Positive parenting: 5 tips to be a more positive parent

by with One Comment Parenting

Under the principles of Positive Parenting, we will have three main goals for our children: to transmit our Christian values, to prepare them for adult life, and to guarantee their safety, including their health.

These are purposes any parent can easily identify with, as it is our mission to protect and educate our children. However, the relationship with your child may be at a delicate point or maybe a relationship in which you feel that he/she is moving away from you.

If you think this is your case, do not be afraid because I assure you that there is a solution. This is where Positive Parenting will help you make him/her feel better and act better. It will even have the same effect on you.

Positive parenting: It all starts with you

Before I start giving you tips on applying Positive Parenting in your home, I want to clarify a very important point. In order for the lessons of positive parenting to have the desired effect, you need to be the first one to work on it.

How can you do this? The first thing you must do is commit to regulating your own emotions. We are so immersed in our own conflicts that we let them affect our children when they should not.

The second thing is to be committed to and prioritize the father-child or mother-child connection. If you forget the commitments you made, why should a child respect them? You lead, you set the example. They cooperate and follow your lead.

Thirdly, the love and affection you give your children should never, I repeat, never be paused as a form of punishment; nor as a way of controlling or manipulating. You are there to be a guide, to be a coach; who, regardless of what happens, will continue to care about what happens to your children.

Tips for practicing Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting values reflection, fluid communication, and, above all, love between parents and children. But how do I apply all this in my family? Here are some tips that I know you will find very useful:

1.    Evaluate all the teachings you are giving them

Applying Positive Parenting is much more than just committing to not yelling at your child when he or she misbehaves. It is more, much more than that. It requires restructuring your relationship. You need to carefully evaluate all the behaviors you have with your children based on whether it strengthens or weakens your relationship with them.

Considering that strengthening bonds is your main focus, think of your disciplinary strategy as the most effective way to tighten your relationship with them. When a child feels attached to his or her parents, it will be natural for him or her to want to please them.

Instead of punishing, it is your job to guide them to obey the limits you set. An important detail when setting limits is that you have to be realistic about their abilities. Do not forget to be empathetic with them and help them focus on improving their behavior.

Be careful with punishments because it has been proven that they only generate resentment and prolong bad behaviors.

2.    Teach them to regulate their emotions

It is their lack of experience and level of development that makes it so easy for children to be controlled by their emotions. For them, there is no way to identify what they are feeling or why they behave a certain way sometimes.

But you, as a parent, do have the answers. And by having them, it is your duty to explain them to your children according to their level of understanding. Let them know that they are able to control themselves and improve their behaviors.

3.    Corrections should always reaffirm your connection

Children tend to misbehave when they feel bad about themselves or when they are disconnected from us. That is why it is so vital to reaffirm how connected we are, so they feel confident enough to talk about what is bothering them or to be honest with you when they misbehave, and also, to listen to your suggestions.

For example, if your younger child pushes your older one, stand at their level and talk to them while looking into their eyes. You can tell them as you take this position: “You do not have to push your brother. Pushing is wrong, you can hurt him or cause him to fall. Next time, ask him to move and say please.”

Or if you know that your daughter ate all the cookies in the kitchen, instead of accusing her in front of the whole family, take a moment alone, put your hand on her shoulder and say something like: “Are you afraid to tell me about the cookies? You know you can tell me everything.”

4.    Set limits, but with empathy

Applying Positive Parenting in your home does not mean forgetting about limits. On the contrary, they are still very necessary. However, they must be set with empathy. As an authority figure, it is your duty to enforce the rules. But, enforcing them is easier if the children know that their parents understand them and would not do things for the worse.

Think about this, if my mom imposes limits on me that does not make sense or hurt me, will I trust her? You will not, regardless of how obedient you are. Following this principle, the next time you impose limits, add sentences that validate your children’s feelings.

For example, if you tell your children to go to bed early, let them know that you understand how sad it makes them, but how necessary it is for them to do it. Or if they are afraid to face their guilt, explain to them that being afraid is normal and that it is more important to always tell the truth.

When there are physical fights between siblings, I advise you to intervene immediately; but once the conflict is neutralized, it will be time to empathize with both parties. Emphasize that hitting is not the solution and that problems can be solved more easily by talking.

5.    The way you treat your children will be the way they learn to treat themselves

Have you ever wondered why children from strict parents believe so little in themselves? It is because the way our parents treat us in our childhood will be the way we see ourselves in the future as adults.

That said, you have great power in your hands. If you are hard on them, they will be hard on themselves, but if you are too permissive with them, they will be too permissive with themselves. The best option is to simply set appropriate boundaries, express them with love, and let them develop more positive self-perceptions.

When you discipline harshly, ironically, you are not raising perfect little soldiers, you are raising children who will not know how to discipline themselves. They will not know how to regulate themselves, they will not be independent and they will be unhappy. Unhappy children who will grow up to be unhappy adults.

Discipline them constructively, understand them, love them, and let them know that Our Lord is with us always, taking care of us.

If you need professional help, do not hesitate to call 407 618 0212.

Discovering Positive Parenting: keys and benefits

by with One Comment Parenting

. They also kwowOne of the highest priorities we have as parents is positive parenting. It is a parenting principle that assumes that children born with the desire to do the right thing to establish a good relationship with them.

How you relate to them will influence their mental health and self-control. It will even influence their ability to create meaningful relationships with others.

Today, parents are encouraged to discard yelling as a way to correct their children. They are replacing it with more efficient explanations, rewards, and limits. This kind of approach, more patient and sensitive to their emotional resources, is known as Positive Parenting.

But what does it entail? Do you know how to apply it and why? I would like to tell you more about it.

What is Positive Parenting?

Positive Parenting assumes that children are born with the desire to “do the right thing.” For that reason, mutual respect is key, along with the use of positive methods of discipline. Likewise, it is better to invest time in teaching proper behavior in the future than to waste it punishing past misbehavior.

It is not a new parenting method. It was introduced in the United States in the 1920s by the Viennese psychiatrists Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs. As is evident, many years have passed, and Positive Parenting strategies have been improved over time.

I have seen repeatedly that modern parents raised with strict rules and violent punishments see Positive Parenting as an answer. An answer to escape from this “chain” of actions. As well as a way to educate their children differently. A way that corresponds to their values and beliefs.

Fortunately, parents who are sensitive to their children’s needs are becoming more and more common in our society. Knowing what they need, according to their growth and development stages, and their temper will help you get closer to them.

Keys to know regarding Positive Parenting 

Positive Parenting promotes children’s personal development through various mechanisms. Not only that, but it also helps in their pro-social development. What happens is that by being raised under its principles, children will be able to regulate their emotions in a better way and focus their temper on more patient and productive tendencies.

All the results obtained through positive parenting are long-term, so, the abilities they can obtain thanks to this parenting style will accompany them until they get to other stages of their life, for example, improving the way they solve their problems in their adolescence.

Tools for Positive Parenting

Positive Parenting uses more tools and presents more results when applied at home. These are some of its main keys:

  • Leadership and confidence: Positive Parenting encourages both teaching and leadership in children, and these same values boost their confidence, as they perceive themselves as more independent beings with the power to make good decisions by themselves.
  • Communication and social skills: Also, with this parenting style, positive communication is often used as a resource that will favor social skills in children. Therefore, it will improve their relationships with playmates, schoolmates, and caregivers.
  • Self-esteem: By giving your children a warm upbringing, you will be giving them the power of decision and with this, their self-confidence will increase significantly.
  • Autonomy and creativity: By giving them the freedom they need to assert their tastes and preferences, you are providing them with something invaluable: autonomy. Growing up in a home where they have responsibilities and rights promotes empowerment and self-determination, as well as creativity.

In general, there are many aspects of Positive Parenting that nurture desirable behaviors in our children. As Christian parents, this parenting style is highly recommended due to the respect, understanding, the principle of love that it supports.

God does not want our homes to be battlefields, but a refuge to learn from His Word, and to strengthen what is most essential in this life — family.

Benefits of Positive Parenting

Raising your children with these principles will lead to several benefits that may not be obvious to you at this time. But they will become evident little by little as you apply them.

It should be noted that there is no specific age to apply Positive Parenting. You can do it once they take their first steps or much later in life if you just recently learned of its existence.

What are the benefits of Positive Parenting, then?

Fewer behavioral problems

Positive Parenting encourages children’s emotional growth. Meaning, that they will manage their feelings in a better way, and with this, they will not feel the need to misbehave to get your attention or misbehave as a form of protest.

It creates a more empathetic relationship between adults and children. It is quite the opposite of punitive parenting, which is very capable of causing behavioral problems. That parenting style makes parents look cold and distant. The little ones will perceive it as a sign of disinterest or even engender hatred, and problems will continue.

A better relationship between parents and children

Positive parents do not use yelling or hostile behaviors to correct their children’s misbehavior. Their dynamics are very different and are based on mutual respect and open communication.

Through Positive Parenting, it is possible to sit down and talk about what they did wrong, without the need for your children to fear you or shy away from facing their faults.

Mental well-being

High self-esteem is a direct product of this parenting style because with the messages you convey to them. You will be letting them that they are capable and intelligent enough to make their own decisions.

A confident child who is not afraid of “screwing something up”. He will grow up more resilient with a healthier mindset, capable of overcoming adversities. So, they know they have the power to do so. They also know that their parents will back them up regardless of what happened.

Other benefits such as better school performance and social competence cannot go unmentioned.

Need professional help? Do not hesitate to call 407 618 0212.