In our last post, we talked about how our past can affect us and how our mind processes it, affecting not only in the way we perceive things, but also our physical health.
The daily rush that we are used to doing not let us realize that many things we are feeling are actually linked to things we are dragging along from our past, triggering emotions and stress in the present.
We also talked about why we should let go of the past. It is the best thing to do if we want to have a healthy body and a healthy mind. But, how can we start making peace with our past to eventually let it go and have the inner peace we are longing for? Here are seven steps that can help you accomplish it:
-
Self-acceptance and self-compassion
You are not your trauma, and your trauma does not define you. Wherever you are in your healing process, accept that that is where you are for now, and be gentle and patient with yourself as you progress. Treat yourself as you would treat a small child, having compassion for the most vulnerable part of yourself, and what you have been through. Practice treating yourself with loving kindness and the respect you deserve.
-
Practice forgiveness
While holding onto anger can serve to protect us from the pain that lies beneath it, eventually, it ends up hurting us and holding us back from being free and living the life we deserve. If you are holding onto self-blame, guilt, or shame, be gentle with yourself: you are human and vulnerable, and for what was done to you, the responsibility belongs to the person who did it. If someone has hurt or betrayed you, forgiving them does not mean you have to condone their actions or accept their behavior, it is deciding that they no longer have power over you or your future. Forgiveness is a process that takes time, and it does not mean going back to a relationship that is not safe.
-
Seek support
Isolating and withdrawing are common after a traumatic event, but it is important to stay connected to people and seek out someone safe who can support you and help you feel less alone. Speak to your family doctor about services available in your community, or seek the support of a therapist, pastor, or a support group, either in person or online.
-
Express your feelings
Your feelings are valid and important. When you commit to the work of feeling and processing your feelings, you can begin to loosen the grip that the trauma has on your mind and body. You do not have to process everything at once or alone: a licensed therapist trained in trauma can help you go at a safe pace. Treatments with good research support for trauma include trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapies (for example, prolonged exposure and cognitive processing therapy), which work with fear, avoidance, and painful beliefs about what happened, and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), which involves less detailed retelling of the event. Some people also find body-based approaches helpful as a complement, but they do not replace these treatments.
-
Journal
You have the power to re-write your story and determine where you go from here. Documenting your healing journey can help you process thoughts and feelings and also deepen your therapeutic work. If writing about the past leaves you flooded or overwhelmed, stop, ground yourself in the present, and talk about it with your therapist.
-
Self-care
Taking good care of your physical health will support your mental and emotional health. Begin by eating healthy and nutritious food, getting plenty of rest, and making time for exercise. Regular physical activity can help reduce anxiety, lift your mood, and improve your sense of well-being, so look for a kind of movement that feels good and safe for you.
Mindful breathing, also known as conscious breathing, can help keep you anchored in the present moment, bringing your attention back into your body when the mind wanders into the past or projects into the future. If focusing on your breath or your body increases your distress, stop and try something else, such as looking around the room and naming what you see.
Kind and honest self-talk can help, too. Remind yourself that you have already survived hard things. Affirmations alone do not heal trauma, and it is okay if you do not feel strong today.
-
Have an intimate relationship with God
When we take God’s hand and walk with Him, we become more and more aware of the good and bad things we have done in our lives, we understand what we have learned, we start living and appreciating the present and let go of the past. When we have an intimate relationship with God, we ask Him for His forgiveness, and He sees our true hearts and our true intentions, if we are being honest when asking for His forgiveness. So, when we receive His forgiveness, we can begin to forgive ourselves and, in time, those who have harmed us.
This way, our wounds can start healing, and our present becomes a new opportunity for us to start over and think about our future. Faith and prayer are a source of strength, and they go hand in hand with professional care; they do not replace it.
They are very powerful tools for us to use if we want to start letting go of the past and start healing from the inside. Our well-being is important, so we have to start taking care of our present so that we can enjoy it, and, in order to succeed, we need to start making peace with our past.
Do you know any other way to start making peace with our past? Have these steps helped you? Leave your answers in the comments section. God bless you.
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If you are in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, do not wait. Call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day, free and confidential). If there is immediate danger, call 911.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Further reading
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking. (A popular book; some of its claims, such as how trauma is “stored” in the body, are still debated among researchers.)
Keep reading
Mental healthHow to deal with emotional crises in few steps
Emotional crises, the situations that put heavy pressure on us, affect our whole self. That is why I don't recommend…
Emotional IntelligenceWarning Signs of Dating and Marriage Violence
Dating and marriage violence is a reality. Courtship is a stage in the relationship in which people get to know the…
Mental healthHow to identify emotional abuse
Fear, shame, and uncertainty: all those words describe the feelings of someone who suffers or has suffered emotional…