Family rituals are important to a family’s well-being and health, especially in an era in which it is hard to spend quality time together because of the demands of work and school.
If you are a parent who worries because you do not spend enough time with your children, or who finds it difficult to have fun together, family rituals can help you strengthen your bond.
A review of 50 years of research on family routines and rituals, published in the Journal of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (APA) and summarized in this APA release, links routines and rituals with a stronger sense of identity in adolescents, better health in children, better academic outcomes, and closer family relationships. The authors also pointed out limits in the research, so these findings describe associations, not guarantees.
Family rituals vs. family routines
The review was written by psychologist Barbara H. Fiese, Ph.D., and her colleagues. They describe rituals as a kind of symbolic communication about who the family is, and they leave emotional traces in the memory of those who experience them. Their meaning often depends on their continuity through generations.
This is what differentiates rituals from family routines, which are more practical communication about what has to be done and are more of a momentary commitment.
Still, any family routine has the potential to become a ritual when it moves from being a practical act to a symbolic one.
To explain the difference more practically, when we talk about family routines, we are dealing with daily living activities, such as household chores, setting a reading time, or visiting relatives.
Family rituals, on the other hand, are more focused on special dates and special situations, such as Sunday activities, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Easter. Likewise, funerals, and the way we face the end of life in light of the teachings of Our Lord.
The size of your family and rituals
The size and makeup of your family influence the shape of your routines and rituals. In some families one adult leads mealtime; in others the role is shared; and in families with only one parent, that adult carries it all.
Regardless of your family’s composition, shared mealtimes give everyone a regular chance to listen to each other and to get to know each other better. They can also help us grow in patience with each other’s characteristics.
I know your family is busy, the older ones with their jobs or college and the younger ones with school. Even so, a shared meal, even a quick one, offers something that is hard to replace.
Think of it this way: a meal does not have to be long. Is it so difficult to gather together for a short while? It is not, if you intentionally set that time aside for your family. It does not even have to be every day of the week. Start with the meals that are realistic for your family.
Why are family rituals so important?
Family rituals are created as a way to celebrate, to bond, and to highlight the special ties that bind us together. But in my opinion, the most important aspect is the power they have to create new experiences and positive memories for everyone. Rituals can nurture connections in the family and give a sense of belonging that is hard to find anywhere else.
This can be especially meaningful in childhood, a delicate time in life when we seek to understand who we are and why we belong to the family. What is it that we share? What is the message it has? Why is it special? These are all very important questions to answer.
By taking part in a family ritual, your child can feel part of something important and extraordinary that makes them unique and proud. Because these activities are familiar, they can also help your child feel more confident and comfortable.
The benefits of family rituals
Do you still have doubts about whether continuing family rituals or creating new ones is a good idea? The holiday season is a good time to think about it, since Christmas invites reflection and sharing as a family more than other times of the year.
- They help create good memories: Family rituals are a source of fond memories that can last a lifetime. The more attention and dedication you give to them, the more inclined your children will be to continue them.
- They provide safety through their structure: Rituals are rituals because they follow a certain pattern each time they are performed. Because they are so predictable, they help children feel confident and secure.
- They give the family a sense of belonging: We all want to belong to something, and in a family it is the rituals that give us a unique character and the feeling of being part of something.
- Other benefits: Rituals offer a way to transmit family and Christian values and to keep several generations connected.
What is one small ritual your family already has that you could protect, and make a little more meaningful, this month?
Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.
This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.
Sources
- Fiese, B. H., et al. (2002). A review of 50 years of research on naturally occurring family routines and rituals: cause for celebration? Journal of Family Psychology, 16(4), 381-390. PubMed; APA press release.
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