How to teach our children emotional intelligence

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

As a parent, you will not be able to encourage emotional intelligence in your children without first understanding it in detail, and your role as a guide. That is why I want us to go deeper into what makes up emotional intelligence. Besides, we should also know what kind of behavior is appropriate for this task.

What are the components of emotional intelligence?

Talking about emotional intelligence without looking into the work of Daniel Goleman would be a mistake, thus it is necessary to understand his work. According to Goleman, emotional intelligence can be understood as a type that goes beyond the rational or logical.

It is composed of five principles that work together to help us resolve conflicts. These components or principles are:

Emotional Self-Awareness

Emotional self-awareness refers to the ability to understand one’s own emotions and moods. It consists of an intellectual process in which we can relate what we feel to what we express and what others experience.

It is through it that we can analyze how our actions affect others and understand that the emotions you feel can change the world around you.

Emotional Self-Regulation

Emotional self-regulation is the ability to control impulses and emotions with assertiveness. Self-regulation is what prevents us getting carried away by our primary instincts, controlling them instead. A person lacking emotional self-regulation will tend to cause conflicts and altercations in their environment because they do not know how to control themselves.

Lack of control over emotions is dangerous because it will create a bad self-image. On the other hand, those who do have this kind of self-regulation are able to adapt to their environment and do not let emotions overflow. Thinking before speaking is a good way to summarize emotional self-regulation.

Motivation

The third component of emotional intelligence is motivation, which is a psychological process composed of our ability to direct our emotional states towards a specific goal. This has to be in a positive and energetic way, as it will help to face setbacks with vigor.

Motivation helps us stay on track in our lives, to be persistent, and avoid distractions. When there is no motivation, you will notice that fatigue and boredom will set in. So will sadness and negativity.

Empathy

Empathy is a very valuable quality in the world we live in. I think this because of how blind we can sometimes be to the feelings of others, and how distant we feel from our neighbor, when it should be the opposite.

Empathy contributes to emotional intelligence as the ability to put ourselves in the place of others, allowing us to interpret others’ feelings and live their emotions.

Using it, we can be more open-minded and we can also be of more help in complicated moments when we do not know how to act.

Social Skills

The last of the elements are social skills, which are a series of abilities that allow us to relate better to the surrounding individuals. They are recognized as being key to professional and personal development.

Without social skills, we would not be able to communicate effectively, nor know the needs of our environment. That is what we are made for, to live in community and togetherness, just as God teaches us through His word. The problem is that those who lack highly developed social skills feel nervous when interacting with others, for example.

Here, we come back to the issue of the importance for children. They are constantly being pushed to socialize in their schools from a very young age. And a child who finds it difficult to work in a team will have a more difficult time adapting in the educational system.

The first school to teach emotional intelligence is at home

Do you want your children to have high emotional intelligence? My main advice is that everything starts at home. It is not the first time I have said it, but this is the reality that I need to emphasize again and again. Children are the reflection of their parents. Therefore, it is necessary for them to see how emotional intelligence works at home.

God has placed the greatest task of creation in the hands of mothers and fathers, that of conceiving life, and guiding it along the right path. To give immeasurable love, as He Himself gives us in his infinite mercy as our creator.

So have you evaluated whether you are a good example of emotional intelligence for your children? If the answer is negative after analyzing yourself, you must understand that parents who are not emotionally intelligent will not be able to teach their children to practice it. You can’t give what you don’t have, it’s as simple as that.

You must also internalize that the emotional dynamic that parents experience is the same that their children experience. Children will handle their emotions the same way their parents do. You are the mirror in which your child will reflect, so it is a team effort. It is work that not only depends on the little ones, but also on the adults in the house.

What kind of parent are you?

The relationship between parents and children is a beautiful bond. It must be strengthened and enriched day by day. However, we agree that it will not be easy to keep it stable all the time due to its complexity. It is true especially during the development stage, a fundamental stage to solidify this sacred bond. The path of emotional growth is full of responsibility and requires constant self-education.

One of the ways to do this is to identify the type of parent you are. For this task, the American psychologist and clinician John Gottman has classified parents according to several types:

  • Careless parents. They are the type of parents who belittle and ridicule their children’s negative emotions.
  • Punishing parents. They are the ones who impose punishments and reprimand their children. They abound in negative feelings.
  • Parents who do not set limits. These parents are in a middle. Although they accept the child’s negative emotions, they are not able to set limits on their behaviors.
  • “Emotional Coach” Parents. This is the ideal. These parents identify their children’s feelings and encourage them to talk about it and try to find a solution together.

You yourself have the power to be your child’s emotional coach. But for that, you must have skills such as:

  • knowing how to identify the child’s emotions,
  • taking advantage of opportunities to teach them,
  • listening to them with empathy and
  • validating their feelings.

It is also necessary teaching them to define them. As well as establishing limits to negative feelings and giving them accessible solutions.

Why Emotional Intelligence is important for children?

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

I have lost count of the number of parents who have called me concerned about their children’s erratic behavior. For that reason, we will see what is Emotional Intelligence and how important is it for our children?

From little ones who are aggressive with their schoolmates, to withdraw children who have a hard time relating to others. As their parent, you will feel it is your responsibility to help them overcome these issues, so you may be looking for reasons to blame them or punishments to correct them.

Even so, have you ever wondered if your child is capable of handling their own emotions? The complexity of human relationships begins very early in life, therefore, a lack of emotional intelligence will result in the inability to control or manage their emotions.

Emotional intelligence is as important as other types of intelligence because it helps you know yourself and others as you grow up. By encouraging it in children, their learning will improve, they will be able to resolve conflicts more easily, and it will encourage better personal and social well-being.

If you feel that you invest a lot of effort into making your child do their homework, get good grades, or behave the way you want them to, keep in mind that proper development is not only focused on academic intelligence. It’s time for me to teach you what emotional intelligence is. Let’s start.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a set of skills for the correct management of emotions, for example, motivation, empathy, enthusiasm, and self-control. These skills can be acquired from birth or learned throughout life. That is why both adults and children are able to develop them.

This concept was first used by the American psychologists Peter Salovey & John Mayer in 1990. Later, it became the title of a book by author Daniel Goleman.

Unlike what you may believe, emotional intelligence does not having no emotional reaction to stimuli. On the contrary, it is about the reactions you have to them. You may be surprised by this, but the reactions provoked by emotions are many times greater than the emotion itself.

That is why an emotionally intelligent person will have the following characteristics:

  • They have a deep knowledge of their emotions: Those who develop emotional intelligence can analyze their emotions and interpret them. They just don’t just feel them.
  • These people do not repress their feelings: They show sincerity and authenticity regarding their feelings. Besides, they can also express their feelings clearly.
  • They show a balance in their emotions: It’s all about balance, and how they are able to identify the bad and the good. They are always looking for helpful solutions.

Considering all the above, it is logical to want our children to have this kind of intelligence. However, first it is fundamental that, as parents, we are able to educate ourselves and follow the path that has been established by our God.

What are emotions?

In a technical way, emotions are physiological reactions that we have to adapt to the environment we are in. In other words, our brain has the great capacity to modify our cognition to use behaviors that allow us to survive depending on the situation. Basically, emotions are adaptive functions.

At the same time, this function has physiological components (an involuntary reaction, such as accelerated breathing), cognitive components (a subjective experience), and behavioral components (the change of behavior, such as movements or facial gestures).

According to Paul Ekman, there are six basic or primary emotions:

  1. Fear: Associated with nervousness, restlessness, and anxiety.
  2. Anger: Associated with hostility, indignation, and rage.
  3. Joy: Associated with pleasure, amusement, and ecstasy.
  4. Surprise: Associated with discovery, expectation, and dynamism.
  5. Disgust: Associated with disgust or rejection.
  6. Sadness: Associated with isolation or decreased energy.

Why is emotional intelligence important?

If your child is, for example, not good at math, but instead of asking for your help, he or she screams and gets frustrated easily, you will understand the importance of emotional intelligence. Children who have it are able to solve problems by managing their emotions wisely.

But giving it to your children, it is not really something you can measure. There are no tests such as the intelligence quotient (IQ) to know if they have it. But vitality of emotional intelligence in child development is remarkable. A child who is emotionally intelligent will be able to respond well to the surrounding environment. Likewise, he/she will be able to establish better relationships with other children and adults.

I feel that encouraging emotional intelligence is ideal, especially for children who have difficulty concentrating or learning. With emotional intelligence, they will be able to improve their learning skills, and develop in this way.

As a parent, you need to put yourself in your child’s position at every difficult moment. So just imagine that you have learning and attention difficulties, you can’t solve tasks that are easy for your other classmates. Children with these kinds of complications often feel embarrassed and intimidated by learning. But by stimulating their emotional intelligence, you can prepare them for new challenges.

You should also consider the fact that having problems with emotional intelligence could be a sign that the child will have learning or attention difficulties in the future. This is why children with ADHD tend to develop their social skills later and have difficulty interpreting situations accurately.

If your child fits this description, or you identify with what I have said here, do not feel like there is no solution. It is quite the opposite, actually. Emotional intelligence can be modified for each child.

 

How to deal with emotional crises in few steps

by with No Comment Mental health

Emotional crises by situations that put pressure on us will have an impact on our whole self. That is why I don’t recommend that you let it go unnoticed when you feel you can’t get through something easily. You have to keep in mind that the more serious the event, the greater the effect on you.

Emotional reactions during emotional crises

Emotional crises will awaken many reactions that are impossible to ignore. These reactions usually include physical, cognitive, and interpersonal aspects.

A breakup is not the same as the death of your partner, a vehicle accident in which there were only material losses is not the same as one in which there were serious injuries.

Emotional

Emotions will be the protagonists in crises. It is also in these moments when we will sincerely understand how powerful they are and how they define us. When you go through a crisis, you will experience emotional reactions. They ca be shock and an overwhelming feeling where you may not believe what just happened to you.

Reactions can also include emotions such as anger or irritability for having witnessed the event. The pain will be inevitable, as is the guilt for not having been able to do more. The emotions will be there throughout the recovery process, and when it comes to very serious events, these emotions will return on the anniversaries of the events.

Cognitive

With the cognitive aspect, you experience feelings such as confusion, indecision, lack of memory, and trouble concentrating. Also, memory plays a very important role in the development of these events because you will have memories accompanied by an increased heart rate or excessive sweating.

Depending on the type of event that triggered this emotional crisis, these can be a milder or more intense.

Physical

Our emotions are connected to our body. This is something I always emphasize to my patients. Everything is connected, and that is why we have physical reactions during emotional crises.

Physical reactions can include tension, headaches, or fatigue/tiredness. Body aches and pains are not uncommon, nor are considerable changes in both sleep and eating habits.

Interpersonal

Regarding interpersonal reactions, there could be reactions like distrust, withdrawal, conflict, sensitivity, or feeling rejected. Depending on the age of the person, he/she could develop problems at school or at work.

What to do after a crisis

Recovering your emotional balance and rebuilding your life after a traumatic event does not happen quickly. But it is true that taking certain attitudes will be of great help when dealing with the issue.

Basic tips

Here are some basic tips on how to act after a crisis that may help you:

  • There is no right or wrong way to feel. No one can tell you how to feel about a traumatic event. Humans do not all react to trauma the same way.
  • Feelings cannot be ignored. The more you try to hide your feelings, the longer the recovery process will take. Just because you feel it is better to wait to deal with your emotions doesn’t mean that this is the right thing to do. I can assure you that those feelings may become more intense if they are not dealt with in time.
  • Don’t obsessively relive the event. Your nervous system will feel overwhelmed if you continuously evoke the traumatic event. You will not be able to think clearly when you have it replaying over and over again. You will say that you are not able to control it, so a suggestion I give you is to keep yourself distracted by reading or cooking. Whatever activity you find rewarding.
  • Get back into your routine. Routines are comfortable and comforting. So getting back into them will help you feel a little better. Events like these may be so big that they force you to change your schedule at school or work. But you can still find a routine to apply to meals or bedtime.
  • You do not have to make important decisions at this stage: Do not put pressure on yourself by making important decisions at work, at home, or in your family. Making these types of decisions while traumatized will only cause more stress. Wait until you can think clearly enough to make the right decisions.

How to help children cope with emotional crises

Children are fragile and need our protection, and you should know that some children react immediately in a crisis, while others take much longer. Also, the signs of emotional distress are closely related to the child’s age. The same goes for the child’s previous experiences and how he or she deals with stress.

One way to know how your child will act in such a situation is how you act. That’s right, children try to imitate adults at times like these, so showing them security and calmness will give them better support.

As a parent or older figure, you need to convey reassurance and confidence. One recommendation I consistently make is to talk to children about what is happening. Understand that the age of the child will influence the amount of information you give them and how you give it to them. Simpler is better.

Later, as the event passes, it will be time to address all of their behaviors and help them cope with the consequences of what they have experienced. If the child asks questions, you have to answer them. I think it is a good idea to encourage them to talk about their fears and any doubts they may have.

 

Everything you need to know about emotional crisis

by with No Comment Mental health

We all have a different way of facing difficult situations in life. However, here is when an emotional crisis can appear. But if I have learned anything in my years of practice, it is that emotions can mark your path for better or worse. They are an essential part of our life, but understanding them is not an easy task.

Dealing with the death of a loved one, or the loss of a job or even a relationship, is not easy. This is why these situations are the ones that commonly lead to an emotional crisis.

Despite the fact that Even though God guides us every day, that He is our protection and strength, I know that it is also difficult to face life after such events. Pain frustrates us, weakens us, and prevents us from seeing the help that our Lord offers us. It is not your fault that you are blinded. You simply do not have the necessary resources to successfully face these transitions.

That is why I want to show you how you can overcome adversity, and not allow emotional crises to bring you down.

Emotional crisis: what are they, types, and stages

I would like you to keep in mind that to overcome adversity, you need to identify what adversity looks like and what causes it. Therefore, consider the following points:

What is a crisis?

A crisis is a transitory state that will affect your emotional and behavioral perception, impairing your ability to make decisions. In other words, it is a difficult situation that you will have to go through, and it will disturb your emotions. It may be that the event effects only you or on a larger scale, affecting an entire family, community, or even country.

Tragedies come with many faces. It could be the sudden death of someone you care about, or, it could be a car accident, or a hurricane. As I said, each person will respond differently, and it is that response that will outline the recovery process.

The curious thing about emotional crises is that while they are a danger for some people, for others, they are an opportunity. For example, an opportunity is when amid pain, the family unites to overcome it and becomes greater than it is. It also becomes an opportunity when solutions are sought together.

However, unfortunately, some see crises as a danger because:

  • they are paralyzed by fear,
  • their self-confidence is drained,
  • and they wait for others to solve the problem for them.

I have seen thousands of reactions to crises in my therapy sessions. I have seen thousands of reactions to crises in my therapy sessions. There are those who that even use them to reflect on life. There are also those who give up, those who look for a new purpose, those who get sick, those who take years to heal, and even those who heal quickly.

Certainly, there is no standard recovery time for crises, but if you are stuck in one, it is time to seek professional help.

Types of Emotional Crisis

Most people have gone through or will go through an emotional crisis in their lives, as within it, creation is sincere. Great challenges will be imposed on us in one way or another. So, these events will appear unexpectedly many times, confusing.

However, keep in mind that emotional crises cannot be categorized into types, but we can categorize the transitions that cause them. They can be ordered in two forms: the crises from external conditions, and the crises from internal conditions.

By external conditions, we mean crises caused by an event that is unrelated to you, for example, natural catastrophes, terrorist acts, accidents, illnesses, deceased or missing relatives. Similarly, layoffs, discrimination, and harassment are part of that list.

On the other hand, internal conditions are crises that do not depend on facts as such but subjective feelings. They have the meaning that you give them.

Such are the cases of existential crises, vocational crises, identity crises, or couple crises. There are hundreds of other forms, such as developmental crises (childhood, adolescence, old age), and spiritual crises.

The 4 stages of a crisis:

In a crisis, you will generally have to deal with four stages. These stages are the following:

  • Paralysis. The first stage of an emotional crisis usually begins with a sense of bewilderment and a feeling of not being able to reason or act. What happens in the instant is processed.
  • Uncertainty. Events that trigger emotional crises are not everyday occurrences. That is why the most common reaction is having a deep feeling of uncertainty invade you. No matter how many ideas come into your head, you will be pondering them all.
  • Intrusion. Intrusion is where you will finally accept the painful feelings, and live through and remember the tragic images. Having frequent thoughts of that event will be normal at this stage. It is a time that takes longer for certain people.
  • Elaboration and solution. In these moments, the pain is expressed in true thoughts. Although some can do it naturally, there will be those who need psychological support. In the stage of overcoming the pain, one begins to unburden oneself and reach a conclusion about what has been experienced.

The grieving process in a crisis

Curiously, understanding the origin of the word “duel” will help to better understand what it consists of. This word comes from the Latin “dolus,” meaning pain or combat between two. Researchers define grieving as a process of adaptation to reestablish family equilibrium.

On the other hand, according to Kaplan’s Treatise on Psychiatry, a normal mourning process usually consists of three stages. They are not completely linear, as it is possible to regress to one of these.

The first of these is the phase of shock and denial. In this phase, denial and bewilderment will be the predominant feelings exhibited. The second phase is that of acute distress and isolation, consisting of a mixture of suffering, anger, and difficulty resting.

Finally, there is the phase of reorganization. Here, the loss finally assimilates in all its meaning, however much it may have cost. This phase is the one that will mark the beginning of restarting life, going back to the previous roles, and starting from scratch.

 

What is the emotional maturity in adults

by with One Comment Mental health

Do you know ways to move forward on the path to emotional maturity in adults? I am going to share some of them in this article.

Have you ever seen a foal, or a calf being born? If you have not seen it in person, maybe you have seen it on the Discovery Channel. It usually takes place in an open field or a stable. The mother does not need emotional maturity in adults. She does have to go to the hospital so that her baby can be born in the hands of a doctor. She does not have an operating table when she gives birth, nobody helps her, and she manages to give birth just through her instincts.

Almost immediately, when the creature is born, it struggles to stand on all fours. Its legs shake, but it manages to continue. No one teaches it how to walk, and it does not have to wait a whole year to learn how to do it. It just happens minutes right after being born. No one teaches it where it must go to get food or how to survive, either. It all happens by instinct.

Emotional maturity in adults

When we were born, it was all very different. How I would have liked to run just right after being born! How I would have liked to have known how to defend myself without depending on my mother! Or how I would have liked to have learned how to relate to others without my parents’ help! None of this happened the way it does for many animals. But animals do not have what we have, a mind. That mind we have contains 100 billion neurons and the ability to store information like no other computer in the world.

But there is a problem. The use of a child’s mind will depend on his/her development. The child needs to learn throughout his/her life how to use his/her mind and how to develop it. And, through his/her parents and school’s influence, that child will grow to use the most important organ of the human body powerfully. Each time the child memorizes something, new neurons are formed.

Human beings are completely controlled by the mind. All of our actions, whether good or bad, originate in the mind. It is the mind who worships God and bonds us with heavenly beings… All the physical organs are servants of the mind, and nerves are the messengers who transmit orders to every part of the body to direct the movements of the living machine…

(Mind, Character and Personality, p. 409)

Emotional maturity in adults reflects in managing emotions

One of the main functions of the mind is managing emotions. Emotions are cognitive and psychological reactions to different experiences we have in life. Just as the mind is developed and grows, the human being must learn how to manage emotions so that emotional maturity can be reached.

The problem is that emotional maturity does not always correspond to the chronological age of the human being (chronological age is a way to measure the time a person has lived). I am 52 years old, and that is my chronological age. My chronological and emotional age could not be at the same level. I could be 52 years old but be an emotional child, as chronological and emotional age do not always go together. And if I have not grown emotionally at my age, then, I could be an emotionally ill adult.

The emotionally ill adult

I like how Peter Scazzero develops this concept in his book, The Emotionally Healthy Leader. He asks, what is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think of an emotionally ill adult?

  • Emotional and spiritual deficit that causes an impact in all aspects of his/her life. Those emotional deficits are mainly manifested through a generalized lack of sensibility.
  • Emotional ill adults are involved in more activities than their spiritual, physical, and emotional reserves combined can support. They give more than they receive.

Characteristics of an emotionally ill adult

It is said that an adult is emotionally ill when he/she:

  • Has low levels of self-awareness
  • Does not pay attention to the emotions his/her body might be sending him/her
  • Does not pay attention to his/her family
  • Is unable to read his/her emotional world and those of others
  • Gives priority to work, studies, tasks, etc., rather than marriage and singleness
  • Does not have a vision of his/her marriage or singleness as the greatest gift he/she has
  • Makes decisions without thinking about their impact on his/her marriage or singleness
  • Overflows chronically by always being occupied in God’s service or serving others and neglects his/her relationship with them
  • Lives without boundaries
  • Lacks rhythm between his/her job and resting

Emotional maturity in adults

Emotional maturity is not something that comes automatically through the years, it is not something you learn in school. It is something learned in our own homes, even before turning one year old. The emotional dynamics you have in your life are the same ones that have run in your family for generations.

You might be on the same level of emotional maturity as your parents were. You can probably not grow beyond the point your parents reached because they were the first role models and instructors you had to learn how to express your emotions unless you have managed to break the emotional pattern that existed in your family.

EMOTIONAL BABIES

Adults whose level of emotional maturity is very low are called “emotional babies” and have the following characteristics:

  • They seek others who can take care of them
  • They find it very difficult to enter other people’s world
  • Emotional babies are driven by the need for gratification
  • They use others as objects to meet their own needs

EMOTIONAL CHILDREN

Adults whose level of emotional maturity is low are called “emotional children” and have the following characteristics:

  • Their true emotional maturity level is shown quickly when under pressure, disappointment, and in trouble
  • They interpret disagreements as personal offenses. They feel hurt very easily
  • Emotional adults complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, and are sarcastic when they do not get what they want
  • They find it very difficult to talk calmly, nicely, and maturely about their needs and things they desire

EMOTIONAL TEENAGERS

There are also adults whose level of emotional maturity is medium, and they are called “emotional teenagers” and have the following characteristics:

  • They tend to show defensiveness
  • They keep score of what they have given so that later they can get something in return
  • Emotional adults deal poorly with conflicts, generally blaming it on others, appeasing, going to a third person, frowning their faces, or ignoring the topic completely
  • They care only about themselves
  • They find it difficult to truly listen to the pain, disappointment, or needs of those around them
  • Besides, they are critical and judgmental

EMOTIONAL ADULTS

When people reach a high level of emotional maturity in adults, they are called “emotional adults,” since they have achieved full emotional maturity. Their characteristics are:

  • They can ask for what they need, want, or prefer in a clear, direct, and honest way
  • They acknowledge, control, and assume accountability for their thoughts and feelings
  • Emotional adults can, even under pressure, affirm their own beliefs and values without being adverse
  • They respect others without changing them
  • They give people room for mistakes and recognize that they are not perfect
  • Emotional adults appreciate people just the way they are, good and bad people, and not for what they receive in exchange
  • They evaluate their limits, strengths, and weaknesses with precision and are capable of discussing them freely with others
  • They are satisfied and happy when they receive what they want
  • besides, they are deeply in harmony with their emotional world and are capable of entering other people’s feelings, needs, and concerns without losing themselves
  • Also, they can solve a conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider other people’s perspectives

So far, I have shown that our emotional maturity in adults is not linked to our chronological age, but connected to our spiritual maturity.

Spiritual and emotional maturity in adults

I was unaware of this reality for many years. I thought that my emotional maturity had nothing to do with my spiritual maturity, and that I could grow spiritually without having to consider my emotions. Furthermore, I also thought that emotions were merely a part of the human body and that there was nothing we could do to learn how to express them correctly.

When I started to develop as a church leader, I remember that I tried to stay connected with God, to build my intimacy with Him. But, when it came to expressing my emotions and relating to others, I had serious problems. I expected people to have the same level of commitment I had. I

f people did not fulfill their commitments, they would have had to listen to my reprimand. I put them on my blacklist and disconnected them from that person. I almost got an ulcer from living this way, until God showed me how wrong I had been throughout my whole life.

Certainly, we cannot walk through life being emotional babies or teenagers who are upset about everything that happens around them or other people’s actions. We must grow in our emotional maturity, which will also lead us to reach spiritual maturity with the help of the Holy Spirit. If we reach the maturity of an “emotional adult,” we can have a full and happy life, with relationships based on respect, consideration, and empathy for others.

Let’s work for emotional maturity in adults

I invite you today to take the initiative to walk the path to emotional and spiritual maturity. Decide to see others through the eyes of love, respect, thoughtfulness, and empathy. But do not forget to see yourself through those same eyes because we tend to neglect our inner world. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you keep growing emotionally and spiritually. Read God’s Word and you will find many life lessons that will enrich your inner world.

Do you know any other ways to move forward on the path to emotional maturity in adults? Share it with us in the comments section. So, we can help others continue growing emotionally and spiritually.

Discover your emotional level and reach your potential

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

Today, I want to help you discover your emotional level. In this series of posts, we are considering the people in the story of Israel, and why that generation of men that got out of Egypt could not consummate the dream of entering the promised land. And we discovered that one of the reasons was that the people of Israel did not let the Holy Spirit, the Almighty God, change their lives.

The second reason was that the people of Israel, that generation who got out of Egypt, did not grow emotionally. By not growing emotionally, they did not let the Holy Spirit transform their lives. Why? Simply, because emotional growth must be proportional to our spiritual growth.

Emotional Level

Let’s go deeper into why emotional growth is important. You cannot grow beyond where your parents grew emotionally because they were your first models and instructors when you had to learn how to express your emotions and how to love. I mean that you cannot go beyond the emotional dynamics you learn in your family.

If you are struggling because you do not know how to solve your emotional issues, how to handle your emotions, or how to express your love for your wife and children, and you see that you have issues, maybe the problem is linked to the emotional dynamics you lived back in your childhood. If your parents were not helping you grow emotionally, you could be having problems handling your emotions and expressing your love for other people in the present.

The first school you had when learning about emotional intelligence was at home, with your parents, and in those aspects, many people’s problems lie. Their parents did not teach them how to grow emotionally, and they are struggling in their life today.

Emotional Level by Peter Scazzero

In his book, The Emotionally Healthy Leader, Peter Scazzero presents the different stages people go through in their emotional growth.

The first emotional level

The first stage is the one he considers emotional babies. And many people behave as such. They try to find people who can take care of them, but they find it difficult to enter the emotional world of others because they behave like babies. They are driven by the need to be gratified. So, they use others as objects, so their needs can be met, and they continuously depend on someone else.

The second emotional level

The second stage is the “emotional children.” They manifest themselves when they are under pressure, trying to find solutions or when having problems in life. This kind of person explodes when they have work or home problems. They cannot control themselves because they are emotional children. They interpret disagreement as a personal offense.

Thus, they attack and cannot control themselves. They cannot have healthy relationships because every criticism they receive is an emotional problem for them. Thus, they feel hurt easily, complain a lot, withdraw themselves from situations, manipulate, get revenge, and are sarcastic when they do not get what they want. They find it difficult to talk in a nice, mature, and calm way about their needs and the things they want.

The third emotional level

Then, people can reach the emotional adolescent stage. They are used to being on the defensive. Criticism makes them feel threatened and alarmed. If your wife criticizes you because you left the garbage or your shoes in the wrong place, you take that criticism personally and explode. You do not know how to handle your emotions or how to handle criticism. You take everything personally.

Besides feeling threatened and alarmed by criticism, they keep score of what they give, so they can ask for something in return. I mean, they are continuously giving, serving, and helping, but then they feel bad if people do not provide them the same. They deal with conflicts poorly.

They are generally blaming others, appeasing, going to a third person, building emotional triangles, frowning their faces, or completely ignoring the subject. And, maybe, you see people behaving like this in your own family or your place of work. If so, it is because they are emotional adolescents; They have not grown. They have not reached the emotional maturity they need to reach.

Let’s know about the emotional level. Emotional adolescents are concerned with themselves. They find it difficult to truly listen to other people’s pain, disappointment, or needs. They are critical and judgmental. So, they cannot grow. They do not burst the emotional bubble that keeps them tied to their past, to what they learned in childhood.

The fourth emotional level

Emotional adults also exist. May God help us reach this kind of emotional maturity and help us be emotional adults. They can ask for what they need, want, or prefer in a clear, direct, and honest way. Thus, they recognize, control, and take responsibility for their thoughts and feelings. They do not blame others for the negative experiences or feelings they have.

Besides, they take responsibility and say, I feel this way because I let myself feel this way. Nobody controls how I am going to react to something. They react maturely, and can, even under pressure, affirm their own beliefs and principles without being adverse.

Some people cannot talk to emotional adults because they take everything personally, get agitated, or lose control. This is linked to the fact that a person like this has not grown emotionally. The person who grows emotionally, who reaches adulthood, behaves maturely and knows how to handle emotions and how t respect others without changing them. That person makes room for mistakes and recognizes that he/she is not perfect. Nobody is perfect.

The emotional adult recognizes that people are not perfect and tries to give them the benefit of the doubt because it is necessary when building healthy relationships. He or she also appreciates people as they are: good or bad, and not for what they give in return.

Acceptance

I accept you unconditionally. Jesus accepts you unconditionally, and God does too. But, people who do not grow emotionally accept you under certain conditions. Emotional adults accept you as you are. They evaluate their limits, strengths, and weaknesses with precision, and they can discuss them with others freely.

So, they feel satisfied and happy when they get what they want. They are also in deep harmony with their emotional world. And, they can enter the emotional needs and feelings. And concerns of others without losing themselves in the process. They can solve conflicts maturely and can negotiate solutions taking other people’s perspectives into account.

And you, friend, who are reading this blog, I challenge you to grow. If you are an emotional baby or child, set your mind on growing even more every day in your emotional life, and your relationships.

May God help you discover how to grow emotionally and reach the stature He wants you to reach, through these words about learning how to love, how to be a husband, a father, or a wife and a mother who knows how to handle emotions and to glorify God in everything you do.

Emotional growth is not proportional to biological growth

by with No Comment Emotional IntelligenceSpiritual growth

Your emotional growth is not proportional to your biological growth.

Why did the people of Israel fail? Why, from that entire generation that left Egypt, did only two people, Joshua and Caleb, get into the Promised Land? The people of Israel failed due to their sinful nature. And perhaps, the reason why you have failures in your marriage or your family is because of the sinful nature you have.

But, even though we have this nature, we do not consider it an excuse for not achieving our dreams or having healthy families because the same God who freed the people of Israel from Pharaoh’s hands is the same God who is present in our lives today and frees us from Satan’s hands, so we can experience a new transformation and a new life in Jesus Christ.

Emotional growth

Let’s study this subject a little deeper. There is a factor that we do not often consider when studying spiritual growth, and that is our sinful nature. This has to do with the fact that we do not often grow spiritually because we do not grow emotionally. Your emotional growth greatly influences how you behave with your family and in your relationships.

This means that if you are learning to love, you need to learn something: love is something you learn and your ability to manage your emotions, your emotional intelligence, has a lot to do with how you are going to learn how to love, how you are going to express the love you have for your wife or husband, your children, and your family.

Emotional growth according to the Bible

Many times, we do not grow because we do not mature emotionally. And this was the problem with the people of Israel. They were released from Egypt. God was present, but they never grew emotionally. What does this mean? Let’s analyze it. Whenever they had a problem, stress, or a crisis in their lives, how did they handle their emotions? The Bible has many examples that show us that they lost control. In the first moment, they tended to curse Moses, the leaders of God’s people, and even God Himself.

They threw stones to eliminate and kill the leaders of God’s people because they were not satisfied with the way God had been leading their lives. And nowadays, the same thing often happens in many relationships: family members argue, fight, and they lose control because they cannot control their emotions. That is why there are many families in crisis.

Emotional growth according to example of life

As a therapist, I have many cases with people coming to the office, destroyed, saying: “My husband (or wife) said words that hurt me emotionally, my husband (or wife) did things that I cannot name here.” This happens because the husband or wife did not know how to manage their emotions.

Often, we do not grow spiritually because we do not grow emotionally. A person can be 50 years old and behave like an emotional child or adolescent because his or her emotional growth is not proportional to biological growth. Many people are confused about this subject, and in my practice, I find many cases in which people do not understand the importance of growing emotionally.

Your emotional growth

Your emotional growth will not be proportional to your biological growth unless you intend to grow, mature, and change the way you think, to reflect Christ’s mind. Otherwise, you will not grow emotionally. And, this is why in your relationship as a husband or a wife, you manifest behaviors that surprise you, and you wonder, “Where did these behaviors come from? Why do I not do the good thing I want to do and do the bad thing I do not want to do?”

That happens because you have not grown emotionally. And since you have not done it, you do not know how to handle your emotions, you do not have emotional intelligence, you do not understand your wife’s emotions, your husband’s, your children’s emotions, and you end up screaming, manifesting negative emotions in a way that God does not want you to manifest them. All because you have not grown emotionally.

Your emotional growth should be proportional to your spiritual growth. This means that in the same way you grow spiritually, you need to grow emotionally. The same Spirit that produces spiritual growth produces emotional growth.

What you can do for reaching emotional growth

Maybe you have been in the Kingdom of God for many years and know the Bible completely. Maybe you are married and have a family, but none of this is going to be important or relevant unless you grow up emotionally. A person who grows spiritually and does not grow emotionally is inconceivable because the same Spirit that produces both kinds of growth must be present.

If we go to the book of Ephesians, we will see that Paul talks about the fruit of the Spirit. That is love, joy, and peace. Those fruits are produced by the Holy Spirit. These fruits will not be produced even if you go to church, sing, and read the Bible. But then go home and mistreat your husband or wife, your children, and talk to them improperly. Because you do not have patience, tolerance, or self-control. The same Spirit that leads you to worship and to have the presence of God in your life is the same one that helps you control your emotions.

Due to this confusion, we have decided to present the program “Learning to Love.”

Learning to Love

Yale University has proven and has written many articles that show that 80 percent of people’s success is based on their emotional ability and intelligence.

Maybe you are struggling with your family, with your marriage. Maybe you want a healthy marriage, or to learn to love God and others, but you see that in the middle of that fight, you fail, and like the people of Israel, you give up because you do not know how to do it.

Today, I challenge you to learn something new. If you want to learn how to love, you need to grow, t mature emotionally, to reach Christ’s stature and His mind. This means that you need to reach and develop the emotions Jesus experienced. That is, to have Christ’s mind. You can do it. I also challenge you to start growing emotionally. And, through these posts, we will show you how to grow and develop emotional intelligence.

Through these lines, we want to help you achieve this goal. You can also buy the book Learning to Love on Amazon or contact us.

You can learn how to love and that way, you can transform future generations.

God bless you.