5 Things You Should Do To Regulate Your Emotions

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_empty_space height=”25px”][ultimate_heading main_heading=”5 Things You Should Do To Regulate Your Emotions.”][/ultimate_heading][vc_empty_space height=”25px”][vc_column_text]

Many of us may remember the fight between Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield in 1997. This fight made history because Mike Tyson bit Holyfield’s ear. The Nevada State Athletic Commission revoked Tyson’s license and fined him $3 million. Commentators often use this moment as an example of what Daniel Goleman called an “amygdala hijack” in his 1995 book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. We cannot know what was happening inside one person, and “amygdala hijack” is a popular term, not a medical diagnosis, but it describes an experience most of us know.

The amygdala is one of the brain structures that helps detect threat and set off the fight-or-flight alarm. It does not work alone: other parts of the brain help us pause and think. “Amygdala hijack” is a popular way of describing moments when strong emotion takes over before we can think. Many people recognize it by three signs: a strong emotional reaction, a sudden onset, and, in hindsight, the realization that the reaction was out of proportion.

At some point or another, we have all had a moment like this. A counterweight to it is what we have been learning in my latest posts: emotional intelligence.

Regulate Your Emotions

Emotions are responsible for organizing the attachment behavioral system that orients and motivates responses, and communicates our needs and longings to others. The Christian view of emotions is that they are often a faithful reflection of what people believe and value. Emotions are part of the created image of God. Emotions are not sins, and feeling anger, fear, or sadness does not mean that your faith is weak.

God has promised in the Bible that those who believe in Him will receive a new heart: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26, NIV). The goal of a faithful Christian is to grow in the truth and to have the mind of Christ, which includes learning to respond as He would.

Romans 12:2 speaks of the renewing of the mind. Learning to manage our emotions, so that we are not carried away by them, is one part of that growth.

How do we learn to regulate our emotions? In this post, I will teach you five things you can do in order to regulate your emotions and develop emotional intelligence.

Teach an amygdala to dance

First, as we have learned in our latest post, we need to practice self-awareness, especially in five key areas. The following is a simple five-step practice to help your emotions slow down and to develop emotional intelligence.

1. Trigger Awareness: Pause immediately after something upsetting has occurred and write down: “What has just happened that is upsetting me?________________________________.”
2. Emotional Awareness: Attach a word to what you are feeling emotionally, and say to yourself or write down: “I am feeling angry, anxious, frustrated, afraid, scared, upset, overwhelmed.” and how intensely (mild, moderate, very).
3. Awareness of the consequences: Think of what would happen if you acted upon that impulse and write down: “If I act on that impulse, the immediate consequence will be____________________, the consequence tomorrow will be_______________ and the consequence one week from now will be___________________________.”
4. Reality Check Awareness: Think about whether there is another explanation for what happened to you. Remember that how you interpret your event/situation will influence your emotional response. Write down: “An alternate possible explanation for what just upset me is________________.”
5. Solution Awareness: Pause and think of a different solution you might try besides your original impulse. Ask, “What would Jesus do in my situation?” and write down: “A better way to respond to this would be___________.”

If your anger or distress is so strong that you fear you might hurt yourself or someone else, do not wait for the steps: step away from the situation, and call 911 if there is immediate danger. If these reactions happen often or feel out of your control, talk with a licensed professional.

Today, I challenge you to ask the Holy Spirit to help you grow in self-control so you can reflect the mind of Christ. It is not easy to have self-control, especially when someone has done something that upsets you. However, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13, NIV). Prayer and professional help can go together.

What is one situation this week where you could pause before you respond?

Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.

This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.

Sources

• Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ. New York: Bantam Books.
• Deseret News (July 9, 1997). Tyson has license revoked, fined $3 million.
• Scripture: Ezekiel 36:26 and Philippians 4:13 (NIV); Romans 12:2.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

ShareWhatsAppFacebookXEmailCopy link

Keep reading

Emotional Intelligence

You Cannot Change What You are not Aware of

Let's see an example that shows that you cannot change what you are not aware of. Joe DiMaggio was a baseball player…

5 min read

Emotional Intelligence

Love is a skill learned at home from childhood

Love is a skill learned at home. Let's see an example. Joaquin was a 35-year-old man, a widower without children. He…

5 min read

Emotional Intelligence

There is no spiritual growth without emotional transformation

Today, we will talk about emotional transformation and how we can experience spiritual growth. The most important task…

8 min read

Next readThere are no excuses for mistreating other people

Read now →