How Can You Save a Marriage When Only One of You Is Trying?

6 min readPublished on October 25, 2026

For a marriage to work, both spouses have to be willing to keep going in love. God designed marriage as a lasting covenant, so when it is possible and safe, fighting to save your marriage is a worthwhile choice.

Sometimes, though, one spouse is not willing to meet you halfway so the relationship can continue. When that happens, you will need to work on the unity of the couple before you can deal with the conflicts that caused the crisis.

I want to share some practical advice to help you find the right path as you try to save your marriage. Don’t let this process wear down who you are. You can restore the bond and move forward with the person you chose. There can be hope for your marriage, though no one can guarantee the outcome.

Can a marriage be saved when only one spouse is interested?

To save a marriage, both of you need to work side by side. It helps to name the values a marriage should put first, especially a Christian marriage built under God’s blessing. In general, a bond like that involves:

A commitment to sexual exclusivity.
Family planning and a shared future.
Fair individual growth for each spouse.
Mutual help and trust.
The obligations and rights each spouse has toward the other.

These are the same things God planned for a marriage that helps both spouses grow spiritually. A marriage is also the emotional and social protection of everyone in the family when it is a place of respect and safety.

To rebuild the foundations of your relationship, you have to put its basic pillars back in place. If your spouse is not willing to do that, does it mean there is no hope? No. It will be an obstacle, but you can still get around it if you put your effort in the right direction.

Win your spouse’s heart again

The first step is to approach your spouse with respect, without pressure. If you want the relationship to work, reconnecting with your spouse will be necessary, though the final decision does not rest on you alone.

The decision to move forward cannot be forced. You cannot pressure your spouse into wanting to continue. It is a decision your spouse has to make honestly, on their own, and that also assures you that your spouse really wants to be at your side and is not there out of obligation.

It matters that you show your love and interest through actions. That makes it clear you love your spouse and hope for the same in return. To bring back the spark with your wife or your husband, it will help to attend to their needs without neglecting your own. Neither of you should disappear, and there is no guarantee that someone who chose to pull away will come back.

Restore trust

Where there has been a serious conflict and feelings have cooled, trust is usually badly hurt. This point is essential for healing the marriage. Love and intimacy rise and fall over the years a couple spends together.

Often the changes in the different stages of marriage can make spouses doubt their feelings and their loyalty. Feeling that your spouse “doesn’t love you like before” does not mean the love is gone. It can be a sign that you are going through a process of maturing, though it is also worth talking about honestly.

The early rush of falling in love usually fades, and what remains is something different. With a healthy dynamic between the two of you, it grows into a deeper and fuller feeling. In this process, being honest and trusting each other will be decisive in keeping love alive.

Remember what drew you together and give it new meaning

As feelings change and the relationship matures, spouses need to take care to give the bond new meaning at each stage. That means finding new and better reasons to choose and love each other. If you can’t do that, it will be harder to keep the relationship going over time.

What first made you fall in love may not work in later seasons. Why? The stages a marriage passes through change, and so do your feelings.

A couple has to choose to love each other every day, taking into account each other’s new needs and the emotional and psychological processes each is going through. Walk alongside your spouse in this process, be understanding, and grow together at every step. Give your love and your bond new meaning whenever it is needed.

Heal the emotional damage of the conflict

To save a marriage in a way that keeps the conflicts that brought you here from happening again, the wounds have to close. Without healing, there is no restoration. Both of you need to let God work in your feelings and heal the wounds the conflict left.

Learning to manage your own emotions helps you resolve conflicts and protect the emotional bond.

Remembering your spouse’s good qualities and speaking respectfully about the relationship can help heal wounds after a crisis and counter emotional neglect. This is not about forcing yourself to think positive. Pain needs room, too.

Keep caring for your relationship as long as it is healthy and safe to do so, and remember that your own well-being counts as well. In this process, the help of professionals can help the two of you grow together, or help you decide clearly on your next steps.

An important note: saving a marriage should never cost you your safety. If your spouse mistreats, threatens or controls you, your priority is to protect yourself, and no spiritual teaching asks you to stay in danger.

What small, safe step could you take this week, without pressure and without erasing yourself, to move closer to your spouse?

Would you like to talk with a professional? Call (407) 559-7093 (Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Eastern) or find professional help here. For general questions that are not an emergency, write to drduany@zodugroup.com. Please do not send health information by email.

If there is violence in your home

If you are in immediate danger, call 911. These lines are free and confidential.

National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.): 800-799-7233, or text START to 88788. Available 24 hours a day.
If you are thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 (988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, 24 hours a day).

This article is for education only. It does not offer diagnosis or personal advice, does not replace evaluation or treatment by a health professional, and reading it or writing to us through this site does not create a therapeutic or pastoral counseling relationship. This site is not an emergency service and is not monitored continuously: do not send health information through comments or public forms. The author is a licensed psychotherapist and pastor, and is part of ZODU.