trust after infidelity

Keys to building solid trust after infidelity


If you think that rebuilding trust after infidelity is not possible, you are wrong. I do not mean that it is an easy or quick task, but it can be achieved with a lot of tenacity and effort.

For God, marriage is valuable, so we must strive to strengthen it, especially after a crisis such as infidelity. Romans 12:12 tells us:

“Rejoice in Hope, Be Patient in Suffering, Persevere in Prayer.” Thus, God indicates that there is always a way to recover what is believed to be lost: with perseverance and faith.

3 Reasons to rebuild trust after infidelity

I can give you many reasons to rebuild trust after an infidelity in your relationship; however, I will limit myself to 3 whose validity has guided me during my trajectory as a therapist:

  1. Rescue everything invested in the relationship. And I’m not talking about material possessions, but about time, patience, love, work invested to build a marriage and a family. All the priceless things that you cannot measure in financial terms.
  2. Take up old projects or create new ones. t is not only about protecting memories and experiences, but also about looking towards the future. Think that you are starting a relationship with new, more solid foundations and infidelity will not define you as a couple.
  3. Marriage is an institution consecrated by God. Christians know the value of the institution of marriage to God. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24).

For better or worse; that was the commitment before God. And, although nothing obliges you to forgive a betrayal, if you still have the hope of rebuilding your life together, do not give up without trying.

Building trust, step by step

Let’s assume that, at this point, you and your partner overcame the crisis by deciding to stay together. This is a great achievement for the relationship, but without a solid foundation of trust this decision will not be sustained for long. It is a proven fact that mistrust undermines a relationship, damaging it irreversibly, if you do not work on its reconstruction. What can you do about it? I guide you:

  • Be consistent

This means that you must align your thoughts/feelings and what you express with what you do. Often our words tend to go in one direction and our actions in another. For example, if you call yourself an animal protectionist and you kick your pet you are being incongruent. This applies to everything, especially in your relationship with your partner.

  • Leaving lies in the past

It is related to consistency, but now I am talking about lying openly. Deception, in a couple, benefits no one. On the contrary, if you are in the habit of lying, the time will come when you will have an unstable mountain of falsehoods that will collapse at any moment. A single lie can ruin everything you have done to recover your relationship.

  • Repairing the damage caused

Words are not enough here; saying “I love you” is important, but you must understand that, in these circumstances, it is not enough. What you can do then: be on time for dinner with your partner, plan quality time alone, prioritize your activities with her.

  • Make your life “an open book”

This is fundamental. If you were unfaithful you must understand that you will no longer have hidden spaces from your partner. I mean that there will be no more blocked cell phone, incognito visits to internet sites or private passwords.

Even if you decide not to do so, your partner must have access to your social networks, messages and phone calls, bank transactions, online purchases.  You violated the cohabitation pact by destroying trust; these high-effort actions will tell your partner, without words, how much you care about them.

  • Establish real communication

It is time to listen to each other, without noise in communication. It is necessary to talk about the relationship, to express openly, but with respect, any topic, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

If the channels of communication are not cleared, a true reconciliation will not be possible. No more half-truths; tell your partner what you want, what your expectations are, what you like and what you don’t like; what you long for your future…what you expect from them. Don’t wait for them to guess, express yourself without ambiguity.

  • Be patient

Building trust after infidelity requires a great deal of patience. It is a process that will probably require six months to two years for the clouds of insecurity and suspicion to begin to dissipate.

Reaching normality is a process that must be nurtured every day. Does that seem like a long time? Think of it as a valuable investment in your future and that of your life partner.

Build your home on faith in God

There is no better friend to a happy marriage than God. Shared faith and trust in the Lord sustains your union and gives you strength to move forward. Love for God is the rock on which you will rebuild what you thought was destroyed.

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you” (James 4:10)

There are no impossible things for God, not even to rescue a marriage badly wounded by betrayal. If you and your partner are truly committed to this purpose, from the Lord’s hand everything is possible, even if it requires effort and dedication.

Restoring broken trust

All marriages face difficult times as a result of living together. Difficulties are not an excuse to be unfaithful. Therefore, deciding to rescue a marriage affected by infidelity means being honest about the resentments that generate dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

This is the time to be honest and communicate assertively, for which you may need professional counseling. Someone to help you address those behaviors that are damaging the relationship. If you call 407 618 0212, I can help you to start a new path together, with more maturity and mutual understanding.

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