How do you develop your self-esteem?

by with No Comment Mental health

Why do we develop our self-esteem? How could this post change the course of your life?

How we feel about ourselves affects all aspects of our lives, including our job, love, or sex life, how we behave as parents, and how we relate to God.

The influence that events in life will have on us will depend on the way we see ourselves. This means that a person’s self-esteem can determine, to a great extent, his/her success or failure.

If you are not convinced yet of how important it is to learn and to grow in this area of your life, putting the biological problems aside, there is not one psychological difficulty, from anguish and depression, fear of being intimate or succeeding, alcohol or drug abuse, poor performance in school or job, to mistreating women or men, or raping children, sexual dysfunctions or emotional immaturity, even suicide or violent crimes, that cannot be attributed to low self-esteem (Nathaniel Branden). William James, a psychologist, said about self-esteem: mental distress frequently follows people who think they are insufficient and worthless.

Importance of the self-esteem

Now, after starting to understand the magnitude of the self-esteem problem, consider that 85 percent of the world’s population suffers from self-esteem related self-esteem-related problems. Seventy percent of the population has a poor concept of themselves, saying they are not good enough, ugly, or inadequate. Forty-five percent of men are not happy with their bodies.

Then, let us see what self-esteem is. It is the way you perceive yourself: “It is about the emotional part of your mind, it values the most intimate part of the self, your value as a person”, “It is the concept you have about yourself” -Brian Tracy.

In other words, as Branden said, self-esteem is the sum of confidence and respect for oneself.So, it reflects the implicit judgment each person makes about his/her ability to face challenges in life.

How do you develop your self-esteem?

How do we develop our self-esteem? This question is important because if we understand the root of how self-esteem forms, we can work on it more efficiently.

Self-esteem is developed from a very young age and never stops evolving, changing, improving, and even deteriorating. That is, it moves continuously. Besides, as a product of our sinful condition, it is not voluntary, spontaneous, or natural, but it originates from what each person experiences in life.

For example, when we are approximately five or six years old, we start shaping an idea of what being ourselves means. This idea will be influenced by the attachment style our primary caregivers develop with us. If they develop a secure attachment, we will feel loved, we will feel that we are special and have value. But, when our primary caregivers are not emotionally present to give us love or acceptance, we develop an insecure attachment. Thus, it leads us to feel unworthy, not validated, and, as a result, we lack self-worth.

Later, during adolescence, we start to value ourselves according to the relationships we are building with our parents and the cultural criteria in the beauty, value, and intellectual fields. And, when we get to adulthood, self-esteem is based on the life script we developed during our childhood and that may be shaping the course of our lives. This way, self-satisfaction or dissatisfaction grows, along with security and insecurity.

How do you know if you have positive self-esteem?

A person with positive self-esteem…

  1. Firmly believes in certain values and principles, and is willing to defend them.
  2. Does not waste time worrying excessively about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future.
  3. Fully trusts in his/her ability to solve his/her problems, without feeling intimidated by his/her failures or difficulties.
  4. As a person considers himself/herself and feels equal to others, not inferior, nor feelings superior, just equally dignified. The person acknowledges the differences and specific talents, professional prestige, or economic status.
  5. This person notes easily manipulated, although is willing to collaborate if it is convenient or appropriate.
  6. He or she is capable of enjoying several activities.
  7. This person is sensitive to other people’s feelings and needs, and respects generally accepted sound rules of coexistence. He or she also understands that he or she has no right to – nor wishes to – thrive or amuse at the expense of others.

How do you know if you have negative self-esteem?

A person who has low self-esteem has the following characteristics:

  • Rigorous self-criticism: tends to create a normal state of dissatisfaction towards himself/herself.
  • Hypersensitivity to criticism: he/she feels easily attacked and experiences stubborn resentments towards people who criticize them.
  • Chronic indecision: not due to the lack of information, but due to the exaggerated fear to be wrong.
  • Excessive desire to please people: it is hard for the person to say “no,” due to the fear of displeasing or losing the person’s benevolence.
  • Perfectionism: or demanding that they do things “perfectly,” no mistakes allowed in almost everything he/she does, which can lead the person to feel very bad when things do not turn out the perfection demanded.
  • Neurotic guiltiness: the person condemns himself/herself due to behaviors that are not always objectively bad, exaggerates the magnitude of his/her mistakes or offenses, and/or indefinitely regrets them, without fully forgiving himself/herself.
  • Floating hostility: they are irritable just above the surface, always about to explode, even due to things that are not important; characteristically found in supercritical people who think that everything is wrong, who dislike many things or everything upsets them. Nothing satisfies them.
  • Defensive tendencies: generalized negativity, everything is perceived as dark: his/her life, future, and, mainly, himself/herself. Poor generalized appetite for the joy of living and life itself.
  • Is critical of others: sometimes, a person who has low self-esteem may use criticism when things go wrong, especially when it comes to defending themselves in the face of an awkward situation, pretending to prove one’s innocence. It may even happen that the person with low self-esteem is unaware of his/her behavior. The person does not do these things with bad intentions.

What type of self-esteem do you think you have?

Have you thought about the way you see yourself? As we said before, the main value you must give yourself is the one that God has given you. Such a big value that He gave His only son to die in your place, so eternal life could be offered to you.

So, it does not matter if your family has sown doubts in you about your value as a person. It also does not matter if your friends or partner do not make you feel like an equal. It does not matter if your co-workers do not acknowledge your hard work or your value as a part of the workplace. You have immeasurable value before the eyes of God.

See the goodness in you, acknowledge your qualities, your good principles, and the knowledge you have. Value the good features of your personality, those good things you have inside you to offer. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize you are unique and have a purpose, goals, and dreams. Give yourself the value your Creator has given you, and you will be happy!

Have you done something that has helped you improve your self-esteem during your life? Share it with us in the comments section. It will help others improve their self-esteem to start their path to happiness and self-worth. God bless you.

The power of self-esteem

by with No Comment Mental health

Self-esteem is a fundamental human need. It cannot be minimized or annulled. It determines our ability to understand who we are in Jesus Christ and the potential we have if we discover our identity.

But sadly, our sinful state, the traumatic experiences we have lived through, and the influence of the genes we inherited from our parents have an impact on the way we see ourselves and how we think other people perceive us. In the end, the way you see yourself will determine your mental health, quality of life, and the respect others will give you.

A biblical story that show the power of self-esteem

Allow me to illustrate this with a biblical story: 

Mephibosheth, son of Jonathan and Saul’s grandchild, belonged to the royal family of Israel. He had a privilege other children did not. He was a prince of Israel. When he was eight years old, his grandfather and father died as the people of Israel were facing the Philistines.

When the king died in those battles, the royal family had to run because the enemy army would go after all the king’s descendants to kill them and eliminate the kingdom’s heir.

A soldier came to Jonathan’s house in Jezreel and announced that Saul and Jonathan had died in battle. When Mephibosheth’s wet nurse heard the message, she could only do one thing: take the child, who was five years old at that time, and run to the mountains. But something terrible happened. While she was running with the child in her arms through a rocky path, the child fell from her arms.

In those times, there were no scientific advances like the ones we have now and due to that fall. Mephibosheth, Saul’s grandson, the one who could have been Israel’s king, was now crippled, paralyzed from the waist down.

He depended on someone else to carry him. And he could only walk by using crutches that were made for him. His wet nurse’s mistake of dropping him had transformed his royal life into a cursed life.

The crippled child ended up in Lode bar, where he grew up and had the life of a cripple. Lodebar was where the beggars lived. Mephibosheth grew up, having fallen into oblivion.

A change of circumstances

One night, King David could not sleep and asked for one of his helpers and said to him: “Is there anyone left from Saul’s house, to whom I can show mercy for the love I have for my friend Jonathan?” The helper did not know if there was anyone left, but he said he knew Siba, Saul’s servant. They brought Siba to the king’s presence.

The king asked Siba, “Is there anyone left from Saul’s house, to whom I can show mercy for the love I have for my friend Jonathan?” Siba answered, “Yes, there is one left, his name is Mephibosheth.” Then, the king said, “Well, ask him to come to the palace.” Siba answered, “No, my king, he cannot come by himself, because he is crippled from the waist down, he needs to be carried, the same way he was taken to Lodebar.”

Then, the king asked Siba to take the royal carriage and find Mephibosheth. Siba took Mephibosheth to the palace and when he was with King David, he bowed and asked him, “Who is your servant, for you to look at a dead dog like me?” Mephibosheth did not feel any self-worth due to his past, his physical limitations, and his limiting beliefs.

David gave him back all the things that belonged to Saul, his grandfather, and also a place in his palace because of his love for Mephibosheth’s father, Jonathan.

“Every healthy person has self-esteem built on a base made of three components merged into another: the way he/she thinks, the way he/she feels, and how he/she acts.”

Mephibosheth’s thoughts were those of a beggar. He felt like a dog and acted like he was crippled, without any hope. As a result of his mental condition, he had deficiencies in his self-esteem.

What is self-esteem?

You may be asking yourself, what is self-esteem? It is the way you perceive yourself. Besides, it is about the emotional part of your mind, it measures the most intimate part of your being, meaning your value as a person. Keeping in mind that you are different and unique can allow you to turn off your inner voice, which resonates and leads you to compare yourself to others almost all the time.

It is sad to acknowledge that 85 percent of the world’s population suffers from self-esteem problems. This is an epidemic. The hardest part to understand about this reality is that you cannot achieve the potential for which you were created unless you grow in your efficiency and self-respect.

 Meditate in this story

Before dying, a father told his son:

“This is a watch your grandfather gave me, and it is over 200 years old. But before I give it to you, I ask you to go to the pawnshop on the first street and say that you want to sell it, and you will see how much it is worth.”

The son left and then came back and told his father: “The man from the store wants to pay five dollars because it is an old watch.” Then, the father said, “Go to the coffee house.” The son left and came back, and said: “They pay five dollars, father.”

Finally, the father told him, “Go to the museum and show them the watch.”

The son left and then came back and told his father, “They offered me a million dollars for the watch!”

Then, the father said, “I wanted to let you know that, in the right place, they will correctly know your VALUE, do not be in the wrong place, and do not get angry if they do not know your value. The person who knows your value is the one who appreciates you. Do not stay in a place that is not convenient for you.”

Know your value! God is the One who gives you the value you have, not the failures from your past.

Cultivate your self-esteem

Maybe life has crippled your soul, and you perceive yourself as inferior to the other, worthless. Maybe, you are believing the lies Satan has sowed in your life. He is making you believe that you cannot reach your goals because you are not good enough. Maybe your story is full of shame due to the life script your parents sowed in your childhood.

However, God is calling you to get out of that complex of inferiority and acknowledge the value you have before God and start living according to the abilities God has given you. Align your self-worth with the value God gives you. What can you do?

  • Accept yourself,
  • thank Him for holding you,
  • bury your negative past,
  • and believing in God’s truth,
  • live in His forgiveness,
  • take advantage of the things you learned from your mistakes,
  • and establish and positive relationships and projecting realistic goals for your life.

You cannot love others if you do not love yourself first. God is asking you, “Is there anyone left to whom I can show mercy for the love I have for my son Jesus Christ?” God wants to take you to His palace. He wants to take you out of:

  • your misery,
  • your inferiority complex,
  • limiting beliefs,
  • and existential paralysis,

So, He can bring you back to His palace to sit at the King of Kings and Lord of Lords’ table. Today is your day to come back to the palace. I ask you today, what practices or habits have led you to grow in your self-esteem? Share your answer with us in the comments section. God bless you.