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A young woman came to my practice and told me she was afraid because she was sure God was mad at her. Her self-awareness accused her. She had an abortion a long time ago and was sexually involved with multiple partners in her life. At that time, she was thinking that God was preoccupied with her sins and shortcomings, and she felt that God was seeing her with anger and reproach. Was she right?
I am also thinking about a young man who came to me seeking professional help. He could no longer believe that God takes a personal interest in his life. He said he had suffered so much that he could not conceive God having any interest in him. Furthermore, he also said he never experienced the caring hand of God, and if God loves someone, for sure, it was not him. Was he right? Both cases show the lack of understanding of who God could be in our lives.
Begin practicing self-awareness
In this post, I want to show you how to begin practicing self-awareness, which must be anchored in an understanding of God’s love. Genuine self-awareness begins with an understanding of God’s love in your life. This love needs to become the foundation of your identity.
Searching for your inner world without the love of God is like walking in complete darkness without light. I look into my inner being and try to comprehend my vulnerabilities, failures, and sinful actions. Then, what I see inside of me can be painful and discouraging. I see the roots of a shameful mentality crying, “you are not good enough, you are a failure, and there is no hope for you.”
God’s love and self-awareness
For this reason, self-awareness must begin from the perspective that your identity must be engraved in God’s love, and the false self you have lived in the past does not matter. God continues to care for you with everlasting love.
Until we dare to believe that nothing can separate us from God’s love, nothing that we could do, or fail to do, will make God change His love for us (Romans 8:31-39), we will not practice genuine self-awareness because we will be afraid of what we will find. And in addition, our growth will stay stuck at the beginning of the journey of Christian spiritual transformation.
Meeting God in the vulnerability of my sins and shame is strengthening. That is why I know that whatever I find unopened in my inner rooms will not stop God from saying to me what He said of Jesus: “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17, NIV).
I remember when I was a child, I was scared of darkness. If I had to go to a dark room alone, I would do anything to avoid entering that room. However, my dad was accessible to me. Every time I called him, he was available to enter a dark room and found the switch to turn on the lights.
Your heavenly Father is next to you. And he wants to assure you that He loves you and longs to go inside your innermost dark rooms as you begin to know yourself and transform your life.
Reflect on your knowing of God’s love
I challenge you today to not go alone to search your inner dark rooms. What you find could be painful and scary. Invite God to come with you as you practice self-awareness. If, as you look inside, you find thoughts of death or of hurting yourself, or shame that feels unbearable, please do not carry it alone: reach out to a licensed counselor or to a crisis line today (see below). Reflect on your knowing of God’s love by asking these questions:
- To what extent does this knowing build the foundation of who you are as a person?
- In what ways do you experience divine love?
- And how do you know it to be true even when you are not experiencing it?
If by any chance you do not like your answers, tell God how much you long to know His perfect love for you. Pray that God will lead you to someone with whom you can share this desire: someone with the spiritual maturity to journey with you as you seek to know God’s love and, when the pain is heavy, a licensed counselor.
Today, you are embarking on a transformation journey. And anchoring it in the love of God will help you hold on to hope, because Jesus said, “Everything is possible for one who believes” (Mark 9:23, NIV). When you do not like what you see inside yourself, remember that God loves you and accepts you as you are. God bless you.
What is one small way you could invite God into the rooms inside you that you have kept closed?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If you are in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, do not wait. Call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day, free and confidential). If there is immediate danger, call 911.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Sources
- Scripture: Matthew 3:17 and Mark 9:23 (NIV); Romans 8:31-39.
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