Who is educating your child?

by with No Comment FamilyParenting

.How important is the influence parents have on raising their children? Have we asked ourselves that question? The answer is: it is very important. The influence of parents may work for good, favoring personal growth, or for evil, destruction and, failure. Educating your child is not easy.

So important is the education that it becomes a determinant of children’s happiness and success in life. The influence parents have on their children may work for good, favoring personal growth, or for evil, destroying and leading to failure.

The importance of educating your child

The first school a person has is his/her own home, where he/she receives all the teachings from his/her parents, on moral, emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects. And, we have seen that there are homes in which children have almost no contact with their parents and where their education is not a priority because it is not important, or it is preferred that children receive education only at their schools. It becomes “someone else’s problem.”

The problem we cannot see (“iceberg effect”) is that parents are currently destroying their children because they are not meeting their children their educational needs. Nowadays, children are being educated by Satan. He uses his socializing agencies, such as public schools, the media, and their friends or classmates, to do his malevolent work, so a whole generation who does not know God can rise.

This is why parents must fulfill their educational responsibility and, when the time comes to go to school, the children will not be handed over to Satan to educate them. Instead, they will receive a Christian education that can endure for all eternity.

What Bible says of educating your child

In the book of Deuteronomy 6:4-7, the foundation of the educational process is established by using the imperative “LISTEN”:  “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

These verses show us a vital function we must fulfill if we want to help a new generation to know God. The people of Israel called this portion of the teachings Shema. In the Shema, the Lord established a basis that was vital for the church and education.

Shema in Israel

First, the church was called to establish God as a supreme priority in the life of each believer. That is why it says: the Lord is one. Therefore, since He is one, love and loyalty to God must prevail in the life of the believer. A person cannot change if he/she does not have a relationship with God. This is why when young people fall in love with God, then, they come to Him automatically.

Secondly, the content of Christian education can be found in “these commandments that I give you today,” as in the verse we mentioned earlier. The teaching content is embraced by these words. These words mean all the things God has revealed to His church.

Our children’s education must emphasize and at the same time must be guided by God’s Word. This is why, under no circumstances, should we send our children to public schools. There the basis of education does not emphasize God’s Word, nor is it guided by it.

Third, the vital element in education is the teacher. The Lord has commanded that our children’s teachers must have His Word in their hearts. No teacher who lacks the Lord’s Word inside his/her heart. No teacher who does not speak of it is qualified to teach the children of God. It means that the non-Christian educational system cannot be accepted by God’s children as the avenue to bring education to their sons and daughters.

“From the most ancient times, the faithful people of Israel paid much attention to the matter of education. The Lord had indicated that children, even from their first days of life, must be instructed about His kindness and greatness, especially as it was revealed in His commandments and the history of Israel.

Educating your child according to God’s Word

Through songs, prayers, and lessons about God’s Word, mothers had to teach their children. They learned about God’s commandments as an expression of His character. And as they received the principles in their hearts, God’s image would delineate in their minds and souls. In school and their homes, a big part of the teachings transmitted orally. But young people learned also how to read the Hebrew Scriptures, and the scrolls about the Old Testament Scriptures would be opened for them to study” (Christian Education, page 386).

Secular education is focused on helping students know what the teacher knows. By contrast, Christian education is focused on helping students be similar to their teachers. To reflect Jesus’ character through the fulfillment of the teachings that are in God’s Word.

Educating your child from home

If we, as parents, are dedicated to studying God’s Word, and to applying it to our daily life, Jesus’ character will be reflected through us. We will be showing our children a window through which they can know their Savior’s image. The influence we have on them will favor their personal growth, values, kindness, love, respect, and righteousness.

Thus, their faith will increase and will be reflected in their good deeds. We will be giving them the foundations of a Christian teaching for eternal life in our own homes.

And, if in addition, we can take our children to Christian schools, we will complement their formation. They will have teachers who know and teach God’s Word. And they also interest in contributing to children’s formation for eternal life.

Dear parents who read this post,

I invite you to read and deepen God’s Word. I invite you to strengthen the basis of God’s commandments in your life and the teachings for eternal life. This way, you can have a positive influence on your children that will help them grow and glorify God. There is no better school than our own homes, there are no better teachers than parents, and there is no better teaching than God’s Word.

Do you know any other ways we can have a good influence on our children? Share your opinion in the comments section! So we can all enrich our parenting experiences in forming children who live with the purpose of reaching eternal life in Jesus Christ.

 

7 steps to raise a happy child

by with No Comment Parenting

Today’s blog post is for all the parents who want to succeed in parenting and raise a happy child.

It is not easy to raise a child, especially nowadays. Do you remember the last time you bought a car? That car came with a manual, regardless of the model or brand. In that user manual, you can look up what must be done if the oil needs to be changed if it had engine problems, or any other situation. It is all written there.

A personal experience about how to raise a happy child

When my daughter Jasmin was born, I had no such manual. And, neither did you when you had your children. I had to figure out what to do to handle the situations I faced. A year after Jasmin was born, Samuel came into our lives. And, I said, “Well, now I have a year of experience as a father. With Samuel, it is going to be a little easier because I already ‘have experience’.” How wrong I was! Samuel had a completely different personality from that of his sister. The manual I used for Jasmin did not work with Samuel.

My strategy for raising the children consisted of creating a relationship with them based on collaboration instead of power. And I know that for many parents, this notis the conventional way. ut remember that unconsciously. We have had a collaborative relationship with our children throughout the years.

For example, when Jasmin or Samuel cried, we tried to figure out what was happening to them. So that we could help them stop crying. If the method we used was not working, we used another method until we found the most effective one to help them stop crying.

Try to understand the focus of the problem to raise a happy child.

Ideally, we continue to do this almost every day. It is simply trying to understand and focus on some of the most important aspects of being parents: understanding our children’s worries, perspectives, and opinions, considering what troubles them, and working together to find realistic solutions that are mutually satisfactory.

Science, nowadays, has provided many studies that support this line of thought, studies we have held on to in the last few years as parents, and in my case, as a therapist, to help parents who need orientation in this area. One of the researchers who has made contributions to this area is clinical psychologist Ross Greene.

I like this thought written by Helen G. White in her book Child Guidance: “The object of discipline is to educate the child so he can govern himself. Self-confidence must be taught and self-control.” We must help them accomplish the goals by themselves, with our help, and under our supervision.

Children do fine if they can

If they can handle the crisis or if they have the tools needed to do a certain task or to meet an expectation, they will do fine. Many situations are out of children’s control and that may lead them to develop difficult behaviors. The truth is that maybe they do not have the needed tools to deal with those situations.

It is not easy for children to deal with certain situations, such as stress produced by life events. If I, who am more than 50 years old, many times do not know how to deal with stress producedstressproduced stress-produced things I face in my life, do you think a child is going to be able to know how to handle stress?

Other situations children may not know how to handle

Other situations children may not know how to handle may be the parenting techniques their parents use. Some children are suffering due to the stress and consequences of a rough, hard, strict, difficult, and abusive parenting style. Some parents want who want wh to raise their children the same way they were raised: disciplined with a stick, yelling, and punches. That is abusive. This creates levels of stress and anxiety in the child and has consequences in the long term.

Another situation that children may not know how to handle could be their nervous system. Maybe the child is being rebellious due to a psychiatric condition that he/she may have, and if that is the case, that condition needs to be diagnosed and treated.

Some disorders can affect children an make it difficult to raise a happy child

Some of those conditions may be Oppositional defiant disorder, intermittent explosive disorder, conduct disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. There are many other disorders that the child might have. If this is the case, until the child gets proper treatment, he/she will not be able to behave correctly because he/she will not know how.

Perhaps the child, simply, does not know how to handle his/her temper. And, as parents, we need to help him/her achieve this and develop emotional intelligence, as well as handle/her emotions. All of this will teach the child to handle his/her inner world successfully, so he/she can deal with the outside world. 

Many times, we think the problem our child has is a motivation problem. This is something we cannot just assume. Unless the child has a condition or disorder that allows him/her to behave adequately, it is very rare to assume that he/she is not meeting an expectation because he/she lacks motivation. Very often, skills are the train’s engine and motivation is the caboose. 

Allow me to share with you 7 steps we can follow to raise happy children:

1. Teach them to know God

The first task we must fulfill as parents teaching our children to know God. He said to the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:6-7: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” There is no higher responsibility for parents than this one, to teach their children to know God. God will not ask you to give an account of how much money you invested in your son or daughter’s career, but how you prepared them for eternity.

2. Set boundaries

There are boundaries in life. God set boundaries for Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Establishing clear boundaries protects relationships and keeps them healthy. When these are broken, relationships are affected. Boundaries protect both parts. Children who are not raised with boundaries are children who later will violate other people’s boundaries and will develop poor relationships later in their lives.

3. Teach them to have emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is learned in our homes. It has been proven that a person’s success lies in his/her emotional intelligence and not just in the intelligence quotient. Emotionally intelligent parents teach their children to handle their emotions from a very young age. They do this by demonstrating correct management of emotions and taking advantage of every opportunity possible to help the child identify the emotion he/she is experiencing so he/she can manage it correctly.

4. Teach them how to love

Loving is something we learn. It is learned in our homes, especially in the first 12 months of children’s lives. The way the father or mother develops an emotional connection with their children will determine the mindset they are going to develop later.

Parents can develop a secure attachment with the child that will allow him/her to identify a range of emotions that will show him/her how to receive and give love. On the contrary, if parents have developed an insecure attachment, it will show the child that primary caregivers are not to be trusted. Therefore, they will lack love and affection and their ability to receive and give love will be greatly affected.

If you have heard about the five love languages, try to speak the same love language your child speaks: express affirmative words, share quality time, give physical touch the importance that it has, give him/her gifts, and be helpful. This way your child will understand you love him/her and will express love to others.

5. Be aware of your own needs and limitations as a parent

The problem many parents have is that they are not aware of their limitations. Children are hurt when we, as parents, do not acknowledge the limitations we may have. Every parent must ask himself/herself, what limitations do I have in raising my children? We as parents must understand that the parenting style we are using to raise our children is very connected to the way we were raised in our families. We unconsciously project the traumatic experiences we have lived in the past onto our children. A parent who is aware recognizes his/her limitations when raising the children and seeks professional help and psychoeducation to do it in an optimal wayoptimallyway optimally and with love.

6. Identify the limitations your children have regarding certain skills

Dr. Greene suggests that parents begin by identifying the challenges their children facdifferentlye. There is a term, “lagged skills,” which refers to the skills that make it difficult for children to adapt to challenges in life at a cognitive level. Identifying when the child finds things difficult may help parents understand why they behave the way they do. Besides, it will help them understand that the child cannot do it differently until he/she receives help to grow in these lagged skills.

Several studies performed in the last 40 or 50 years tell us that children who defy good behaviors lack important skills. Especially flexibility/adaptability, tolerance to frustration, and problem-solving. This is why they explode or display defiant behaviors when certain situations demand those skills. A wise parent works very hard to help his/her children overcome those limitations.

7. Solve problems with your children in a collaborative way

Many parents solve their children’s behavioral problems unilaterally, imposing rules and high expectations. And, when children do not meet those expectations, parents get frustrated. So, they call their children undisciplined and rebel, sometimes even committing emotional abuse. There are studieSomestudied some studies proves that provesprove that hat success can be reached if you and your children solve problems together. When it is done this way, both become partners, teammates, and not enemies or adversaries.

My desire as a parent is reflected in this prayer I read a while ago and I want to share it with you:

Father in heaven, make me a better parent.

Teach me how to understand my children, patiently listen to what they say, and kindly answer their questions.

Help me t not interrupt them or contradict them.

Make me polite towards them in the same way I want them to be towards me.

Prevent me from laughing at their mistakes

Prevent me ridiculing from them when they do not do what I like them to do.

Bless me with the greatness of giving them all their reasonable requests, 

Bless me with the courage to deny them privileges I know will hurt them.

Make me fair and kind.

And help me, oh Lord, be loved and respected, and imitated by my children, amen.