Who is educating your child?

by with No Comment FamilyParenting

.How important is the influence parents have on raising their children? Have we asked ourselves that question? The answer is: it is very important. The influence of parents may work for good, favoring personal growth, or for evil, destruction and, failure. Educating your child is not easy.

So important is the education that it becomes a determinant of children’s happiness and success in life. The influence parents have on their children may work for good, favoring personal growth, or for evil, destroying and leading to failure.

The importance of educating your child

The first school a person has is his/her own home, where he/she receives all the teachings from his/her parents, on moral, emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects. And, we have seen that there are homes in which children have almost no contact with their parents and where their education is not a priority because it is not important, or it is preferred that children receive education only at their schools. It becomes “someone else’s problem.”

The problem we cannot see (“iceberg effect”) is that parents are currently destroying their children because they are not meeting their children their educational needs. Nowadays, children are being educated by Satan. He uses his socializing agencies, such as public schools, the media, and their friends or classmates, to do his malevolent work, so a whole generation who does not know God can rise.

This is why parents must fulfill their educational responsibility and, when the time comes to go to school, the children will not be handed over to Satan to educate them. Instead, they will receive a Christian education that can endure for all eternity.

What Bible says of educating your child

In the book of Deuteronomy 6:4-7, the foundation of the educational process is established by using the imperative “LISTEN”:  “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

These verses show us a vital function we must fulfill if we want to help a new generation to know God. The people of Israel called this portion of the teachings Shema. In the Shema, the Lord established a basis that was vital for the church and education.

Shema in Israel

First, the church was called to establish God as a supreme priority in the life of each believer. That is why it says: the Lord is one. Therefore, since He is one, love and loyalty to God must prevail in the life of the believer. A person cannot change if he/she does not have a relationship with God. This is why when young people fall in love with God, then, they come to Him automatically.

Secondly, the content of Christian education can be found in “these commandments that I give you today,” as in the verse we mentioned earlier. The teaching content is embraced by these words. These words mean all the things God has revealed to His church.

Our children’s education must emphasize and at the same time must be guided by God’s Word. This is why, under no circumstances, should we send our children to public schools. There the basis of education does not emphasize God’s Word, nor is it guided by it.

Third, the vital element in education is the teacher. The Lord has commanded that our children’s teachers must have His Word in their hearts. No teacher who lacks the Lord’s Word inside his/her heart. No teacher who does not speak of it is qualified to teach the children of God. It means that the non-Christian educational system cannot be accepted by God’s children as the avenue to bring education to their sons and daughters.

“From the most ancient times, the faithful people of Israel paid much attention to the matter of education. The Lord had indicated that children, even from their first days of life, must be instructed about His kindness and greatness, especially as it was revealed in His commandments and the history of Israel.

Educating your child according to God’s Word

Through songs, prayers, and lessons about God’s Word, mothers had to teach their children. They learned about God’s commandments as an expression of His character. And as they received the principles in their hearts, God’s image would delineate in their minds and souls. In school and their homes, a big part of the teachings transmitted orally. But young people learned also how to read the Hebrew Scriptures, and the scrolls about the Old Testament Scriptures would be opened for them to study” (Christian Education, page 386).

Secular education is focused on helping students know what the teacher knows. By contrast, Christian education is focused on helping students be similar to their teachers. To reflect Jesus’ character through the fulfillment of the teachings that are in God’s Word.

Educating your child from home

If we, as parents, are dedicated to studying God’s Word, and to applying it to our daily life, Jesus’ character will be reflected through us. We will be showing our children a window through which they can know their Savior’s image. The influence we have on them will favor their personal growth, values, kindness, love, respect, and righteousness.

Thus, their faith will increase and will be reflected in their good deeds. We will be giving them the foundations of a Christian teaching for eternal life in our own homes.

And, if in addition, we can take our children to Christian schools, we will complement their formation. They will have teachers who know and teach God’s Word. And they also interest in contributing to children’s formation for eternal life.

Dear parents who read this post,

I invite you to read and deepen God’s Word. I invite you to strengthen the basis of God’s commandments in your life and the teachings for eternal life. This way, you can have a positive influence on your children that will help them grow and glorify God. There is no better school than our own homes, there are no better teachers than parents, and there is no better teaching than God’s Word.

Do you know any other ways we can have a good influence on our children? Share your opinion in the comments section! So we can all enrich our parenting experiences in forming children who live with the purpose of reaching eternal life in Jesus Christ.

 

Educating Children for Eternity

by with No Comment Family

Educating children is not an easy task, but is worth it. Educating children for eternity is even more difficult, but is the best you can do.

Samuel is lost! We were at the amusement park with the family. Zory was with Samuel and they both got distracted, then, the worst thing we could have ever imagined happened. Samuel got lost. We started screaming his name, looking for him everywhere. I was not there with Zoraida, so, when I heard the screaming, I quickly went to where she was and asked her what had happened.

We started looking for Samuel desperately. The thoughts that went through my mind were indescribable, things like the ones you can see on a TV series like Special Victims Unit, stolen kids. It was a nightmare! Then we finally found him playing, as if nothing had happened. I would not wish the feelings we experienced back then on any parent.

Educating Children for Eternity and avoiding losing them

Today, some parents have lost their children and do not know it. Other parents have already noticed that their children are lost. But they are desperate and do not know what to do. I am not talking about the children who get lost in the mall, beach, or amusement parks, or who left the house and never came back. I am talking about children who have gotten lost because they do not want to have anything to do with church, much less know God.

We can see some statistics on what the relationship of young people is like with the church:

  • 59 percent of young people between 19 and 29 years old leave the church,
  • 50 percent of those young people are significantly frustrated church-wise,
  • 57 percent are less active than when they were 15 years old,
  • and 38 percent went through a period in which they questioned their faith.

I fear that today a generation who does not know God might be rising. The same happened when the fathers of the people of Israel did not follow the divine commandment to educate their children for eternity and they ended up raising a generation who did not know God.

An old story with teaching for us

Let us study a fascinating but sad story. The people of Israel had gotten out of Egypt to go to the Promised Land. But the journey that was only to last just a few days turned into a 40-year-journey because God said that due to their disobedience, that whole generation would not enter the Promised Land. Only Joshua and Caleb could enter.

Joshua led the people of Israel to the conquest of the Promised Land and had great experiences with them. They respected Joshua the same way they respected Moses. But while the people were celebrating their victories, something was happening behind the curtain that was undermining God’s people. The people and their leaders were neglecting the divine order, which was about to produce ravages on God’s people.

In the book of Judges, chapter 2:8-11 we can read the following: “Joshua son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of a hundred and ten. And they buried him in the land of his inheritance, at Timnath Heres in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash.”

What happened to them

After that whole generation was brought to their ancestors, another generation grew up who did not know the Lord, nor what He had done for the people of Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord and served Baal. Here, we can see the sequence:

  • Joshua died at the age of 110.
  • The following verse says that the generation who knew God also died.
  • And later, a whole generation rose u who did not know Jehovah, nor the work He had done for the people of Israel.

How did something like that happen?

How could a whole generation who did not know God rise up.? Now, from Genesis to Joshua, the knowledge of God had been transmitted verbally. There were no books, papers, or computers.

How could the knowledge of God be transmitted if there were no computers or books? Parents had the responsibility before God to transmit all the teachings to their children verbally. If a generation who did not know God rose up, it was simply because their parents did not fulfill their responsibility to raise their children for eternal life.

The same thing that is happening nowadays happened back then. The only way we can stop this epidemic is by going to the Bible and studying the reasons these mistakes were made, and the solution God gives to those mistakes so that we do not have the same problems.

Educating Children for Eternity

It is imperative to understand that, as parents, we are God’s stewards. It is the message we can find in the first chapter of the Bible. God creates man in His image. God’s image has been interpreted in three dimensions: structural, relational, and functional images of humankind.

Humans have a structure that allows them to think, create, and act. That structure leads them to have an intimate relationship with God and with their neighbor because that is the reason for their creation. The structure and relationship lead them to fulfill the functional aspect of God’s image.

The purspose of humankind

Humankind was created to fulfill a function: to be God’s stewards for all that was created. Genesis 1:28 says: “be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” This means that God is the Creator of all things and humankind is the administrator.

Therefore, when God gives you a son or a daughter, He is not giving you a gift so you can do whatever you want with him or her. God is giving you that child so that you prepare him/her for Eternity. Now, this gets a little more complicated than that, because when you start seeing your parenting from the stewardship perspective, everything changes.

When we talk about stewardship, many times we think it is regarding tithes or offerings, but, stewardship is much more than that. God saved a tree inside the Garden of Eden that belonged to Him and He forbade Adam to touch it.

When I see myself as God’s steward regarding my children, I cannot see them as a problem, or as a burden. I must see them as a blessing because those children God gave me do not belong to me, they belong to God and He will hold me accountable for what I did with them.

Each generation must transmit a legacy 

God gave parents commandments about the spiritual legacy they must transmit. For us to understand how this is possible, we need to understand some sociological aspects. Each generation is held accountable for the generations that follow.

Zoraida and I made a mistake regarding our children, we did not encourage them to speak Spanish inside our house. If we, as parents, do not teach them Spanish, they will find it difficult to learn it at school. Likely, my grandchildren are not going to be able to speak Spanish because my children do not speak Spanish, and, that my great-great-grandchildren are not going to be able to speak to family members who only speak Spanish. Do you see the effect a generation has on other generations?

What Word of God says

I am going to give you some Biblical evidence about what I am writing here. 

  • “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them to your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and your gates.” Deuteronomy 6:4-9
  • “Your children will be taught by the Lord.” Isaiah 54:13
  • “Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation.”Joel 1:3

Analizing what Word of God says

Let us analyze these verses: parents are called to love Jehovah with all our hearts, with all our souls, and with all our minds. The teachings parents receive from God must be repeated to their children, they will speak of them inside the house while walking, and when they are going to sleep.

That means that parents will be speaking continuously of God to their children. They, in other words, will be educating their children for Eternity. Educating my children for Eternity is my priority.

If Joshua 2:10 says that a generation rose who did not know God, it is simply because parents failed to fulfill God’s order to educate for Eternity. God does not do things without a purpose. If God gave children to the people of Israel, it was for them to prepare those children for Eternity. The raising of a generation who did not know God brought great sadness to God’s heart.

Christian education is not optional for parents

Parents back in the times of the people of Israel must have educated their children in their homes and taken them to the temple and schools to be educated there. The prophets were their teachers. 

That is why I say that Christian education is not optional for parents. It is not the school or church’s responsibility, but the parent’s. One day we will have to be held accountable before God for the spiritual legacy we transmit to our children. If I have full responsibility, I cannot present any excuses for me to be released from that responsibility.

In your case, is the story repeating itself?

We forget that we are stewards of our children before God.

There is no time for personal study or to study with our children. The media is raising them now.

Helen White says that parents have neglected the responsibilities God gave them, and they must face this reality when the final judgment comes. Then, the Lord will ask: “Where are the children I gave you so that you could prepare them for me? Why are they not at my right hand?”

Many parents will see then that an unwise love blinded them from seeing their children’s flaws, unable to change the development of a character that is not suitable for life in Heaven. Other parents will see they did not give their children time and attention, love, and care. The neglect of their duties made their children what they are. (Testimonies for the Church 4:424).

Focus on eternity

Can you imagine being in Heaven with your children? The happiness will bring? Can you imagine what would happen if we, as a church, work together to educate our children for Eternity? Think of this church 10 to 20 years in the future. Where will it be?

God is answering my prayer not in a way I would have wanted Him to answer it, but since I am a steward, I cannot decide in my children’s place. It is God’s decision what He wants to do with them.

What God loves the most in this world are our children. In the book of Isaiah 49:25, we read: “I will contend with those who contend with you, and your children I will save.”

“When you educate your children for Eternity, I will fight your battle”

Maybe you are saddened by the thought of how you raised your children and you did the best you could, but they are far from God’s way or the church. God says: when you educate your children for Eternity, I will fight your battle.

Maybe someone who is reading this post has not clearly understood these truths and feels guilty before God. But you still have time to help your children go back to God’s way, be active in church, have faith, and, do well. When raising your children for Eternity is your priority. God will defend you, fight that battle for you, and save your children.

These truths are also good for you since we are stewards of our own lives too. Seek God, His way, follow His commandments, keep His truth in your heart, and He will help you fight that battle.

I invite you today to share with us, in the comments section, what other ways we can be better stewards of our own lives and the lives of our children before God. Thank you and God bless you.

7 steps to raise a happy child

by with No Comment Parenting

Today’s blog post is for all the parents who want to succeed in parenting and raise a happy child.

It is not easy to raise a child, especially nowadays. Do you remember the last time you bought a car? That car came with a manual, regardless of the model or brand. In that user manual, you can look up what must be done if the oil needs to be changed if it had engine problems, or any other situation. It is all written there.

A personal experience about how to raise a happy child

When my daughter Jasmin was born, I had no such manual. And, neither did you when you had your children. I had to figure out what to do to handle the situations I faced. A year after Jasmin was born, Samuel came into our lives. And, I said, “Well, now I have a year of experience as a father. With Samuel, it is going to be a little easier because I already ‘have experience’.” How wrong I was! Samuel had a completely different personality from that of his sister. The manual I used for Jasmin did not work with Samuel.

My strategy for raising the children consisted of creating a relationship with them based on collaboration instead of power. And I know that for many parents, this notis the conventional way. ut remember that unconsciously. We have had a collaborative relationship with our children throughout the years.

For example, when Jasmin or Samuel cried, we tried to figure out what was happening to them. So that we could help them stop crying. If the method we used was not working, we used another method until we found the most effective one to help them stop crying.

Try to understand the focus of the problem to raise a happy child.

Ideally, we continue to do this almost every day. It is simply trying to understand and focus on some of the most important aspects of being parents: understanding our children’s worries, perspectives, and opinions, considering what troubles them, and working together to find realistic solutions that are mutually satisfactory.

Science, nowadays, has provided many studies that support this line of thought, studies we have held on to in the last few years as parents, and in my case, as a therapist, to help parents who need orientation in this area. One of the researchers who has made contributions to this area is clinical psychologist Ross Greene.

I like this thought written by Helen G. White in her book Child Guidance: “The object of discipline is to educate the child so he can govern himself. Self-confidence must be taught and self-control.” We must help them accomplish the goals by themselves, with our help, and under our supervision.

Children do fine if they can

If they can handle the crisis or if they have the tools needed to do a certain task or to meet an expectation, they will do fine. Many situations are out of children’s control and that may lead them to develop difficult behaviors. The truth is that maybe they do not have the needed tools to deal with those situations.

It is not easy for children to deal with certain situations, such as stress produced by life events. If I, who am more than 50 years old, many times do not know how to deal with stress producedstressproduced stress-produced things I face in my life, do you think a child is going to be able to know how to handle stress?

Other situations children may not know how to handle

Other situations children may not know how to handle may be the parenting techniques their parents use. Some children are suffering due to the stress and consequences of a rough, hard, strict, difficult, and abusive parenting style. Some parents want who want wh to raise their children the same way they were raised: disciplined with a stick, yelling, and punches. That is abusive. This creates levels of stress and anxiety in the child and has consequences in the long term.

Another situation that children may not know how to handle could be their nervous system. Maybe the child is being rebellious due to a psychiatric condition that he/she may have, and if that is the case, that condition needs to be diagnosed and treated.

Some disorders can affect children an make it difficult to raise a happy child

Some of those conditions may be Oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, conduct disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. There are many other disorders that the child might have. If this is the case, until the child gets proper treatment, he/she will not be able to behave correctly because he/she will not know how.

Perhaps the child, simply, does not know how to handle his/her temper. And, as parents, we need to help him/her achieve this and develop emotional intelligence, as well as handle/her emotions. All of this will teach the child to handle his/her inner world successfully, so he/she can deal with the outside world. 

Many times, we think the problem our child has is a motivation problem. This is something we cannot just assume. Unless the child has a condition or disorder that allows him/her to behave adequately, it is very rare to assume that he/she is not meeting an expectation because he/she lacks motivation. Very often, skills are the train’s engine and motivation is the caboose. 

Allow me to share with you 7 steps we can follow to raise happy children:

1. Teach them to know God

The first task we must fulfill as parents teaching our children to know God. He said to the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” There is no higher responsibility for parents than this one, to teach their children to know God. God will not ask you to give an account of how much money you invested in your son or daughter’s career, but how you prepared them for eternity.

2. Set boundaries

There are boundaries in life. God set boundaries for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Establishing clear boundaries protects relationships and keeps them healthy. When these are broken, relationships are affected. Boundaries protect both parts. Children who are not raised with boundaries are children who later will violate other people’s boundaries and will develop poor relationships later in their lives.

3. Teach them to have emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is learned in our homes. It has been proven that a person’s success lies in his/her emotional intelligence and not just in the intelligence quotient. Emotionally intelligent parents teach their children to handle their emotions from a very young age. They do this by demonstrating correct management of emotions and taking advantage of every opportunity possible to help the child identify the emotion he/she is experiencing so he/she can manage it correctly.

4. Teach them how to love

Loving is something we learn. It is learned in our homes, especially in the first 12 months of children’s lives. The way the father or mother develops an emotional connection with their children will determine the mindset they are going to develop later.

Parents can develop a secure attachment with the child that will allow him/her to identify a range of emotions that will show him/her how to receive and give love. On the contrary, if parents have developed an insecure attachment, it will show the child that primary caregivers are not to be trusted. Therefore, they will lack love and affection and their ability to receive and give love will be greatly affected.

If you have heard about the five love languages, try to speak the same love language your child speaks: express affirmative words, share quality time, give physical touch the importance that it has, give him/her gifts, and be helpful. This way your child will understand you love him/her and will express love to others.

5. Be aware of your own needs and limitations as a parent

The problem many parents have is that they are not aware of their limitations. Children are hurt when we, as parents, do not acknowledge the limitations we may have. Every parent must ask himself/herself, what limitations do I have in raising my children? We as parents must understand that the parenting style we are using to raise our children is very connected to the way we were raised in our families. We unconsciously project the traumatic experiences we have lived in the past onto our children. A parent who is aware recognizes his/her limitations when raising the children and seeks professional help and psychoeducation to do it in an optimal wayoptimallyway optimally and with love.

6. Identify the limitations your children have regarding certain skills

Dr. Greene suggests that parents begin by identifying the challenges their children facdifferentlye. There is a term, “lagged skills,” which refers to the skills that make it difficult for children to adapt to challenges in life at a cognitive level. Identifying when the child finds things difficult may help parents understand why they behave the way they do. Besides, it will help them understand that the child cannot do it differently until he/she receives help to grow in these lagged skills.

Several studies performed in the last 40 or 50 years tell us that children who defy good behaviors lack important skills. Especially flexibility/adaptability, tolerance to frustration, and problem-solving. This is why they explode or display defiant behaviors when certain situations demand those skills. A wise parent works very hard to help his/her children overcome those limitations.

7. Solve problems with your children in a collaborative way

Many parents solve their children’s behavioral problems unilaterally, imposing rules and high expectations. And, when children do not meet those expectations, parents get frustrated. So, they call their children undisciplined and rebel, sometimes even committing emotional abuse. There are studieSomestudied some studies proves that provesprove that hat success can be reached if you and your children solve problems together. When it is done this way, both become partners, teammates, and not enemies or adversaries.

My desire as a parent is reflected in this prayer I read a while ago and I want to share it with you:

Father in heaven, make me a better parent.

Teach me how to understand my children, patiently listen to what they say, and kindly answer their questions.

Help me t not interrupt them or contradict them.

Make me polite towards them in the same way I want them to be towards me.

Prevent me from laughing at their mistakes

Prevent me ridiculing from them when they do not do what I like them to do.

Bless me with the greatness of giving them all their reasonable requests, 

Bless me with the courage to deny them privileges I know will hurt them.

Make me fair and kind.

And help me, oh Lord, be loved and respected, and imitated by my children, amen.

The Challenge of Raising our Children

by with No Comment Family

One of the biggest challenges we have when raising our children is facing a rebellious child. Daily fights over power, aggression due to sibling rivalry, or crises, have led suffering parents to cry for help. I receive emails, phone calls, and petitions daily from parents who are desperately seeking help raising their children.

I think all parents, at some point, need to face a disobedient child. Then the same way we, as parents, are not perfect and have made mistakes, over time, our children will make mistakes too. The difference is that when we made a mistake, in our view, it was not a big deal. But when our child behaved unexpectedly, it was an alarm that led us to be worried and feels desperate.

It seems like we have forgotten that we were also the same age as our children, many times we behaved the same way they are behaving today. Why are we not more transparent with ourselves and accept the fact that our children are as human as we are? There are still parents who, when raising their children, demand they behave in a way that they, as parents, have not yet achieved themselves. I understand it is not easy to be a parent nowadays.

Raising our children

In my next blog posts, I will be sharing the strategy I have used all these years to raise my children. I do not expect you to agree with me. This is the method that has worked for us, and maybe you have a different one that has worked for you. In the end, nobody has a perfect method because when we receive the children God gave us, they did not come with a manual that explained what to do when behaving in certain ways.

How nice it would be if this was the reality! Do you remember the last time you bought a car? That car came with a manual, regardless of the model or brand. That user manual set out what to do if the oil needs to be changed if it has engine problems or any other situation. It is all written there.

When my daughter Jasmin was born, I did not have such a manual. I had to figure out what to do. A year after Jasmin was born, Samuel, came into our lives. And, I said: “Well, now I have a year of experience as a father. With Samuel, it is going to be a little easier because I already ‘have experience.’ How wrong I was! Samuel had a completely different personality from that his sister. The manual I used for Jasmin did not work with Samuel.

My strategy for raising our children

It has been to cultivate a relationship with them based on collaboration instead of power. And I know that for many parents, this is not the conventional way, but remember that unconsciously, we have had a collaborative relationship with our children throughout the years.

For example, when Jasmin or Samuel cried, we tried to figure out what was happening to them so that we could help them stop crying. If the method we used was not working, we used another method until we found the most effective one to help them stop crying.

Ideally, we continue to do this almost every day. It is simply trying to understand and focus on some of the most important aspects of being parents: understanding our children’s worries, perspectives, and opinions, considering what troubles them, and working together to find realistic solutions that are mutually satisfactory.

What parents need

A question many parents have asked us is: Will I still be an authority figure in raising my children in a collaborative relationship? Yes. Maybe not an “old school” authoritarian figure, but an authority figure indeed. It turns out that what parents are most commonly seeking is to be influential, not to control. And just by being parents, they are already influential.

In the beginning, when my wife Zoraida and I started with this plan, it was something we did unconsciously. In the sense that we have not read what neuroscience showed about our children’s development. We just had the Bible, and it showed us our children as the heritage of Jehovah, and that He was calling us to be a positive influence on our children’s lives. They had that influence when they benefited from our wisdom, experiences, and values while they were walking through complex and tough stormy waters.

I have discovered that an authoritarian method of power and strength when raising our children is not helpful in the long term. On the contrary, helping our children to solve their problems collaboratively was much more effective for us.

Raising our children according to Science

Today, science has provided many studies about this line of thought, which we have held onto in the last few years as parents. And in my case, as a therapist, to help parents who need orientation in this area. One of the researchers behind those studies who have contributed to this area is clinical psychologist Ross Greene. He has written several books and I will mention some concepts he uses in his book Raising Human Beings.

Greene presents a revolutionary concept: children do fine if they can. What does this mean? If Jasmin or Samuel could do it right, they would. Period. If they did not do fine, or they were not meeting expectations at home or in school, as a parent, I had to do well. My responsibility was not to criticize them or to censor them for not behaving properly or meeting my expectations as a father, but to find out why they were not meeting those expectations. If I could not solve the problem my children had on my own, then I had to:

  • go to the books,
  • search on the internet,
  • or ask for professional help in this area.

I had to find out why my children did not fulfill the responsibility they had in their hands. We cannot assume, as we have many times, that the problem our child has is motivational. Very is rarely correct to assume that a child is not meeting an expectation because he/she lacks motivation. Very often, skills are the engine that powers the train, and motivation is the caboose.

What children need

Children want to succeed. No child does not want to succeed. Society is configured to be a gratifying place for those who do things right. Any perceived incentive to do things wrong is going to be greatly overtaken by incentives to do things right.

Children need the freedom to grow as they go through different stages of their psychosocial development. That freedom must be by their age.

Besides, children need room to make mistakes and learn from them. If you try to control the result or become too critical when they stumble on their feet, you will fail. They will become too concerned about not making mistakes in the future.

They need opportunities to straighten their sheep on their own when they see themselves in stormy waters. And they need you to observe them closely to see how they are doing. If you do not look closely, they will likely get tired of stumbling and give up. But, if you throw them a life jacket at the first stumbling, they might never learn how to swim. A parent’s success lies in preparing the children to navigate a rough world.

What has been your experience raising your children like? What method have you used and how effective has it been? Share your story with me. Then, we will continue with this topic in our next post.