Types of infidelity and how they impact marriage

by with One Comment Marriage

Infidelity in marriage is not only about physical-sexual contact with a third party. Did you know that? Well, there are several types of infidelity in a relationship. So, you may be being unfaithful without even knowing it.

Most people associate marital infidelity with sexual affairs. But, in the context of relationships, infidelity is about breaking a commitment of loyalty, sincerity, and respect towards your partner. And it does not only involve the sexual plane.

On this occasion, let me guide you to differentiate unfaithful friendships from unfaithful relationships. Let’s move on!

Types of infidelity in marriage

When we talk about the types of infidelity in marriage, we specify the different ways of breaking the loyalty and trust of the spouse. Infidelity is those actions or habits that interfere with the firm and constant practice of respect, commitment, and devotion to the couple.

These actions or habits can be located in the physical or emotional plane or as a combination of both. Below, we detail each of these.

Physical Infidelity

We speak of physical infidelity when there are physical encounters with the third person. This occurs with the interest of satisfying physical desires without establishing emotional bonds. And, these face-to-face encounters may involve only an “innocent” affair or an affair that includes sexual contact.

  • Sexual contact

As its name indicates, in this type of infidelity there are physical encounters where the sexual act is consummated. This mode can occur with pleasurable encounters without any kind of sentimentalism in between.

It is important to clarify that this sexual contact can be only kissed, only caresses, only kisses, and caresses, or contact with the fullness of their bodies. In this sense, we can name some types of infidelity involved:

  • By Hedonisms; when the person has no deficiencies in their relationship and is moved only by desire. Therefore, they want to be unfaithful.
  • By sex addiction.
  • By impulse, when seeking to satisfy physical desires or personal needs such as reaffirming their attractiveness or self-esteem, insecurities.

Emotional Infidelity

Occurs when an affective connection between the unfaithful partners is present. The person leaves the committed relationship to satisfy their emotional needs with another person. Here there are deep conversations such as personal problems, goals, desires or fantasies, and common interests.

This is one of the types of infidelity that is often underestimated. However, this “innocent” beginning can deepen into feeling the desire to end up between the sheets and consummate sexual infidelity.

This emotional connection can be established in a physical-emotional or virtual-emotional way, and does not necessarily culminate in sexual intercourse.

  • Face-to-face mode.

I am referring to those face-to-face encounters motivated by the desire to see and be with that person. Here there is satisfaction in talking, sharing common hobbies, or having conversations that should reserve for the partner with whom you commit.

  • Virtual mode.

That is, it occurs completely online and there is no physical contact. It is also called sexting. Contact with sending or exchanging text messages, emails, videos, or erotic images using electronic devices.

Physical-emotional infidelity

The unfaithful spouse becomes completely involved with their lover. For many people, it is one of the types of infidelity that leads to the thought that the committed relationship loose.

It may begin with a seemingly innocent contact (virtual or face-to-face without sex) that fosters emotional connection and deepens the desire for sexual contact. Then desire, having conceived, gives birth to sin. (Santiago 1:14, 15).

Why talk about emotional infidelity?

Because sharing a close relationship with someone we consider more attractive or more understanding jeopardizes the marriage pact.

This type of romantic closeness generates a certain emotional dependence that would pave the way for a possible sexual encounter. It is also worth asking:

  • If emotional infidelity is not cheating, why does the content of extramarital conversations or encounters remain hidden?
  • Does that virtual conversation or innocent encounter please your partner, or would it break trust?

What types of infidelity cause the most damage to commitment?

Some spouses view infidelity as a sexual affair and think that emotional “affairs” are not cheating. However, the types of emotional infidelity can profoundly impact the relationship.

On the other hand, the impact will also depend on the considerations of the spouse who has been cheated on. According to studies, a large percentage of women easily forgive a sexual infidelity without emotional attachment and men have greater difficulty forgiving a sexual infidelity.

Above all, both forms of infidelity are a major breach of trust and marital commitment.

The impact of infidelity on marriage

Any of the above types of infidelity can generate confusing and very painful feelings in the  victim, such as:

  • Feeling of abandonment.
  • Sudden jealousy.
  • Confusion and personal insecurities in the face of frequent questions of how? When? Why?
  • Feeling of having been used, betrayed, and mocked.

Likewise, visualizing the spouse in contact or enjoyment with a mistress is disturbing and causes resentment to reappear. The whole situation makes it difficult for the spouse to trust again in a normal way.

Fidelity and the marriage covenant

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame.”  (Song of Solomon 8:6).

And what does that mean?

That between husband and wife a strong emotional bond should be formed in altruism, trust and mutual respect. When a couple commits to form a loving and romantic bond, they do so by establishing physical and emotional exclusivity. Being one flesh does not limit to sexual intimacy (Proverbs 31:11, Ephesians 5:28,33).

If you have the desire to deepen in the subject, do not hesitate to contact me by dialing 407 618 0212.

Main causes for Infidelity in Marriage

by with One Comment Marriage

Infidelity is one of the most difficult situations a couple can face. And, if not addressed in a healthy way, it can be an irreparable situation for the relationship. Now, what does infidelity imply? and why does it happen?

Everyone may have their own beliefs about this topic. However, I want to share with you the most common causes why infidelity takes place in relationships.

What does infidelity involve and why does it happen?

Generally, the affectionate and/or sentimental union of one of the spouses with a third party has been considered infidelity in marriage. And, in this experience there may or may not be sexual involvement.

For infidelity, there are many possible implications and causes. Well, each individual has his/her own concept of loyalty, fidelity and expectations of a relationship.

So, based on these beliefs, a person can normalize and justify certain actions because he does not consider them infidelity. Each relationship is unique and there are different “motivations” behind an infidelity.

Causes of infidelity

Below, I share the causes commonly expressed by couples and that I have addressed in therapy:

Dissatisfaction with yourself or your partner

Dissatisfaction directs people to want “more” and to look outside for what they don’t get within their relationship. What you are looking for outside can be physical or emotional pleasure motivated by a need for attention, recognition, companionship, different experiences, among others.

Social pressure

Infidelity in marriage sometimes arises as a desire to be fashionable or to accept the incessant invitation of close people. Even when attracted to media advertising and social events that, currently, normalize deception and infidelity.

Desire for revenge

It occurs when the one who has been deceived or hurt in some way decides to take revenge or hurt the spouse by being unfaithful. This is one of the reasons very few mentioned, but it is practiced very often in both men and women.

Feeling of personal insecurity

It can occur if the person does not feel good about himself and is perceived as unattractive, less intelligent, among others. Infidelity serves as a form of personal reaffirmation and generates the satisfaction of being able to conquer someone else.

Pattern of emotional instability

This situation moves people who have experienced childhood traumas, abuse, suffer from a mental health disorder such as anxiety, depression, addictions, among others. In these cases, infidelity is used as an escape route to their emotional situation.

Confusion

Many times, spouses often feel confused, especially after several years of relationship. They feel that “the flame went out” and the desire for their partner decreased. This is a natural process of relationships that is confused with the decay of love and can end in infidelity.

Conviction

Some people do not believe in monogamous relationships, so having a partner does not limit them to having encounters or relationships with third parties.

The root cause of infidelity

What’s behind personal dissatisfaction, a desire for reaffirmation, personal insecurity, confusion, and the other common causes of infidelity? These causes have a root or foundation.

Selfishness

Infidelity reveals the selfishness present in a person’s heart. Unfaithful partners often take into account only their pleasure or need ignoring the pleasure or well-being of their partner.

For example; “I feel dissatisfied, he/she doesn’t fulfill my needs, I need to feel safe, I want something new, I think it’s not so bad.” Each of these expressions satisfies the “I” and justifies infidelity.

The worst part is that, often society feeds these ideas and encourages this kind of “self-love”. In fact, it has been easier to promote “open relationships” than a commitment to address dissatisfaction by improving other aspects of the relationship. Instead, God tells us that “Love does not seek its own interests.” (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Ignorance

Ignorance of oneself and the other is a cause of infidelity and, I think, many times it is the root. For example; Do you know how to identify your concepts about loyalty and faithfulness? Do you know how your partner interprets them? What are your expectations in the relationship? What satisfies them?

When a couple has clear answers to questions like these they will know to what extent there will be a loyal commitment between them. For each one will know what he can receive and what he must give.

Many men and women do not know what they need or what they expect from the relationship, much less how to communicate it honestly. Hence the lack of strength to face temptation, the need to look for that “something more” that, it is believed, may be in another person.

Infidelity without personal filters

As I have said, talking about the implications and causes of infidelity in marriage is subject to personal interpretations. But, subjectivities aside, I invite you to understand the term considering what fidelity implies.

The word fidelity derives from the Latin fidelitas which refers to:

  • The quality of loyalty. That is, the firm and constant practice of respect for the commitment and delivery of well-being to the couple.
  • The practice of truth to sustain trust and security.

Does your concept of fidelity relate to this definition? The important thing is that you can channel your beliefs and decisions in a more comprehensive and healthy way.

Follow our guide on infidelity and hopefully find a better outlook at this painful reality. Also, if you want to delve into the subject do not hesitate to contact me by dialing 407 618 0212.