Today, families live in a battlefield. The situations that currently surround our society have made it to be this way. Many professionals dedicate their time to study this phenomenon. Among these professionals is Doctor Joyce Brothers, who presents some terrifying statistics (1984):
- 8 million women are being frequently abused in their own homes, victims of men who one day promised them they would love them.
- About 3.4 – 4 million children are being physically abused by their parents.
- The writer Susan Forward says that there are more than 10 million Americans who have participated in incest, and come from different economic, cultural, racial, educational and religious backgrounds.
- It is estimated that by the age of 18, about 45 – 60% of children in this country have been victims of sexual abuse (DeMause, 1991).
What is a dysfunctional family?
A dysfunctional family is one in which conflicts, misbehavior, and many times abuse by family members, are continuously produced on a regular basis, which lead to other family members to accommodate to such actions. Healthy families also go through crisis, but after the crisis, they go back to their normal functioning.
In order to be able to understand the process through which a family’s emotional dynamics is transmitted from one generation to the next one, we need to understand the systemic concept of “intergenerational transmission process”. It is no more than the transmission of values, facts, secrets, stories, emotional dynamics and dysfunctional behaviors from one generation to the next one in a family. When these aspects are transmitted in a non-elaborated or non-processed way, they go from one generation to another in the same way. Therefore, they affect the family’s mental health and healthy balance.
Today, we will talk about the influence that the intergenerational transmission process have on the foundation of functional or dysfunctional families, on their characteristics and how the dysfunctional cycle in the family can be broken.
How are emotional traumas developed in a family?
There are families who have dysfunctional behavioral patterns that go from one generation to the next. These patterns can be alcoholism, consuming drugs, emotional, physical verbal or sexual abuse, mental illnesses and an autocratic parenting style.
Let me tell you the story about a man named Pedro. His life story is a sad one. I met him when I was living in Philadelphia. His wife, a church member, called me one day, and desperately said to me: please Pastor, do something for my husband, he is addicted to heroin. When he had no money to buy drugs, he would sell whatever he found in their house so that he could buy drugs.
One day, I saw him in an abandoned house buying drugs. He told me his story. His father was an alcoholic, so he introduced Pedro to that world when he was still very young. And, from that moment on, that teenager’s life of no control began. He went from drinking to consuming marihuana. Then, from marihuana to cocaine, and then to heroin. This is the story of a young man who grew up in a dysfunctional home and got lost inside the addiction maze.
The toxic effects of dysfunctional families cannot be measured. Children are the most affected ones in this type of families. All of these maladaptive behaviors take away the possibility to have a happy childhood and to have the parents children need in order to become functional adults in the future. Behavioral patterns become a “family script”.
There are several clinical researches in which it has been proven that small emotional wounds are produced in a daily basis and the lack of attachment with our parents can produce traumas that last a long time. These emotional wounds were produced every time they were not taken seriously, when someone mocked them or made fun of them; when they were not allowed to express what they really felt; when they were not treated like people who have their own will; and many wounds that were inflicted when they were told: go away, get lost, close your mouth, get out, do not act like that… or do not be such a… All of these experiences were traumas that inflicted wounds to their self-esteem.
Maybe this is a known matter for you; maybe you identify yourself with Pedro’s story because you grew up in a dysfunctional home, a dysfunctional family; maybe you have not realized that those emotional wounds that are not healed yet are affecting your life and your own family’s dynamics, the family you have built. Or, maybe, you see yourself repeating those same words to your children, the words that hurt you when you were a child, and that your parents said while disapproving you.
Even if it was the scenario in your home and family of origin, and if today it is the scenario you have in the family you have built, I have good news for you: even the deepest traits of our personality that have been affected by those adverse situations we have gone through, can be transformed in the impulse we need in order to change, improve as human beings and to be the best version of ourselves in Jesus Christ.
Do you want to know more about this topic? Then, I want to invite you to read our next posts, in which we will continue studying the main effects and characteristics of dysfunctional families, so that you can overcome these difficulties. God bless you.