Marriages that can resolve misunderstandings quickly and are not afraid to talk about any issues will enjoy much better communication. When having good communication, the hearts of the couple are strengthened, and respect and understanding will abide.
It is the intention of our Lord that our marriages be full of trust and good values. If we have trust in marriage, there will be love and a strong connection; one in which the commitment between husband and wife cannot be broken.
Still, healthy communication in marriage has its own challenges, which must be overcome.
It is my goal that you understand that anyone can improve the quality of communication with their spouse.
How do I improve the quality of my communication with my partner?
Nurturing good communication is a task that needs commitment and effort. It especially requires many small actions and words, but it is a challenge that will be worth taking in the long run.
I want to give you some recommendations for this purpose:
Stay focused on the present
It is tempting to bring up conflicts from the past that are related to what is happening in the present. It might feel like it is necessary to express those thoughts, but it is not the most appropriate thing to do. Doing so will only cloud the situation and block you from finding a solution.
Therefore, when you find yourself having an argument, do not resort to issues of the past that created wounds. You must focus on the present, what you feel now. Try to understand the situation and find a viable solution. The present is what you can work on together.
Listen to each other attentively
Usually there are those who believe that they are listening to their partners whenever they are having arguments, but they do not really listen, because they are focusing on having a clever rebuttal for their counterpart. That is not listening.
For communication to be efficient, both partners must be active listeners. Therefore, as hard as it may seem, you need to really listen to what your spouse is telling you. You should not interrupt what he/she has to say.
Put yourselves in the other person’s shoes
A marriage needs to have mutual understanding. It’s good to be empathetic and to put yourself in the other person’s shoes to understand why he/she acts a certain way.
You should consider the other person’s perspective. When both parties feel that the other is listening attentively, you will feel and communicate better.
Take accountability for your actions
Taking accountability for one’s actions is a sign of personal strength. Effective communication requires acknowledging and accepting when one is wrong.
When both partners share the blame in a situation it softens the other person’s attitude. Then you may reach a solution that meets both party’s needs.
If you have a hard time resolving conflicts with respect, you can resort to couple’s therapy. These are designed to improve communication with your spouse. It may also help in resolving any other conflicts that you consider to be affecting your relationship.
The Value of a Christian Marriage is good Communication:
As Christians, our marriages must have empathy, and respect for our partner. We must be able to communicate with honest emotions, kindness, and, above all, respecting our faith.
The Bible is full of marriage advice that can be applied in your own marriage, with the sole intention of improving and strengthening it. The Holy Scriptures are an excellent source of support for improving communication and its quality. Here are some biblical principles we can apply to have good communication.
Treat others the way you would like to be treated
One of the most powerful principles within every marriage is portrayed in the words of Matthew 7:12, where we read, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
What is your response when someone yells at you or scolds you endlessly? Some may answer that they respond in the same way. But expressing anger or wanting to hurt the other person are not sensible ways to act.
Treat your spouse the way you would like to be treated. So, if you want your partner to listen to you while you talk or want him/her to help you with household chores, you need to do the same for him/her.
Prioritize prayer within your marriage
Keeping prayer at the heart of marriage is also one of the teachings we can find in the Bible. In 1 Thessalonians 5:17 we are told to “pray continually”. Faith is an axis in Christian families and a necessary component in marriages.
When a couple prays, they bring their problems before God, and many couples find that prayer gives them calm and perspective as they look for answers. God knows your feelings, sorrows, and your heart. Prayer does not replace honest conversation or, when needed, professional help.
Practice forgiveness
Ephesians 4:32 tells us to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”.
A couple will not be able to communicate well if both parties are angry or resentful. Keeping anger within both of you is counterproductive. Forgiveness is a gift you can offer for everyday offenses, though it never means accepting abuse or staying in danger. If you feel like hurting him/her or like venting your resentment, stop. It is best to talk to your partner with honesty and solve problems as soon as they arise.
What is one thing you could say to your spouse this week that you would want to hear yourself?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
If there is violence in your home
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. These lines are free and confidential.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Available 24/7.
- If you are thinking of harming yourself: call or text 988 (press 2 for Spanish).
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
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