Do you feel that you are giving all your effort to your partner, but you are not receiving the same? If so, you may be immersed in a one-sided relationship. Today I’ll give you 10 signs so you can spot it early and work to resolve it as soon as possible. Your marriage still has hope.
As the name implies, a partnership implies parity in the efforts of both parties to grow. When this doesn’t happen, the bond begins to fray. There is research that demonstrates the importance of two-way bonding for healthy personal growth and self-fulfillment.
Trying to maintain a healthy dynamic in your partner is the key to individual and relationship growth. Even so, many couples come to therapy with problems of one-sidedness. What is the limit between making an effort in your relationship and falling into a bond without reciprocity? I will tell you how to notice it in time.
What do we mean by “one-sided relationship”?
A one-sided relationship is one in which only one of the parties contributes energy to the preservation of the relationship. This type of dynamic is extremely damaging and ends up causing severe consequences, especially in the person who is constantly self-demanding.
The greatest danger lies in naturalizing these habits, to the point where they become almost indistinguishable. That is why, as Dr. John Gottman teaches, in a relationship, it is necessary for both partners to show mutual support in all situations, even the smallest and most everyday ones.
How to find out if your relationship is one-sided
Before I go any further, I would like to tell you that even though you feel this may be the end of your relationship, it doesn’t have to be. As a therapist, I have seen many couples get out of this pit and you can do it, even if it feels like there is no love in your marriage anymore. The important thing is to find these “symptoms” early.
Here are 10 signs that can help you recognize a one-sided relationship and begin to address these situations before further damage is done. Based on the research of Dr. Jill P. Weber.
If you are reading this, it is because you feel that something is not right in your relationship. If you constantly fear that it will collapse and this feeling becomes distressing and overwhelming, it may be a one-sided relationship. Don’t try to solve it by trying too hard, the first thing is always to talk to your partner and express how you feel.
2. Low self-esteem
Insecurity and overexertion in a relationship can lead to serious self-esteem issues. Do you feel insufficient? Do you think no one could ever love you? Don’t let that feeling take root in your heart, remember that in Proverbs 31:25, God calls us to rise up with dignity and strength.
One of the consequences of low esteem is codependency. That is, an unhealthy need for your partner to depend on you at all times. Let me tell you that you are worth a lot on your own. You should not cling to the need of another to measure your worth.
3. Inability to express feelings
In a couple, the expression of mutual feelings is the fundamental way of showing love and interest. If you are afraid that they will not be well received or reciprocated, your relationship may not be two-way.
4. You invest too much time in the relationship
Not only time and physical actions, but also the constant expenditure of mental and psychic energy is a sign. Putting everything by your side without getting anything in return is a wear and tear that will not bring good results. Moreover, it will lead to habituation and will be more difficult to reverse.
5. Communication is poor or unhelpful
Arguments are normal in a relationship and most of the time they can be solved with good dialogue. However, if it has reached the point where communication is not flowing or not helping to resolve conflicts, it is a warning sign.
6. You always end up giving in every argument
Research from the National Autonomous University of Mexico reveals the relevance of negotiating. When living together and building a path together, it is important that both partners are able to give up some of their interests or desires for the common good.
Reaching a point where you always give in because you are afraid of upsetting your partner is an indicator that something is not right. Negotiations in a relationship should always be 50/50 between the two of you, in order to reach healthy agreements for both of you.
7. You don’t feel understood
In line with the previous points, when you are the only one contributing to the relationship, you end up feeling misunderstood. In a one-sided relationship there will always be a lack of understanding from one of the parties, so this is a sign you should be aware of.
8. You make excuses for the other person’s mistreatment.
When the mistreatment or interest of the other starts to become a habit, it is normal for the one who has put in too much effort to look for justifications. This is where the excuses begin:
“Doctor, he doesn’t have time, he works too much.”
“He’s just not very demonstrative, he’s always been like that.”
It is no easy task to assume that you have given so much of yourself and are getting nothing. However, justifying such attitudes only gets in the way of acknowledging the situation and then working on restoration.
9. You feel jealous all the time
Lack of attention or indifference on the part of your partner is likely to lead to constant doubt about his or her feelings. You may believe that he or she will be unfaithful at every opportunity and feel insecure when you see him or her with someone else. This leads, sooner or later, to a breakdown of trust in the couple.
10. You feel stagnant on a personal level
Finally, a one-sided relationship will not allow the partners to grow together and in their individuality. Excessive effort will lead to personal abandonment and a total lack of self-knowledge.
Solving this situation before it is too late is possible. Your marriage can be restored if there is true commitment. I invite you to call 407-618-0212 to get professional attention for your case.