Love is the feeling that has most inspired human beings in absolutely all areas of life. Countless songs, books, plays and other works have been dedicated to love. However, it is very complex to identify when it is true love, given the predisposition we have to feel it.
The question that many people ask themselves is what does love feel like and how do I know if we are facing true love? The first answer, thanks to science, is a little easier. Love involves biological and chemical processes, as biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has written, but it is much more than chemistry.
Certain hormones are activated in our bodies when we feel love and make us feel good about sharing with our loved one. It is not only a sexual impulse, but involves many bodily functions. Still, a feeling alone cannot prove that a relationship is healthy; that is why the signs below look at how you are treated and how you act together.
Keys to recognizing true love
Such is the importance of love in human behavior that researchers in various fields of knowledge have sought to find explanations. An empirical analysis of Sternberg’s triangular theory focuses on the combination of the three elements that identify balanced love. They are:
- Intimacy
- Passion
- Commitment
In Sternberg’s theory, the fullest kind of love combines all three components in balance, which helps a relationship be healthy and fruitful for both people. In relation to these aspects, we bring you 10 signs so that you can recognize if what you feel for that special “someone” is true love.
1. It’s good for you and everyone notices it
The main key is well-being. Love is often accompanied by positive changes in mood and energy. If that person improves your mood, your spirits, you feel like getting ready, you feel good about yourself, that is a good sign.
2. You can be yourself
This is an extremely important point. Real love will not make you change; it will not force you to be who you are not. Rather, it will motivate you to grow as a person, as the person you already are. It will validate you even more and will never seek to extinguish your essence. If instead you feel afraid, controlled or pressured, that is more serious than an unhealthy pattern: please see the help information at the end of this article. If you are not sure, be careful: it may not be a healthy relationship.
3. You can talk to each other through looks or gestures
When there is trust between two people, communication is one of the points where it is most expressed. Understanding each other without words is a strong indicator that the connection is real, that you are developing a love language between you. You will see that it goes beyond words, too, to the actions of love.
4. You help and support each other
If there is love, there is mutual support. True love is unselfish and cares for the other as well as for oneself. In a couple, working for each other’s personal well-being will be the impetus for forming a healthy and lasting dynamic.
5. You respect each other
A very common problem in couples that do not work and where love is quickly extinguished is the lack of mutual respect. As hard as it may be at times, respecting each other’s time and God’s time in a couple is essential.
In Romans 12:10 the Bible says: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (NIV) That is the importance of respect in love. If you feel that with “that person” there is a sincere respect for each other’s times, ideas, ways of expressing yourself, tastes, etc., that is a good sign.
6. You strive to resolve every conflict
The best couples are not those who don’t fight, but those who strive to resolve every situation in the best possible way. Respect also plays a major role in conflict resolution. There should be no room for offence, anger is no justification for hurting your partner.
When there is love and respect, conflicts can be resolved in ways that bring you closer together and help your relationship grow. The bond can be strengthened rather than fissured, and can bring you closer to a broader understanding of your values and responsibilities as partners.
7. You don’t complement each other, you understand each other
It is important to uproot the idea of complementarity in love and replace it with understanding. Romantic stories have shown us an ideal version of love that, in many cases, is not possible to live in reality. These expectations end up wearing out the partners and lead to disbelief in love.
An article from the Faculty of Psychology in Uruguay points out the importance of a love based on understanding between partners. We are not “better halves”, God created us complete and whole. What you should seek is to be in one spirit with each other and with God, so you will know that it is a love of blessing for you.
8. You laugh together easily
Shared laughter is often a sign of closeness in a couple, and it can reflect a healthy relationship and sincere feelings. It’s simple, laughter is associated with the ability to express ourselves freely, healthy situations that make us happy and good chemistry between the two of us. That is a good sign.
9. You don’t need to hide anything from each other
Of course love is based on trust and full knowledge of each other. It doesn’t mean that you can’t have “secrets” from time to time, a surprise or a plan for the future. It means that there are no aspects of your personality or your past that you seek to hide.
If you feel an obligation to hide it may be because something is not right in the relationship. A relationship cannot give rise to lies or deception between partners, let alone fear of showing each other who you really are.
10. You have projects together
Finally, an indicator of love is creating projects together. When there is love, there is a desire to share every aspect of life and to plan new things together. If you try to include each other in every plan you make, it is because you truly love each other.
Analyze your relationship before moving on to the next step. No list can tell you for sure, but these signs can help you see more clearly.
Looking at these ten signs, which one do you most want to nurture in your relationship?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If there is violence in your home
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. These lines are free and confidential.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Available 24/7.
- If you are thinking of harming yourself: call or text 988 (press 2 for Spanish).
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
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