I don’t want to be a perfectionist -Please help me

by with No Comment Emotional IntelligenceSpiritual growth

There is a perfectionist everywhere. They disguise themselves behind a facade. With good performance, they pretend to be what they are not and have peculiar characteristics.

Are you a perfectionist? Do you think that everything you do is flawed and can be improved, even at the expense of your health and your money? A perfectionist is a person who refuses to accept things as they are and is always looking for mistakes to fix and reach perfection.

It is not bad to want to improve an attitude or to want to do your job in a better way, but this type of personality can be dangerous if you do not know how to control it. For a perfectionist, anything less than magnificent is unacceptable. But the perfect thing does not exist, nothing and nobody is perfect. And because of this, this type of person tends to feel disappointed and frustrated when they find that they cannot do more to improve themselves or what is around them.

Statistics about being a perfectionist

Statistics on this matter say that more than 80 percent of the population recognizes being led by perfectionism in certain areas of their lives. Many people say: I like to do things right, perfectly, I and am a perfectionist. And they say this without understanding the consequences this type of personality can have.

There are differences between the demands of the perfectionist and the desire for excellence. The perfectionist says: the best of me is not enough, the one who wants excellence says: I am pleased with the best of me. So, the perfectionist says: I cannot be happy if it is not perfect, excellence says: I will be happy with the best of me; the perfectionist says it is painful to fail, and the one who wants excellence says: failure is part of life.

Types of perfectionists

There are two types of perfectionists: the pathological perfectionist and the one I call a “Christian perfectionist,” who tries to save himself/herself even when separated from God. In the Bible, we can find the story of Ananias and Sapphira, who had traits of perfectionism.

From the evidence presented by the biblical text, I cannot determine whether Ananias and Sapphira had pathological perfectionism, but I am sure they were Christian perfectionists who tried to be perfect by their means. They had a distorted image of God, they perceived Him as a perfectionist. They thought that God does not accept anything other than perfection.

From a perfectionist’s point of view, we have to at least pretend that we are good before God. If you do not do good before God, He will punish you: “Get off the tree or God will punish you,” “don’t ride a bicycle because God will punish you” … and many other misperceptions of that type. They have an image of a God as a perfectionist, and He will punish us for what we do wrong.

In Ananias and Sapphira’s story, it is shown how they had a distorted image of the members of the church. They were afraid that the brothers and sisters in the church would notice their inability to live up to them and thought they would not be accepted if they were recognized as being below the Barnabas family and their commitment to God. They showed false fidelity to enjoy prestige among the other members of the church, and they did not mind trying to deceive the Holy Spirit.

Perfectionist families

Those Christian perfectionists like Ananias do what they have to do in the church to maintain their image as good Christians. Nowadays, the families of church members who are like Ananias have no room for error because they live with the illusion of perfectionism.

If the family is having any kind of problem, such as the single daughter getting pregnant or if there are marriage problems at home, they pretend everything is fine, perfect, with problems. If the pastor asks them, “how is everything?” They answer: “Oh, pastor, everything is fine here, perfect.”

We could define the profile of the Christian perfectionist through the following characteristics: just like Ananias, perfectionists are never satisfied, they are critical of other people, they set impossible goals for themselves, they value themselves for what they do and what they have, instead of valuing themselves for their identity in Christ. They do not accept praise or criticism because they are never satisfied with what they have achieved.

Why is too dangerous to be a perfectionist?

When talking about the pathological perfectionist’s profile, we can say that he/she lives in continuous dissatisfaction despite doing everything well. He/she lives in tension and concern since he/she feels judged and criticized both personally and by others, which prevents him/her from achieving the happiness he/she is looking for. It can end in depression, anxiety, or suicide.

The pathological perfectionist’s development starts in childhood, at home because he/she never received love or acceptance from his/her parents. It was demanded that they have high performance in exchange for love and acceptance, and, when they reach adulthood, the programming they have in their minds is to be perfect or to appear to be perfect to be accepted and avoid failure.

Pathological perfectionists are afraid of failure. They associate failure with a lack of personal worth and constantly think that if they fail at something, they are worthless. By being too focused on trying to avoid making mistakes, they miss opportunities to grow and learn. Furthermore, they are afraid of others disapproving of them.

They believe that if they let others see their flaws or failures, they will be rejected. Trying to be perfect is a way to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, or disapproval of others. They are also characterized by having a very radical way of thinking. They go from one extreme to the other without considering the middle ground. If they do not do things perfectly, they think they are useless or feel incapable of moving forward.

How can you know if you are a pathological perfectionist?

You can ask yourself the following questions to evaluate yourself. Answer “Yes” if the answer is generally affirmative in your life and “No” if it is not generally true in your life (you may want to ask a close family member or a friend to confirm your answers, to make sure you are being realistic in your self-evaluation).

  1. I often think that I should have done things better than I did.
  2. I tend to put things aside if I do not have the time to do them perfectly.
  3. Fear to fail e when I work on an important project.
  4. I try hard to impress others with my best qualities or achievements.
  5. I always strive to stay in control of my emotions.
  6. My self-esteem drops if I repeat a mistake.
  7. I am often disappointed in the quality of others’ work.
  8. Bad feelings when things do not go as planned
  9. I feel like my standards should not be that high.
  10. I am constantly trying to improve.
  11. Fear that people will think badly of me if I fail.
  12. I am unhappy if everything I do is considered normal.
  13. My home and office must always be impeccable.
  14. I feel inferior to others who are smarter, more attractive, or more successful than me.
  15. I have to look flawless whenever I am in public.

If you answered “Yes” to five or more of the statements above, this suggests a significant perfectionism problem (This is a screening test, but for an accurate diagnosis of depression or other mental disorders, in-person consultation with a trained health professional is in order). But I have wonderful news for you: perfectionists can receive healing!

Ananias and Sapphira

Ananias and Sapphira were under the pressure of perfectionism, the prison that chains all those who want to be perfect despite being separated from God. The life of deception that Ananias and Sapphira lived led them to die ashamed in front of their congregation. The Ananias of today has the opportunity to recognize their perfectionist condition and save their souls.

If you are an Ananias, you must understand that perfectionism is something illusory and impossible. It is due to the sinful nature we all carry. If you do not get out of that prison today, you will have a life full of anxiety, depression, unhappiness, and in the end, eternal perdition for trying to live apart from Jesus.

How can you receive healing and be free from perfectionism? I

will give you seven tips below that will be of great help:

  1. Accept the Grace of God, you do not have to fear losing God’s love, nor measure yourself while being compared to others because the Grace of God reaches you.
  2. You do not need to try to impress God. He loves you and wants to transform you in His image.
  3. Trust that God will meet your needs
  4. Let yourself be filled by the Holy Spirit. This way you will enjoy its fruits: joy, peace, patience, fidelity, self-control, and benevolence.
  5. Whatever you do, do it in the name of the Lord.
  6. Hand God your demands to do things your way.
  7. Accept that it is okay to fail, and when you fall, get up and move on.

My dear friends that read these lines, it is time to accept that you can fail in your work. So, you can fall, and make mistakes, but, in the name of God, you can move on. Accept that you are unique, and you should not compare yourself to others. God made you as you are and, in Him, you can do everything.

7 ways to cope with loneliness in the pandemic

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

In this post, I want to talk about how to cope with loneliness. There is a silent epidemic that is gnawing away at our existence. An epidemic that has always been present since the arrival of sin, but which is not talked about. An epidemic that has grown as a product of COVID-19, and its effects will continue for generations. I am talking about the epidemic of loneliness.

Loneliness is defined as the feeling of being alone or lacking social connection. It is a state of deep anguish. Neuroscientists identify loneliness as a state of hypervigilance connected to our limbic system. Loneliness is the feeling of having less affection and closeness than we would desire in the intimate or relational areas.

Studies about to cope with loneliness in the pandemic

A recent study performed by Cigna insurance revealed that half of the citizens of this country always, or sometimes, feel lonely or abandoned. Fifty-four percent say that nobody knows them always or sometimes. The truth is that loneliness is an epidemic phenomenon in this country.

Surprisingly, this study found that Generation Z, those between the ages of 18 and 22, is the loneliest generation, with 79 percent reporting loneliness. The Millennial generation is not far away, following with 71 percent. The least isolated generation were the Boomers. These statistics reveal that it is time to provide an answer to this loneliness.

In Kansas City, there was an advertisement that said the following: “I will hear you talk for 30 minutes without making any comment for $5.”

It sounds like a hoax to you, right? But the person who made the advertisement meant it. Did someone call? You bet! It was not long before this person received 10 to 20 calls per day. The pain of loneliness was so strong that some people were willing to try anything for half an hour in the company of a stranger.

Loneliness is the epidemic

The truth is that loneliness is an epidemic that is not talked about and has grown to astronomical proportions due to the mandatory isolation we’re living in. If before the COVID-19 pandemic arrived, the statistics reflected a dreary reality, can you imagine the situation we are experiencing right now when hospitals and places for the elderly forbid visiting relatives or those who are hospitalized?

When do people who live alone have to maintain social distance? Parks and schools closed, without sports, without public events. Everything closed. This is unprecedented for those who already normally lived alone. Being alone in their isolation is perceived as torture. This is the reason why we need to learn how to cope with loneliness.

Scientists, for several years, have shown that loneliness is emotionally painful and it can produce psychiatric disorders, such as depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and even hallucinatory delusions. But, recent studies by UCLA have shown how destructive loneliness is in the human body.

More studies

The 2015 UCLA study showed that social isolation triggers cellular changes that result in chronic inflammation, predisposing those who are solitary to conditions such as heart disease, stroke, cancer, and Alzheimer’s disease. The same study concluded by stating that lonely people had a 26 percent higher risk of dying. This figure increased to 32 percent of those people lived alone.

What does the Bible say about how we should cope with loneliness? In the process of creating this world, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” Adam had been created in the relational image of God. A triune God who lives in a community. Adam could not have reflected the relational image of God if he had remained alone.

This matter of living in a community was so important to God that when He created Adam, he placed an organ called the brain, which has many functions, but recent studies have shown that one of the most important functions of the human brain is to establish emotional connections with the people around us. This is why God’s act of creation was not finished until Adam received a partner so that he could reflect the relational image of God.

Here is my argument: Human beings have not been created to live in solitude, in confinement. I understand that with COVID-19, this is a mandatory matter, but it is still harmful, especially for those who were already experiencing the effects of the loneliness epidemic.

The evidence

On March 26, just as the COVID-19 pandemic took over the world, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology released a report on loneliness. That is the first human study to show how both loneliness and hunger share deep signals in a part of the brain that governs very basic impulses of reward and motivation. The results point to a revealing conclusion: Our need to connect with others is apparently as fundamental as our need to eat.

John Cacioppo, who was considered the doctor of loneliness thanks to his contributions to the field, said that being alone or among people who are strangers, who do not know or understand you, triggers a fight or flight response in the human brain. Cacioppo argued that the body understands that being alone or being with strangers is a threat that it experiences due to the need for innate emotional security in human beings.

Therefore, this hypervigilance in response to isolation has been embedded in our nervous system to produce the anxiety we associate with loneliness. The sympathetic system’s response to this threat is an increase in respiration, our hearts speed up, our blood pressure increases, or we do not sleep.

7 ways to cope with loneliness

If, sadly, you are part of the group that is affected by the epidemic of loneliness, I invite you to take advantage of this opportunity and start practicing self-knowledge and growing emotionally. After the company that God offers you, the best company you can have in your life, is you?

This is why you must be careful to maintain your physical and emotional balance so that you are pleasant and warm with others. I give you seven ways to cope with loneliness every day.

1. Start every morning with Jesus.

Even before getting out of bed, invite Jesus to be your company during the day that is starting. Take time to meditate on His word and pray to find, that peace that only He can give you.

2. Thank God for the day He has given you.

Stand in front of your mirror and greet yourself. Do it, wishing yourself a happy day, and thank God for five the  things that He has given you that morning.

3. Hydrate yourself before breakfast.

Have a glass of water with a squeeze of lemon. As you drink the water, think about how good you feel about yourself. Besides,  recognize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you must take care of it.

4. Practice meditation using diaphragmatic breathing.

Get into a position where you have your back right and inhale, counting up to four seconds. Then, hold the air for seven seconds, and at the end, you exhale for up to eight seconds. As you do this exercise, you can meditate on the sacrifice that Jesus made for you on the cross on Calvary.

5. Do exercises.

Look for exercises on Instagram, YouTube, or in applications according to your fitness level. They should never be more intense. In this case, go softer.

6. Connect with family members or friends by telephone or video call.

Living alone does not mean that you have to be emotionally isolated. You can connect with those who love you and are by your side using many means. Or simply reach out to your neighbors and see if you can help them out.

7. Set your mind to reading or doing your favorite hobby or home activities.

On the other hand, there are good books or activities that you can help you through the day. You should not let your mind be idle.

So, remember that you are not alone as you cope with loneliness. God is with you. Though your father and mother forsake you, Jehovah will receive you. I present to you a God who, in the midst of your loneliness and isolation, is by your side and takes care of you, helping you cope with loneliness.

Certainly, the epidemic of loneliness should not come to your life. Your attitude to the life that God has given you could define the effects of the epidemic that you are experiencing. Also, connect with that loving God who gave His life for you.

Make a connection with your family members and friends. Connect with your community. Do not let your loneliness define your destiny. You can go beyond the limitations you may have right now. You can do everything through Christ.

The cure for anxiety in the COVID-19 crisis

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

How do you manage your anxiety?

One day, John Wesley was walking with a man who was very anxious about all the problems he was experiencing and expressed his doubts about the goodness of God. He said, “I don’t know what I am going to do with all these worries that cause me so much anxiety.”

While walking, Wesley saw a cow peering over a stone wall. “Do you know why that cow is looking over the wall?” Wesley asked.

“No,” said the man who was concerned.

Wesley said: “The cow is looking over the wall because she cannot see through it. That is what you should do with your wall of problems that fills you with anxiety: look over the wall and avoid it.”

The cure for anxiety

Faith allows us to look beyond our circumstances and focus on Christ. In this post, I want to continue developing on the topic of anxiety amid the pandemic. The question I intend to answer today is this: is there a cure for anxiety?

Many times, when I see patients who have anxiety disorders, I ask them: what is your goal when coming to therapy? They answer: “I want to eliminate my anxiety, I cannot bear it.” My answer is: “We cannot do that.” Seeing the look of disbelief they give me when I give them that answer is interesting.

Then, I try to explain to them that we cannot eliminate anxiety because it is a natural reaction to the stress we are facing in life. Anxiety is a part of our internal defense system. It protects us from danger. God created us with the ability to experience anxiety and the rest of the positive and negative emotions so that we can navigate this world.

Fear promotes a cascade of nervous and hormonal mechanisms that prepare the body to escape or fight. Those anxiety symptoms you experience result from the activation of your automatic nervous system, which is included in a part of the brain that is in charge of secreting adrenaline when you experience any kind of threat. Adrenaline allows your body to be ready to respond when facing danger, in case you need to act before the threat.

COVID-19 pandemic and anxiety

As a result of this adrenaline secretion, you experience increased heart rate and breathing, as well as muscle tension, making your body ready to answer before the danger. When there is no apparent threat, these changes are often experienced as agitation or anxiety. That is why, amid the COVID-19 pandemic, it is normal for our automatic nervous system to be activated. And this causes adrenaline secretion because you feel threatened.

Your brain normally tries to make sense of what you are experiencing in your daily life. However, if you do not take control of this process, and instead of acting, you let your brain reach its own conclusions, you can develop irrational fears before any kind of crisis.

I will try to illustrate this idea this way: If a baby is startled, let’s say by a loud noise while playing with his favorite toy, what do you think his natural reaction is going to be? Crying. However, crying, itself, can be stressful for the baby, reinforcing the fear he/she is experiencing. Not understanding that fear is just a reaction to the loud noise the toy makes, the baby gets to relate the fear he/she feels to the toy and ends up developing a fear of the toy that produces the noise.

What happens inside you?

The same goes for your anxiety amid the COVID-19 crisis. You are startled by the fear of contracting the coronavirus. Your natural reaction is to experience fear, to be afraid, and to feel anxious in the face of danger. But this anxiety and despair you experience, at the same time, reinforces your fear of COVID-19. You end up associating your fear with the pandemic without looking at the triggers that lead you to experience anxiety.

In the previous post, we started to see anxiety as a messenger that should not be eliminated. Emotions exist to give us information about our experiences and about what matters in our lives. Sadly, many people with anxiety try to ignore their emotions because some of them are unpleasant and even painful. However, the Bible gives us a more effective strategy and tells us in Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God.”

What Paul is telling you is not to try to fight the messenger, your anxiety. Accept it and tolerate it because the message it wants to give you is more important than the temporary discontent you might experience. Instead of grieving over your anxiety, focus on trusting God and placing your concern in prayer before Him.

Even when you do not know the emotional triggers that lead you to experience anxiety, just trying to tolerate and manage anxiety symptoms will help you process the experience you are dealing with more effectively. Paul ends by saying in Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (DHH)

Three strategies to manage your anxiety

We can compare anxiety with trying to tolerate chronic pain. The more you demand that you get rid of chronic pain, the more it will frustrate, irritate you, and intensify. However, when you accept pain as irritating, but not as something to get rid of, its control tends to decrease and even the intensity of the pain itself may decrease or become less noticeable.

The same goes for anxiety. Demanding that anxiety be removed only makes it less tolerable. It becomes a bigger presence in your life and all your focus is poured into your anxiety. The more you focus on it, the more power it has in your life. So, the advice is “do not worry about anything.”

Stop avoiding it

A conscious approach to managing anxiety is learning to “let it be.” You do not have to get rid of it. When anxiety demands your attention, you can refocus, very gently, on your current activity and place your concerns in God’s hands. The apostle Peter presents it this way: Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you in due time, 7 cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. (1 Pe. 5:6-7)

Schedule your concerns

If the first strategy does not work, maybe you could try this second strategy to manage your anxiety. When your mind is racing and anxious, you feel overwhelmed. And you cannot seem to focus, find a time to be in silence. Set an alarm that goes off in 15 minutes, and then write everything that troubles you in your emotional journal.

Specifically, during this COVID-19 crisis, try to set aside a specific amount of time each day to record your concerns in an emotional journal. Simply having this time each day can help you control your concerns. You know that you will have time to pay attention to your concerns without turning them into an intolerable burden.

Create your anxiety box

Find a shoebox and cut a hole in the top. Decorate it as you want and keep it in a practical place. Then, when Satan starts pushing you to worry, write down your concern. Glorify God and pray, saying:

“Lord, this is what worries me. But you told me not to worry. So, I am going to put this concern inside my box, admitting that I cannot handle it. This means that it is for You to handle, and I trust You to take care of it.”

With this exercise, I am not telling you that all your problems will disappear if you put them in an anxiety box. But when you learn to replace concern with prayer and faith instead, things will be better. God will open an umbrella covering you in the middle of the storm to prevent you from getting wet. And He will give you peace that is beyond all understanding.

Faith allows us to look beyond our circumstances and focus on Christ. Today is your day to start walking like a giant in Christ, Jesus. You have problems and difficulties. We all have them. We know what you are going through in the middle of this pandemic. But together we can learn how to manage our anxiety and have the Peace that Jesus promises. A peace that passes all understanding. I would like you to write to me and tell me how God is helping you to manage your anxiety. And if you are using a different exercise than the ones I present here, let me know

How to manage your anxiety in the pandemic (part2)

by with No Comment Emotional IntelligenceSpiritual growth

Let’s continue developing the topic of how to manage anxiety during the pandemic. If you haven’t read our previous post, please take a moment to read it. This post is a continuation of it. The line that divides the destructive and constructive levels of anxiety is very fine and often, it is hard to identify it, and this is when you have problems. Let me show you some examples:

Destructive anxiety paralyzes, the constructive anxiety motivates. The destructive one reduces your creativity, the constructive one increases it. The destructive one produces an anxious restlessness, the constructive one produces a calm approach. One tries to control the future and the other one tries to improve it. One fears the worst, and the other one hopes for the best. One distracts the mind from what is important, and the other one directs the mind to what is important.

It is not difficult to understand that, in the case of the disciples with Jesus before the storm on the lake, they manifested destructive anxiety by experiencing anxious restlessness, thinking that they would perish. On the other hand, Jesus manifested constructive anxiety.

It would be good to ask ourselves, what message did the disciples’ anxiety try to give them in the middle of the storm? Maybe they needed to understand their need to depend more on Jesus and less on their strength. Their anxieties showed that even though they were close to Jesus, they did not trust Him to solve their crisis.

We must manage anxiety to be healthy

So, we can conclude by saying that anxiety itself is not a sin because it is a natural reaction to stress. Being anxious becomes a sin when it stops being constructive and becomes destructive, and you start to get desperate, using your human skills to deal with your stress.

That is why Jesus, in Matthew 6:25, said to His disciples: “be anxious for nothing.” As Christians, we are called not to live in a state of anxiety and simply to see anxiety as a messenger who wants to help us see what is important in our lives.

I must also clarify that many people suffer from anxiety disorders as a product of traumatic experiences that they have had in their lives, and for them, anxiety is a pathological problem. In these cases, saying that this person is sinning because they are living in a state of general anxiety is not correct.

Five tips to manage anxiety during a pandemic

For these people, trying to manage the cognitive part of their mind is not an easy thing to do, and they need therapy and often even medication. I want to leave you with five tips to manage anxiety in the pandemic.

See your anxiety as a messenger, not as your enemy

Your anxiety is your natural reaction to stress. Do not kill the messenger. When facing stress in life, anxiety is that messenger that tells you what is important to you. Try to communicate your needs so that you can meet t them.

For example, perhaps in the pandemic, you feel anxious and the message your anxiety is giving you is that you should trust God more and depend less on your strength. Or, perhaps the source of that anxiety is an emotional trauma that you have not yet resolved in your life, and you need to pay attention to it.

Develop a relationship with God and practice Christian meditation

God has a promise for every stressful situation you may be experiencing in your life. He also tells you that no stress has overtaken you that you could not bear. Connect with God and take time to meditate upon His promises.

Eliminate negative inner voices

What you say to yourself determines your reality and how you will live in that reality. Save your mind from toxic thoughts, so you can manage your anxiety more effectively. Thoughts are like seeds that we sow in the garden of the mind. Set your mind on everything that glorifies God.

Practice relaxation exercises to reduce your anxiety

One of those exercises is diaphragmatic breathing. You can do between 5 and 10 breaths and abdominal exhalations, slowly and deeply from the diaphragm. Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, and focus on completely emptying your lungs before taking another breath. Another exercise you can do to manage your anxiety is to walk at least 30-45 minutes every day.

Get enough sleep

Set a stable schedule to go to bed and wake up. If for some exceptional reason (for example, on the weekend) you stay up longer than expected, do not get up too late the next day. This way, even if you are sleepy during that day, you will not alter the sleep cycle to which your body is used, and you will be able to function normally for the rest of the week.

Today, I invite you to trust in a powerful God who takes care of you and if He is allowing you to go through this pandemic, He has everything under control and this crisis will come to an end someday in the not-too-distant future. It is time for you to ask yourself what your anxiety is revealing about what is important in your life.

How to manage your anxiety in the pandemic

by with No Comment Emotional IntelligenceSpiritual growth
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text] Let see the importance to manage your anxiety. One morning, Death was walking towards a city and a man asked:

“What are you going to do?”

“I am going to kill 100 people,” Death replied.

“That is horrible!” the man said.

“That’s the way it is,” said Death. “That is what I do.”

The man hurried to warn everyone he could about Death’s plan.

As evening fell, he met Death again.

“You told me you were going to take 100 people with you,” the man said. “Why did 1,000 die?”

“I kept my word,” Death replied. “I only killed 100 people. Anxiety killed the other 900.”

The pandemic we face today has led some people to develop a state of anxiety, which can be very dangerous for their physical, spiritual, and emotional health.

Anxiety is the most common mental illness in the United States, affecting 40 million adults, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. This is equivalent to 18 percent of the population of this country. But, the saddest part of this matter is that only a third of those who struggle with anxiety receive treatment. In our next posts, I want to talk to you about this topic, which is very important at the moment we are currently living in.

You must manage your anxiety

In our last blog, we began to study Jesus’ experience with His disciples when He gave them the order to cross to the other shore and a great storm arose (Mark 4: 35-40). The disciples thought they were going to perish and called their Master, saying: Master, aren’t you worried that we are going to perish? But, we see a Jesus who was sleeping in the middle of the storm while His disciples were anxious because they feared being swallowed by the dark waves of the storm. Jesus was calm because His Heavenly Father was in control of everything.

Is it a sin to have anxiety? Did Jesus’ disciples sin by being anxious in the midst of the storm? It is a very complex question. Let’s try to figure it out by asking ourselves what anxiety is.

Anxiety is part of the human body’s natural response system to any true or false threat we experience. When your mind perceives that it is in danger, it sends a series of signals to your body and as a result, there is a response to that stress.

Stress is the response to an external threat when you experience a crisis, a task you have to finish, or the threat of an uncertain future. Anxiety is the reaction to the stress you are experiencing. It has an internal origin.

Manage your anxiety is not always necessary

Low levels of anxiety manifested by the body are normally found at one end of the spectrum and can present themselves as low levels of fear, apprehension, mild sensations of muscle pressure, sweating, shortness of breath, or perhaps doubt about the ability to complete a task. These symptoms of normal anxiety levels do not interfere with your daily functioning.

On the contrary, these normal levels of anxiety help us to function more effectively since they produce greater motivation and attention to the stress we have in advance. Experts like Jennifer Fee draw their attention to seeing anxiety as a messenger. She says anxiety is that messenger that tells you what is important to you. Try to communicate with your needs, so that you can meet them correctly. If you kill the messenger, you will not receive the message.

When you don’t see anxiety as a messenger, it can reach clinical levels. Clinical or destructive levels of anxiety are at the other end of the spectrum, and they increase enough to rapidly decrease your performance and cause a physical and emotional decline. Anxiety disorders are characterized by a severe and persistent worry that is disproportional to the situation being experienced.

These symptoms cause anguish, they affect your daily functioning, and they occur for a significant period of time. In our next post, we will continue talking about this important topic. Come back! Please share your comment about how you manage your anxiety, and feel free to ask any questions.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Emotions in the midst of the pandemic crisis

by with One Comment Emotional IntelligenceSpiritual growth
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]The Gospel of Mark in chapter 4: 35-40 presents a story similar to the one we are all experiencing today. The verse begins telling the story in this way, “That day, when the night came.” Night comes to all of us at some point in life. That night comes after a day when peace and tranquility clear all worries that would later change in our world. No doubt that the night has come into our lives.

How did the night come to your life? The night may have come in the form of a crisis. There are different types of crisis. Situational crisis or developmental crisis. Situational crises are problems and conflicts that come to life in unexpected ways. Developmental crises are crises that we experience as a result of emotional development, family, or personal cycles that we are experiencing through the different stages of our life.

Now, the story takes a very attractive color because even though the night came for Jesus and His disciples, Jesus invites them to go to the other shore of the lake. There are things that Jesus does that do not make sense to the human being. Every time Jesus does something that doesn’t make sense, it’s because he wants to teach us a lesson. The journey on the Lake of Galilee was very uncertain due to many conditions.

The position of the lake could raise storms in unexpected ways. They did not have the navigation instruments that exist today. Their experience as fishermen made the difference. But despite the disadvantages that they had before the night that had come into their lives, Jesus invites them to “go to the other shore of the lake.”

Show faith in times of crisis

Despite the pandemic that has come on the cold night of our lives, Jesus invites us to go to the other shore. This expression, “going to the other shore” is closely connected with the experience of the people of Israel when they were also challenged to “go to the other shore” on their journey to the earthly Canaan. Today, in our journey towards the Heavenly Canaan, God invites us to go to the other shore. The shore of liberation, final victory. The shore of the Heavenly Canaan.

It is interesting to note that despite the beautiful invitation that Jesus makes to his disciples to go to the other shore, the storm arrives. And you have the right to wonder if I am obeying the command of Jesus to go to the other shore. How is it possible for a storm to rise on Jesus’ command? And not only that, with Jesus walking at our side. These questions are very valid.

How to show faith

The truth is that accepting the invitation to be a disciple of Jesus and moving to the other shore does not make us immune to experiencing storms on our journey.

Furthermore, Jesus tells us that it is normal for storms to come into our lives as we travel through the troubled waters to the other shore. “In the world, you will have afflictions,” says Jesus. And isn’t that what we are experiencing today? We are distressed by the storm that has risen in our lives and threatens to destroy us.

This storm has come in the form of COVID-19, a deadly virus that has destroyed cities, systems, and today threatens to sink our lives. A virus that has the most powerful country in the world paralyzed without knowing how to behave in the face of the crisis. We have never experienced a crisis like this one. And the problem is not simply the storm, but the uncertainty that the coronavirus brings.

The coronavirus crisis

Now, how can we live in the midst of the coronavirus storm? If we go to the biblical text, we see the two attitudes that we can take. We see the disciples anxious and desperate because they are afraid that they will lose their lives. And on the other hand, we see Jesus sleeping in the middle of the storm. How is it possible that you can have two such different reactions in the midst of this experience?

It all lies in the way you interpret the storm or crisis that comes into your life. Your thoughts define how you are going to interpret your reality, your crisis. And if we dig a little deeper into this concept, we will find that our thoughts define our emotions and behaviors. Epictetus said: “We are altered not by events, but by the way we interpret events.” In other words, the way I interpret the storm that I am experiencing is going to influence how I am going to feel and how I am going to behave before it.

Let’s go back to the boat, where Jesus and his disciples are facing the storm that came to them in their dark night. In the midst of the storm, the thoughts that the disciples have been thoughts of danger, uncertainty, threat, and death. Those thoughts produce emotions that are not difficult to decipher. Emotions such as fear and anguish at the threat of the storm. And that is why they behave anxiously and try to find solutions to the problem on their own, apart from Jesus.

How did Jesus face the crisis?

Now, let’s analyze the reaction of Jesus, who is in the same boat and experiences the same storm that the disciples are experiencing. What are Jesus’ thoughts about the storm? “My Heavenly Father is in control of my life. I have nothing to fear. “Those thoughts produced emotions of serenity, peace and security. And his behavior was obvious then, in the middle of the storm, Jesus was sleeping.”

Tell me, who can sleep in the middle of the storm? So what can we say made the difference between the disciples’ emotions and behavior and the fact that Jesus was sleeping? The difference was not made by the storm because both groups experienced the same storm. The difference was in the way they interpreted the storm. The disciples interpreted it as a threat to their lives. And Jesus interpreted it as an opportunity to trust more in his Heavenly Father, who cared for His life.

I ask you, in the midst of the night that has come to your being, how do you interpret the COVID-19 storm? Because the thoughts you have about this phenomenon will make the difference between whether you will be anxious and desperate or in peace and tranquility as Jesus was in His storm.

Five step to face the crisis

I want to leave you with five tips. These tips are in the way Paul decided to interpret the storms that came on his dark nights. He says in Philippians 4: 8: “For the rest, brethren, all that is true, all that is honest, all that is just, all that is pure, all that is kind, all that is of good name; if there is any virtue, if something worthy of praise, think of this.”

Label the emotion.

The emotion you are experiencing, such as sadness, anguish, pain, give it a name.

Identify the thoughts that lead you to experience those negative or positive emotions

Ask yourself, do you think about what is honest, fair, pure, kind, or of good name? You cannot change until you are aware of the toxic thought that is leading you to experience the emotion and behavior that you have.

Focus on changing your thoughts

In other words, change your thinking because your thoughts are what define your emotions. Instead of thinking about the lies that Satan has led you to think about, think about the eternal truths we have in God’s promises. First, analyze what the storm, crisis, or problem is that leads you to experience the thought you have in your mind.

Understand that you can never change the storms or crises that come to your life. You can only change the ways you interpret those experiences so that you can experience different emotions. Your biggest problem lies in wanting to control what only God can control. That is the source of the greatest stress you experience in your life.

Thank God for what He has given you

Instead of complaining about what you have lost in the midst of the storm, decide to trust what you have. Make a list of all the things that God has given you. You will discover that you always have more things to be thankful for compared to things you think you don’t have.

Cast all your anxiety on God because He cares for you

The end of the story about the storm you experience today will be defined by how you decide to interpret your storm. The disciples thought of death and pain. Jesus thought of peace and security because His Father was at His side. In the end, Jesus rises and calms the storm. Today, you can get up like Jesus and calm the storm because your God is at your side as a powerful giant and nothing can harm you without His permission.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Living in times of the deadly coronavirus pandemic

by with No Comment Emotional IntelligenceSpiritual growth

Night has come into our lives with the arrival of the coronavirus pandemic. Our whole world has changed. Empty streets, supermarkets without essential products. Graduations canceled were, and schools closed. Churches have closed their doors and moved to a digital service. A call for isolation has been made by government authority.

There are rumors in many states of activating the National Guard. In my 50 years of life, I have never experienced a crisis like the one we are experiencing today. What does tomorrow have in store for us? Will the dawn return before the darkness continues to overwhelm our being?

In the face of so much gloom, our natural reaction is to activate our brain’s defense system against fear and the prevailing insecurity. Anxiety (a feeling of concern or uneasiness), fear, uncertainty, anger, and sadness are common feelings that we sometimes experience when facing a crisis. They are normal responses to the crisis and stresses we are experiencing.

Questions we must ask ourselves are, how does the Christian live in a crisis that threatens our existence? How do we survive this threat of annihilation by such a devastating virus? How will the human story end? In this article, we are going to discover by the grace of God how to live in the coronavirus pandemic.

God is in control in the coronavirus pandemic

The secret to surviving the threat of the coronavirus is to recognize that God is in control. How can I recognize that God is in control when pain and suffering overwhelm my being? If God is in control, why doesn’t He do something to quell the fury of the coronavirus pandemic? It just seems that God has turned His back on this problem. These could be some of the questions that you may have in your hearts.

There are two attitudes you can take when you have problems: The first is to recognize that God is in control and praise God saying: “God, I do not understand what is happening, I have lost everything, I see everything dark in my life, but despite these adverse circumstances that the coronavirus has brought, I know that you know what to do, and you are in control.”

Avoid a bad attitude in front of the coronavirus pandemic

The second attitude you can take is to pull your hair out by developing a toxic spirit. When you opt for this negative attitude, you are simply saying to God: “You don’t know how to manage my life” and you begin to walk down a path that cements a destiny of failures and mental illness. The Bible states: “For God is the king of all the earth …” Ps. 47: 7. Thus, we see that God is the Sovereign King of the entire earth, everything that happens is allowed by the King. He is still the God of the Universe amid the coronavirus pandemic.

God is not the originator of the coronavirus pandemic, God is not the originator of death, or o the pain, you may be experiencing right now. You must understand the context of the world in which you live. You live in a world of sinfulness.

The origin of the evil

Our first parents had the opportunity to live happily ever after, but they decided to throw away all the good that God had given them for their well-being by simply eating the forbidden fruit. We know the rest of the story, Adam and Eve disobeyed and sin entered this world and therefore eternal death. Today we are reaping the neglect of our first parents.

Many people have argued the following, why didn’t God intervene when Eve was going to take the forbidden fruit? God had the power to intervene, but He has given us free will. He does not want us to serve him out of fear, but out of love, that is why He gives us the freedom to choose what we want for our life. Today we experience pain, death, and anguish because that was the choice of our first parents. It was not God’s choice.

The plan B

The good news in all this tragedy is that even though human beings disobeyed. God had a plan B, the plan of salvation, already drawn up before man came into existence.  God was in control as the King of the Universe, and the last word is God. There is sin, death, pain, and the coronavirus in our world, but God plans to put an end to all this odyssey and take us back to the heavenly home.

The problems that overwhelm us today come from three sources. The first is the sin of a world that is mortally wounded. The second is the sinful actions of people who are by our side. Third, the sin that lives in us leads us to make mistakes and commit sinful acts.

God is in control and has the last word against sin in this world. He tells us: there is pain, death, and misery, but I will give you eternal life. Are there people who have committed sinful actions against you? Have your rights been violated? Have you been sexually, physically, or emotionally abused? Or, have you been abused, slandered, or hurt? God can take all those destructive actions and change them into an eternal blessing for your life.

The case of Joseph and his brothers

They took Joseph, threw him in a cistern, sold him as a slave, falsely accused him, and he ended up in prison. From all that crisis, God took him out to become the second-largest empire in the world at that time. God used everything negative that had happened in his life for his growth and emotional well-being, training him to be used powerfully in His cause and leading him to transcend his limits. God can also take everything negative that has happened to you and use it powerfully to transform your life into a stepping stone for His kingdom.

The case of Job

Many believe that Satan is the one who is in charge of this world, especially now that we are threatened by the coronavirus. Satan is not in charge. God is above Satan, and he has to ask God for permission to touch your life with the coronavirus. You remember the story of Job. God said to Satan, “You have seen my servant Job, fearful and set apart from evil.” And Satan said to him, “Yes, he serves you because you have a protective fence around him.

Let me touch it, and you will see how it curses you.” God allowed it. Satan destroyed everything that Job had, destroyed his health, his reputation. But Job loved God so much that he never stopped recognizing that God was in control and his pain said: “Naked I came, naked I will return to my mother’s womb, may the name of Jehovah be blessed” Job 1:21.

God has a protective fence around his children. The coronavirus will not be able to touch your home unless God allows it, as it did in the case of Job. Therefore, instead of fainting in the face of the disorders that the coronavirus is causing, get up and trust God, who is in control of your life.

The coronavirus pandemic

Romans 8:28 says the following:”And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, that is, those who are called according to his purpose”.

God has a perfect plan for your life. Perhaps we look at the circumstances that surround us in the face of the coronavirus, and we think that we will remain immobile forever in a place of darkness and pain. The more we ask and cry out to God for help, then the more the depressing circumstances of this crisis seem to be piling up. 

However, there is good news for your soul. Nothing can harm a Christian unless our Lord allows it. And everything that is allowed helps those who love God. If God allows sufferings and perplexities to overtake us, it is not to destroy us, but to refine and sanctify us.

The difficulties and disappointments of this life make us lose our attachment to this world and compel us to look at heaven as our home. They teach us the truth about our fragile and perishable condition and make us depend on God for support and salvation. They also develop a more humble and submissive spirit in us, a more patient and tender disposition.

It has been experienced by the children of God throughout history. And at the end of their lives, they have been able to say that they were afflicted for their good. This truth is reflected in the life of Joseph. Before he died, Joseph said to his brothers: “You thought evil against me, but God directed it to good” (Gen. 50:20). The coronavirus may bring calamity and death to your life, but God will one day take care of transforming pain into eternal blessing.

Trust God during coronavirus pandemic

I challenge you that instead of pulling your hair out of fear of the coronavirus pandemic, you begin to trust God. A God who is in control of your life. A God who will not allow even a hair on your head to fall without His consent. I cannot explain how God works his miracles. If I could understand and explain my God, He would not be my God. What I can explain is that no matter what damage the coronavirus may bring, the last word will not be with this evil virus.

The last word will be heard from the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. He who has the keys of Hades and says to you:

“To the one who overcomes, I will give him/her to sit with me on my throne”. Your destiny is with the God of the Universe. Get up from your ashes of fear and anxiety because your final victory has already been won on the Cross of Calvary.

 

What are the limiting beliefs that are sabotaging your life?

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

The limiting beliefs that we have in our life script sabotage our life. Let’s apply this concept to the people of Israel. The Israelite men who left Egypt were born in slavery as a result of previous generations who had been in slavery for 400 years. Can you imagine the life script that the Israelites had when they left Egypt? The limiting beliefs that did not allow them to achieve the dream of entering the Promised Land?

Limiting beliefs that can sabotage us

When the twelve spies returned from inspecting the Promised Land, ten of them reflected in their comments the limiting beliefs they carried in their subconscious. Their limiting beliefs led them to say: we cannot conquer the Promised Land, we will not make it. We are slaves, we have no courage, and we are not important.

We look like grasshoppers next to the Canaanite giants. All this is a reflection of a life script loaded with low self-esteem. The results, you know. The limiting beliefs of all that generation of men who left Egypt led them to self-sabotage that resulted at the end of their lives in the desert when they were only steps away from achieving their dreams.

On the other hand, Joshua and Caleb showed that they had grown emotionally and had rewritten their life script. The script of these two men was rewritten with empowering beliefs. Thus, they had seen the hand of God guiding their steps. They believed in His promises and paid attention to the Word of God.

Although they were born in slavery, they decided not to let their past decide their fate and rose to rewrite their life script, rejecting the limiting beliefs with which they were born and replacing them with God’s truth that told them “this land belongs to you.”

What are the limiting beliefs that are sabotaging your life?

  • Maybe you are telling yourself:
  • I have no money to achieve what I want.
  • Changing my current situation is not that easy.
  • I wish I could change my life, but it is impossible now.
  • I am afraid of making a mistake when making this decision.
  • In life, everything is a matter of luck.

It is not your fault that so far, you have not achieved what you want for your life, but the limiting belief that you have installed in your life script.

So, I challenge you to not let your limiting beliefs choose for you. Believe God. He has a dream for you, as He had a dream for the people of Israel. He has land for you that you must conquer. Do not stay at the borders as a result of your limiting beliefs. Believe God.

He tells you: You can do everything in Christ. I will give you the desires of your heart. I have thoughts of peace and not evil to give you the end you expect. Those who wait on Me shall have new strength. I am going to give you everything you need according to my wealth. You are more than a conqueror because I have loved you. He who hears me will well confidently. Do not be afraid.

Believe God and program your life script, trusting the promises of a God who has a glorious plan for your life.

Your thoughts define your reality in your mind

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

The things you say to yourself determine the way you perceive reality and how you act when facing it. Dare to discover the script of your life and rewrite it, so you can be yourself and reach your potential.

Have you ever wondered why things always go wrong for you? Why you are not happy? Or, why is it so hard for you to reach the dream you have for your life? Why, even though you call yourself a Christian, do you find yourself stuck repeating the same unhealthy behaviors you experienced when you met the gospel? If you are one of those who constantly wonders what the difference is between those who do achieve what they aspire to and those who do not, this topic will interest you.The reality in Israel mind

The people of Israel experienced the same thing we often experience. They left Egypt free by the mighty hand of God. They had God’s presence with them at all times. So, they saw impressive miracles throughout their journey, but despite all that, a whole generation of men, except for Joshua and Caleb, were buried in the desert.

The argument we have been developing in the book “Learning to Love” is that the people of Israel did not grow emotionally. Emotional and spiritual growth must be intentional, and both must go hand in hand. You cannot grow spiritually if you do not grow emotionally. Human beings have three dimensions: spiritual, physical, and emotional.

All three must be integrated and balanced. If I care about the spiritual and physical dimensions and neglect the emotional dimension, I will not have balance in my life. And the result will be that I will not be able to grow to reach maturity.

All this becomes more relevant when we consider the cognitive development process of the human mind. God brought me into existence through my parent’s intimate relationship, they should have been my example of how to interpret the world around me. In other words, my parents had the responsibility of being the first teachers in my emotional growth.

The reality in our mind

The first seven years of my life were key in this process because in this period. I was forming my life script. In that script of life, all the emotional dynamics were reflected. They are the command, orders, and limiting or empowering beliefs that I received from my parents. That is why a script is a life plan that contains the most significant of what is going to happen to a person.

It is not a destiny determined by the gods. But it has its origin in the beginnings of life, in childhood. In the early decisions that a child makes to adapt and survive in his/her environment. So, they are installed as a program that leads the person in the future unconsciously. Unless he/she decides to become aware of the beliefs and unconscious decisions that rule them.

That life script is a part of your subconscious that dominates your life. Thus, the problem is that what you say to yourself determines how you perceive reality and how you act before it. The limiting beliefs written in our life scripts do not allow us to reach our full potential. Limiting beliefs are a perception of reality that prevents you from progressing, growing, making decisions aligned with yourself, or reaching your potential. In my blog, I will continue developing this concept.

Love is learned, it is a skill that every person can have

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

Love is learned. God’s original plan was to create us to depend continuously on our caregivers during the first years of life. We depend on a caregiver to defend us from several threats until we have enough skills to live in the world. This fact shows the importance that God gives to love among us.

As children, attachment helps us protect ourselves in threatening situations such as a disease, or a fall, in fights with other children, or when separating from our mothers. We cry to seek attention and affection while we are learning how to speak.

Love is learned at home

Ultimately, love is learned, it is a skill that every person can have, and no one is born with it. This skill is learned through attachment. The feelings of love that are shown, for example, in a smile, a gesture of approval, or a touch, come from a response learned in our relationships with others. Each person has a way to define what love is. Since it arises from the totality of what we have lived, and the way we have lived it. This personal way of love is learned from what we observe in our parents or caregivers.

The emotional view is not encouraging for a person who has been abandoned by his/her parents. The same way happens to those who have also been mistreated and even abused in any way. This condition determines the way that person behaves. So, it predicts little success in the relationships that a person will establish throughout life. A child’s brain that is evolving, that is moldable, is eager to absorb experiences, but changes when subjected to abuses.

Here we can see what happened to Joaquin. He did not learn how to love or feel loved in his own home. He grew up feeling insecure, and undervalued, without the love that feeling accepted by loved ones can make a person feel. On many occasions, he repressed his emotions. He tried to look like he felt comfortable and happy … showing the opposite of what he felt: loneliness, discontent, and discomfort.

When love is not learned at home

The worst evil a child can suffer is disguising his feeling of loneliness or lack of love. It can happen due to circumstances that force him/her to do so. It generates guilt in his/her mind because he/she does not feel his/her love back. In a child’s mind, it would be logical to think: “My parents do not love me because I am not good.”

Additionally, to make things worse, failing to fulfill other people’s requirements makes children feel ashamed. In Joaquin’s case, abandonment led him to feel awkward among other people, which prevented him from reaching the potential for which he was created: Loving. Love is learned at home.

However, there is good news for you. Our brain is flexible, it is constantly changing. We learn from hard circumstances, drawing the necessary strength we need to overcome them. The strength that a person has to overcome traumatic situations, such as the death of a loved one, an accident, or a physical or emotional loss, is stored inside. It shows when forced by circumstances. We have a flexible brain that is willing to overcome obstacles.

Not everything is lost

Goodwill, certainty in God, and the intention for things to work create new brain connections. Brain functioning is set in motion with positive thoughts. They are hope, faith, goodwill, forgiveness, and relationships of trust that endure over time.

Joaquin could learn how to be a resilient person. Applying an approach based on progress, you can say:

I have finished a stage of my life, and now I must focus on myself. I am not looking to blame others, so, I plan to learn from what I have lived, and I will move on. Besides, I challenge you today to tell yourself: I refuse to be a victim of circumstances.

Say no to continuing to feed the pain that makes you captive. To think well would be to consider that humanity has survived many adversities, and yet it has rebuilt and managed to be happy despite everything.

With resilience, love is learned

Inside each one of us, there is a mental force called resilience that can erase the victim role in anyone, so we can arise as the person we are someone strong, who can be happy again. Love is learned, and it is not too late to learn how to do it. It is necessary to say that within us, the desire to be happy is clear: the power of God that pushes on us to remain tied to the thread of life to be happy. Based on this desire, all decisions are made. You can do it.

Perhaps you are that person, the Joaquin of the story from our last post, who has suffered throughout life because your parents did not teach you the healing power of love. To keep living despite the setback that has affected your life, you must see yourself as a phoenix, which can be reborn from its ashes and never as a hopeless victim. Get up and learn how to love.