6 Ways to Love Others

by with One Comment Emotional Intelligence

It is not easy to define love, nor is it easy to learn to express it in the right ways. Really loving someone is to make a commitment that involves more than just words — it involves actions and shows real ways to love.

Trying to find the definition of love would mean continually talking about a subject we should know perfectly, thanks to the fact that the greatest example of love is being given to us by our Lord every day of our lives. He knows our flaws, mistakes, and desires. With all that, He still loves us.

Ways to love others

Love can see beyond imperfections. It can become our inspiration and guide. But I regularly find that my patients are unable to express their love to their spouses, their life partners, and to those with whom they share a family. Why is this happening? Because something very interesting happens with love. It is not enough just to feel it, it is also necessary to show it. That is why there are so many ways to love.

I want to talk to you about some efficient ways to show love to your spouse, your children, mother/father, or in general, to any person you appreciate.

1.    Listen to them without judging

When you love someone, you need to focus on that person, on giving him/her your full attention, and listen to him/her carefully. Throughout my career, I have found that some of the deepest hurts in broken marriages are related to poor communication or lack of attention on the part of the other person.

If your partner asks you to put your cell phone away so that he/she can talk to you, what you must do is to put it away and listen to your partner as he/she asks. Also, it must be internalized that there is a time for each thing. It is not good to pretend to listen to your spouse when your head is still focused on work. Couple conversations are sacred, do not take them lightly regardless of how superfluous they may seem.

Likewise, if, for example, your son or daughter comes to you to talk about the problems he/she may be having at school, it is your duty to listen to him/her without judging him/her. Giving advice and showing him/her that he/she will always have your support is essential.

2.    Use the power of your words

Some people are more absent-minded than others. Some people do not understand all the love languages. Therefore, make sure you are showing the love you feel in an evident way by expressing it in direct words. It is one of the most basic ways to love.

You do not have to start an elaborate or a very eloquent speech about how deep your love is, but, nevertheless, saying how much your partner or friend means to you, how grateful you are that he/she is part of your life, is important. Those are the kinds of gestures that do not cost you great effort, but that meaningful person will surely remember them more than once during the day.

3.    Give him/her space

Another curious way to love someone is by respecting his/her limits. I say “curious” because some people have the idea that to love is not to be apart from the loved one. But, setting boundaries means recognizing where one person ends and the other one begins. Understanding that everyone has their own needs and desires is healthy.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to be alone or letting your loved one to take time to be alone too. Something similar happens when two friends do not share the same hobby. It is not harmful to enjoy different hobbies. This is one of the many ways to love.

4.    Ask the other person how he/she wants to be loved

“No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God remains among us, and among us His love has been fully manifested. 1 John 4:12“. Our Lord invites us to love one another, but have you thought about how each person is unique in their very own way? Not everyone sees the world the same way, we do not all feel the same way, and that is not a bad thing.

The error is to assume that we own the absolute truth, when we actually do not own it. Your partner may not like certain displays of affection in public or a certain attitude you have towards him/her. You should learn about those aspects and learn about them, and, speaking truthfully is the fastest way to get to this point.

Having regular talks with your partner about these kinds of matters will be rewarding for both of you. It is something you can also apply in any relationship you have with someone you appreciate. Talk more frequently with your loved ones and you will be surprised at what you will discover about them.

5.    Show them your gratitude

Showing gratitude has great mental and physical benefits. Apply this fact to your relationships and take the necessary time to thank those you love. It doesn’t matter if you’re expressing it for small things, like washing the dishes or taking out the trash. What matters is expressing how grateful we are for their gesture. No one wants to feel ignored by their partner or someone they love.

6.    Dedicate time

Hanging out with your partner or children is not the same as spending quality time with them. Due to the pace of life and the fact that they are your family, you will spend a lot of time together. However, how much of that time is devoted exclusively to them?

We all need attention and time to talk about ourselves. So, it is impossible to compare spouses who are having dinner alone with a couple with their children included in the picture. The reality is that we waste a lot time being distracted by the TV, helping our children with their homework, or doing other activities that disconnect us and prevent warmer communication.

As a couple, do more activities that help your intimacy grow. It could be cooking together or going for a walk in each other’s company. In the case of children, practicing an outdoor sport or reading the Sacred Scriptures as a family will be sharing quality time.

 

Would you like more tips to express your love in a more effective and positive way? You can learn more by calling 407 618 0212.

Why Emotional Intelligence is important for children?

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

I have lost count of the number of parents who have called me concerned about their children’s erratic behavior. For that reason, we will see what is Emotional Intelligence and how important is it for our children?

From little ones who are aggressive with their schoolmates, to withdraw children who have a hard time relating to others. As their parent, you will feel it is your responsibility to help them overcome these issues, so you may be looking for reasons to blame them or punishments to correct them.

Even so, have you ever wondered if your child is capable of handling their own emotions? The complexity of human relationships begins very early in life, therefore, a lack of emotional intelligence will result in the inability to control or manage their emotions.

Emotional intelligence is as important as other types of intelligence because it helps you know yourself and others as you grow up. By encouraging it in children, their learning will improve, they will be able to resolve conflicts more easily, and it will encourage better personal and social well-being.

If you feel that you invest a lot of effort into making your child do their homework, get good grades, or behave the way you want them to, keep in mind that proper development is not only focused on academic intelligence. It’s time for me to teach you what emotional intelligence is. Let’s start.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is a set of skills for the correct management of emotions, for example, motivation, empathy, enthusiasm, and self-control. These skills can be acquired from birth or learned throughout life. That is why both adults and children are able to develop them.

This concept was first used by the American psychologists Peter Salovey & John Mayer in 1990. Later, it became the title of a book by author Daniel Goleman.

Unlike what you may believe, emotional intelligence does not having no emotional reaction to stimuli. On the contrary, it is about the reactions you have to them. You may be surprised by this, but the reactions provoked by emotions are many times greater than the emotion itself.

That is why an emotionally intelligent person will have the following characteristics:

  • They have a deep knowledge of their emotions: Those who develop emotional intelligence can analyze their emotions and interpret them. They just don’t just feel them.
  • These people do not repress their feelings: They show sincerity and authenticity regarding their feelings. Besides, they can also express their feelings clearly.
  • They show a balance in their emotions: It’s all about balance, and how they are able to identify the bad and the good. They are always looking for helpful solutions.

Considering all the above, it is logical to want our children to have this kind of intelligence. However, first it is fundamental that, as parents, we are able to educate ourselves and follow the path that has been established by our God.

What are emotions?

In a technical way, emotions are physiological reactions that we have to adapt to the environment we are in. In other words, our brain has the great capacity to modify our cognition to use behaviors that allow us to survive depending on the situation. Basically, emotions are adaptive functions.

At the same time, this function has physiological components (an involuntary reaction, such as accelerated breathing), cognitive components (a subjective experience), and behavioral components (the change of behavior, such as movements or facial gestures).

According to Paul Ekman, there are six basic or primary emotions:

  1. Fear: Associated with nervousness, restlessness, and anxiety.
  2. Anger: Associated with hostility, indignation, and rage.
  3. Joy: Associated with pleasure, amusement, and ecstasy.
  4. Surprise: Associated with discovery, expectation, and dynamism.
  5. Disgust: Associated with disgust or rejection.
  6. Sadness: Associated with isolation or decreased energy.

Why is emotional intelligence important?

If your child is, for example, not good at math, but instead of asking for your help, he or she screams and gets frustrated easily, you will understand the importance of emotional intelligence. Children who have it are able to solve problems by managing their emotions wisely.

But giving it to your children, it is not really something you can measure. There are no tests such as the intelligence quotient (IQ) to know if they have it. But vitality of emotional intelligence in child development is remarkable. A child who is emotionally intelligent will be able to respond well to the surrounding environment. Likewise, he/she will be able to establish better relationships with other children and adults.

I feel that encouraging emotional intelligence is ideal, especially for children who have difficulty concentrating or learning. With emotional intelligence, they will be able to improve their learning skills, and develop in this way.

As a parent, you need to put yourself in your child’s position at every difficult moment. So just imagine that you have learning and attention difficulties, you can’t solve tasks that are easy for your other classmates. Children with these kinds of complications often feel embarrassed and intimidated by learning. But by stimulating their emotional intelligence, you can prepare them for new challenges.

You should also consider the fact that having problems with emotional intelligence could be a sign that the child will have learning or attention difficulties in the future. This is why children with ADHD tend to develop their social skills later and have difficulty interpreting situations accurately.

If your child fits this description, or you identify with what I have said here, do not feel like there is no solution. It is quite the opposite, actually. Emotional intelligence can be modified for each child.