Children with anxiety lose quality of life. You have probably gone through this emotion yourself, and children suffer it too. In this article I will talk about how, as a parent, you can walk alongside your child.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a normal, healthy response that switches on in the face of a threat or danger. Anxiety becomes an anxiety disorder when this response is triggered in situations that are normally not threatening or dangerous, or when it persists to the point that it significantly interferes with daily life.
Anxiety is an emotion we all experience at some point, and it can help prepare the body to do something important. Anxiety produces psychophysiological responses that strongly activate the central nervous system and the whole body. It arises when we must act in a situation that requires intense or sustained effort, and it is used to activate and face a threat or danger that is present or may appear in the future.
Anxiety, therefore, causes changes (activates) in different systems of the body, preparing us for action and helping us react quickly.
In most cases anxiety is a normal, healthy response. For example, it can be useful when facing a job interview or an exam, since it puts you in a state of alertness. You may notice physical sensations, such as a racing heart or a dry mouth, that ease during the interview or exam. Even before the interview or exam, you may notice these feelings and have some thoughts, such as that the interviewer may be very tough or that the questions are very hard.
Causes of anxiety in children
Anxiety in children has various causes. The cause of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) is not known for certain.
Genes may play a role. Children whose relatives have anxiety disorders may also be more likely to develop anxiety disorders. Stress can be a factor in the development of generalized anxiety disorder.
Events in a child’s life that can cause stress and anxiety include:
- Loss, such as the death of a loved one or the parents’ divorce
- Big life changes, such as moving to another place.
- A history of abuse
- Living in a home where the members are fearful, anxious or violent
Generalized anxiety disorder can appear in childhood and adolescence.
The main symptom is nervousness or constant worry for at least 6 months, even without a clear cause. The focus seems to shift from one subject to another. Children with anxiety disorders center their worries on:
- Doing well at school and in sports. Children may think they have to be perfect or feel they are not doing well.
- Safety for themselves and their families. They have an extreme fear of natural disasters such as earthquakes, tornadoes or burglaries.
- Getting sick or a family member getting sick. They may worry excessively about minor illnesses or fear new ones.
They may realize their fears
A child with GAD may realize that their fears or worries are excessive, but still cannot control them. Children often ask for reassurance again and again. Offering it calmly helps, but repeating it without limit can keep the worry going.
Other symptoms of GAD include:
- Agitation on waking
- Angry outbursts
- Fatigue
- Irritability
- Not eating enough or overeating
- Trouble concentrating or the mind going blank
- Trouble falling or staying asleep, or restless, unsatisfying sleep
- A pattern of disobedience, hostility and defiance
Always expects the worst, even with no apparent reason.
How parents can help
This is how you can help:
Recognize the anxiety
It is a mistake to try to overprotect your child when they suffer from anxiety. For them to truly experience relief from their symptoms, it is necessary to teach them that they can learn to manage their emotions. In this way, they will learn to be independent without relying on others.
To keep symptoms from getting worse, children should always be taught that anxiety is a normal emotion, that we all experience it from time to time, and that it does not change how much the people who love them value them.
In addition, leading by example in how you deal with anxiety encourages children to imitate this attitude, which can help them manage their symptoms better.
Set limits
Children with anxiety need clear limits. You can do this by working on emotional intelligence.
Talking with children about emotional intelligence can let them identify their emotions better and so manage them better. If they gain more emotional intelligence, they respond more positively when they feel anxiety.
Set a routine
Setting a regular routine they can follow will make them feel safer in the world around them and in themselves. If sleep is vital for the health of adults, it is even more so for young children. So we need to make sure they sleep as much as they need to rest.
To know how to deal with our children’s anxiety, we need to encourage more active activities and keep them away from technology from time to time. This can mean more play, physical activity or extracurricular activities to keep their minds active, without forgetting to do these things with them.
We all know that at these ages, children have a lot of energy they need to burn. Also, balancing screen time with play and rest can help their routine.
Listen to your children
Children with anxiety, even if they don’t show it to you, want and need to be listened to. That is what I recommend.
Many times parents sit down and “talk” with their children. They talk and talk, tell them what to do, explain what they did wrong and what they must do to improve, use very basic language of good or bad, and believe their children will change as a result.
It doesn’t work that way. In fact, it is more or less the opposite. It is about sitting down and listening, and discovering the vast and amazing world that is going on inside your child, no matter their age. If they can’t talk yet, then sit at their level on the floor of their bedroom and let them play with whatever they want while you watch and connect with them, trying to feel and understand what they are going through.
If they are already talking, just ask them, “What are you afraid of? Sometimes I get scared too,” “I understand you… I’m with you and together we will find a way to make you feel better.”
Children and adults alike, what we need most is empathy and understanding, not to be told what is wrong and what to do, but to have someone walk with us along the path of being human. That is where our strength comes from: having someone on our side.
Don’t stop listening
So stay with them, listen to them, manage your own emotions, be moved when it hurts to see them go through all this, but don’t pretend you don’t feel it, or that fear is weak or wrong. If you treat fear that way, you would make them feel “strange” too, and when we accept it, you have also been frightened at some point in your life…
Let them see that you also have feelings and that you can handle them: that is how they will learn from you how to do it.
To help your child, it is important that you yourself remember those moments from childhood that felt similar to theirs, and ask yourself what I would have wanted my parents to do. Then… don’t hesitate, take heart. It is surely what your child needs.
Offer support
Children with anxiety need support: an adult who listens to them, predictable routines and professional help when anxiety gets in the way of their daily life. If you suspect your child is being abused or mistreated, seek help right away.
If you suspect child abuse
Florida Abuse Hotline (DCF): 1-800-962-2873, 24/7. You can also report online at reportabuse.myflfamilies.com/s/. It covers child abuse and abuse of vulnerable adults. If there is immediate danger, call 911.
Anxiety is a serious matter and should not be taken lightly. If your child talks about dying or hurting themselves, seek professional help right away (see the crisis box below). What change have you seen in your child that led you to look for this information?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If you are in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, do not wait. Call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day, free and confidential). If there is immediate danger, call 911.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
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