict or expect. The health risk, the restrictions in our daily routine and the anxiety about the future may keep you awake at night, and it is understandable.

How can I control it? Here are some lessons that I hope will help you.

Obsessive thoughts are like quicksand

Metaphors help us to internalize concepts that we are not yet able to fully understand. The same happens with obsessive thoughts. So, I want you to look at them as if they were a quicksand trap. It is a comparison that speaks for itself.

When you fall into quicksand, your survival instinct will make you move desperately, trying to get out of it. However, you will not succeed, you will only sink deeper. The same happens with the dreaded obsessive thoughts. The only successful way to get out of them will be to calm down, accept that you are in a dangerous zone, and measure your every move in order to escape.

Fighting a negative thought directly will not be a win. First, you must accept that you have the thought and analyze it for about 20 minutes. When the time is up, concentrate on another activity, and then spend the same amount of time on your obsessive thought. Little by little, you will find a way out of it and relieve yourself.

Letting your emotions flow will give you calm

We talk a lot about emotions, how they affect us and identify us as the human beings we are. However, something you need to know is that, in order to manage obsessive thoughts properly, you must strive to let your emotions flow.

Accept that you feel bad, let this feeling flow, even if it brings a tear or two to your eyes. At some point, you will realize that these types of emotions wear off, and the pain will go away. For example, if you get bitten by a mosquito on your neck, you will want to scratch it, but by not doing so you will protect your skin and avoid aggravating the situation.

We need to embrace our emotions more, not silence them or pretend to make them stop because we do not like how weak they make us feel. Not being strong 365 days a year is not a weakness or a sin.

God is our refuge

In times of uncertainty such as these, remembering our Lord’s presence will help ease the burdens we have upon us. Do not forget that He is in control of everything, and that He is always protecting us.

“God is our refuge and our strength, our sure help in times of trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth crumble and the mountains sink to the bottom of the sea.” – Psalm 46:1-2.

When an obsessive thought threatens you again, try to distract your mind by reading the Holy Scriptures. Take refuge in the lessons and wisdom they offer. As you find the calm you have been searching for, you can share your reflections with your family and friends, so that together you can understand how great God’s mercy is.

If it is not enough for you, apply what you have learned. Do not wait for solutions to come and take control of your life. Look for more activities through which you can give back the mercy of our Lord.

Don’t know how to start managing your obsessive thoughts yet? You can call 407 618 0212 for more answers.

How to recover from an emotional crisis

by with No Comment Mental health

It is not easy to go through an emotional crisis. Understanding, love, and God, is a good summary of the elements that will heal the hearts and minds of traumatized people. But they will need cooperation and support.

If you have lived through a tragic event, you should know that the strength to get up is in you. And if you have seen someone you love to suffer because of it, the strength to guide them is also in you. So, I want to guide you to healing and also teach you how to guide.

How to recover from an emotional crisis

Recovery from an emotional crisis is possible, but you will need to focus on it to find the answers you need. Here are some tips to help you heal:

Minimize exposure to memories

If you are a survivor of a natural disaster or an accident, the media may report on that case. Likewise, social media has become a space to distribute this kind of information, so try to stay away from it all, so you don’t relive those memories.

Exposure to these kinds of memories needs to be limited because it is not healthy to reminisce over and over again about a tragedy. It does not let you move forward.

Accept your feelings

You’re very like experiencing emotions that you thought you would never experience due to traumatic stress. So, try to accept all those feelings, and understand that they are normal. It is normal to feel anger, guilt, or shock.

No one has the right to judge you for the feelings you have. On the contrary, it is healthy to surround yourself with people who want to offer you unconditional support. Keep in mind that God will always be by your side, and you can talk to him for encouragement.

Start challenging your powerlessness:

To overcome, you will have to face it, so start taking positive actions that will allow you to overcome all that fear, powerlessness, and hopelessness you may feel. It may sound simple, but believe me when I tell you it will make a difference.

Some people help people who have gone through similar situations as a way to heal and gain peace of mind. Others volunteer for those in need during traumatic events. Opening that door may be scary, but once you open it, you will realize how much good it can do you.

Exercise

Exercise. It’s not a joke, it’s advice! When suffering from the kind of stress generated by these events, one way to escape is to start exercising. Being in constant motion will help burn adrenaline and release endorphins.

Your mood will improve greatly, and so will your body. Your nervous system needs to be stimulated and by doing activities like walking, running, swimming, or playing a sport, you will be doing just that. For more complete results, focus on the physical activity you do, every step, every kick, and feel more in touch with your body than ever before.

Reach out to others

A man came into the world to live in a community, that was God’s intention. That is why, in difficult times, distancing ourselves from those who care for us is not advisable. Rather, you should do the opposite and unite with those who care for us.

A traumatic event can work to bring us closer to those from whom we have distanced ourselves for one reason or another. Just the simple act of talking face to face with someone else can trigger stress-relieving hormones.

If you are afraid to talk to those people about the event, you don’t have to talk about it specifically. You can seek solace in talks that help you feel connected, or chats that are “normal.”

Six essential tools to overcome the crisis

To conclude, I would like to give you 6 very useful tools  to overcome a crisis:

#1 TIPP

Use the TIPP tool when you are close to an emotional breakdown. The name is an acronym for Temperature, Intense exercise, paced breathing, and Paired muscle relaxation.

Start by changing your body temperature by splashing water on your face. After exercising a lot, it is difficult to get upset when you are exhausted. Next is to control your breathing to decrease the emotional pain, and then relax your muscles, and let them rest.

#2 ACCEPTS

Similar to the previous tool, this is used to tolerate negative emotions until you have to face them.

You can use it by doing a healthy activity that keeps you away from negative emotions. Also doing something kind for someone else just for the joy it causes is part of this, which can help put your life in perspective.

If you feel distressed, you can invoke an opposite emotion to it. Other activities that follow in this tool include walking away from problems and replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

#3 IMPROVE

This tool is perfect when you have no control over something but have to tolerate it. It uses imagination and meaning. In the first part, you must imagine yourself successfully dealing with the problem, and in the second one, you must find the meaning in the situations that hurt you.

Next is prayer. That’s right, prayer will serve to surrender your problems and allow you to tolerate the situation. You need to relax and let go of the past and the future. You should also encourage yourself with affirmative and positive phrases.

#4 LIST OF PROS AND CONS

If you want to make sensible decisions in difficult times, this tool will be useful. You just need to make a list of the positive and negative points of all the options you have.

When you finish, compare the options available to you. With this type of list, you will be able to control impulses.

#5 SELF-SOOTHE

The tool helps diminish the power of negative emotions. It advises you to focus on your senses to clear yourself of negative feelings.

Use your sight to focus on something, the colors on a wall, the pictures on an album. Use your ears to listen to birdsong or the flow of water.

The same will happen with your senses of taste, touch, and smell. Look for elements that are pleasant to you and put you in a good mood. Enjoy them. As a bonus, movement is included as a sixth sense. Move your body by dancing or walking.

#6 RADICAL ACCEPTANCE:

And if you will have to live an unpleasant situation that will not change, this tool is recommended. It serves to accept reality and move on.

In short, it will serve to get you to understand that even though the available options do not please you, you will have to choose one and adapt. Having distress over doing this is common and discouraging, but it will serve to control compulsive behavior.

How to deal with emotional crises in few steps

by with No Comment Mental health

Emotional crises by situations that put pressure on us will have an impact on our whole self. That is why I don’t recommend that you let it go unnoticed when you feel you can’t get through something easily. You have to keep in mind that the more serious the event, the greater the effect on you.

Emotional reactions during emotional crises

Emotional crises will awaken many reactions that are impossible to ignore. These reactions usually include physical, cognitive, and interpersonal aspects.

A breakup is not the same as the death of your partner, a vehicle accident in which there were only material losses is not the same as one in which there were serious injuries.

Emotional

Emotions will be the protagonists in crises. It is also in these moments when we will sincerely understand how powerful they are and how they define us. When you go through a crisis, you will experience emotional reactions. They ca be shock and an overwhelming feeling where you may not believe what just happened to you.

Reactions can also include emotions such as anger or irritability for having witnessed the event. The pain will be inevitable, as is the guilt for not having been able to do more. The emotions will be there throughout the recovery process, and when it comes to very serious events, these emotions will return on the anniversaries of the events.

Cognitive

With the cognitive aspect, you experience feelings such as confusion, indecision, lack of memory, and trouble concentrating. Also, memory plays a very important role in the development of these events because you will have memories accompanied by an increased heart rate or excessive sweating.

Depending on the type of event that triggered this emotional crisis, these can be a milder or more intense.

Physical

Our emotions are connected to our body. This is something I always emphasize to my patients. Everything is connected, and that is why we have physical reactions during emotional crises.

Physical reactions can include tension, headaches, or fatigue/tiredness. Body aches and pains are not uncommon, nor are considerable changes in both sleep and eating habits.

Interpersonal

Regarding interpersonal reactions, there could be reactions like distrust, withdrawal, conflict, sensitivity, or feeling rejected. Depending on the age of the person, he/she could develop problems at school or at work.

What to do after a crisis

Recovering your emotional balance and rebuilding your life after a traumatic event does not happen quickly. But it is true that taking certain attitudes will be of great help when dealing with the issue.

Basic tips

Here are some basic tips on how to act after a crisis that may help you:

  • There is no right or wrong way to feel. No one can tell you how to feel about a traumatic event. Humans do not all react to trauma the same way.
  • Feelings cannot be ignored. The more you try to hide your feelings, the longer the recovery process will take. Just because you feel it is better to wait to deal with your emotions doesn’t mean that this is the right thing to do. I can assure you that those feelings may become more intense if they are not dealt with in time.
  • Don’t obsessively relive the event. Your nervous system will feel overwhelmed if you continuously evoke the traumatic event. You will not be able to think clearly when you have it replaying over and over again. You will say that you are not able to control it, so a suggestion I give you is to keep yourself distracted by reading or cooking. Whatever activity you find rewarding.
  • Get back into your routine. Routines are comfortable and comforting. So getting back into them will help you feel a little better. Events like these may be so big that they force you to change your schedule at school or work. But you can still find a routine to apply to meals or bedtime.
  • You do not have to make important decisions at this stage: Do not put pressure on yourself by making important decisions at work, at home, or in your family. Making these types of decisions while traumatized will only cause more stress. Wait until you can think clearly enough to make the right decisions.

How to help children cope with emotional crises

Children are fragile and need our protection, and you should know that some children react immediately in a crisis, while others take much longer. Also, the signs of emotional distress are closely related to the child’s age. The same goes for the child’s previous experiences and how he or she deals with stress.

One way to know how your child will act in such a situation is how you act. That’s right, children try to imitate adults at times like these, so showing them security and calmness will give them better support.

As a parent or older figure, you need to convey reassurance and confidence. One recommendation I consistently make is to talk to children about what is happening. Understand that the age of the child will influence the amount of information you give them and how you give it to them. Simpler is better.

Later, as the event passes, it will be time to address all of their behaviors and help them cope with the consequences of what they have experienced. If the child asks questions, you have to answer them. I think it is a good idea to encourage them to talk about their fears and any doubts they may have.

 

Everything you need to know about emotional crisis

by with No Comment Mental health

We all have a different way of facing difficult situations in life. However, here is when an emotional crisis can appear. But if I have learned anything in my years of practice, it is that emotions can mark your path for better or worse. They are an essential part of our life, but understanding them is not an easy task.

Dealing with the death of a loved one, or the loss of a job or even a relationship, is not easy. This is why these situations are the ones that commonly lead to an emotional crisis.

Despite the fact that Even though God guides us every day, that He is our protection and strength, I know that it is also difficult to face life after such events. Pain frustrates us, weakens us, and prevents us from seeing the help that our Lord offers us. It is not your fault that you are blinded. You simply do not have the necessary resources to successfully face these transitions.

That is why I want to show you how you can overcome adversity, and not allow emotional crises to bring you down.

Emotional crisis: what are they, types, and stages

I would like you to keep in mind that to overcome adversity, you need to identify what adversity looks like and what causes it. Therefore, consider the following points:

What is a crisis?

A crisis is a transitory state that will affect your emotional and behavioral perception, impairing your ability to make decisions. In other words, it is a difficult situation that you will have to go through, and it will disturb your emotions. It may be that the event effects only you or on a larger scale, affecting an entire family, community, or even country.

Tragedies come with many faces. It could be the sudden death of someone you care about, or, it could be a car accident, or a hurricane. As I said, each person will respond differently, and it is that response that will outline the recovery process.

The curious thing about emotional crises is that while they are a danger for some people, for others, they are an opportunity. For example, an opportunity is when amid pain, the family unites to overcome it and becomes greater than it is. It also becomes an opportunity when solutions are sought together.

However, unfortunately, some see crises as a danger because:

  • they are paralyzed by fear,
  • their self-confidence is drained,
  • and they wait for others to solve the problem for them.

I have seen thousands of reactions to crises in my therapy sessions. I have seen thousands of reactions to crises in my therapy sessions. There are those who that even use them to reflect on life. There are also those who give up, those who look for a new purpose, those who get sick, those who take years to heal, and even those who heal quickly.

Certainly, there is no standard recovery time for crises, but if you are stuck in one, it is time to seek professional help.

Types of Emotional Crisis

Most people have gone through or will go through an emotional crisis in their lives, as within it, creation is sincere. Great challenges will be imposed on us in one way or another. So, these events will appear unexpectedly many times, confusing.

However, keep in mind that emotional crises cannot be categorized into types, but we can categorize the transitions that cause them. They can be ordered in two forms: the crises from external conditions, and the crises from internal conditions.

By external conditions, we mean crises caused by an event that is unrelated to you, for example, natural catastrophes, terrorist acts, accidents, illnesses, deceased or missing relatives. Similarly, layoffs, discrimination, and harassment are part of that list.

On the other hand, internal conditions are crises that do not depend on facts as such but subjective feelings. They have the meaning that you give them.

Such are the cases of existential crises, vocational crises, identity crises, or couple crises. There are hundreds of other forms, such as developmental crises (childhood, adolescence, old age), and spiritual crises.

The 4 stages of a crisis:

In a crisis, you will generally have to deal with four stages. These stages are the following:

  • Paralysis. The first stage of an emotional crisis usually begins with a sense of bewilderment and a feeling of not being able to reason or act. What happens in the instant is processed.
  • Uncertainty. Events that trigger emotional crises are not everyday occurrences. That is why the most common reaction is having a deep feeling of uncertainty invade you. No matter how many ideas come into your head, you will be pondering them all.
  • Intrusion. Intrusion is where you will finally accept the painful feelings, and live through and remember the tragic images. Having frequent thoughts of that event will be normal at this stage. It is a time that takes longer for certain people.
  • Elaboration and solution. In these moments, the pain is expressed in true thoughts. Although some can do it naturally, there will be those who need psychological support. In the stage of overcoming the pain, one begins to unburden oneself and reach a conclusion about what has been experienced.

The grieving process in a crisis

Curiously, understanding the origin of the word “duel” will help to better understand what it consists of. This word comes from the Latin “dolus,” meaning pain or combat between two. Researchers define grieving as a process of adaptation to reestablish family equilibrium.

On the other hand, according to Kaplan’s Treatise on Psychiatry, a normal mourning process usually consists of three stages. They are not completely linear, as it is possible to regress to one of these.

The first of these is the phase of shock and denial. In this phase, denial and bewilderment will be the predominant feelings exhibited. The second phase is that of acute distress and isolation, consisting of a mixture of suffering, anger, and difficulty resting.

Finally, there is the phase of reorganization. Here, the loss finally assimilates in all its meaning, however much it may have cost. This phase is the one that will mark the beginning of restarting life, going back to the previous roles, and starting from scratch.

 

The healing process for domestic violence victims

by with No Comment Mental health

The healing process for domestic violence victims is complex and painful. Like any other process of this nature, it takes time. Many times, the person who comes to me seeking help does not understand. They don’t understand that part of the process consists of deprogramming the conscious and unconscious mind of all the lies that the abuser has sown. And whose fruits keep the patient tied and defenseless. This is not accomplished overnight. It takes perseverance and time.

The first thing we do with the victim has assessed the level of security that she/he has. Is the victim or his/her children in danger from the abuser? Is the victim in danger of hurting himself/herself because of the hopelessness he/she experiences in his/her life? Many times, the emotional abuse these victims have experienced is so damaging that they succumb to severe depression.

Often, these people do not understand the emotional damage the abuser has caused them. After this initial evaluation is completed, we begin to walk the victim through the stages of the healing process. In this post, I will talk about the four stages that Shannon Thomas presents.

Despair Stage

This stage’s name describes the experience the person who begins this process lives. The victim is confused and in despair. He/she wonders what he/she has done to deserve to be treated that way. “What do I have to do to make this relationship work? In which way do I have to improve? Why, if I am not such a bad person?” Questions that show the doubts the person has about himself/herself. Why is it so difficult for these people to understand what the real problem is?

The answer is, because these that survivors, who are hating themselves, are so busy wondering why they are failures that they ignore the source of the real problem and how they can get out of it. These survivors, who continually believe they are the problem, are hurt, broken, and do not consider themselves to be enough. They will have a hard time identifying the abuse they receive as the problem in their relationship.

What happens in this stage

Victims, at this stage, say “I can no longer fight this problem. It is too much for me.” It is an expression of despair. Many times, to get to this point and begin the healing journey, it is necessary to reach the extreme in which we give up and say that we can no longer fight, and that is when we seek external, professional, and spiritual help, which will allow us to get out of our despair.

But even though the victim is at this point, he/she is not always ready to leave the toxic relationship they are in. Or, simply, he/she does not believe that he/she is strong enough to make firm decisions. As therapists, we tell these patients that this is okay. This is all part of the process. The Despair Stage is not the time to make drastic changes, but it is the time to start taking small baby steps toward that longed-for place, emotional healing.

Education Stage

One of the biggest problems with domestic violence is that psychological abuse is exceptionally insidious, and therefore misunderstood. This is one of the tactics abusers often use. They isolate their victims from reality and from those around them as a way of exercising control over them. This is why the Education stage is important. Unless the victims can describe what has happened to them, they will not be able to begin the healing process. Victims need to know when any of these forms of domestic violence occur with certainty.

Emotional blackmail

Emotional blackmail is a term popularized by the psychotherapist Susan Forward. It refers to a type of violence that consists of the manipulation a person exercises over another using fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) as transactional dynamics between the manipulator and the manipulated person.

Minimizationsubtly

In the face of the victim’s achievements, whether they are professional or personal, the abuser will not praise the victim’s qualities. He/she will not praise him/her or recognize what he/she has accomplished.

The abuser will not do it abruptly, but subtly, using phrases such as: “That is fine for you”and subtly, “You are very lucky, now do not ruin it with nonsense and miss the opportunity.”

Control

This is one of the most detectable signs of this often invisible type of abuse. He/she will try to know where the victim is, who is with him/her, and what he/she is doing at all times.

The abuser will know the victim’s schedule, he/she will appear unexpectedly and more frequently wherever the victim is in a given moment, whether in the victim’s spare time or at work, using the excuse of “I wanted to surprise you.”

Gaslighting

Gaslighting normally occurs very gradually in a relationship. The band’s abusive partner’s actions may seem harmless at first. However, over time, these abusive patterns continue, and the victim may feel confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed.

Also, he/she may lose all sense of what is happening. Then, he/she begins to depend on the abusive partner more and more to define reality, which creates a situation from which it is very difficult to escape.

Awakening Stage

After the patient has discovered the entire manipulation system the abuser used to lead him/her to submission and abuse, he/she enters the Awakening stage. In this stage, a new awareness of the reality that has been lived is experienced, but despair is also experienced once more.

The combination of awareness and despair is because they feel empowered by the facts they discovered in the previous stage, but, on the other hand, they still cry because they miss the abuser. Do not judge them. Only someone who has been through a similar experience understands the damaging effects of psychological abuse.

The abuser has been a part of the victim’s life. The bonds that bind them are close and the victim longs to believe the abuser can change. I have seen how many victims look for excuses to justify the abuser’s behavior.

Common excuses to justify the abuser’s behavior

They say things like: “he/she was abused when he/she was a child,” “he/she has a personality disorder,” “God has put me in his/her way to help him/her,” “If  I leave him/her, who is going to help him/her?” “I have to let myself be used by God.”

Although all of this may sound altruistic, the reality is something completely different. All of this is the product of how difficult it is to confront the truth of what our loved ones are and mean to us.

On the other hand, these victims also feel a certain peace. It happens because, in the second stage, they understood that they are not crazy as their abusers told them. I have seen these people remain in that deep silence, meditating on the new reality that they are beginning to live and on what it could be tomorrow.

At this stage, victims that deepofdeep in domestic violence needsneedneeds need a lot of emotional support from family members and church members. Churches need to provide the place of safety that these people need, a shelter, a place where they are listened to and accepted unconditionally.

It is at this stage where victimsthatvictimsin of domestic violence begin to dream of the reality in which healing and restoration iaresarefares are possible.

Limits Stage

There can be no healing without clear limits. Therefore, the next stage in the healing process is learning to set limits. But how do we set limits for a person foroffor whom we are afraid or who is controlling? It is here, at this stage, that many victims give up and quit dreaming of their liberation. Learning to set limits in any relationship is a challenge since we often do not know where to start or how to do it.

No map or manual can guide us in this stage because each case has its peculiarities. Each victim must study how setting limits would work for him/her. That is why we recommend that, if needed, professional help be sought to navigate this stage.

When it comes to setting limits, we talk about two types of contact: Detached Contact, and No contact. The decision regarding the type of limits will be determined by the victim. If their life is in danger, if the relationship has reached a level where the person feels it is unbearable and the children are in danger.

No contact at all

No Contact is recommended, followed by seeking help at a shelter for victims of domestic violence, or perhaps, seeking help from friends and family. I must say that several studies state emphatically that this is the most dangerous time for the victim.

It is when the victim decides to leave the toxic relationship. It is when criminal acts have been committed against him/her and the other victims. Besides, It occurs because the abuser cannot process the fact that the person who was under his/her control is leaving the relationship. This drives the victim to despair.

Detached Contact is mostly determined by the environment in which the victim exists. For a victim who lives with the abuser, it could consist of limiting conversations with that person, saying “NO” more often, threatening to call the police, practicing assertiveness, calmly presenting the truth, and rejecting the lies the abuser has told.

All of this can be accomplished by taking small steps toward healing. The idea is to find ways to keep the abuser away so that he/she does not cross the emotional limits that have caused so much damage and pain in the past. Detached Contact is about remaining emotionally distant in the presence of toxic people. It is not about limiting contact while provoking the abuser.

Restoration Stage

After the victim has passed the stages of Despair, Education, Awakening, and Limits, he/she is ready for Restoration. You might be asking yourself, restoration of what? Restoration of your material things, life moments, financial stability, physical and mental health, or anything that you have lost in your past life as a victim of domestic violence.

How does a victim know that he/she has reached this stage? When he/she feels the need to have a hobby in his/her free time, an activity that has nothing to do with the educational process that he/she has been experiencing. This is the moment when the victim decides to live again and to bring hope to his/her life.

Remaining Stage

This is the final stage, the stage in which the survivor will look back to the previous stages and continue to deepen his/her healing and restoration. In this stage, the person also learns to identify healthy relationships and avoid toxic people. Remaining is when a survivor lives his/her recovery life fully, with the confidence and skills to stay safe from future abuse.

A key component in the Remaining stage is recognizing that you are a new person. You have grown, you have changed, and you are an improved version of yourself.

It is important to see yourself in the new you. There are sad consequences to not acknowledging that our old “me” has vanished. Uncertainty and the lack of safety will lead us to alienate happy and successful people. It happens because we believe we do not deserve their attention. Our internal dialogue and self-esteem will determine the types of people we allow or reject in our lives.

Throughout this process, God will be your Shepherd and you will lack nothing. The one who is most interested in you reaching this final stage is God, your Creator. He suffers when He sees you being abused and not knowing how to defend yourself.

God will be by your side as a mighty giant. He will be always ready to protect you and give you the freedom you need if you only dare to begin a new healing process. I am not telling you that this is easy, but it is possible. And, if at any time you need a friendly hand to help you or hold you, or maybe you need professional help, you can call me at 407-618-0212 or write to efrain.duany@floridaconference.com