Self-Awareness -When I Don’t Like What I See Inside of Me


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A young woman came to my practice and told me she was afraid because she was sure God was mad at her. Her self-awareness accused her. She had an abortion a long time ago and was sexually involved with multiple partners in her life. At that time, she was thinking that God was preoccupied with her sins and shortcomings, and she felt that God was seeing her with anger and reproach. Was she right? ​

I am also thinking about a young man who came to me seeking professional help. He could no longer believe that God takes a personal interest in his life. He said he had suffered so much that he could not conceive God having any interest in him. Furthermore, he also said he never experienced the caring hand of God, and if God loves someone, for sure, it was not him. Was he right? Both cases show the lack of understanding of who God could be in our lives.

Begin practicing self-awareness

In this post, I want to show you how to begin practicing self-awareness, which must be anchored in an understanding of God’s love. Genuine self-awareness begins with an understanding of God’s love in your life. This love needs to become the foundation of your identity.

Searching for your inner world without the love of God is like walking in complete darkness without light. I look into my inner being and try to comprehend my vulnerabilities, failures, and sinful actions. Then, what I see inside of me is detrimental and depressive. I see the roots of a shameful mentality crying, “you are not good enough, you are a failure, and death is your destiny.”

God’s love and self-awareness

For this reason, self-awareness must begin from the perspective that your identity must be engraved in God’s love, and the false self you have lived in the past does not matter. God continues to care for you with everlasting love.

Until we dare to believe that nothing can separate us from God’s love, nothing that we could do, or fail to do, will make God change His love for us (Romans 8:31-38). We will not practice genuine self-awareness because we will be afraid of what we will find. And in addition, we will remain in kindergarten in the school of Christian spiritual transformation.

Meeting God in the vulnerability of my sins and shame is strengthening. That is why I know that whatever I find unopened in my inner rooms will not stop God from saying, “This is my son, whom I love with all my heart.”

I remember when I was a child, I was scared of darkness. If I had to go to a dark room alone, I would rather die than enter that room. However, my dad was accessible to me. Every time I called him, he was available to enter a dark room and found the switch to turn on the lights.

Your heavenly Father is next to you. And he wants to assure you that He loves you and longs to go inside your innermost dark rooms as you begin to know yourself and transform your life.

Reflect on your knowing of God’s love

I challenge you today to not go alone to search your inner dark rooms. What you find could be very depressing and scary. Invite God to come with you as you practice self-awareness. Reflect on your knowing of God’s love by asking these questions:

  • To what extent does this knowing build the foundation of who you are as a person?
  • In what ways do you experience divine love?
  • And how do you know it to be true even when you are not experiencing it?

If by any chance you do not like your answers, tell God how much you long to know His perfect love for you. Pray that God will lead you to someone with whom you can share this desire. Someone with the spiritual maturity to journey with you as you seek to know God’s love.

Today, you are embarking on a transformation journey. And anchoring it in the love of God will help you believe that “nothing is impossible for those who believe”. (Mark 9:23). When you do not like what you see inside yourself, remember that God loves you and accepts you as you are. God bless you.


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