How can I Help my Children Deal with Emotions? In his book, The Stress Factor, Dr. Harry Stanton says that the great enemy of human health is not a danger, an emotional convulsion, or an occasional crisis (like that of the coronavirus). On the contrary, it is the extended, unrelieved state of worry and anxiety.
There is no doubt that the moments in which we are living are moments of worry and anxiety. Isolation, uncertainty, and changes in our routines power a state of worry that we have never experienced before. In the previous articles, we have explained how to view emotions as the messenger who wants to help us collect the experience we are living and what is important about it.
How to help children deal with emotions
In today’s article, the question I will try to answer is the following: How can I help my children deal with emotions? If it is not easy for adults to navigate the turbulent waters of this crisis, how can it be for our children’s fragile minds? We are very concerned about the increasing number of cases of children with serious emotional problems.
They are growing up in a volatile environment, where schools are closed, nor can they go to the parks to freely play their favorite sport. The environment they are in has changed overnight, and now they wake up worrying about the coronavirus catastrophe coming to their homes.
What are the symptoms that show us children are experiencing anxiety? Children find it difficult to concentrate, they cannot sleep easily, wake up at night with nightmares, do not eat properly, get angry and irritated quickly, and are out of control. They have negative thoughts, they use the bathroom frequently, they cry more than usual, and they may have a stomachache or feel sick due to the stress they experience.
Even though parents may not feel capable of dealing with their emotions, they have the responsibility to look after the spiritual, physical, and emotional development of their children. Many times, we emphasize that we must take care of the spiritual and physical aspects of our children’s lives. We do our best to get them to go to church with us and ensure they eat well. But, how committed are we to our children’s emotional growth, especially in COVID-19 times?
Intelligence to deal with emotions
Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, Marc Brackett, says parents are co-creating their children’s emotional system. The first school of emotional intelligence our children have in their homes. They learn to relate to the world around them through their eyes.
The emotional dynamic that we are experiencing in the COVID-19 pandemic is the same emotional dynamic that our children are going to experience in the present and even as adults. Experts in this matter indicate that 80 percent of success in life is linked to the emotional intelligence of the individual. That is why, to help our children learn emotional intelligence, as parents, we must first learn to regulate our emotions because we are role models for them.
How should we respond to signs of anxiety in our children?
The system God placed in our brains to process our emotions is an alarm or signal system that lets us know the experience we are living within, and it determines the way we will approach the task or situation we have in front of us. When parents try to read and interpret emotions in their children, they also send a signal to their brains.
For example, if I look at you, and you are frowning, with anger showing on your face, the message my mind receives is “do not get any closer.” Normally, when we are dealing with adults, we can say, “this person needs space right now.” And, our reaction is to provide the space that the persona is looking for.
How can I help my children deal with emotions?
When it comes to raising our children, our reactions must be different. When they experience emotions of anxiety, anger, or frustration, they are saying: “I need you to get closer to me, not to get further away.” For human beings, especially for children, emotional security is as important as eating.
That is why when children experience a lack of emotional connection, their reaction is the same biological reaction that any human or mammal has: flee, fight or become paralyzed. Every father and mother must perceive the message that the child is sending through his/her emotions, get closer, and d not push them further away, to provide the emotional security that is so important for their survival.
Model your stress tolerance during the COVID-19 pandemic
As parents, we have the responsibility to be role models for our children to follow, and not only through direct interaction with them. The indirect interaction of the parents or their examples of how they handle their emotions or experience the outside world greatly influences the development of the personality and social skills of their children.
Put into practice the strategies that we taught you in the previous articles to be a role model in your children’s lives. Strategies such as diaphragmatic breathing is so important for us to connect with the neuro cortex of the brain. It is in charge of our decisions.
You can model your children how to manage stress through the anxiety box technique. That technique we learned to do in the previous articles. You can even invite your children to help you prepare this box. The way you manage your stress will influence the response that your child will have to the crisis that he/she is experiencing today.
Explain how you deal with emotions
Accepting the fact that we are human and full of limitations and imperfections makes us great. Our children need to see that reality that we often try to hide from them. Many parents hide their human frailty from their children. And that is why children grow up not knowing how to deal with emotions in times of crisis.
For example, if at one point you lost control and yelled at your child because you were worried or anxious, later, you can go to him or her and recognize your mistake in managing your emotion. And you can process that experience together, taking accountability for the way you expressed your emotions.
In the end, you can talk with your children about more effective ways to deal with emotions in the future. By talking to your children this way about your emotions, you are permitting them to experience stress and anxiety. And, it also lets them know that stress can be managed.
Have an action plan for dealing with your emotions
If you know that a particular situation is stressing you out, you can plan how to manage this situation more functionally beforehand. So that you do not have to regret later that you did not handle it more effectively.
For example, if being confined causes stress and anxiety. Or if you notice that at the end of the day you do not have patience with your children, do something. You can plan activities around your house. This way, you will be proactive and intentional in the way you deal with emotions. You will model emotional intelligence to your children.
Find a support group
Try to find a support group for parents. Trying to be parents in these critical moments is not easy. Support groups have proven to be very effective in treatments and self-help. Many churches have these community support groups. You can also find them on the internet. Or maybe you can create a support group that meets through Zoom.
Teach them how to trust God in difficult times
The last tip is the most important of all. Your relationship with God is the most powerful example you can give your children. The way you handle your stress and anxiety with God is priceless for your children’s emotional and spiritual growth. Therefore, take time every day to pray and study the Bible with them. Talk about how God’s men handled their stress in difficult times. Talk also about how God’s Word encourages you today and gives you hope for the future.
We all have times when we overreact, especially when we are under a lot of stress. But the good news is that we are more resilient than we imagine we are. We cannot change how we reacted in the past, but we can change how we will react in the future.
We can change the way we manifest our emotions. It is never too late to grow in your emotional intelligence and help your children grow. Your child’s brain is plastic. Thus, the moment you begin to regulate your emotions effectively, your child’s brain will reflect the change you are making. May your desire be to let Jehovah build your house and help you be an example for your children.
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