Self-Awareness -An Ingredient in Your Spiritual Journey

by with One Comment Emotional Intelligence

Self awareness

 

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Let’s see a case where Self-Awareness is key. Nasrudin — the protagonist of many Middle Eastern, Greek, and Russian folktales — was approaching the door of his house one night when he suddenly realized he had lost his key. He tried to look around for it, but the night was so dark he could hardly see the ground. So he got down on his hands and knees and examined the ground where he was standing. Nevertheless, it was still too dark to see anything.

Moving back toward a streetlamp, he again got down and began a meticulous examination of the area. A friend came by and, noticing him, asked what he was doing. Nasrudin replied, “I lost my key, and I am looking for it.” So the friend too got down on his hands and knees and began to search. After a while, the friend asked, “Do you remember where you might have lost the key?” “Certainly,” answered Nasrudin, “I lost it in my house.” “Then why are you looking for it out here?” “Because,” answered Nasrudin, “the light is so much better here.”

We are all considerably more like Nasrudin than we like to acknowledge. We search for a solution to the problem that we have, but we tend to look for it outside ourselves, where it seems easier to search. Nevertheless, the key is inside, in the dark. ​

Developing emotional intelligence

In this post, I would like to begin to talk about the process of developing emotional intelligence with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. You could try to gain emotional intelligence on your own with self-control. However, only your Maker can help you achieve the mind of Christ. Any other transformation in your life that you try to make separated from God is in vain because our heart (mind) is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jer. 17:9

The first step in emotional intelligence is self-awareness. In my experience as a pastor and a therapist, I have noticed that sincere people have focused on knowing God and tended to ignore knowing themselves. The consequence is what brings people to call me asking for spiritual guidance and professional help. I have seen grievous marriages betrayed, families destroyed, ministries shipwrecked, and endless numbers of people damaged.

Leaving the self out of your spiritual journey is not living the reality of your life. For example, living a spiritual life while failing to know ourselves deeply may produce an external form of piety, such as one of the Pharisees, but we know that this only leaves a gap between appearance in front of our church and the reality of our life.

This incongruence in our life produces what psychologists call cognitive dissociation. That is, trying to live a life not according to the reality of your beliefs. San Agustin says, “How could you get to know God when you are so far from yourself? And he prayed, Lord, help me to know myself, so I could get to know you.”

What is self-awareness ?

It is to see ourselves clearly, aware of our thoughts, emotions, motives, and patterns. In addition, it is understanding how hurt has led us to view ourselves and others in maladaptive ways. You may be asking yourself, why do I have to focus on my inner life instead of focusing only on God and His power?

If we don’t know ourselves, we can’t know God either. We will not be able to understand others nor empathize with them. Also, we cannot change something that we are not aware of. If we don’t know ourselves, we will not be able to invite the Holy Spirit into our story to operate His transformational power.

The Holy Spirit never forces himself into our story because we have free will. Without self-awareness, we are doomed to failure because there is no deep knowing of God without a deep knowledge of the self and no deep knowing of the self without a deep knowing of God. For this reason, John Calvin wrote, “nearly the whole of sacred doctrine consists in these two parts: knowledge of God and ourselves.”

If this is your experience today, don’t allow the devil to distract you with guilt. The Holy Spirit is calling you to a deeply personal encounter with God and yourself. Open your heart and pray with me: Search me [thoroughly], Oh God, and know my heart (mind); test me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in an everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24 (AMP). This is the beginning of your transformation.

Self-Awareness -When I Don’t Like What I See Inside of Me

by with 4 Comments Emotional IntelligenceSelf-awareness

Self Awanress [vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space height=”25px”][ultimate_heading main_heading=” Self-Awareness -When I Don’t Like What I See Inside of Me.” margin_design_tab_text=””][/ultimate_heading][vc_empty_space height=”25px”][vc_column_text]

A young woman came to my practice and told me she was afraid because she was sure God was mad at her. Her self-awareness accused her. She had an abortion a long time ago and was sexually involved with multiple partners in her life. At that time, she was thinking that God was preoccupied with her sins and shortcomings, and she felt that God was seeing her with anger and reproach. Was she right? ​

I am also thinking about a young man who came to me seeking professional help. He could no longer believe that God takes a personal interest in his life. He said he had suffered so much that he could not conceive God having any interest in him. Furthermore, he also said he never experienced the caring hand of God, and if God loves someone, for sure, it was not him. Was he right? Both cases show the lack of understanding of who God could be in our lives.

Begin practicing self-awareness

In this post, I want to show you how to begin practicing self-awareness, which must be anchored in an understanding of God’s love. Genuine self-awareness begins with an understanding of God’s love in your life. This love needs to become the foundation of your identity.

Searching for your inner world without the love of God is like walking in complete darkness without light. I look into my inner being and try to comprehend my vulnerabilities, failures, and sinful actions. Then, what I see inside of me is detrimental and depressive. I see the roots of a shameful mentality crying, “you are not good enough, you are a failure, and death is your destiny.”

God’s love and self-awareness

For this reason, self-awareness must begin from the perspective that your identity must be engraved in God’s love, and the false self you have lived in the past does not matter. God continues to care for you with everlasting love.

Until we dare to believe that nothing can separate us from God’s love, nothing that we could do, or fail to do, will make God change His love for us (Romans 8:31-38). We will not practice genuine self-awareness because we will be afraid of what we will find. And in addition, we will remain in kindergarten in the school of Christian spiritual transformation.

Meeting God in the vulnerability of my sins and shame is strengthening. That is why I know that whatever I find unopened in my inner rooms will not stop God from saying, “This is my son, whom I love with all my heart.”

I remember when I was a child, I was scared of darkness. If I had to go to a dark room alone, I would rather die than enter that room. However, my dad was accessible to me. Every time I called him, he was available to enter a dark room and found the switch to turn on the lights.

Your heavenly Father is next to you. And he wants to assure you that He loves you and longs to go inside your innermost dark rooms as you begin to know yourself and transform your life.

Reflect on your knowing of God’s love

I challenge you today to not go alone to search your inner dark rooms. What you find could be very depressing and scary. Invite God to come with you as you practice self-awareness. Reflect on your knowing of God’s love by asking these questions:

  • To what extent does this knowing build the foundation of who you are as a person?
  • In what ways do you experience divine love?
  • And how do you know it to be true even when you are not experiencing it?

If by any chance you do not like your answers, tell God how much you long to know His perfect love for you. Pray that God will lead you to someone with whom you can share this desire. Someone with the spiritual maturity to journey with you as you seek to know God’s love.

Today, you are embarking on a transformation journey. And anchoring it in the love of God will help you believe that “nothing is impossible for those who believe”. (Mark 9:23). When you do not like what you see inside yourself, remember that God loves you and accepts you as you are. God bless you.

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You Cannot Change What You are not Aware of

by with One Comment Emotional Intelligence
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Let’s see an example that shows that you cannot change what you are not aware of. Joe DiMaggio was a baseball player for the New York Yankees. He was a real hero. Joe was considered one of the best baseball players of the twentieth century.

Every time he entered a public place, such as a restaurant or event, the crowd exploded into applause for his achievements and performances. Year after year, news reporters praised his extraordinary talent.

Joe married one of the most prominent women in Hollywood, Marilyn Monroe. She was a beautiful and talented woman, and this was another precious pearl in his crown. However, after Joe’s death, a controversial biography was published about the life of this baseball hero. This biography detailed how the image of this great athlete was all a facade.

Behind his mask, he was an egocentric, competitive, greedy, selfish person, guided by the power of money. The author of his biography, Ben Cramer, in his book Joe DiMaggio: Life of the hero, describes what he called the monotony of Joe’s life caused by his commitment to not show anything but his false self.

In DiMaggio’s story, the icon was well known, but the real self was buried. Many of us are still, like this great hero, buried in our false self, and what people know about us is a complete lie. For this reason, the Bible says in Proverbs 23:7 “for as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (KJV). You are who you are inside, not on the outside.

You cannot change what you are not aware of

Today, I want to continue our adventure in developing emotional intelligence. In our last post, we talked about the first step to developing emotional intelligence and self-awareness. We concluded that self-awareness must begin with a clear understanding of God’s love for you. That is, it does not matter what you see inside of you, God will never stop loving you.

After understanding this truth, you need to start uncovering the real you. Transformation occurs when you are brave enough to confront your shadows. Peter Scazzero in his book, The Emotionally Healthy Leader, says that “your shadow is the accumulation of untamed emotions, less-than-pure motives and, thoughts that, while largely unconscious, strongly influence and shape your behavior. It is the damaged but mostly hidden version of who you are.” You cannot change what you are unaware of.

A tool that I have used personally and recommend to my patients comes from Henry Cloud in his book Integrity. Cloud talks about standing on a boat and looking back at its wake as a way of seeing where he has been.

One side of this wake can be thought of as our achievements:

  • Have I done what I have set out to do?
  • Have I performed at the level I set for myself? If not, why?
  • Was there something unrealistic about my expectations?
  • Was there a change that prevented me from achieving a goal, and how do I feel about that?

The other side of the wake can be thought of as relationships:

  • As a leader, have the people I have led found themselves supported or neglected?
  • Are they enthusiastic in their roles or are they exhausted, or even damaged in some way?
  • Do I act as if I am the only one with a brain, and disregard other people’s suggestions?
  • Are there similar themes within the areas where I exercise influence?
  • Do I push people away and then feel alone?
  • Do I blame and judge others on my team for my faults?

Begin to discover what you are not aware of

I challenge you to sit down, be in silence, pray, and take time to meditate on these questions, asking the Holy Spirit to search your heart and guide you to confront your true self. Next, begin writing a journal every day.

As you find answers to your questions, and the Holy Spirit intervenes in your life, write down your experiences, and this action will have a powerful therapeutic effect on you.

If you are serious about developing self-awareness, contact a close friend, family member, or mentor (I suggest someone who knows you well), and invite this person to have a meal with you. During the meal, ask this person to share the one thing that annoys him or her the most about you.

Before that person answers you, tell him/her that nothing is off-limits and that you are not allowed to respond defensively, only to listen with an open heart and mind. This is another powerful life-altering exercise in self-awareness.

What is your opinion on this topic? Share it with us in the comments section. God bless you.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]