Night comes to every life. It often arrives after a day when everything seemed calm: a phone call, a diagnosis, a layoff, a goodbye. Suddenly the light is gone, and you are left asking how you are supposed to feel and what you are supposed to do.
The Gospel of Mark tells of such a night. In this article I want to look at one question the story raises: why did the disciples and Jesus, in the same boat and in the same storm, respond so differently? And what can you do with your own thoughts and feelings when the night comes?
When the night comes
Mark begins with a simple detail: “That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, ‘Let us go over to the other side.'” (Mark 4:35, NIV) Jesus himself proposes the crossing. Note that they set out together, obeying him.
One way to think about the crises of life is to sort them into two kinds. A situational crisis arrives unexpectedly, like a loss, an accident, or a sudden change. A developmental crisis grows out of the stages of life, such as becoming a parent, a marriage settling into a new season, or the departure of the children. Whichever kind visits you, it can feel like night.
It is worth noticing that nothing in Mark’s account suggests the storm came because the disciples had gone astray. It came on the way across, on the very route Jesus had proposed. Jesus himself says: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, NIV) Following him does not exempt us from storms. It does give us someone to follow through them.
I often hear an echo in that “other side”: the invitation God gave Israel to cross over toward a promised land, and for us, toward the promise of God. That is my pastoral reading; the text of Mark does not spell it out.
Same storm, two reactions
Here is how Mark puts it: “A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, ‘Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?'” (Mark 4:37-38, NIV)
The same storm, two very different scenes: frightened disciples and a sleeping Jesus. The difference was not the waves, since both groups were in the same boat. What can we learn from that?
The ancient Stoic philosopher Epictetus put the principle this way: “Men are disturbed, not by things, but by the principles and notions which they form concerning things.” (Enchiridion 5, trans. Elizabeth Carter) In today’s words: what happens to us matters, but what we tell ourselves about what happens shapes how we feel and act.
Modern therapy uses a similar idea, with care. The NIMH describes cognitive behavioral therapy as helping a person become aware of automatic ways of thinking that are inaccurate or harmful, then question those thoughts and understand how they affect emotions and behavior.
Now, the Gospel does not tell us what went through the disciples’ minds, or Jesus’. What I offer next is my reading as a pastor, not a claim of the text. I picture the disciples thinking, “This is the end,” and fear following, so they scramble for solutions on their own. And I picture Jesus resting in a trust that his Father held the night, which is why he could sleep. Notice, too, that when the disciples cried out, they cried out to him. Bringing your fear to Jesus is not a failure of faith; it is exactly where the story takes it.
A word of caution. Thoughts are one influence on our feelings, not the only one. Sleep, health, loss, past pain, and circumstances all weigh in. If sadness or anxiety stays with you for weeks, or keeps you from living, the problem is not that you are interpreting the storm badly. It is time to talk with a professional.
Five steps to take when the night comes
Paul wrote: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8, NIV) Here are five steps in that spirit. They are a starting point, not a replacement for professional care.
1. Name the emotion. Sadness, anguish, anger, dread: give it a name. The NIMH suggests keeping a journal, and writing a few lines is a simple way to begin.
2. Find the thought behind it. Ask yourself: What am I telling myself about this? Is it true, fair, and kind, or is it only fear speaking? You cannot question a thought you have not yet noticed.
3. Test it against what is true. The NIMH suggests that you identify and challenge your negative and unhelpful thoughts. As a believer, I add: set beside that thought the truths Scripture holds out, rather than the lies that fear and the enemy of our souls would have you believe. Part of what you will find is that you cannot control everything. Many storms are not yours to stop. You can, however, choose your next step.
4. Give thanks for what you still have. Complaining about what the storm took is natural. Alongside it, write a short list of what God has still given you. Gratitude does not deny the loss; it keeps the loss from being the only thing you see.
5. Hand over the weight. Peter writes: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV) You may need to do it more than once a day. Do it, and also reach out to people who help you cope in a positive way, as the NIMH advises.
If you want to understand anxiety itself better, I write about it in Anxiety in the Middle of the Storm.
Think of the storm you are in right now. What is the first thought that comes to mind about it, and is it a fact or a fear?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Sources
- National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). I’m so stressed out! Fact sheet. NIMH. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/so-stressed-out-fact-sheet
- National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Psychotherapies. NIMH. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/psychotherapies
- Epictetus. (135 C.E.). The Enchiridion (E. Carter, Trans.). The Internet Classics Archive, MIT. https://classics.mit.edu/Epictetus/epicench.html
- New International Version. (2011). Mark 4:35-41. BibleGateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark+4%3A35-41&version=NIV
- New International Version. (2011). John 16:33. BibleGateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+16%3A33&version=NIV
- New International Version. (2011). Philippians 4:6-8. BibleGateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Philippians+4%3A6-8&version=NIV
- New International Version. (2011). 1 Peter 5:6-7. BibleGateway. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+5%3A6-7&version=NIV
Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV®, Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used with permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
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