His own name said it, Amable (Kind, in spanish language), but he did not honor it. Who would imagine that this young enthusiast for life, happy and vibrant man, and such a good person that he once was, would become a hermit.
He went from being a good friend, neighbor and member of his family, to being a bitter, lonely and hermit person. He had been through difficult times in his life, but he had also received many blessings and could not see them, for his isolation had only brought with it a severe emotional blindness.
Amable had isolated himself from all that he once loved, his closure in himself had caused that feelings and emotions of others became irrelevant for him. Due to his rough and unconsidered treatment toward others, people who appreciated him and his loved ones were gradually getting away from him.
One of the problems that Amable had was the lack of Emotional Intelligence. This could be defined as the ability of a person to manage, understand, select and work their emotions and the emotions of others.
The problem with Emotional Intelligence is that it is something that is not innate in us. We are not born being emotionally intelligent. For what reason? Because we are all born into a world contaminated by sin and the product of the sinful state we carry inside of us and the sinful actions of the people around us. We have been exposed to traumatic, very negative experiences that have led us to experience emotions that we have not been able to handle. On the other hand, our chronological growth is not determinedly connected to our emotional growth. I can be an adult chronologically but be a child emotionally.
For example, emotional children interpret disagreements as personal offenses. They are easily injured, they complain, they retract, they manipulate, they revenge, they are sarcastic when they do not get what they want, they have great difficulties to talk calmly about their needs and the things they want, in a kind and mature way. Emotional adolescents tend to be always on the defensive. They are threatened and alarmed by criticism, they treat conflicts badly, they usually blame, appease, go with a third person, frown or ignore the issue altogether.
Emotional adults are deeply attuned to their emotional world and can enter into the feelings, needs, and concerns of others without losing themselves. They are able to ask for what they need, want or prefer, in a clear, direct and honest way. They recognize, control, and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings. They can, even under pressure, affirm their personal beliefs and values without being aggressive. They respect others without having to change them. Apparently Amable, the man in the story was an emotional child because of his behavior with others.
The question you should be asking yourself is this: how do you grow emotionally? Our spiritual growth must be connected to our emotional growth. The Bible says that “our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit” 1 Cor. 6: 19-20; That “we have the mind of Christ” 1 Cor. 2:16. The Holy Spirit is the one who produces in us spiritual and emotional growth as Ephesians 4:13 says, “until he is a man of full maturity, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ”. The word maturity means complete, whole, perfect, well developed, adult.
Read the book Learning to Love and discover how to grow emotionally.