How to love your partner the way he/she needs to be loved

by with No Comment Emotional Intelligence

Love is a word of great meaning and responsibility. Everyone thinks they know what love your partner means, but they will face setbacks on more than one occasion in their lives. Showing the love you feel for your spouse is not as easy as you might expect because he or she may speak a completely different love language from you.

What is a love language? Imagine the following scenario: tomorrow is your spouse’s birthday. For that occasion, as you love big celebrations, you prepare a surprise party for him/her. You spend time organizing it, invite all his/her friends and try your best to make it the night of his/her life.

But what happens if your spouse does not like large gatherings? He/she is introverted and prefers to be around fewer people. Thus, it becomes evident that husband and wife are not speaking the same love language.

How can you figure out what language is being used? How many types of love languages are there? I want to go more in depth with you into this matter and much more.

How to love your partner?

In order to love your partner the way he/she needs to be loved, we must first understand what love is.

Love is a powerful feeling of affection, which is shown in different ways. There are millions of points of views regarding love and getting them all to converge is complicated.

Love can be expressed in so many ways that some of them could cause disappointment — disappointment from not receiving the answer you expect from your partner.

When a man and a woman are satisfied with the love they feel and the way they communicate, that’s great news. In fact, it is God’s plan for us, to be on the same page in our marriages, that we are happy with each other. However, this is not the reality for all marriages.

If you do not feel satisfied with the way your spouse offers you his/her love, I recommend that you start an appropriate talk with him/her about this matter. Both of you must understand the importance of synchronizing the ways in which you feel loved. How does your partner feel most loved? You will know find out by discovering the love languages.

Love languages

One of the most essential lessons you must learn to love your partner the way he/she wants to be loved is determining which love language he/she uses. You may not have heard of them, but they are preferences that every person has when it comes to receiving and showing love. Not only does it apply in a loving relationship, but it also applies in other types of relationships, such as family relationships or friendships.

According to writer Gary Chapman, there are five love languages that are essential for relationships to improve and succeed. The main idea is to determine which types of languages are preferred and use this to your advantage. They are:

1.    Words

There are people who are able to express their love through words. Expressing your affection through words of love, congratulations, words of support, or kindness has a great positive effect on the other person. The words that were just a simple compliment for you are, perhaps, for your wife, the recognition she expects.

In order to express yourself through this language, you can use direct and meaningful words. For example: “I love you so much” or “You are special to me.” Do not use words that you do not really feel, they have to come from the bottom of your heart, be credible, and you must say them in the right context. If you do not feel comfortable talking like this, maybe this is not your favorite love language.

2.    Quality time

The world seems to be going faster than we can handle. Therefore, do not waste time and show your love to your loved ones by giving them quality time. You can share more of your day-to-day with them, just focusing on them.

The less rush and fewer distractions you have, the higher the quality of what you are doing will be. It may not seem important, but it is very important if you think about it.

3.    Gifts

I do not mean that love can be measured by the price of a material gift, but that certain gifts can show dedication and love.

For example, if your wife has been exhausted lately due to her routine, giving her a spa day so she can relax would be an option. Or, if your husband constantly complains about his desk always being unstable, giving him a new one would be an excellent gift. In both cases, the spouses are thinking about their other partner’s well-being, about what he/she needs. Thus, it is considered one of the love languages.

4.    Acts of service

Doing acts of service like cleaning, cooking, and fixing things is one of the many love languages. These acts of service are not done with the hope of receiving something in exchange, they are not mandatory. However, doing them will make the one you love smile.

The food your mother prepared for you, or your father repairing your old bicycle over and over again, were both ways in which they were expressing their love to you.

5.    Physical contact

Finally, the simplest and most direct form of communication is physical contact. From touching, caressing, or kissing, it is normal for couples to show their love this way. Even so, showing physical affection such as pats on the shoulder or hugs are also a good way to show your love to your children, family members or friends.

How do I identify what my partner likes?

In order to find out how to love your partner and what he/she prefers, first you need to understand what love language you speak. How do you prefer to receive love? How do you tend to express it? Think about how you react to different love languages because you will need to tell the one you love.

Invite your partner to open up to you and to be honest about the gestures of love that he/she likes the most. To really love is to care about your partner’s feelings as much as you care about your own. Only in that way cab we understand its power. Love is definitely a language we can all speak.

Do you want to know more about this subject? You can do so by calling 407 618 0212.

6 Ways to Love Others

by with One Comment Emotional Intelligence

It is not easy to define love, nor is it easy to learn to express it in the right ways. Really loving someone is to make a commitment that involves more than just words — it involves actions and shows real ways to love.

Trying to find the definition of love would mean continually talking about a subject we should know perfectly, thanks to the fact that the greatest example of love is being given to us by our Lord every day of our lives. He knows our flaws, mistakes, and desires. With all that, He still loves us.

Ways to love others

Love can see beyond imperfections. It can become our inspiration and guide. But I regularly find that my patients are unable to express their love to their spouses, their life partners, and to those with whom they share a family. Why is this happening? Because something very interesting happens with love. It is not enough just to feel it, it is also necessary to show it. That is why there are so many ways to love.

I want to talk to you about some efficient ways to show love to your spouse, your children, mother/father, or in general, to any person you appreciate.

1.    Listen to them without judging

When you love someone, you need to focus on that person, on giving him/her your full attention, and listen to him/her carefully. Throughout my career, I have found that some of the deepest hurts in broken marriages are related to poor communication or lack of attention on the part of the other person.

If your partner asks you to put your cell phone away so that he/she can talk to you, what you must do is to put it away and listen to your partner as he/she asks. Also, it must be internalized that there is a time for each thing. It is not good to pretend to listen to your spouse when your head is still focused on work. Couple conversations are sacred, do not take them lightly regardless of how superfluous they may seem.

Likewise, if, for example, your son or daughter comes to you to talk about the problems he/she may be having at school, it is your duty to listen to him/her without judging him/her. Giving advice and showing him/her that he/she will always have your support is essential.

2.    Use the power of your words

Some people are more absent-minded than others. Some people do not understand all the love languages. Therefore, make sure you are showing the love you feel in an evident way by expressing it in direct words. It is one of the most basic ways to love.

You do not have to start an elaborate or a very eloquent speech about how deep your love is, but, nevertheless, saying how much your partner or friend means to you, how grateful you are that he/she is part of your life, is important. Those are the kinds of gestures that do not cost you great effort, but that meaningful person will surely remember them more than once during the day.

3.    Give him/her space

Another curious way to love someone is by respecting his/her limits. I say “curious” because some people have the idea that to love is not to be apart from the loved one. But, setting boundaries means recognizing where one person ends and the other one begins. Understanding that everyone has their own needs and desires is healthy.

There is nothing wrong with taking time to be alone or letting your loved one to take time to be alone too. Something similar happens when two friends do not share the same hobby. It is not harmful to enjoy different hobbies. This is one of the many ways to love.

4.    Ask the other person how he/she wants to be loved

“No one has ever seen God, but if we love one another, God remains among us, and among us His love has been fully manifested. 1 John 4:12“. Our Lord invites us to love one another, but have you thought about how each person is unique in their very own way? Not everyone sees the world the same way, we do not all feel the same way, and that is not a bad thing.

The error is to assume that we own the absolute truth, when we actually do not own it. Your partner may not like certain displays of affection in public or a certain attitude you have towards him/her. You should learn about those aspects and learn about them, and, speaking truthfully is the fastest way to get to this point.

Having regular talks with your partner about these kinds of matters will be rewarding for both of you. It is something you can also apply in any relationship you have with someone you appreciate. Talk more frequently with your loved ones and you will be surprised at what you will discover about them.

5.    Show them your gratitude

Showing gratitude has great mental and physical benefits. Apply this fact to your relationships and take the necessary time to thank those you love. It doesn’t matter if you’re expressing it for small things, like washing the dishes or taking out the trash. What matters is expressing how grateful we are for their gesture. No one wants to feel ignored by their partner or someone they love.

6.    Dedicate time

Hanging out with your partner or children is not the same as spending quality time with them. Due to the pace of life and the fact that they are your family, you will spend a lot of time together. However, how much of that time is devoted exclusively to them?

We all need attention and time to talk about ourselves. So, it is impossible to compare spouses who are having dinner alone with a couple with their children included in the picture. The reality is that we waste a lot time being distracted by the TV, helping our children with their homework, or doing other activities that disconnect us and prevent warmer communication.

As a couple, do more activities that help your intimacy grow. It could be cooking together or going for a walk in each other’s company. In the case of children, practicing an outdoor sport or reading the Sacred Scriptures as a family will be sharing quality time.

 

Would you like more tips to express your love in a more effective and positive way? You can learn more by calling 407 618 0212.