Does couples counselling work? The pros and cons that will surprise you

6 min readPublished on November 22, 2022

Many couples who go to couples counselling report that their relationship improves, although results vary with the couple’s commitment, the problem they are facing and the therapist.

There are many reasons why a couple decides to seek therapy, but most of them have doubts about its effectiveness.

Sometimes, in my consultations as a therapist, patients start their session saying: Dr. Duany, there are many arguments in my home with my partner, I am upset, but the truth is that I don’t know if this counseling will work. To which I respond: “it will work if you commit yourself to the process, whatever the outcome”.

What is couples counselling?

First of all, couples counselling is not a magic act. It is not about the therapist pulling out a magic wand and solving all your marital problems. Much of the success of counselling depends on the couple.

Marriage counselling is a type of therapy in which the counsellor or therapist provides a safe space for the couple to resolve their conflicts, improve their bond or, if necessary, bring their relationship to a respectful end.

As a therapist, I offer tools and support to couples who wish to find solutions so that their relationship can thrive and remain united by respect, love, understanding and listening.

No couple is perfect, nor can they expect their marriage to be. The healthiest thing to do is always to turn to a professional when the situation becomes complicated. That’s why today I want to share with you the pros and cons of counselling. This way you will be able to decide more clearly if you are ready to make the decision to seek help.

Pros of couple counselling

Many people think that going to counselling is only for venting their sorrows or trying to keep the relationship going. This is not entirely true, because counselling can also help if you want to make a break-up as respectful and as free of conflict as possible.

In this respect, some case studies describe the advantages of couple counselling for those who are willing to commit themselves to the process of growth and healing.

Tools for resolving conflict and managing change in the relationship

One common difficulty in marriage counselling is that each partner blames the other for the problems. In addition, each may place the responsibility for improving the relationship on the other.

In this respect, one of the greatest advantages of counselling is the number of tools the therapist provides to resolve conflicts. It also allows both partners to listen to each other, to empathize with each other’s emotions and to express their feelings and vulnerabilities in a respectful atmosphere.

Increased communication

Many couples find couple counselling a helpful way to communicate with their partner. Many also report that after talking freely, with both partners listening to each other, they feel greater marital satisfaction.

Contributes to reaffirming and improving the couple’s commitment to each other

When a couple comes to marriage counselling, they often realize that they are both responsible for the situation they are in. I am not talking about guilt, but about responsibility, which is very different.

By becoming aware of the individual responsibility that each of them has within the relationship, they are able to reaffirm their commitment and achieve a more harmonious coexistence.

Increases empathy and mutual support

After several sessions, I have noticed that couples who attend couples counselling are often more open and empathetic towards each other. Remember that both you and your partner come from different families, each have their fears, insecurities and shortcomings or areas for improvement.

In some cases, family or self-esteem problems of one partner may be the source of the problem. By reviewing this in counselling, the other partner can perceive their partner’s humanity and provide support as needed.

Cons of couple counselling

As much as marriage counselling has its benefits, I must also tell you that it has some aspects that can be categorized as “cons”. Let’s see what these elements are.

It is necessary to attend on an ongoing basis. The couple must be committed to the process. Several sessions are required to achieve the above-mentioned benefits.
The couple attending counselling should do so freely. They should not go to please the other, nor should they go out of obligation.
There may be discharge of intense emotions, such as anger, rage, resentment.
It is not the right first step when there is violence, threats or control. If one partner is afraid of the other, safety comes first, and each person should be able to speak with a professional separately.
Culmination of the sentimental commitment. While it is true that therapy seeks to resolve conflicts and create meeting spaces in the relationship, it is possible that after several sessions the couple may realize that the best thing for both of them is to separate.
The professional may cause confusion in the relationship. If the therapist who is accompanying the process does not have sufficient experience or only understands one version of the problem, it is likely that instead of helping, he or she will confuse the couple even more.

Remember that marriage counselling is not just for couples who have major conflicts or argue on a regular basis. Counselling is for all relationships that want to get to know each other better, reach agreements and find common ground that will make them grow as individuals and as a couple.

If you have doubts about this topic, you are welcome to ask.

What would you hope to learn about yourself and your partner if you decided to begin counselling?

Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.

If there is violence in your home

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. These lines are free and confidential.

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Available 24/7.
If you are thinking of harming yourself: call or text 988 (press 2 for Spanish).

This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.