One of the biggest complaints I hear from my patients, and also people in general, is being overscheduled, overcommitted, and overextended, especially in a world where work and screens follow us everywhere. Let’s know the power of solitude, especially in these cases.
It has not been easy to set limits, and the typical response we are hearing is “I am too busy,” “It is crazy,” “I am working more than ever,” often said with a mixed tone of desperation and pride.
To use the power of solitude is a lost art
Even when we have time off, we are insanely busy exercising, texting, working, or watching TV. And when there are a few minutes in between all these activities, what do we do? We are constantly checking our smartphones for voice mail, missed calls, email, and our social media. I have to confess that this has been my experience many times.
Sherry Turkle, professor of Social Studies of Science and Technology at M.I.T., has interviewed hundreds of people of all ages about their daily fixations on social media and new technologies like smartphones and tablets. In a 2014 interview with Scientific American, Turkle explained that she is worried about at least one hidden cost of our constant connection, the loss of solitude. She describes watching people at stop signs and in supermarket checkout lines reach for their phones almost immediately, and she argues that our capacity to be alone is shrinking.
In other words, even a few spare seconds have become a moment to check a screen.
Study shows the power of solitude
Do you remember the last time you were alone for more than 15 minutes without any distraction or noise? Are people afraid of being alone? In 2014, Science Magazine published a study led by researchers at the University of Virginia and Harvard. In one experiment, participants first felt a mild electric shock and said they would pay money to avoid feeling it again. Then they were left alone in a room for fifteen minutes with nothing to do but think, and they were told they could shock themselves if they wished.
Even though they did not want to be shocked, about two-thirds of the men (12 of 18) and a quarter of the women (6 of 24) chose to shock themselves at least once during those fifteen minutes. For many of them, being alone with their thoughts was uncomfortable enough that they preferred a shock.
The researchers concluded that many people find it hard to be alone with their thoughts and would rather do something, even something unpleasant. Perhaps we are more afraid of being alone than we realize.
People are afraid of being alone because they do not know the power of solitude
Think about this. Ever since we were in preschool or starting elementary school, we were taught to get involved with others (which is good, there is nothing wrong with getting involved with others). But how many of us were taught how to practice solitude in our daily life? We do not know how to be alone in solitude.
Humans have long stigmatized solitude. It considers it an inconvenience, something to avoid, a punishment, a realm of loners. Today, I want to rediscover the lost art of solitude, and challenge you to begin practicing this discipline in your life because it is the secret to reconnecting with God, yourself, and others.
The power of solitude
We cannot confuse loneliness with solitude because these are two completely different experiences. So, the first thing I want to do is to clarify the difference between loneliness and solitude.
Loneliness is the feeling of being alone or the lack of social connection. It is a state of deep anguish. Loneliness is the feeling of having less affection and closeness than we would desire in intimate or relational areas.
Solitude is the state of being alone without experiencing loneliness. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself with enough wonderful company.
Traditionally, throughout history, the practice of solitude has been associated with a spiritual discipline. However, over time there was a perceptible change, and solitude came to be seen as more inward-focused.
Solitude and God
Many began to seek solitude to focus on the self rather than on God. When the field of psychology began to take a more prominent place in our society, solitude used as a practice not to bring people closer to God, but themselves.
However, in the Bible, we can learn how great men of God found shelter, renewal, and a deeper connection to God after learning how to spend time in solitude, time alone with the Creator.
In solitude, we can find the place, time, and inspiration that allows us to get away from the day-to-day rush and allows us to reconnect with God.
Would you like to learn more about how solitude can help you reconnect with God? Do you know any Bible stories about people who had a close encounter with God in solitude? Share your answers with us in the comments section. God bless you.
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
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