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Character Traits of Resilient Children

Dr. Efrain Duany, DMin, LMFT
June 1, 2022
1:51 pm
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Are the characteristics of resilient children different from those of other children? Most definitely. But we will not focus on comparisons; we will focus on the positive traits of children raised under the precepts of resilience. I will show you some of the competencies and behaviors that distinguish them and make them stand out in any context.

God tells us in the Scriptures “I command you: be strong and steadfast! Do not fear nor be dismayed…” (Joshua 1:9). Resilient children acquire courage and steadfastness which are evident in the characteristics I will show you below.

These are the main characteristics of resilient children

The characteristics of resilient children describe their ability to use internal and external resources to cope with adverse conditions, overcome them and become stronger. I will tell you a little about the ones you will be able to recognize most easily:

They solve problems skillfully

First of all, a resilient child has developed a special ability to handle and solve different kinds of problems. When faced with an obstacle, they calm down, calm their thoughts and emotions and act without losing their cool. They think carefully, choosing the solution that seems best for them.

If they do not get it right, they do not let themselves be overcome by negativity. They reflect again on the problem and make, once more, what they consider to be the best decision. This ability makes them confront any adverse situation with a healthy and positive attitude. Moreover, they are prepared to assimilate and manage change.

They practice emotional intelligence

They are children who have learned to recognize, accept, name, and express their emotions. This allows them to have greater emotional control, especially when it comes to negative emotions such as anger or panic.

A resilient child or adolescent is not afraid of his or her emotions because they have been raised in a context of acceptance and respect. They are aware of them, they know emotions are a part of themselves and they cannot lose control.

They are empathetic

When you raise a resilient child, you are helping them to develop empathy; not only towards other people but towards any living being. They are able to put themselves in the other person’s shoes and understand, from their heart, the motivation behind a smile, a cry, a tear.

This is essential in a world where ” egoism ” and the inability to feel the needs of others are often prevalent.

Have positive self-esteem

Some parents ask me if self-esteem can turn into pride or arrogance. Yes, it can, but resilient children are aware of their capabilities. Our role as parents, in these cases, is to remind them that humility is a virtue and that they should not allow their self-esteem to end up running over others.

In addition, they learn not to let themselves get carried away by the arrogance of believing that a problem is too easy when it is not. Trial and error are the best teachers for a resilient child.

They show a good sense of humor

This is a very common trait in resilient children. They are very pleasant to deal with and have a healthy sense of humor. They can face even the most difficult moments with a smile or a joking remark that takes the tension out of the moment.

This is not because they do not take the situation seriously or underestimate the seriousness of a problem; this attitude stems from their emotional control. In many cases, it stems from their faith and trust in God, so they seek to cheer up (even if only a little) people who are going through a bad time.

They know their creative potential

Having the freedom to solve problems, make decisions, and think increases their creative potential. This ability is not restricted to the imagination; it includes generating creative and original solutions to complex situations. A difficult circumstance in the hands of a resilient child can be transformed into something beautiful and useful.

They are optimistic

I am not talking about delusional optimism, but about optimism focused on reality and on the chances of success in the face of a setback. In general, their understanding of the world and of life is positive, because they know their resources and capabilities.

Other unique features

What I have just listed are perhaps the most outstanding qualities of resilient children. But there are many that you may have already noticed in your child, look for them in this list:

They are perceptive and knowledgeable about human nature.
They are tenacious and persevering. Do you think your child is stubborn? Take a closer look, what do you see now?
These children are organized and autonomous.
They are systematic, but not inflexible.
They are not controlling.
These children are not trapped by guilt.
They suffer from low levels of uncertainty.

If these qualities seem familiar to you and you think your child has them, look for ways to maximize them. Don’t forget that “To give an appropriate answer is a joy; how good is a word at the right time” (Proverbs 15:23). This is the right time to give your child the tools of resilience and strengthen the ones they already have.

Resilient children for an adult world

Sometimes, when we leave childhood and adolescence behind, we tend to forget what we were; we refuse to remember that being a child in an adult world is not as easy as it seems. We love our children, we care for them, we provide them with everything materially necessary, but what tools do we put in their hands for life?

Let us reflect a little; let us raise our eyes to God and ask ourselves, are we educating them to face adversity? Because they will experience adversity, whether we want them to or not: a change of country, the death of a parent, economic bankruptcy. These are events that happen when we least expect them.

A study of children aged 9 to 12 from single-parent families found high resilience in these children; the children were encouraged to develop autonomy and problem-solving skills, traits that can be enhanced before such situations occur.