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Sometimes the little things we cling to do not allow us to see ourselves as we are. In this post, I call these things attachments: the people, children, ideas, routines, and plans that we hold on to so tightly that, without realizing it, they separate us from God’s heart, because we are attached to passing things. Loving people is not the problem; clinging is. (This is not the same as “attachment” in psychology, which describes the healthy emotional bonds between people.)
Self-knowledge and attachments
Self-knowledge implies the opportunity of describing ourselves in the most real and objective way possible in the essential aspects of our being: our attachments. The process of self-knowledge must be linked to the conscious, intentional plane so that we do not fall into an idealization of who we are. On the other hand, it also happens that we meet people who know their partners, their children, and their parents more than they know themselves. The lack of personal knowledge is extended to every area of our life.
Self-knowledge is a tool to address self-esteem issues, personal growth, and self-realization. When it comes to the desire to achieve important things in life, the lack of self-knowledge hinders the process of future generations, which can present in several ways. An example of this fact is when a father clings to the idea that his son must inherit his selfish ideals, and this heritage separates the son from his self-realization.
How do you start knowing yourself?
Take time for self-knowledge exercises. A very powerful one is emotional writing. Writing a diary for weeks and months can lead to a deeper understanding of the direction you are leading your life in. Writing a diary is a way to make the inner self emerge. This act provides the dialogue between the ideal personal image and the one you have at the moment. It is a quiet activity through which you can focus and write what you are not ready to express out loud.
Some questions to be answered when writing the diary and can be helpful when performing introspection are: Who am I? What do I love? And, what would I say to my future “me”?
If writing brings up memories or feelings that feel too heavy, pause, and consider sharing them with a licensed counselor instead of carrying them alone.
Growing up as a person is a lifelong process. If your thoughts about the future are dark, negative, or limiting, be aware that this can change, often gradually and with support. One way is to give meaning to your life experiences. Just because you have lived painful, even traumatizing experiences does not mean you must stay anchored to them, and you do not have to work through them alone: a trained counselor can help.
Life does not always give us what we want. It can help to create a lifeline, a timeline of your experiences and what you learned from them. Experience teaches us that we do not always take the appropriate path. And that we can find ourselves in a situation where we feel far from our essence. This leads us to live on autopilot, distanced from our dreams, our aspirations, and our needs.
The absurd part of the attachments
Other things that illustrate an absurd part of attachments are all those daily inclinations that become imperfections without us even realizing it. They take us away from loving others, such as when we stick to little things. Sometimes, it is as silly as a preferred object like a pen that writes perfectly, or a new car. We are unable to tolerate seeing it deteriorating. And we even complain about people who have the misfortune of sharing it.
And finally, one of the most painful experiences is grief after the loss of a loved one. Grief is not an imperfection or a lack of faith; it is a sign of how deeply we loved. Feeling angry, even angry with God, is a common part of grief, and the Psalms show that honest pain can be brought to God: “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?” (Psalm 13:1, NIV). Grief takes time, it should not be rushed or explained away, and most people need the company of others to carry it. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18, NIV). If your grief feels too heavy to carry, or if you find yourself thinking that you do not want to live, please reach out for help (see below).
So, if we want to see ourselves clearly, we need to ask the Holy Spirit to guide us, step by step, toward the truth about ourselves that we are ready to see. Otherwise, we will not be able to see ourselves with greater enlightenment.
Now, take advantage of this reading and introduce a new idea to your mind. This idea can help you understand a little more about the subject: our attachments can keep us from receiving God’s love freely. What do you cling to so tightly that it does not allow you to know yourself?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If you are in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, do not wait. Call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day, free and confidential). If there is immediate danger, call 911.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Sources
- Scripture: Psalm 13:1 and Psalm 34:18 (NIV).
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