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Let’s see a case where Self-Awareness is key. Nasrudin — the protagonist of many Middle Eastern, Greek, and Russian folktales — was approaching the door of his house one night when he suddenly realized he had lost his key. He tried to look around for it, but the night was so dark he could hardly see the ground. So he got down on his hands and knees and examined the ground where he was standing. Nevertheless, it was still too dark to see anything.
Moving back toward a streetlamp, he again got down and began a meticulous examination of the area. A friend came by and, noticing him, asked what he was doing. Nasrudin replied, “I lost my key, and I am looking for it.” So the friend too got down on his hands and knees and began to search. After a while, the friend asked, “Do you remember where you might have lost the key?” “Certainly,” answered Nasrudin, “I lost it in my house.” “Then why are you looking for it out here?” “Because,” answered Nasrudin, “the light is so much better here.”
We are all considerably more like Nasrudin than we like to acknowledge. We search for a solution to the problem that we have, but we tend to look for it outside ourselves, where it seems easier to search. Nevertheless, the key is inside, in the dark.
Developing emotional intelligence
In this post, I would like to begin to talk about the process of developing emotional intelligence with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. You could try to gain emotional intelligence on your own with self-control. However, I believe lasting change of the heart is the work of the Holy Spirit, who forms the mind of Christ in us, and it often goes hand in hand with wise counsel and, when needed, professional help. Scripture is honest about how hard it is to see ourselves: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, NIV).
The first step in emotional intelligence is self-awareness. In my experience as a pastor and a therapist, I have noticed that sincere people have focused on knowing God and tended to ignore knowing themselves. The consequence is often what brings people to call me asking for spiritual guidance and professional help. I have seen marriages betrayed, families hurting, ministries shipwrecked, and many people damaged.
Leaving the self out of your spiritual journey is not living the reality of your life. For example, living a spiritual life while failing to know ourselves deeply may produce an external form of piety, such as that of the Pharisees, but we know that this only leaves a gap between appearance in front of our church and the reality of our life.
This incongruence in our life can produce what psychologists call cognitive dissonance: the tension of trying to live in a way that does not match what we say we believe. Augustine is remembered for praying that he might know himself so that he might know God.
What is self-awareness?
It is to see ourselves clearly, aware of our thoughts, emotions, motives, and patterns. In addition, it is understanding how hurt has led us to view ourselves and others in unhelpful ways. You may be asking yourself, why do I have to focus on my inner life instead of focusing only on God and His power?
If we do not know ourselves, our knowing of God stays shallow. It is also harder to understand others and to empathize with them. Also, we cannot change something that we are not aware of. If we do not know ourselves, we will struggle to invite the Holy Spirit into our story, where He wants to do His transforming work.
The Holy Spirit never forces Himself into our story because we have free will. Without self-awareness, our spiritual growth is likely to stall, because a deep knowing of God and a deep knowing of the self tend to grow together. For this reason, John Calvin opened his Institutes by saying that nearly all true wisdom comes down to two things: knowing God and knowing ourselves.
If this is your experience today, don’t allow the devil to distract you with guilt. The Holy Spirit is calling you to a deeply personal encounter with God and yourself. Open your heart and pray with me: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV). This can be the beginning of your transformation.
Looking honestly at yourself can stir up painful memories or heavy feelings. You do not have to do it alone: a trusted pastor, friend, or counselor can walk with you.
What part of your inner life have you been avoiding, and who could walk with you as you begin to look at it honestly?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Sources
- Jeremiah 17:9 and Psalm 139:23-24, New International Version (BibleGateway).
- John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, Book 1, chapter 1.
- Augustine, Soliloquies, Book 2 (opening prayer).
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