As a parent you will not be able to encourage the Emotional Intelligence of your children without first knowing in detail its components and your role as a guide. That is why I want us to go deeper into what makes it up and what kind of behavior is appropriate for this task.
What are the components of emotional intelligence?
Talking about emotional intelligence without looking into the work of Daniel Goleman is not accurate at all. Therefore, it is necessary to know his study about it and how to understand it. According to Goleman, this type of intelligence could be understood as a type that goes beyond the rational or logical.
In the same way it is composed of five principles, which cooperate with each other to help us resolve conflicts. These components or principles are:
Emotional self-awareness refers to the ability to understand one’s own emotions and moods. It consists of an intellectual process in which we can relate what we feel to what we express and what others experience.
It is through it that we can also analyze how our actions are able to affect others. That the emotions you feel are in the ability to change the world around you.
Emotional self-regulation is the ability to control impulses and emotions with assertiveness. Self-regulation is what prevents us from letting ourselves be carried away by our primary instincts, instead controlling them. A person who has little of this, will tend to generate conflicts and altercations in their environment, because they do not know how to control themselves.
The lack of control over emotions is dangerous, because it will generate a bad self-image. On the other hand, those who do have this kind of self-regulation are able to adapt to their environment, to prevent emotions from overflowing. Thinking before speaking, is a good way to summarize.
As a third component of Emotional Intelligence, there is motivation, which is a psychological process composed of our ability to direct our emotional states towards a specific goal. This has to be in a positive and energetic way, because it will help to face setbacks with vigor.
Motivation helps us to be on track in our lives, to be persistent and not be distracted by anything or anyone. When there is no motivation, you will notice that fatigue and boredom will set in. So will sadness and negativism.
Empathy is a very valuable quality in the world we live in. I think so because of how blind we can sometimes be to the feelings of others, and how distant we feel from our neighbor, when it should be the opposite.
Empathy indeed makes up Emotional Intelligence as an ability to put ourselves in the other’s place. To interpret with assertiveness the feelings of others and live their emotions.
Using it we can be more open-minded in mutual understanding, we can also be of more help in complicated moments, in those in which we do not know how to act.
The last of the elements are social skills, which are a series of abilities that allow us to relate better with the individuals around us. They are recognized as a key to professional and personal development.
Without social skills we would not be able to communicate effectively, nor to know the needs of our environment. Because that is what we are made for, to live in community and togetherness, just as God teaches us through His word. The problem is that those who lack highly developed social skills will feel nervous when interacting with others for example.
This is where we come back to the issue in its importance for children, because they are constantly being pushed to socialize in their schools from a very young age. And a child who finds it difficult to work in a team will have a more difficult time adapting in the educational system.
The first school to learn about emotional intelligence is at home
Do you want your children to have high emotional intelligence? My main advice is that everything starts at home. It is not the first time I have said it, but it is a great reality that I need to emphasize again and again, children are the reflection of their parents. Therefore it is necessary that in their homes they see how Emotional Intelligence works, and the effects it can cause.
God has placed the greatest task of creation in the hands of mothers and fathers, that of conceiving life, and guiding it along the right path. To give immeasurable love, as He Himself gives us in his infinite mercy as our creator.
So have you evaluated if you are a good example of emotional intelligence for your children? If the answer is negative after analyzing yourself, you must understand that parents who are not emotionally intelligent will not be able to teach their children to practice it. You can’t give what you don’t have, it’s as simple as that.
You must also internalize that the same emotional dynamic that parents experience is the same that their children experience. Children will handle their emotions the same way their parents do. You are the mirror in which your child will be reflected, so it is a team work, it is a work that not only depends on the little ones, but also on the adults of the house.
What kind of parent are you??
The relationship between parents and children is a beautiful bond that must be strengthened and enriched day by day, but we agree that it will not be an easy task to keep it stable all the time due to its complexity.
Especially during the development stage of children, a fundamental stage to solidify this sacred bond. The path of emotional growth is full of responsibility, and it is a constant task of self-education.
One of the ways to do this is to identify the type of parent you are. For this task, the American psychologist and clinician John Gottman has classified parents according to several types, which are:
- Careless parents: They are the type of parents who belittle and ridicule the negative emotions of their children.
- Punishing parents: They are the ones who impose punishments and reprimand their children. They abound in negative feelings.
- Parents who do not set limits: These parents are in a middle path where, although they accept the child’s negative emotions, they are not able to set limits on their behaviors.
- “Emotional Coach” Parents: This is the ideal to be, those parents who when they identify their children’s feelings can encourage them to talk about it. Also to find a solution together.
You yourself have the power to be your child’s emotional coach, but for that, this kind of parent identifies themselves from the rest by having skills such as: knowing how to identify the child’s emotions, taking advantage of opportunities to teach them, listening to them with empathy, validating their feelings and teaching them to define them. Likewise, to establish limits to negative feelings, and in response give them solutions accessible to them.