Mistreating other people is not new. Reviewing the story of the people of Israel, God takes them out of Egypt with His powerful hand and leads them through the desert. However, a journey that should have taken just a few days becomes one that lasts 40 years. At one point in that journey, God tells the Israelites: “You have made your way around this hill country long enough; now turn north” (Deuteronomy 2:3, NIV).
This also applies to our lives. In our relationships, God may be asking us the same thing: How long will you stay in the same problems, the same mountains, the same criticisms, situations, and unhealthy behaviors that destroy relationships, marriages, and families? God is asking us to move forward, to reach His dream for us, to reach the ideal. And today, I want to deepen this line of thought.
The question is, if God had the dream of taking His people to the Promised Land after rescuing them from Egypt after centuries of slavery, why did all the men from the generation that left Egypt, except for Joshua and Caleb, die in the desert? Why were Joshua and Caleb the only ones who were able to enter the Promised Land? Where was the problem? We will study this in detail.
Why does a person end up mistreating other people?
Is it the same problem you and I have? Why do we show the problems we have today in our marriages and families? Why do we do the things we do not want to do?
Analyzing this problem, the first thing that comes to mind is our sinful nature. Psalm 51:5 says: “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me” (NIV). We have been sinners from the start, and that helps explain why we struggle as we do.
The people of Israel were free when they left Egypt by God’s mighty hand. Although they were freed from Egypt, in their minds they were still slaves. They were still in servitude. They did not experience the power of God, nor the transformation that occurs when we allow the power of God to change our lives.
Their lives and sinful nature led them to act the way they did. And the same happens in our lives. Here we are, we have been freed by the hand of our Almighty God, we have been liberated from Egypt, which, today, is the world. God has brought us to His Kingdom, we have experienced baptism, and we have participated in the Lord’s Supper (Communion).
But, although we have done all these things and have been released by the power of Jesus, we continue to repeat the same problems we have had so far. And why do we do it? In part because of our sinful nature, and in part because lasting change takes time, humility, and help.
There are no excuses for mistreating others
There are no excuses to say, for example, “I mistreat my husband or wife, my children, or I act this way with my family because I have been a sinner since I was inside my mother’s womb.” Because, no, sin cannot be justified.
God freed the people of Israel from Egypt and liberated them from slavery so that they would be free and experience His presence. And He has also freed you, so you can experience it too and experience a transformation, a new life. That is, there is no excuse for mistreating or speaking angrily to your husband or your wife, to stop loving, or to keep the unhealthy, destructive behaviors that you might have now. Because, if there were excuses, Jesus would not have needed to come and die for us.
Sin has no excuses. There are no excuses for mistreating others because Jesus came to die on the cross for our sins at Calvary so that today we could reach a new life, a new mind, and so we could be transformed.
Please hear this clearly: mistreatment is never the fault of the person who receives it. If you are being mistreated, hurt, or controlled by someone, you are not to blame, and your faith does not ask you to stay in danger or in silence.
Cases of people who are mistreating other people
As a therapist, I often meet people who come to my office saying: “Pastor, I act this way because of the past I have lived.” It is true, our past can have a great influence. I act as I act because it is what I have done throughout my life. It all may be true, but that is no excuse to mistreat others. God wants to transform you. God wants to make a new creature out of you.
An anecdote that gives us the answer
There is an anecdote that we all know about a scorpion talking to a frog: It was raining in the swamp and the frog wanted to cross to the other side. The scorpion also wanted to cross to the other side, and he said, “Let me climb on your back, so I can go with you to the other side.” The frog had doubts and replied, “Do you think I’m stupid? If I let you climb on my back, you will sting me, and we will both drown and die.” The scorpion replied, “I will not sting you because if I do, we will both die.” The frog agreed and let the scorpion jump on his back.
When they were in the middle of the lake, the scorpion stung the frog. The frog asked him why he had done it when he had promised that he would not. The scorpion answered, “I felt something inside me that I could not control, and that is why I stung you.” They both drowned.
That anecdote shows how powerful our inner drives can be. The good news is that, unlike the scorpion, we are not left to our nature alone.
The Bible gives us a clue
Paul said, in Romans 7: “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing” (Romans 7:19, NIV). Many marriages and families have this experience and are struggling in their relationships: husbands who do not want to mistreat or speak negatively to their wives in a way that hurts their children, and husbands and wives who struggle with that nature and say that the good they want to do, they do not do, and the bad they do not want to do, that they do.
I have good news for you. The God who freed the people of Israel from Pharaoh’s hands is the same God who is in your family today, in your life, and in your marriage and relationships. That God wants to give you peace and liberation. You don’t have to mistreat others.
Change is possible, and it usually involves more than a decision. It often takes humility, accountability, honest conversations with a pastor or counselor, and time. If you have hurt others with violence, threats, or control, prayer alone is not enough: please seek help from a professional, consider a specialized program for people who have used abuse, and put the safety of the people you hurt first. Do not expect them to forgive you, return, or trust you on your timeline.
God’s grace is real and change is possible, whatever you have done or wherever you have been. Paul wrote: “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NIV).
Today, I encourage you to trust the God who instituted marriage and family. That God wants to bless you, free you, and make a new creature out of you. You don’t have to mistreat others. May the experience that happened in the past with the people of Israel not happen in your life. I wish that today you can learn to live in victory in Jesus.
What is one thing you will no longer excuse in the way you treat the people you love, and who can help you change it?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If there is violence in your home
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. These lines are free and confidential.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Available 24/7.
- If you are thinking of harming yourself: call or text 988 (press 2 for Spanish).
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Sources
- Deuteronomy 2:3, Psalm 51:5, Romans 7:19, and Philippians 4:13, New International Version (BibleGateway).
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