It is not easy to define love, nor is it easy to learn to express it in the right ways. Really loving someone is to make a commitment that involves more than just words — it involves actions and shows real ways to love.
Trying to find the definition of love would mean continually talking about a subject we should know perfectly, thanks to the fact that the greatest example of love is being given to us by our Lord every day of our lives. He knows our flaws, mistakes, and desires. With all that, He still loves us.
Ways to love others
Love can see beyond imperfections. It can become our inspiration and guide. But I regularly find that my patients are unable to express their love to their spouses, their life partners, and to those with whom they share a family. Why is this happening? Because something very interesting happens with love. It is not enough just to feel it, it is also necessary to show it. That is why there are so many ways to love.
I want to talk to you about some efficient ways to show love to your spouse, your children, mother/father, or in general, to any person you appreciate.
1. Listen to them without judging
When you love someone, you need to focus on that person, on giving him/her your full attention, and listen to him/her carefully. Throughout my career, I have found that some of the deepest hurts in broken marriages are related to poor communication or lack of attention on the part of the other person.
If your partner asks you to put your cell phone away so that he/she can talk to you, what you must do is to put it away and listen to your partner as he/she asks. Also, it must be internalized that there is a time for each thing. It is not good to pretend to listen to your spouse when your head is still focused on work. Couple conversations are sacred, do not take them lightly regardless of how superfluous they may seem.
Likewise, if, for example, your son or daughter comes to you to talk about the problems he/she may be having at school, it is your duty to listen to him/her without judging him/her. Offer advice when it is welcome, and show him/her that he/she will always have your support.
2. Use the power of your words
Some people are more absent-minded than others. Some people do not understand all the love languages. Therefore, make sure you are showing the love you feel in an evident way by expressing it in direct words. It is one of the most basic ways to love.
You do not have to start an elaborate or a very eloquent speech about how deep your love is, but, nevertheless, saying how much your partner or friend means to you, how grateful you are that he/she is part of your life, is important. Those are the kinds of gestures that do not cost you great effort, but that meaningful person will surely remember them more than once during the day.
3. Give him/her space
Another curious way to love someone is by respecting his/her limits. I say “curious” because some people have the idea that to love is not to be apart from the loved one. But, setting boundaries means recognizing where one person ends and the other one begins. Understanding that everyone has their own needs and desires is healthy.
There is nothing wrong with taking time to be alone or letting your loved one to take time to be alone too. Something similar happens when two friends do not share the same hobby. It is not harmful to enjoy different hobbies. This is one of the many ways to love.
4. Ask the other person how he/she wants to be loved
“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” (1 John 4:12, NIV) Our Lord invites us to love one another, but have you thought about how each person is unique in their very own way? Not everyone sees the world the same way, we do not all feel the same way, and that is not a bad thing.
The error is to assume that we own the absolute truth, when we actually do not own it. Your partner may not like certain displays of affection in public or a certain attitude you have towards him/her. You should learn about those aspects, and speaking truthfully is the fastest way to get to this point.
Having regular talks with your partner about these kinds of matters will be rewarding for both of you. It is something you can also apply in any relationship you have with someone you appreciate. Talk more frequently with your loved ones and you will be surprised at what you will discover about them.
5. Show them your gratitude
Showing gratitude can benefit our well-being and our relationships. Apply this fact to your relationships and take the necessary time to thank those you love. It doesn’t matter if you’re expressing it for small things, like washing the dishes or taking out the trash. What matters is expressing how grateful we are for their gesture. No one wants to feel ignored by their partner or someone they love.
6. Dedicate time
Hanging out with your partner or children is not the same as spending quality time with them. Due to the pace of life and the fact that they are your family, you will spend a lot of time together. However, how much of that time is devoted exclusively to them?
We all need attention and time to talk about ourselves. So, it is impossible to compare spouses who are having dinner alone with a couple with their children included in the picture. The reality is that we waste a lot time being distracted by the TV, helping our children with their homework, or doing other activities that disconnect us and prevent warmer communication.
As a couple, do more activities that help your intimacy grow. It could be cooking together or going for a walk in each other’s company. In the case of children, practicing an outdoor sport or reading the Sacred Scriptures as a family will be sharing quality time.
Who in your life most needs to hear today how much they mean to you?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
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