loveless marriage

What to do if you live in a loveless marriage


Do you think you are trapped in a loveless marriage and can’t find a solution? Do you love your partner, but don’t feel the same from them? Or is it your feelings that have changed? Don’t despair or rush to consider that you have failed. You can get out of this. Don’t give up.

When you think of marriage, the concept of “love” is hardly missing from its meaning. However, love is something that has to be built every day, and it expresses itself differently in each person. You and your partner must choose to love each other every day and learn to express it in the language you understand together.

Note that a loveless marriage does not always involve abuse or violence. Indifference can also be a sign of a lack of love in the couple, as the psychologist George Levinger (1979) theorized in his work on the stages of marital relationships.

How to identify a loveless marriage?

Having a booklet that symbolizes a union does not imply an unequivocal formula of love. Many marriages fail to find the way in which they both need to give and receive it. This does not have to mean the end of the relationship. If there are honest intentions on both sides, it can be resolved.

For it to be possible to work out the love in the marriage, it is essential that both parties recognize that they need to build this bond again. If you feel that yours might be a loveless marriage, try thinking about the following questions about your relationship:

  • What is communication like?
  • Is fluid dialogue possible without verbal or physical aggression?
  • How much time do you spend with your partner?
  • Do you share quality time together?
  • Do you talk about your personal projects to support each other?
  • Is there physical contact between the two of you?
  • Do they feel comfortable giving and receiving physical demonstrations of affection?
  • Is there trust in the couple?

According to the renowned humanist psychologist Carl Rogers, in order to feel love, it is indispensable to be fully understood and accepted by the other. When this does not happen, it means that there is no love in the marriage. Letting a relationship move forward without love can lead to conflict and deep dissatisfaction.

It is possible to rebuild love in your marriage

Are you convinced that you are in a loveless marriage and want to rebuild it? Fortunately, that is the first step: recognizing and being willing to do so. All couples go through situations that challenge their ability to love. If they manage to overcome them, that love will be strengthened.

There are situations where trust is broken in such a way that rebuilding it involves a long process and a full commitment from both parties. In therapy, the most recurrent are cases of infidelity. Although it may seem difficult, it is possible to restore your marriage in such circumstances.

God speaks of love more than once in His Word. In Philippians 2:2, we read about the shared joy, the common feeling and the union that is necessary for love to exist. Therefore, the first step in finding the solution to the lack of love in a couple is to look for it together.

Talk to your partner

If you both recognize that the feeling has faded or never existed, speak honestly. Be honest with each other in expressing what you feel. You may find, in that dialogue, the fruitful path to building your own intimate love language.

Remember that it may take more than one long, emotional talk between the two of you. Don’t try to rush the process. If you let it happen naturally, it will be easier to reach a successful conclusion, even if it takes a long time. The important thing is that you don’t lose sight of your goal as a couple.

On the other hand, it is possible that only one partner recognizes the lack of love. If that is the case, don’t lose hope. Start by finding a way to express your feelings to your partner. If necessary, work on communicating with each other and then move on to building your love.

Spend quality time with each other

A fundamental key to building the language through which you and your partner can express and live your love is the quality time you spend together. In order to work on rebuilding your love, it is essential that both of you bring some of your time to the marriage.

When we talk about quality time, we do not mean the total number of hours spent in the same room or the same house. You should find space to dedicate yourselves fully to activities that strengthen the couple. It is also important not to neglect intimacy in marriage in order to preserve love.

According to a study by the University of Rochester, there is a close relationship between a successful marriage and watching romantic movies together and discussing them afterwards. This is because it involves quality time together as a couple, as well as opening up dialogue and helping with good communication.

Build new projects together

Setting goals together will help to strengthen the union. A marriage is a team, and the goal of every team is to achieve goals and overcome obstacles. Working towards a common interest will bring opportunities to enhance dialogue and share unique moments.

When thinking about these projects, it is imperative that you look for something you are both passionate about. Don’t try to drag your partner into something they don’t want to do. Setting goals that help you both grow individually will bring a sense of satisfaction to the couple as a couple.

Forge your personal growth together with your partner. Nowadays, psychological research has shown that the self-realization of the partners individually contributes to their durability. In addition, it prevents the feeling of suffocation in the couple.

There is still time to save your marriage. If you would like to receive individual help, do not hesitate to contact us. Each case is different, that’s why we want to get to know you. Call 407 618 0212 to be attended.

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