Children feel more than they can say. When worry builds up inside a child, it rarely arrives as a neat explanation. It comes out as a stomachache, a bad night, a flash of anger or a quiet withdrawal.
That raises a question many parents ask me: how can I help my children deal with their emotions? If it is hard for adults to find their way through stress and uncertainty, how much harder is it for a child? This article is not about fixing your child. It is about how you can walk with your child, and about what you bring to that walk.
Worry that never gets relief
My pastoral and counseling observation, not a research finding: the heaviest burden is rarely one hard day. It is worry that goes on and on without relief. That is true for adults, and it is true for children.
Anxiety is not a character flaw in a child, and it is not a lack of faith. It is a human experience, and it deserves care.
Signs a child may be anxious
Anxiety does not always look like fear. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) notes that anxiety “may present as fear or worry but can also make children irritable and angry.” It can also include trouble sleeping and physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches or stomachaches. The CDC adds that some anxious children keep their worries to themselves, so the signs can be missed.
The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) lists similar signs in younger children: frequent stomachaches or headaches with no known medical cause; sleeping too much or too little, or frequent nightmares; often seeming fearful or worried; and frequent tantrums or irritability much of the time.
None of these signs proves a child has an anxiety disorder, and many have other causes. The NIMH advises considering help “if your child’s behavior or emotions last for weeks or longer,” cause distress for your child or your family, or interfere with life at school, at home or with friends. A good first step is to talk with your child’s pediatrician or health care provider. If your child’s behavior is unsafe, or your child talks about wanting to hurt themselves, seek help immediately.
Come closer, do not pull away
Here is something I teach parents, based on my own experience. When we see an adult frowning with anger, the message we receive is usually, “Give this person space.” With children, I believe the message is often the opposite. When a child shows anxiety, anger or frustration, the child is often saying, “I need you closer, not farther away.”
This is my view as a pastor and counselor. I believe a child’s sense of emotional safety is as basic as food. When a child feels disconnected, the reaction is often strong: a meltdown, pulling away or shutting down. Hear the message under the behavior. Get close, stay calm and let your child know you are there. You can still set limits. You can do it while staying near.
Home is the first school of emotions
Children learn how to relate to feelings by watching the people closest to them. In my view, the home is the first school of emotional intelligence a child attends. That is why the most powerful thing you can do is also the hardest: learn to manage your own emotions, because your children are watching you.
If you are tired or anxious yourself, this is not a reason for guilt. It is a reason to be gentle with yourself and start where you are.
Show your children how you handle stress
Children learn from what we say to them and from what they see us do. Here are practices I encourage parents to try.
- Slow your breathing. Take a few slow, deep breaths when tension rises. Invite your children to breathe with you. The NIMH lists breathing exercises among simple relaxation tools for stress.
- Make an anxiety box together. Cut a slot in a shoebox, decorate it with your child, and write or draw a worry on a slip of paper. Then pray together and put the worry in the box. I describe this exercise in The Cure for Anxiety. It is a way to hand a worry to God, not a promise that the worry will vanish.
- Say it out loud. Let your children hear you name your own feelings: “I’m worried about this, so I’m going to take a walk and pray.”
Admit it when you lose your temper
None of us is a perfect parent. Many parents hide their weaknesses, and children then grow up without learning what to do with big emotions.
Suppose you lost your temper and raised your voice because you were stressed. Later you can go to your child and say what happened: “I yelled, and that was not okay. I was upset, but I should have taken a breath. I’m sorry.” Then talk about what you will try next time. This shows your child that stress can be managed, and that a mistake can be repaired.
Plan ahead for hard moments
If you know a certain time of day wears you down, such as the evening when everyone is tired, do not wait for it to explode. Plan something. It might be a short walk before dinner, a few quiet minutes to yourself, or a calm routine for the hour when patience runs low. Being proactive about your own stress is one of the quiet ways you teach your children.
You need support too
Parenting is demanding, and you do not have to do it alone. Many churches and community organizations offer parent groups, and you can ask your pediatrician or a counselor for suggestions. If your own anxiety or stress feels like too much, ask a professional for help for yourself. That is also a way of caring for your children.
Teach them to trust God
This is the most important step of all. Your own relationship with God is the strongest example you can give your children. They are watching how you bring your fears and your stress to him. Take time each day to pray with them and to read the Bible together. Talk about how people in Scripture faced hard times, and about how God’s Word encourages you today.
All of us overreact at times, especially under stress. The good news is that we can still change how we respond next time. It is never too late to grow in your own emotional awareness and to help your children grow in theirs. May your desire be to let Jehovah build your house (see Psalm 127:1) and to be the example your children need.
What is one thing you could do this week to move closer when your child is struggling?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If you are in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, do not wait. Call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day, free and confidential). If there is immediate danger, call 911.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Sources
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2026, May 15). Anxiety and depression in children. CDC, Children’s Mental Health. https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/about/about-anxiety-and-depression-in-children.html
- National Institute of Mental Health. (2024). Children and mental health (NIH Publication No. 24-MH-8085). NIMH. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/children-and-mental-health
- National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). I’m so stressed out! Fact sheet. NIMH. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/so-stressed-out-fact-sheet
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