It is important to preserve a pastoral identity. Amid a crisis, how do we survive? Get up? How do we fulfill the call that God has made to us? How do I rescue my family and help my church when I am as broken as they are?
We all have history, a sad one, we are all wounded. We have emotional, physical, or spiritual wounds.
I like the question that Henri Nouwen raises in his book The Wounded Healer. The main question is not how we can hide our wounds for fear of being ashamed, but how we can put our woundedness at the service of others.
This is the opposite of everything we have been taught in the seminary. We have been trained to hide our wounds, which brings us shame. And we have been encouraged to present ourselves as infallible beings who are above the pain of those we serve. We say, “my family cannot know I suffer because I have to be strong for them. My parishioners cannot know my story of pain and shame because I am going to lose influence on them. My conference leaders cannot know that I have mental health problems, that I am depressed, anxious, and have panic attacks. I have to hide my history, my injuries.”
A new concept to keep a pastoral identity
Today, I challenge that concept and present something revolutionary. I can rewrite my history of shame. My history of wounds, trauma, exhaustion and mental health problems does not need to be hidden. My history does not have to continue to be a history of shame. Jesus died on the cross so that what has caused me shame can be used by God as a source of healing for those around me.
Jesus is the healer of human wounds sent by God: “by his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5). His suffering and death brought joy and life. His humiliation was brought to glory. The rejection he suffered brought a community of love and grace. As followers of Jesus, we can also allow our wounds to be a source of healing for others.
The same way the Father sent Jesus with a mission that through His wounds, others can receive healing, Jesus sends us, as John 20:21 says, so that through our wounds, others can come out of the shame produced by their histories, their wounds, and may achieve healing.
A teaching from an old legend
Nouwen retells an old legend from the Talmud (Sanhedrin 98a) that can help us understand this concept. In my own words:
Rabbi Joshua ben Levi once asked the prophet Elijah when the Messiah would come. Elijah told him to go and ask the Messiah himself, and explained where to find Him: sitting among the poor at the gates of the city, covered in wounds.
There is one difference. The poor around Him unwrap all their bandages at once and then wrap them again, but the Messiah unwraps and rewraps one wound at a time. He thinks that perhaps someone will need Him, and He must be ready so that He is never late to help another person bandage their wounds.
The Messiah, the old legend tells us, is sitting among the poor, bandaging their wounds one at a time, always ready for the moment when He can be called to serve. The same happens with us.
God has sent us to work on our wounds first, with a broken identity, and then to help others bandage their wounds.
What is the process to bandage my wounds and be ready to help others bandage theirs? I ask because you cannot help others heal their wounds if you have not worked on your wounds first.
Rediscover your pastoral identity
First, it is necessary to rediscover your identity because, as a result of the trauma and exhaustion brought on by difficult seasons, it is likely that our vision of who we are and what we have created has been clouded. Perhaps your wounds and your broken identity do not let you see the wounds of those around you. Therefore, you need to rediscover your identity and ask yourself, “What is my reason for existence?” The answer to this existential question defines the course of your life.
Your pastoral identity is not in what you do, what you possess, or your popularity. Those are broken false identities that Satan wants you to assimilate. Your pastoral identity is in who you are, not in what you do. You are a human being, created in the image of God to receive and give love. That is your pastoral identity. It is that simple. It is not complex. Your identity must be based on the love that God feels for you.
When you understand this reality, you are completely free. Free from the pressure of having to prove that you are good and have something to offer in order to be accepted by the leaders of the conference or your church, free from the pressure of proving that you have something of value according to others, free from the pressure of wanting to impress to be accepted by others. You are free to live in the love of God.
When you understand your identity, you will understand your professional and social identities too. Keep in mind, that the Bible uses different images to describe your professional identity: You are a shepherd of sheep, you are a priest, a prophet, a minister of the Highest. What greater responsibility is there than that?
How do you rediscover your pastoral identity?
You just need to slow down your life and focus on connecting to Jesus, the source of life and power. You need to develop a structure in your life, where the most important thing for you is to live connected to God. To achieve this, we need to set clear limits so that the church and the pressures of life do not occupy the space that belongs to God in our lives. A more practical solution is to take time to rest and be in solitude.
I am not talking about the spiritual rest on Saturday because that day is the one when we work the most. I am talking about choosing another day of the week to rest and recharge your emotional, physical, and spiritual batteries. It is the structure established by God. He worked six days and then he rested. He gave us a day to work and a night to rest. But we believe that the more we work, the more we achieve. If you are still immersed in that trap of Satan, your identity revolves around your achievements and popularity.
Rest is not a reward for those who have finished everything. It is a way of remembering whom we belong to. When you step back, even for a few hours, you give Jesus room to remind you that you are loved before you have accomplished anything. From that place of rest, your wounds no longer have to be hidden. They can become a gentle doorway through which others find hope. You do not have to carry the ministry alone, and you do not have to carry your pain alone either. If the weight feels too heavy, please reach out to a trusted friend or a professional. May God bless you as you rediscover who you are in Him.
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
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